Chapter 4: Adventures with Pepsi
"Okay, what's the big emergency?" Joseph asked his daughter Sivi. He had had the logic to
look for her by the payphones, where she had had the logic to stay. Eyeing Legolas, Joseph added,
"And while I grant you that he rates being called a fashion emergency, I hope that's not why
you called me at work." Andrea looked about to protest that his clothes were pretty, but then
thought it better to remain silent.
"It sort of is and kind of isn't," Sivi said, pulling her father away from Legolas and
Andrea. "Daddy... um, my friend..." she pointed nervously at Legolas, hoping her father would
believe her. "My friend is an elf, and, well... people are staring, and, uh, we - me and Andrea -
can't go with him into the dressing rooms, but I, uh, don't think he knows much about jeans,
socks, or tennis shoes, so if you could..."
Sivi's dad was the one person who could make Sivi stutter. Not even Legolas had been able to
pull it off. Joseph had always told his daughter that the first guy in her life, besides himself,
to make her stammer would be her husband.
"So you want me to help him into some less archaic clothing, is that it?" Sivi nodded.
"Please, Daddy? We can't let anyone know he's an elf." Shaking his head with a broad grin,
Joseph replied,
"Sure, why not? You and your weird friends."
It was like Joseph not to see the entire thing as incredible. He was rather laid back and
took things in stride if at all possible.
"Daddy, thank you so much! I just, uh, I... am going to shut up before I make an even bigger
fool of myself."
Joseph hugged his daughter close.
"I love you, Pumpkin."
"I love you, too, Daddy."
"Now, then, let's go fix the fashion emergency," Joseph laughed.
An hour later, Legolas was leaning back against the window of a store in dark denim jeans, a
soft hunter-green turtle-neck, and a pair of Timberland's. His hair was bound in a loose
pony-tail so as to cover his long, pale ears. Andrea and Joseph were arguing over whether or not
to try to use stage make-up to darken the elf's complexion. Oddly enough, it was Joseph who
supported this "tan" and Andrea who opposed it.
"He looks sick," Joseph said.
"He's not sick! He's gorgeous!" Andrea cried unhappily. "Elves can't get sick."
"I know that," said Joseph, "and you know that, but the average New Yorker -"
"Doesn't care!" Andrea interrupted. "We're in New York, Mr. Joseph. Weird is normal, and
normal is weird."
With a sigh, Joseph conceded the point. Legolas fidgeted. He leaned over and asked Sivi in a
quiet, humble tone:
"Pardon, Lady Sivi; what hour is it?"
"Um, it's a little after noon," Sivi replied, checking her watch. "Why do you ask?"
"Ah, m'lady, when and where in this vast city does one, well, take one's meals?"
"Oh, Legolas, I'm so sorry! Hey-la, Daddy, how about we go for lunch?"
"Sounds good to me," Joseph replied easily. "We need to feed the elf, I take it?"
"I do not mean to make myself a burden, sir," Legolas protested, but Joseph laughed and
slapped the prince's back.
"You are not a burden, friend."
"My Pretty One is hungry!" cried Andrea. "Let us feed my Pretty One!"
"Sir, I have a question," Legolas said as the group exited the store. "I... know why Andrea
refers to me as hers, as her Pretty One. Why is it that you always refer to me as 'the elf'? Have
I not made know to you my name?"
"I know your name," Joseph chuckled. "I just can't pronounce it." Legolas blinked, but let
the subject drop.
Joseph led the girls and the elf through the crowds and down to the food court.
"Is this OK?" he asked over his shoulder, but Legolas was not listening. The elf had stopped
in front of a large, round gumball machine.
"What is this brightly colored palantir?" he asked curiously.
"That would be a gumball machine," Joseph said with an indulgent smile. "You put a coin in
the little slot, turn the knob, and a piece of gum comes out the hole near the base."
"Gum?" Legolas frowned.
"It's a small, uh, snack," Andrea explained: "Something you chew between meals."
"Ready to go?" Joseph asked. The elf nodded.
"This is the food court," Sivi explained. "Court is shortened from courtyard. It just means
a fairly open space. What would you like to eat? If you want chicken, we can go to Chik-fil-A; or
if you'd like something seasoned a little sweeter, with mushrooms, we can go to one of the
Chinese places."
"Do you like spicy foods?" Andrea asked, picking up where her friend left off. "If you do,
we should go to a Mexican place. Or -" She stopped and grinned. Smiling innocently, she asked,
"Would you like to try pizza, my Pretty One?"
"What is it?" Legolas asked, feeling helpless and overwhelmed.
"Pizza," Sivi replied, "is a thick (or thin, if you'd prefer) piece of bread covered with
tomato sauce and cheese. If you want, you can ask them to add small squares of meats like ham,
sausage, pepp - you don't know what pepperoni is, do you? It's very good. You can have them put
little slices of mushrooms on your pizza, or olives, onions, peppers, or even chicken." She did
not mention anchovies.
"I will try it," Legolas said, curious and nervous. He trusted his friends, and especially
his love, but could not help thinking that their tastes might be quite different from his.
"What do you want on your pizza?" asked Joseph.
"Ah... since Lady Sivi recommends this... pepperoni, I will try it... What goes well with...
pepperoni?"
"Personally," said Sivi, "I prefer meat on my pizza. I like ham, sausage, pepperoni, and
mushrooms." Andrea nodded agreement. Joseph grinned.
"I'm a vegetable-pizza-person myself, but what the girls are suggesting is good."
"Then that is what I will eat, please it you," Legolas nodded.
"Kay-kee-dokee," said Joseph. "Legolas," he added, trying the elf's name for the first time
and doing a fair job with it, "I don't think we can explain soft drinks to you. May I just order
you a Pepsi?"
"This Pepsi is a 'soft drink'? Very well."
"All right, you guys go sit down and I'll order for us all," Joseph instructed.
Sivi and Andrea led Legolas to one of the small metal tables and showed him how to scoot his
chair back and forth without making too much noise. It amused Andrea to think that she was
teaching an elf how to be quiet. He sat silently, observing his surroundings carefully.
"What sort of trees are those?" he asked, pointing with one clean white finger across the
court.
"Hmm? Oh, those are potted palms," Sivi replied absently.
"Why are they kept in pots?"
"I guess so they can have them in here to make the place look nice. They can't let them just
grow out of the floor," Andrea said.
"Why not?"
Fortunately, Andrea did not have to reply, for Joseph strode cheerfully up to the table with
their food. Legolas resisted the urge to sniff the food in distrust. The four bowed their heads
and said a prayer.
Sivi and Andrea picked up their pizza slices with their hands and munched with a will.
Joseph cut his with an oddly shaped utensil that Legolas had never seen before. Legolas copied
Joseph's example and resolutely popped a bite of pizza into his mouth.
The medley of flavors shocked the elf, and the texture was perfect. He had never tasted
anything in his life quite like this... pizza. Belatedly, he realized that Andrea was watching
him. Swallowing politely, Legolas said,
"It tastes very good, Melamin."
Squee squealed again, and Sivi shushed her.
"My Pretty One likes pizza!" Squee exulted, not quite yelling. "Try Pepsi!" she urged.
Legolas felt a bit cornered. He did not want to disappoint his Squee, but he was not at all
certain how the Pepsi would taste. If he didn't care for it, how should he tell her so? He picked
up his glass, ignoring the slender tube floating in the bubbling brown drink. He closed his
large, deep eyes and sipped sparingly.
Pepsi, Legolas decided later, was a sensation rather than a drink; it was a sensation of
half-burning, part wild bubbling, and part sweetness. It provoked a rush of pure energy to his
brain.
Andrea poked him in an attempt to bring him back to reality. Worriedly, she noted that his
eyes were severely dilated, and that his ears had gone so white as to be nearly translucent. She
decided that Pepsi might not be such a good idea in the future.
"Pretty One? You are feeling well, yes?" she said urgently.
Legolas - Prince Legolas of Eryn Lasgalen - giggled hysterically.
"Not good!" cried Andrea, jumping up. "Mr. Joseph-"
"Hey, guys!" said a new voice. Andrea and Sivi turned to see a smiling brown-eyed redhead
and a frowning blue-eyed blonde.
"Sarah! Christina! Help! The Pretty One is -"Andrea cried, but once again, Sivi shushed her.
"Sar, Christi, we need to go, now!" Sivi told her cousin Sarah, the redhead, and her friend
Christina, the blonde.
"Yeah, I thought there might be something wrong with pretty boy," Christina replied with a
dry grin.
"Is your car any closer than the west lot?" Sivi asked calmly.
"Yes, we're right next to the nearest entrance," Christina answered, still amused. "Your
soccer-player cousin doesn't like to walk any more than she has to. Speaking of which, Pretty Boy
is on his feet and about not to be."
Christina was correct. Legolas had stood up and was swaying slightly on his feet. Christina,
who had been around Andrea long enough to know exactly who the 'Pretty One' denoted, was fully
aware of Legolas' identity. She was surprised but ever collected.
"The strongest wines of Dorwinion couldn't faze him," she mused, "but one little sip of
Pepsi, and he's completely intoxicated."
"Whoa; OK, let's get him to Christina's car," said Joseph, supporting the teetering elf with
a palm between Legolas' shoulder-blades.
"Can we all fit in your vehicle?" he asked Christina. She nodded and grabbed Legolas' hand,
pulling him toward the exit.
"Man, I wouldn't give him any more soft drinks, if I were you," Sarah advised with a laugh.
"Did you two see what happened, then?" asked Sivi, pushing Sarah, who, like her uncle and
cousin, was quite tall, up by Legolas' right side.
"Yeah. What are you doing?"
"Stay in front of him on that side so no one will see him. Act natural," Sivi commanded.
Sarah shrugged and did as bid.
"Daddy, you get on his left; Christina's in front; Andrea and I will be back here."
Legolas snickered and tripped over Sarah's foot.
"Won't this look sort of weird?" Christina asked skeptically.
"No," Joseph said mildly; "It'll just look like a knot of friends leaving the mall. It would
look a lot weirder if we were scattered a bit, leading a drunk 'teen' by the hand."
"Is he really drunk?" Andrea asked in disbelief. Legolas began to hiccup wildly.
"You tell me," Christina quipped.
OooooOOooooh...button...
"Okay, what's the big emergency?" Joseph asked his daughter Sivi. He had had the logic to
look for her by the payphones, where she had had the logic to stay. Eyeing Legolas, Joseph added,
"And while I grant you that he rates being called a fashion emergency, I hope that's not why
you called me at work." Andrea looked about to protest that his clothes were pretty, but then
thought it better to remain silent.
"It sort of is and kind of isn't," Sivi said, pulling her father away from Legolas and
Andrea. "Daddy... um, my friend..." she pointed nervously at Legolas, hoping her father would
believe her. "My friend is an elf, and, well... people are staring, and, uh, we - me and Andrea -
can't go with him into the dressing rooms, but I, uh, don't think he knows much about jeans,
socks, or tennis shoes, so if you could..."
Sivi's dad was the one person who could make Sivi stutter. Not even Legolas had been able to
pull it off. Joseph had always told his daughter that the first guy in her life, besides himself,
to make her stammer would be her husband.
"So you want me to help him into some less archaic clothing, is that it?" Sivi nodded.
"Please, Daddy? We can't let anyone know he's an elf." Shaking his head with a broad grin,
Joseph replied,
"Sure, why not? You and your weird friends."
It was like Joseph not to see the entire thing as incredible. He was rather laid back and
took things in stride if at all possible.
"Daddy, thank you so much! I just, uh, I... am going to shut up before I make an even bigger
fool of myself."
Joseph hugged his daughter close.
"I love you, Pumpkin."
"I love you, too, Daddy."
"Now, then, let's go fix the fashion emergency," Joseph laughed.
An hour later, Legolas was leaning back against the window of a store in dark denim jeans, a
soft hunter-green turtle-neck, and a pair of Timberland's. His hair was bound in a loose
pony-tail so as to cover his long, pale ears. Andrea and Joseph were arguing over whether or not
to try to use stage make-up to darken the elf's complexion. Oddly enough, it was Joseph who
supported this "tan" and Andrea who opposed it.
"He looks sick," Joseph said.
"He's not sick! He's gorgeous!" Andrea cried unhappily. "Elves can't get sick."
"I know that," said Joseph, "and you know that, but the average New Yorker -"
"Doesn't care!" Andrea interrupted. "We're in New York, Mr. Joseph. Weird is normal, and
normal is weird."
With a sigh, Joseph conceded the point. Legolas fidgeted. He leaned over and asked Sivi in a
quiet, humble tone:
"Pardon, Lady Sivi; what hour is it?"
"Um, it's a little after noon," Sivi replied, checking her watch. "Why do you ask?"
"Ah, m'lady, when and where in this vast city does one, well, take one's meals?"
"Oh, Legolas, I'm so sorry! Hey-la, Daddy, how about we go for lunch?"
"Sounds good to me," Joseph replied easily. "We need to feed the elf, I take it?"
"I do not mean to make myself a burden, sir," Legolas protested, but Joseph laughed and
slapped the prince's back.
"You are not a burden, friend."
"My Pretty One is hungry!" cried Andrea. "Let us feed my Pretty One!"
"Sir, I have a question," Legolas said as the group exited the store. "I... know why Andrea
refers to me as hers, as her Pretty One. Why is it that you always refer to me as 'the elf'? Have
I not made know to you my name?"
"I know your name," Joseph chuckled. "I just can't pronounce it." Legolas blinked, but let
the subject drop.
Joseph led the girls and the elf through the crowds and down to the food court.
"Is this OK?" he asked over his shoulder, but Legolas was not listening. The elf had stopped
in front of a large, round gumball machine.
"What is this brightly colored palantir?" he asked curiously.
"That would be a gumball machine," Joseph said with an indulgent smile. "You put a coin in
the little slot, turn the knob, and a piece of gum comes out the hole near the base."
"Gum?" Legolas frowned.
"It's a small, uh, snack," Andrea explained: "Something you chew between meals."
"Ready to go?" Joseph asked. The elf nodded.
"This is the food court," Sivi explained. "Court is shortened from courtyard. It just means
a fairly open space. What would you like to eat? If you want chicken, we can go to Chik-fil-A; or
if you'd like something seasoned a little sweeter, with mushrooms, we can go to one of the
Chinese places."
"Do you like spicy foods?" Andrea asked, picking up where her friend left off. "If you do,
we should go to a Mexican place. Or -" She stopped and grinned. Smiling innocently, she asked,
"Would you like to try pizza, my Pretty One?"
"What is it?" Legolas asked, feeling helpless and overwhelmed.
"Pizza," Sivi replied, "is a thick (or thin, if you'd prefer) piece of bread covered with
tomato sauce and cheese. If you want, you can ask them to add small squares of meats like ham,
sausage, pepp - you don't know what pepperoni is, do you? It's very good. You can have them put
little slices of mushrooms on your pizza, or olives, onions, peppers, or even chicken." She did
not mention anchovies.
"I will try it," Legolas said, curious and nervous. He trusted his friends, and especially
his love, but could not help thinking that their tastes might be quite different from his.
"What do you want on your pizza?" asked Joseph.
"Ah... since Lady Sivi recommends this... pepperoni, I will try it... What goes well with...
pepperoni?"
"Personally," said Sivi, "I prefer meat on my pizza. I like ham, sausage, pepperoni, and
mushrooms." Andrea nodded agreement. Joseph grinned.
"I'm a vegetable-pizza-person myself, but what the girls are suggesting is good."
"Then that is what I will eat, please it you," Legolas nodded.
"Kay-kee-dokee," said Joseph. "Legolas," he added, trying the elf's name for the first time
and doing a fair job with it, "I don't think we can explain soft drinks to you. May I just order
you a Pepsi?"
"This Pepsi is a 'soft drink'? Very well."
"All right, you guys go sit down and I'll order for us all," Joseph instructed.
Sivi and Andrea led Legolas to one of the small metal tables and showed him how to scoot his
chair back and forth without making too much noise. It amused Andrea to think that she was
teaching an elf how to be quiet. He sat silently, observing his surroundings carefully.
"What sort of trees are those?" he asked, pointing with one clean white finger across the
court.
"Hmm? Oh, those are potted palms," Sivi replied absently.
"Why are they kept in pots?"
"I guess so they can have them in here to make the place look nice. They can't let them just
grow out of the floor," Andrea said.
"Why not?"
Fortunately, Andrea did not have to reply, for Joseph strode cheerfully up to the table with
their food. Legolas resisted the urge to sniff the food in distrust. The four bowed their heads
and said a prayer.
Sivi and Andrea picked up their pizza slices with their hands and munched with a will.
Joseph cut his with an oddly shaped utensil that Legolas had never seen before. Legolas copied
Joseph's example and resolutely popped a bite of pizza into his mouth.
The medley of flavors shocked the elf, and the texture was perfect. He had never tasted
anything in his life quite like this... pizza. Belatedly, he realized that Andrea was watching
him. Swallowing politely, Legolas said,
"It tastes very good, Melamin."
Squee squealed again, and Sivi shushed her.
"My Pretty One likes pizza!" Squee exulted, not quite yelling. "Try Pepsi!" she urged.
Legolas felt a bit cornered. He did not want to disappoint his Squee, but he was not at all
certain how the Pepsi would taste. If he didn't care for it, how should he tell her so? He picked
up his glass, ignoring the slender tube floating in the bubbling brown drink. He closed his
large, deep eyes and sipped sparingly.
Pepsi, Legolas decided later, was a sensation rather than a drink; it was a sensation of
half-burning, part wild bubbling, and part sweetness. It provoked a rush of pure energy to his
brain.
Andrea poked him in an attempt to bring him back to reality. Worriedly, she noted that his
eyes were severely dilated, and that his ears had gone so white as to be nearly translucent. She
decided that Pepsi might not be such a good idea in the future.
"Pretty One? You are feeling well, yes?" she said urgently.
Legolas - Prince Legolas of Eryn Lasgalen - giggled hysterically.
"Not good!" cried Andrea, jumping up. "Mr. Joseph-"
"Hey, guys!" said a new voice. Andrea and Sivi turned to see a smiling brown-eyed redhead
and a frowning blue-eyed blonde.
"Sarah! Christina! Help! The Pretty One is -"Andrea cried, but once again, Sivi shushed her.
"Sar, Christi, we need to go, now!" Sivi told her cousin Sarah, the redhead, and her friend
Christina, the blonde.
"Yeah, I thought there might be something wrong with pretty boy," Christina replied with a
dry grin.
"Is your car any closer than the west lot?" Sivi asked calmly.
"Yes, we're right next to the nearest entrance," Christina answered, still amused. "Your
soccer-player cousin doesn't like to walk any more than she has to. Speaking of which, Pretty Boy
is on his feet and about not to be."
Christina was correct. Legolas had stood up and was swaying slightly on his feet. Christina,
who had been around Andrea long enough to know exactly who the 'Pretty One' denoted, was fully
aware of Legolas' identity. She was surprised but ever collected.
"The strongest wines of Dorwinion couldn't faze him," she mused, "but one little sip of
Pepsi, and he's completely intoxicated."
"Whoa; OK, let's get him to Christina's car," said Joseph, supporting the teetering elf with
a palm between Legolas' shoulder-blades.
"Can we all fit in your vehicle?" he asked Christina. She nodded and grabbed Legolas' hand,
pulling him toward the exit.
"Man, I wouldn't give him any more soft drinks, if I were you," Sarah advised with a laugh.
"Did you two see what happened, then?" asked Sivi, pushing Sarah, who, like her uncle and
cousin, was quite tall, up by Legolas' right side.
"Yeah. What are you doing?"
"Stay in front of him on that side so no one will see him. Act natural," Sivi commanded.
Sarah shrugged and did as bid.
"Daddy, you get on his left; Christina's in front; Andrea and I will be back here."
Legolas snickered and tripped over Sarah's foot.
"Won't this look sort of weird?" Christina asked skeptically.
"No," Joseph said mildly; "It'll just look like a knot of friends leaving the mall. It would
look a lot weirder if we were scattered a bit, leading a drunk 'teen' by the hand."
"Is he really drunk?" Andrea asked in disbelief. Legolas began to hiccup wildly.
"You tell me," Christina quipped.
OooooOOooooh...button...