Chapter 7: Confessions
As soon as she was out of Ryu's line of vision, Akio slowed Tekeda and vaulted off of him. She knew that riding him too fast for too long could aggravate his scars. Akio felt like crying for some reason. It was an unexplainable urge that caught her off guard with it's ferocity. "No," she yelled at herself. "I will not feel sorry for him. I will not cry." Tekeda butted her shoulder with his muzzle and she absently reached her arm to stroke his nose. But the fact remained. She was guilty for the way she had always treated Ryu. She was guilty and angry and sad.
Akio, in all her years of life, had always vowed that she would never shed tears for the villagers who hated her. Never would she pity them, or sympathize with them. They hated her, they scorned her. They were the reason her mother had taken her life. They were the reason that her grandmother slowly faded away into nothingness. The Renko Village took her family, but they would not get her. Akio could not be broken, her spirit was stronger then anyone gave her credit for. But even though she was strong, the edges of her spirit were fraying. Her fragile pride and happiness hung by a silk thread that was, fiber-by-fiber, breaking apart. There was nothing to keep her whole, there was no one to keep her sane.
She crossed the bridge silently, and reached her home without fanfare. A quick glance told her that Soujiro was back inside. Takeda was placed back in his pen and Akio carried his basket into her home.
"That was quick," Soujiro said with a smile, greeting her in the kitchen. He had been able to limp his way in the house and found himself something to drink. Akio didn't respond. She placed the basket on the small table, retrieved the water bucket from her room, and went back outside to fill it again. Soujiro watched her, confused.
No, he had not known Akio long at all, but he felt like he had known her for a while. Long enough to know that she was cheerful and good-natured. This wasn't Akio. She was always offering him a smile or at the very least, a scolding. But now she looked...tired. Soujiro watched her as she worked around the kitchen, unpacking the basket and putting food away. She didn't look at him, never spoke. She was silent and she looked so tired.
"Akio, what's the matter?" he asked when he could take no more.
Akio looked up at him, her face unreadable. "I ran into someone coming home from the village, that's all." Then she turned away from him. That hurt worse then when she had punched him in the side. Soujiro couldn't begin to explain how or why, it just did.
"And this person from the village, was this a good or a bad meeting?"
Akio looked at him from the corner of her eye, but didn't answer. Soujiro wouldn't drop it, he just had to know what had the power to disrupt her this badly. Akio was the kind of girl who rescued strangers from the river, the kind of girl who practiced with a bloodied sword. He watched her movements. Calculated, precise, graceful, but stiff. More practice then purpose. Akio was somewhere else now, somewhere very far away from him.
"Here," she said suddenly, placing a plate of shrimp before him. Soujiro blinked from the food to her face. She was smiling slightly, but there was something glittering in her emerald eyes that told him to be wary. "Mistress Suika is a funny woman. She was going to throw away all of this good food just because it's a day old. I took it home with me. I really don't know what you like, but I hoped that it would be alright. Shrimp are my favorite." She picked one from the plate and popped it in her mouth absently. She was rambling and she knew it.
"Are you sure that you're alright?" Soujiro questioned again. There was some kind of masked pain in her eyes that he didn't like.
She didn't answer the question. Instead, she grabbed a shrimp and put it to his lips. "Don't bite," she commented as he automatically opened for her to place it in. Akio retracted her fingers, licking them absently as she got to her feet again. "Eat, I'll be around if you need anything." And then she left him once more to his thoughts.
He was beginning to become annoyed with this habit of hers. She disappeared whenever she wanted to. Maybe he had given her too much credit before. She seemed like the kind of girl who ran from fights she couldn't win. For some perverse reason, he acted on the impulse of going after her. He pulled himself up, leaning his weight on the table, then the walls as he searched followed the direction she had gone.
The was a room past the kitchen, a room he had not entered in her absence. It looked like another bedroom. But that really made no sense. If it was a bedroom, why didn't Akio sleep in there instead of on the floor of her room? But it was, in fact, a bedroom. There was a futon (ha! I used futon!) set up in the corner, along with a few other personal belongings. It was dark in the room, no candles or lanterns were lit. But even in the waning light of the day, he could make out Akio's shape hunched in the corner of the room.
Her knees were hugged to her chest, head buried. Her entire frame shook with each muffled sob that escaped from her. Soujiro froze in the doorway, divided over his course of action. He had no right to see this. She wanted to be alone in her pain. He should respect that and simply walk away. He should let her have a few moments of privacy in her own hell. But then, that part of him that seemed to be calling the shots ever since he met this girl, that part told him to go to her. And since he'd been listening to that part of himself so far, Soujiro listened to it now.
"Akio," he whispered, leaning against the doorframe. She flinched, looking up so fast that her hair whipped against her face. It gave her a wild, exotic look. Her emerald green eyes wide and wild with fear, raven hair falling over those eyes and her pale skin glowing softly in the dim light. It made the heart of Seta Soujiro lurch in a very painful way. "Akio what's wrong?"
His tone was pleading and gentle. He moved slowly into the room, supporting himself as best as he could until he kneeled in front of her. Akio huddled back into the corner of the room as much as she could. She feared him being this close to her, and yet she didn't want him to leave, just not yet.
"Ryu..." she whispered brokenly. "Why can't they just leave me alone? The village is so...so scared of me! I'm a leper to these people. But then he comes along and apologizes! I want to hate them. It would be so much easier if they would just let me hate them. Why can't...why can't I hate them?" she whispered. The last statement made that place in his heart twist painfully. She looked so small and fragile, so breakable, and at the same time she was the strongest person he had ever seen. Strong because she stayed. Not out of revenge or a desire to punish herself. She stayed and endured everything that those stupid, blind, brainless baka villagers could throw at her for the love of a memory.
He reached out a hand and caught the freshest tear as it trailed down her cheek. Her skin was cold to the touch. She shivered, but didn't pull away. Her eyes closed, sending another wave of tears to slide down her face, but then she leaned into his hand. Akio needed the contact, she needed to comfort. For the first time in many years, she wasn't alone.
"It's okay Akio," Soujiro said quietly. The words sounded hollow in his own ears. He could promise this girl nothing, nothing save comfort right now. He wanted to say that everything would work out, but he couldn't promise that. He wanted to say that no one could hurt her. He wanted to give her some kind of promise, some kind of guarantee that the pain that glowed in her beautiful eyes would disappear and not have to return. But he wasn't some naive kid. He knew how the world worked. Soujiro knew the pain well and knew that there was no way he could ever change what happened to her. But still...he was surprised by the depth of his desire to protect her. He wanted to protect her more then he wanted to draw breath. She had saved his life, took him in, showed him more kindness then anyone in his entire life. And seeing her in pain was unacceptable.
"Soujiro." The only time he loved his name was when she said it. Her voice was soft and unsure, still broken from crying. Her eyes welled again, threatening to spill over. And suddenly, she pushed herself forward from the wall and wrapped her arms around his waist. The force nearly caused him to fall over, but he reflexes were still share and he kept his balance.
"Akio...what are..." He stopped speaking when she started sobbing into his chest. There was a faint pain in his side from the added wait on him, but he ignored it. Soujiro was scared, a little. She was also shocked. No one had ever embraced him before. He had never been in the position to comfort another. But she was so cold and so small. She was shaking and clinging on to him like he was all that kept her from breaking into a million pieces. Soujiro finished his hesitation; he wrapped his good arm around her back and kept his other arm out to steady them.
After a while, her crying stopped, but she still held on to him. "I'm sorry," she said softly. Her voice was still muffled against his chest, her face hidden from him by the fall of her hair. "I'm sorry that I'm so weak."
"You aren't weak Akio," he spoke just as softly. "You are far from weak." He paused, searching for something to tell her. But other words, words that rang in his head floated to his lips. An old motto that he had once lived by, but no longer. Those words were false, and they wouldn't help the girl in his arms. "Everyone has moments they aren't proud of."
"More like, everyone has a dark past," she whispered back. Soujiro froze. Why had she said that? Was she implying something, something about him?
"What do you mean Akio?" he asked, pulling back just enough so that he could see her face. She looked up at him with level green eyes, even if they were red from her crying. She looked sad, and still so tired.
"Will you tell me?" she asked quietly. "Will you tell me what happened that haunts your dreams?" He was shocked. One minute she was crying and scared, now she wanted to talk about his past? "You don't have to," she continued, sensing his unease and worry. "I know that you don't want to, or you don't trust me. But I hear you speak in your sleep sometimes. I heard you cry." Soujiro wanted to shrink back, wanted to get away from her before something happened he'd regret. "I wanted to ask, but I thought you'd tell me if you wanted to. And if you didn't, I could live with that. But then...then I told you so much about me. So much I shouldn't have." She pulled away suddenly, quickly pushing herself back into her corner.
Her knuckles darted out, wiping the moisture from her face. "You sounded so lost when you dreamed, and your eyes are always so haunted. Did you know that they change color?" He simply looked at her, eyes wide and a little fearful. Akio couldn't explain why she kept talking. She needed to make him think about something else despite her behavior. How she hated herself just then, for throwing herself on him. She probably hurt him! She was just the most horrible thing alive. So she huddled in her corner, just talking away about how she had watched him sleep all those hours over the last few days.
"They're dark brown most of the time, but when you're angry or sad, they turn gray. I noticed that when I woke you up this morning. They were so gray they looked blue, but then faded back to brown. And right now, they're turning gray. I must be making you very angry with me."
"No, you aren't," he whispered. "I'm not angry...I'm just..."
"Would you tell me?" she asked again. She moved closer, on all fours like a child. It was like she hadn't just been in his arms a moment ago, now she was fearful of getting too close. "I really need to know. Why don't you look at me like they do?" Soujiro blinked, totally floored now. Was this what she was worried about? This was why she was so scared? "Why don't you think I'm disgusting or low? Why didn't you push me away when I touched you? Why do you look at me like you're the bad one? Why are you afraid of 'me'?" All these questions fell on him like a ton of bricks.
Soujiro gave up his hold on the wall, he just let his legs collapse under him and he sat hard on the floor, cradling his side for all of a second, but the pain was far from his mind. Now all he could see was the memories of his past and the face of this girl, looking at him with more tears in her emerald eyes. Akio inched closer and closer until she was only centimeters from him. She could hear the beating of his heart. He was panting slightly, as if he had just run a mile. His eyes were graying fast now, and she was afraid.
"Don't fall Soujiro," she whispered, reaching out a hand to brush the hair from his face. "Don't fall so fast." He flinched at the contact, pulling away and then looking up at her. Akio jerked back about a foot, as if she had been slapped or burned.
"I've been falling my whole life," he said, almost desperately. "But I hit the bottom two years ago. For two years, Akio, I have been pulling myself out of hell. I can't tell you what happened. You are the only person I have ever met who has treated me like you do. The only person who has gone out of their way to help me like you have. If I tell you everything, you'll hate me." He needed her to understand, it wasn't some idle inconvenience, he sincerely needed her to know that what happened was too dark to forgive. He couldn't even ask her to try.
"No matter what you have done, no matter what Soujiro, I could never hate you." Her voice was sincere and it only bit deeper into his soul, causing all the pain to come burning to the surface. Why did she have to be so understanding? So forgiving before she even knew the crime. "We all have darkness in our past. But the past is done. No one can change what has happened, they can only learn from it and move on."
"But the past haunts me," he said bitterly, looking away from her face. "I can't ever find peace in this world, not with the weight I carry. You don't know the things I've seen. The things I've 'done'." Unintentional tears formed in his eyes, trailing slowly down the side of his face. The years of pain surfaced on him like a fresh wound. But the breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened when he felt Akio slip her arms around him again. His entire body tensed.
"Tell me," she said, laying her cheek against his chest, just above his heart. She was careful not to hurt him as she embraced him again. Akio blushed faintly at her actions, but she wouldn't pull away. She couldn't. "I want to know. Please tell me Soujiro."
Soujiro let out a few shaky breaths. What was she doing to him? Why couldn't he push her away? Why couldn't he just walk away, like he had so many times before. Why...just why? He didn't have the answers, all he had was the girl. She was warm now, but still small, once again in his arms. She pressed herself against him, holding on to him, giving the comfort to him that he had given to her. He felt more tears slide from his eyes. Akio. The name was branded in his mind, it sang to his soul. Akio. Everything he had never had, was never good enough for, never thought he needed. He knew then, feeling her heart beat in the same rhythm as his own. Seta Soujiro, once known as the Tenken, once a member of the Jupongatona under the mighty Lord Shishio, was in love. It didn't even matter that he didn't deserve her, didn't deserve this moment of happiness. It just reminded him of the old phrase about how women often love men unworthy of them. (Women are just like that.)
He wrapped both his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, leaning his head down to rest his forehead against her hair. How he had needed this. A reason to live, a person to protect, someone to love. And even if his fears were realized and once he told her everything she still flinched away, hated the sight of him, he would carry this girl in his heart for the rest of his life.
"It all begins with my family," he began slowly. They sat there like that for hours, Soujiro holding Akio in his arms as he told her everything. He began from his abusive life with the Seta family and how Shishio had first entered his life. He told her about how he had murdered each member of his family because they would have killed him if he had not. And how because of that action, he had locked away every feeling in his heart for ten years. Soujiro spoke softly, crying silent tears the entire time as he whispered to her about the horrors he had committed as the Tenken, as a member of the Jupongatana, at the right hand of Makoto Shishio. And then, he told her about the plan to take over Japan and destroy the Meiji and the interference of the man once known as Battousai the Manslayer. He told her all about the duel that had changed his life forever and made him choose the life of a wanderer for two years. His quest for answers, to understand the reason for all things that happened to him in his life. The real reasons.
"And over the past two years, I've tried to live the way Mr. Himura told me. I try to help people with the skill of my sword instead of hurting them. Whenever I see someone in need, I help them with what I can. It's hard and it's not very rewarding. I'm often cold and hungry, penniless and alone, but with every person I save, a little bit of the pain I feel goes away. I know I will never save enough people to wash the blood from my hands, Akio. The pain I have caused to others will never fully go away, but I try to be a better person then I was. I really try."
"I know you do Soujiro," she whispered, the first words spoken since he began.
"So now you know everything. My past and my present." He sighed, waiting for her to pull away, waiting for her to politely smile. Waiting to see the barely masked fear in her eyes. But she didn't pull away, in fact, she snuggled closer to him. Her arms tighten around his waist.
"You expected me to run, didn't you?" she asked him, looking up to meet his eyes.
"Well, yes, I guess I did," he admitted with a smile. Akio smiled back, and it was real. There was no fear in her eyes. There was only compassion and understanding.
"Taking the life of another person is never easy," she said quietly. "I too, have blood on my hands. I may not have been like you." Akio sighed. "I will not lie Soujiro, I can not even begin to know how you feel with so much weight and pain on your shoulders. But the fact that you feel the pain, that you know the guilt, that says that you know that what you have done is wrong. The fact that you are trying to atone for it says that you are a good person. All I can do for you is say that I could never hate you for what you have done. We all have darkness in our pasts. I can forgive you of your past, if you can forgive me of mine."
"But there is nothing to forgive in your past Akio. You are a victim of the mistakes made by your parents. What happened has been out of your control."
Akio shook her head and smiled sadly. "I have made mistakes that I am not proud of. Decisions made in the mind of a desperate girl who so wanted the approval of a town that she took the lives of ten men on a quest to gain acceptance." He was confused, she felt it. "Last year, in the fall months, Renko Village was attacked by a group of government officials disguised as bandits. They wanted to punish our village for the continuation of our weapons making, even with all the laws passed by the government to outlaw swords and their carriers. They killed eleven of our people on their rampage to destroy the forges and weapons. I had been training nearby when I saw it. I never even hesitated, I just...killed them all." Soujiro tensed, looking down at her with shock. "The villagers feared me then. Before they just ignored me like I was nothing, but now they know that I am dangerous, so they fear me."
"Is that why no one is allowed on the mountain?" he asked, thinking about the guardians.
"Yes. Since then, no one has been allowed into Renko Village. And that is why, the village will eventually die." They remained silent for a time, still holding each other in the midst of these emotional waves. Confessions are hard business.
"Come on," Akio said quietly, leaning away and getting to her feet. She offered him a hand to get up. "I have to change your bandages, and I'm tired." Soujiro nodded and got up.
End of chapter 7. Okay, some of you might think that I'm making them fall in love too fast. Fact of the matter is that I'm trying to portray Akio and Soujiro as victims of what I lovingly refer to as 'first sight melodramatics' or, as you young folks like to say, love at first sight. They fall fast, hard, and deep. Thus starting off my saga, muhahahah! Yes well, don't expect it to be an easy ride though. I am a romantic, yes, but I will quote Shakespeare in 'the course of true love never did run smooth'. All of my love stories are quirky, unlikely, and full of hardships. But I'm a sucker for a happy ending. *wistful sigh* Oh, and for all you Ryu sympathizers, don't get too attached to him! His true colors will be shown soon enough. *evil grin* Okay, please remember to review! I love you guys like Ramen and chocolate! Or even better, chocolate covered Ramen…*drools* Oh, Shout outs!
Brittany67: So do I! I'm really happy that you like my story! LOL. I hope you'll continue reading and reviewing because I sure do like it when everyone does!
pruningshears: I live on Ramen as well, but by choice. Hehe, yes, nothing beats an emotionally scarred teen or a half-demon with a sword! And yes, we all find ourselves in a situation like Akio's, didn't cha know? I'm posting this because my beat hasn't sent me Chapter 12 of Sac or chapter 3 of TB yet. I'm waiting for her to get them to me, so I post this in the meantime. Hope you like the fluff of it. And to your theory, I'll have to deny it. I love Aoshi, he's prolly my favorite Kenshin character after Soujiro, but he's not old enough. Nope, the mystery shall be revealed eventually. I doubt any of you will figure it out! Muhahahaha!
Okay ya'll, please remember to review! Love and Peace!
~~Jesse the Wolf Demon~~
As soon as she was out of Ryu's line of vision, Akio slowed Tekeda and vaulted off of him. She knew that riding him too fast for too long could aggravate his scars. Akio felt like crying for some reason. It was an unexplainable urge that caught her off guard with it's ferocity. "No," she yelled at herself. "I will not feel sorry for him. I will not cry." Tekeda butted her shoulder with his muzzle and she absently reached her arm to stroke his nose. But the fact remained. She was guilty for the way she had always treated Ryu. She was guilty and angry and sad.
Akio, in all her years of life, had always vowed that she would never shed tears for the villagers who hated her. Never would she pity them, or sympathize with them. They hated her, they scorned her. They were the reason her mother had taken her life. They were the reason that her grandmother slowly faded away into nothingness. The Renko Village took her family, but they would not get her. Akio could not be broken, her spirit was stronger then anyone gave her credit for. But even though she was strong, the edges of her spirit were fraying. Her fragile pride and happiness hung by a silk thread that was, fiber-by-fiber, breaking apart. There was nothing to keep her whole, there was no one to keep her sane.
She crossed the bridge silently, and reached her home without fanfare. A quick glance told her that Soujiro was back inside. Takeda was placed back in his pen and Akio carried his basket into her home.
"That was quick," Soujiro said with a smile, greeting her in the kitchen. He had been able to limp his way in the house and found himself something to drink. Akio didn't respond. She placed the basket on the small table, retrieved the water bucket from her room, and went back outside to fill it again. Soujiro watched her, confused.
No, he had not known Akio long at all, but he felt like he had known her for a while. Long enough to know that she was cheerful and good-natured. This wasn't Akio. She was always offering him a smile or at the very least, a scolding. But now she looked...tired. Soujiro watched her as she worked around the kitchen, unpacking the basket and putting food away. She didn't look at him, never spoke. She was silent and she looked so tired.
"Akio, what's the matter?" he asked when he could take no more.
Akio looked up at him, her face unreadable. "I ran into someone coming home from the village, that's all." Then she turned away from him. That hurt worse then when she had punched him in the side. Soujiro couldn't begin to explain how or why, it just did.
"And this person from the village, was this a good or a bad meeting?"
Akio looked at him from the corner of her eye, but didn't answer. Soujiro wouldn't drop it, he just had to know what had the power to disrupt her this badly. Akio was the kind of girl who rescued strangers from the river, the kind of girl who practiced with a bloodied sword. He watched her movements. Calculated, precise, graceful, but stiff. More practice then purpose. Akio was somewhere else now, somewhere very far away from him.
"Here," she said suddenly, placing a plate of shrimp before him. Soujiro blinked from the food to her face. She was smiling slightly, but there was something glittering in her emerald eyes that told him to be wary. "Mistress Suika is a funny woman. She was going to throw away all of this good food just because it's a day old. I took it home with me. I really don't know what you like, but I hoped that it would be alright. Shrimp are my favorite." She picked one from the plate and popped it in her mouth absently. She was rambling and she knew it.
"Are you sure that you're alright?" Soujiro questioned again. There was some kind of masked pain in her eyes that he didn't like.
She didn't answer the question. Instead, she grabbed a shrimp and put it to his lips. "Don't bite," she commented as he automatically opened for her to place it in. Akio retracted her fingers, licking them absently as she got to her feet again. "Eat, I'll be around if you need anything." And then she left him once more to his thoughts.
He was beginning to become annoyed with this habit of hers. She disappeared whenever she wanted to. Maybe he had given her too much credit before. She seemed like the kind of girl who ran from fights she couldn't win. For some perverse reason, he acted on the impulse of going after her. He pulled himself up, leaning his weight on the table, then the walls as he searched followed the direction she had gone.
The was a room past the kitchen, a room he had not entered in her absence. It looked like another bedroom. But that really made no sense. If it was a bedroom, why didn't Akio sleep in there instead of on the floor of her room? But it was, in fact, a bedroom. There was a futon (ha! I used futon!) set up in the corner, along with a few other personal belongings. It was dark in the room, no candles or lanterns were lit. But even in the waning light of the day, he could make out Akio's shape hunched in the corner of the room.
Her knees were hugged to her chest, head buried. Her entire frame shook with each muffled sob that escaped from her. Soujiro froze in the doorway, divided over his course of action. He had no right to see this. She wanted to be alone in her pain. He should respect that and simply walk away. He should let her have a few moments of privacy in her own hell. But then, that part of him that seemed to be calling the shots ever since he met this girl, that part told him to go to her. And since he'd been listening to that part of himself so far, Soujiro listened to it now.
"Akio," he whispered, leaning against the doorframe. She flinched, looking up so fast that her hair whipped against her face. It gave her a wild, exotic look. Her emerald green eyes wide and wild with fear, raven hair falling over those eyes and her pale skin glowing softly in the dim light. It made the heart of Seta Soujiro lurch in a very painful way. "Akio what's wrong?"
His tone was pleading and gentle. He moved slowly into the room, supporting himself as best as he could until he kneeled in front of her. Akio huddled back into the corner of the room as much as she could. She feared him being this close to her, and yet she didn't want him to leave, just not yet.
"Ryu..." she whispered brokenly. "Why can't they just leave me alone? The village is so...so scared of me! I'm a leper to these people. But then he comes along and apologizes! I want to hate them. It would be so much easier if they would just let me hate them. Why can't...why can't I hate them?" she whispered. The last statement made that place in his heart twist painfully. She looked so small and fragile, so breakable, and at the same time she was the strongest person he had ever seen. Strong because she stayed. Not out of revenge or a desire to punish herself. She stayed and endured everything that those stupid, blind, brainless baka villagers could throw at her for the love of a memory.
He reached out a hand and caught the freshest tear as it trailed down her cheek. Her skin was cold to the touch. She shivered, but didn't pull away. Her eyes closed, sending another wave of tears to slide down her face, but then she leaned into his hand. Akio needed the contact, she needed to comfort. For the first time in many years, she wasn't alone.
"It's okay Akio," Soujiro said quietly. The words sounded hollow in his own ears. He could promise this girl nothing, nothing save comfort right now. He wanted to say that everything would work out, but he couldn't promise that. He wanted to say that no one could hurt her. He wanted to give her some kind of promise, some kind of guarantee that the pain that glowed in her beautiful eyes would disappear and not have to return. But he wasn't some naive kid. He knew how the world worked. Soujiro knew the pain well and knew that there was no way he could ever change what happened to her. But still...he was surprised by the depth of his desire to protect her. He wanted to protect her more then he wanted to draw breath. She had saved his life, took him in, showed him more kindness then anyone in his entire life. And seeing her in pain was unacceptable.
"Soujiro." The only time he loved his name was when she said it. Her voice was soft and unsure, still broken from crying. Her eyes welled again, threatening to spill over. And suddenly, she pushed herself forward from the wall and wrapped her arms around his waist. The force nearly caused him to fall over, but he reflexes were still share and he kept his balance.
"Akio...what are..." He stopped speaking when she started sobbing into his chest. There was a faint pain in his side from the added wait on him, but he ignored it. Soujiro was scared, a little. She was also shocked. No one had ever embraced him before. He had never been in the position to comfort another. But she was so cold and so small. She was shaking and clinging on to him like he was all that kept her from breaking into a million pieces. Soujiro finished his hesitation; he wrapped his good arm around her back and kept his other arm out to steady them.
After a while, her crying stopped, but she still held on to him. "I'm sorry," she said softly. Her voice was still muffled against his chest, her face hidden from him by the fall of her hair. "I'm sorry that I'm so weak."
"You aren't weak Akio," he spoke just as softly. "You are far from weak." He paused, searching for something to tell her. But other words, words that rang in his head floated to his lips. An old motto that he had once lived by, but no longer. Those words were false, and they wouldn't help the girl in his arms. "Everyone has moments they aren't proud of."
"More like, everyone has a dark past," she whispered back. Soujiro froze. Why had she said that? Was she implying something, something about him?
"What do you mean Akio?" he asked, pulling back just enough so that he could see her face. She looked up at him with level green eyes, even if they were red from her crying. She looked sad, and still so tired.
"Will you tell me?" she asked quietly. "Will you tell me what happened that haunts your dreams?" He was shocked. One minute she was crying and scared, now she wanted to talk about his past? "You don't have to," she continued, sensing his unease and worry. "I know that you don't want to, or you don't trust me. But I hear you speak in your sleep sometimes. I heard you cry." Soujiro wanted to shrink back, wanted to get away from her before something happened he'd regret. "I wanted to ask, but I thought you'd tell me if you wanted to. And if you didn't, I could live with that. But then...then I told you so much about me. So much I shouldn't have." She pulled away suddenly, quickly pushing herself back into her corner.
Her knuckles darted out, wiping the moisture from her face. "You sounded so lost when you dreamed, and your eyes are always so haunted. Did you know that they change color?" He simply looked at her, eyes wide and a little fearful. Akio couldn't explain why she kept talking. She needed to make him think about something else despite her behavior. How she hated herself just then, for throwing herself on him. She probably hurt him! She was just the most horrible thing alive. So she huddled in her corner, just talking away about how she had watched him sleep all those hours over the last few days.
"They're dark brown most of the time, but when you're angry or sad, they turn gray. I noticed that when I woke you up this morning. They were so gray they looked blue, but then faded back to brown. And right now, they're turning gray. I must be making you very angry with me."
"No, you aren't," he whispered. "I'm not angry...I'm just..."
"Would you tell me?" she asked again. She moved closer, on all fours like a child. It was like she hadn't just been in his arms a moment ago, now she was fearful of getting too close. "I really need to know. Why don't you look at me like they do?" Soujiro blinked, totally floored now. Was this what she was worried about? This was why she was so scared? "Why don't you think I'm disgusting or low? Why didn't you push me away when I touched you? Why do you look at me like you're the bad one? Why are you afraid of 'me'?" All these questions fell on him like a ton of bricks.
Soujiro gave up his hold on the wall, he just let his legs collapse under him and he sat hard on the floor, cradling his side for all of a second, but the pain was far from his mind. Now all he could see was the memories of his past and the face of this girl, looking at him with more tears in her emerald eyes. Akio inched closer and closer until she was only centimeters from him. She could hear the beating of his heart. He was panting slightly, as if he had just run a mile. His eyes were graying fast now, and she was afraid.
"Don't fall Soujiro," she whispered, reaching out a hand to brush the hair from his face. "Don't fall so fast." He flinched at the contact, pulling away and then looking up at her. Akio jerked back about a foot, as if she had been slapped or burned.
"I've been falling my whole life," he said, almost desperately. "But I hit the bottom two years ago. For two years, Akio, I have been pulling myself out of hell. I can't tell you what happened. You are the only person I have ever met who has treated me like you do. The only person who has gone out of their way to help me like you have. If I tell you everything, you'll hate me." He needed her to understand, it wasn't some idle inconvenience, he sincerely needed her to know that what happened was too dark to forgive. He couldn't even ask her to try.
"No matter what you have done, no matter what Soujiro, I could never hate you." Her voice was sincere and it only bit deeper into his soul, causing all the pain to come burning to the surface. Why did she have to be so understanding? So forgiving before she even knew the crime. "We all have darkness in our past. But the past is done. No one can change what has happened, they can only learn from it and move on."
"But the past haunts me," he said bitterly, looking away from her face. "I can't ever find peace in this world, not with the weight I carry. You don't know the things I've seen. The things I've 'done'." Unintentional tears formed in his eyes, trailing slowly down the side of his face. The years of pain surfaced on him like a fresh wound. But the breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened when he felt Akio slip her arms around him again. His entire body tensed.
"Tell me," she said, laying her cheek against his chest, just above his heart. She was careful not to hurt him as she embraced him again. Akio blushed faintly at her actions, but she wouldn't pull away. She couldn't. "I want to know. Please tell me Soujiro."
Soujiro let out a few shaky breaths. What was she doing to him? Why couldn't he push her away? Why couldn't he just walk away, like he had so many times before. Why...just why? He didn't have the answers, all he had was the girl. She was warm now, but still small, once again in his arms. She pressed herself against him, holding on to him, giving the comfort to him that he had given to her. He felt more tears slide from his eyes. Akio. The name was branded in his mind, it sang to his soul. Akio. Everything he had never had, was never good enough for, never thought he needed. He knew then, feeling her heart beat in the same rhythm as his own. Seta Soujiro, once known as the Tenken, once a member of the Jupongatona under the mighty Lord Shishio, was in love. It didn't even matter that he didn't deserve her, didn't deserve this moment of happiness. It just reminded him of the old phrase about how women often love men unworthy of them. (Women are just like that.)
He wrapped both his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, leaning his head down to rest his forehead against her hair. How he had needed this. A reason to live, a person to protect, someone to love. And even if his fears were realized and once he told her everything she still flinched away, hated the sight of him, he would carry this girl in his heart for the rest of his life.
"It all begins with my family," he began slowly. They sat there like that for hours, Soujiro holding Akio in his arms as he told her everything. He began from his abusive life with the Seta family and how Shishio had first entered his life. He told her about how he had murdered each member of his family because they would have killed him if he had not. And how because of that action, he had locked away every feeling in his heart for ten years. Soujiro spoke softly, crying silent tears the entire time as he whispered to her about the horrors he had committed as the Tenken, as a member of the Jupongatana, at the right hand of Makoto Shishio. And then, he told her about the plan to take over Japan and destroy the Meiji and the interference of the man once known as Battousai the Manslayer. He told her all about the duel that had changed his life forever and made him choose the life of a wanderer for two years. His quest for answers, to understand the reason for all things that happened to him in his life. The real reasons.
"And over the past two years, I've tried to live the way Mr. Himura told me. I try to help people with the skill of my sword instead of hurting them. Whenever I see someone in need, I help them with what I can. It's hard and it's not very rewarding. I'm often cold and hungry, penniless and alone, but with every person I save, a little bit of the pain I feel goes away. I know I will never save enough people to wash the blood from my hands, Akio. The pain I have caused to others will never fully go away, but I try to be a better person then I was. I really try."
"I know you do Soujiro," she whispered, the first words spoken since he began.
"So now you know everything. My past and my present." He sighed, waiting for her to pull away, waiting for her to politely smile. Waiting to see the barely masked fear in her eyes. But she didn't pull away, in fact, she snuggled closer to him. Her arms tighten around his waist.
"You expected me to run, didn't you?" she asked him, looking up to meet his eyes.
"Well, yes, I guess I did," he admitted with a smile. Akio smiled back, and it was real. There was no fear in her eyes. There was only compassion and understanding.
"Taking the life of another person is never easy," she said quietly. "I too, have blood on my hands. I may not have been like you." Akio sighed. "I will not lie Soujiro, I can not even begin to know how you feel with so much weight and pain on your shoulders. But the fact that you feel the pain, that you know the guilt, that says that you know that what you have done is wrong. The fact that you are trying to atone for it says that you are a good person. All I can do for you is say that I could never hate you for what you have done. We all have darkness in our pasts. I can forgive you of your past, if you can forgive me of mine."
"But there is nothing to forgive in your past Akio. You are a victim of the mistakes made by your parents. What happened has been out of your control."
Akio shook her head and smiled sadly. "I have made mistakes that I am not proud of. Decisions made in the mind of a desperate girl who so wanted the approval of a town that she took the lives of ten men on a quest to gain acceptance." He was confused, she felt it. "Last year, in the fall months, Renko Village was attacked by a group of government officials disguised as bandits. They wanted to punish our village for the continuation of our weapons making, even with all the laws passed by the government to outlaw swords and their carriers. They killed eleven of our people on their rampage to destroy the forges and weapons. I had been training nearby when I saw it. I never even hesitated, I just...killed them all." Soujiro tensed, looking down at her with shock. "The villagers feared me then. Before they just ignored me like I was nothing, but now they know that I am dangerous, so they fear me."
"Is that why no one is allowed on the mountain?" he asked, thinking about the guardians.
"Yes. Since then, no one has been allowed into Renko Village. And that is why, the village will eventually die." They remained silent for a time, still holding each other in the midst of these emotional waves. Confessions are hard business.
"Come on," Akio said quietly, leaning away and getting to her feet. She offered him a hand to get up. "I have to change your bandages, and I'm tired." Soujiro nodded and got up.
End of chapter 7. Okay, some of you might think that I'm making them fall in love too fast. Fact of the matter is that I'm trying to portray Akio and Soujiro as victims of what I lovingly refer to as 'first sight melodramatics' or, as you young folks like to say, love at first sight. They fall fast, hard, and deep. Thus starting off my saga, muhahahah! Yes well, don't expect it to be an easy ride though. I am a romantic, yes, but I will quote Shakespeare in 'the course of true love never did run smooth'. All of my love stories are quirky, unlikely, and full of hardships. But I'm a sucker for a happy ending. *wistful sigh* Oh, and for all you Ryu sympathizers, don't get too attached to him! His true colors will be shown soon enough. *evil grin* Okay, please remember to review! I love you guys like Ramen and chocolate! Or even better, chocolate covered Ramen…*drools* Oh, Shout outs!
Brittany67: So do I! I'm really happy that you like my story! LOL. I hope you'll continue reading and reviewing because I sure do like it when everyone does!
pruningshears: I live on Ramen as well, but by choice. Hehe, yes, nothing beats an emotionally scarred teen or a half-demon with a sword! And yes, we all find ourselves in a situation like Akio's, didn't cha know? I'm posting this because my beat hasn't sent me Chapter 12 of Sac or chapter 3 of TB yet. I'm waiting for her to get them to me, so I post this in the meantime. Hope you like the fluff of it. And to your theory, I'll have to deny it. I love Aoshi, he's prolly my favorite Kenshin character after Soujiro, but he's not old enough. Nope, the mystery shall be revealed eventually. I doubt any of you will figure it out! Muhahahaha!
Okay ya'll, please remember to review! Love and Peace!
~~Jesse the Wolf Demon~~