BPOV
"I'm sorry... I know I've been very harsh on you," I said, "I'm really sorry."
"I've much more to apologize for. I'm so sorry!" He said as he continued to let me cry for I wasn't sure I was long.
I was exhausted.
It had been two days since I was aware of this possibility, and I had been avoiding the tests since then.
He pissed me off at the office yesterday, and then I came up with the decision to divorce him.
I've had extremely busy last few days, but now, I was just... exhausted.
I wasn't sure for how long I kept crying while he continued to soothe me, and finally, I was exhausted from crying too.
"I'm sorry for this," I said as I pulled my face away from his chest.
"Are you okay?" He asked, still looking worried.
"Yeah," I said.
"Sure?" He asked.
"Yeah." I said.
"Okay..." He said as he pulled himself away.
Wait, was he regretting this?
Did he say he wanted to work on marriage only because I was crying?
Was he being nice to me only because of that?
My insecurities were kicking in again.
"Can you please give me a moment?" He asked, "I know I've been an asshole to you for a long time... Please bear with me for one more time... Just one more time, please!"
I nodded my head, but I wasn't sure what he was talking about.
"I've had too many stories with a fictional child in my head while you were in the bathroom... Please I need a moment to process this..." He said as he took a deep breath, and roamed his hand on his face and in his hair.
"This is crazy." He rubbed his hand on his chest, "You've no idea how fast my heart is still beating."
"Do you know I had googled to find the correct reaction of an expectant father, because whatever the hell I was doing didn't seem right... So I opened one blog, and they had scary pics of a guy kissing the pregnant belly of a woman and another guy with a baby in his hand... You've no idea... That's the scariest shit I've ever seen in my life!"
"Look at my heartbeat again... My God!" He said as he rubbed harder on his chest.
Okay, just a minute ago I thought I was the only one having a meltdown, but he was giving me a tough competition here!
"You've no idea... Your doctor visits, labor, home renovation, bigger car, battle for joint custody if we take a divorce path, your future husband or boyfriend, schools, sports, vacations, Grad schools, his role at Cullen Inc., you name it! I've covered almost everything in my head!"
I blinked and stared at him.
He was going crazy!
"I swear, I thought I'd learn to be a father eventually... But I'm not so sure anymore. Just look at me!" He said incredulously, "Do I look like someone who's ready to be a father?"
"No, definitely not." I said as I shook my head.