Here it is, the chapter that is the origin of our wonderfully senseless fic! I am
ElfHuntressAutumnBurgundy, or EHAB for short. Special thanks to our reviewers of Chapter Five!
Psycho: AutumnBurgundy thanks Kitsune! Broken sentences much fun! No sense for Pepsi, Phe-Chan,
or EHAB! Galadriel: Have written more! Now you read, read! Please, please? Punk: Thanks. I like
Cherry Coke, but I have never gotten drunk off of it. Without further ado, Chapter Six... "How It
All Began," or "The Lawnmower."
Two hours later, after Legolas had been introduced to the savory qualities of biscuits
and gravy, he was permitted to take a walk outside the apartment. Sarah and Sivi went with him
to keep him safe, pointing out things like, why one should look both ways before crossing the
paved field called the "parking lot." (After watching a few "cars" roar through the lot at
unthinkable speeds, Legolas saw the sense in his friends' advice.)
A middle-aged woman called to Sivi from a few buildings down. Sivi smiled and waved, but
the woman motioned for Sivi to come and talk to her. Sivi sighed.
"That's Mimi," she said. "I don't think that Legolas is quite ready for Mimi. She's a
bit... odd." She turned to Legolas. "Can you stay out here and not get run over or anything until
we come back?"
Legolas nodded. Sivi sighed nervously and shifted her weight. She nodded resolutely.
"C'mon, Sar," she said. "Legolas, we'll be back as soon as we can."
"At your leisure, m'ladies," Legolas said with a formal bow.
As the girls walked away, Legolas engaged himself in studying the apartments across the
lot. At first, nothing seemed any more unnatural than what the elf had already experienced or
witnessed in this singular place. The apartments were all the same, an occasional car careened
dangerously through the parking lot, and a woman half-ran, half-bounced along the sidewalk. Sivi
had told him that such odd behavior was called "jogging."
Then, Legolas heard an odd noise. It was not a car, but like; it was a deep, not
altogether unpleasant, thrumming throb. A woman about Sivi's age and height turned the corner
from one of the apartments' side yards into its front yard, riding a squat, ugly beast in full
armor. The creature was mutilating the grass and spewing it out a hole in its side. The woman
did not appear to be happy about her task. The only assumption Legolas could make was that the
girl was a slave. He would slay the beast and free her.
A moment later, he saw his chance. The creature stopped and fell silent as a car pulled
up to the sidewalk. The girl went over to speak with the people in the car, looking both ways,
Legolas swiftly crossed the street and darted behind a tree. He did not think the thing had seen
him. He stepped out in front of the beast, thinking it only fair that the creature have some slim
chance to defend itself. A few yards away, the thing sat still, arrogant and hideous. Furious,
Legolas took aim.
"Anyway, so Phil and I went to the concert together, but I was really looking for George,
and this one musician down in the orchestra pit, well he made the most awful noise, and -" Sivi
tuned out the older woman's chatter. Sarah smiled politely. The younger girls were catching, at
best, only snatches of Mimi's random conversation.
Suddenly, Mimi's relentless torrent of gossip slowed.
"Isn't that your young friend?"
Sivi and Sarah sat straight up and followed Mimi's gaze out the older woman's window.
"Why does he have that bow and that arrow-carrying-thingy?" Mimi asked.
"Uh, he's on an archery team," Sivi said, hoping that King Thranduil's garrison would
count as a "team." "We let him carry it because, uh..."
"He's captain," Sarah supplied. Prince, captain, same thing, she thought defensively.
"Oh, how nice," Mimi said. "What's he doin' with it?"
"Um... Sivi, should we go...?"
"He wouldn't."
"He's gonna."
"He couldn't."
"He's drawing the string."
"There's no way."
"There goes the arrow..."
"He didn't!"
FOOM.
"Well," said Sarah, her beautiful brown eyes having gone from ovals to spheres, "on a
scale of one to ten, one being spark, and ten being the point at which gases turn to plasmas,
I'd give that particular fireball a nine point three."
Legolas had never before encountered a creature that vomited fire in its death throes.
Its cheap metal armor flew in pieces through the air. A bonfire consumed its remains. The girl
screamed in fear, then screamed at Legolas:
"What did you do to my lawnmower?!"
Phe-chan wants you to press the button...pwease?
ElfHuntressAutumnBurgundy, or EHAB for short. Special thanks to our reviewers of Chapter Five!
Psycho: AutumnBurgundy thanks Kitsune! Broken sentences much fun! No sense for Pepsi, Phe-Chan,
or EHAB! Galadriel: Have written more! Now you read, read! Please, please? Punk: Thanks. I like
Cherry Coke, but I have never gotten drunk off of it. Without further ado, Chapter Six... "How It
All Began," or "The Lawnmower."
Two hours later, after Legolas had been introduced to the savory qualities of biscuits
and gravy, he was permitted to take a walk outside the apartment. Sarah and Sivi went with him
to keep him safe, pointing out things like, why one should look both ways before crossing the
paved field called the "parking lot." (After watching a few "cars" roar through the lot at
unthinkable speeds, Legolas saw the sense in his friends' advice.)
A middle-aged woman called to Sivi from a few buildings down. Sivi smiled and waved, but
the woman motioned for Sivi to come and talk to her. Sivi sighed.
"That's Mimi," she said. "I don't think that Legolas is quite ready for Mimi. She's a
bit... odd." She turned to Legolas. "Can you stay out here and not get run over or anything until
we come back?"
Legolas nodded. Sivi sighed nervously and shifted her weight. She nodded resolutely.
"C'mon, Sar," she said. "Legolas, we'll be back as soon as we can."
"At your leisure, m'ladies," Legolas said with a formal bow.
As the girls walked away, Legolas engaged himself in studying the apartments across the
lot. At first, nothing seemed any more unnatural than what the elf had already experienced or
witnessed in this singular place. The apartments were all the same, an occasional car careened
dangerously through the parking lot, and a woman half-ran, half-bounced along the sidewalk. Sivi
had told him that such odd behavior was called "jogging."
Then, Legolas heard an odd noise. It was not a car, but like; it was a deep, not
altogether unpleasant, thrumming throb. A woman about Sivi's age and height turned the corner
from one of the apartments' side yards into its front yard, riding a squat, ugly beast in full
armor. The creature was mutilating the grass and spewing it out a hole in its side. The woman
did not appear to be happy about her task. The only assumption Legolas could make was that the
girl was a slave. He would slay the beast and free her.
A moment later, he saw his chance. The creature stopped and fell silent as a car pulled
up to the sidewalk. The girl went over to speak with the people in the car, looking both ways,
Legolas swiftly crossed the street and darted behind a tree. He did not think the thing had seen
him. He stepped out in front of the beast, thinking it only fair that the creature have some slim
chance to defend itself. A few yards away, the thing sat still, arrogant and hideous. Furious,
Legolas took aim.
"Anyway, so Phil and I went to the concert together, but I was really looking for George,
and this one musician down in the orchestra pit, well he made the most awful noise, and -" Sivi
tuned out the older woman's chatter. Sarah smiled politely. The younger girls were catching, at
best, only snatches of Mimi's random conversation.
Suddenly, Mimi's relentless torrent of gossip slowed.
"Isn't that your young friend?"
Sivi and Sarah sat straight up and followed Mimi's gaze out the older woman's window.
"Why does he have that bow and that arrow-carrying-thingy?" Mimi asked.
"Uh, he's on an archery team," Sivi said, hoping that King Thranduil's garrison would
count as a "team." "We let him carry it because, uh..."
"He's captain," Sarah supplied. Prince, captain, same thing, she thought defensively.
"Oh, how nice," Mimi said. "What's he doin' with it?"
"Um... Sivi, should we go...?"
"He wouldn't."
"He's gonna."
"He couldn't."
"He's drawing the string."
"There's no way."
"There goes the arrow..."
"He didn't!"
FOOM.
"Well," said Sarah, her beautiful brown eyes having gone from ovals to spheres, "on a
scale of one to ten, one being spark, and ten being the point at which gases turn to plasmas,
I'd give that particular fireball a nine point three."
Legolas had never before encountered a creature that vomited fire in its death throes.
Its cheap metal armor flew in pieces through the air. A bonfire consumed its remains. The girl
screamed in fear, then screamed at Legolas:
"What did you do to my lawnmower?!"
Phe-chan wants you to press the button...pwease?