Standard Disclaimers Apply. Not mine to begin with, but definitely fun to get creative on. Inuyasha owned by Rumiko Takahashi.
Bad Disguise
By Ushuaia
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Chapter One
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"Where are we really going?' Inuyasha asked for a hundredth time.
"We're almost there," Miroku replied, also for a hundredth time.
Two men walking down a narrow path to somewhere: one is a hanyou---Inuyasha---and a rather lecherous Buddhist monk---Miroku. The latter gaily enjoys the wonderful view that the path is giving him, contrary to his friend who is following behind him, with his arms underneath his red gi; his eyes diverted to anywhere but the fine sights. Inuyasha mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath.
They reached the highest part of the hill and Miroku used his right hand as a visor, shielding his eyes from the bright rays of the morning sun. "Here we are."
Inuyasha straightened his gaze to the town just ahead. "Finally."
The bushes at the side of the path started to thicken as they continued. The ones outside the gate is like a man's face, whose thick, messy beard almost covering up his face. The bushes almost occupied the main gate if it hadn't shown any signs of care and concern.
Inuyasha heard a footstep and looked behind. A feeble traveler--a kilometer away--is walking towards the path he and Miroku are on. His first idea was that he is a spy. But considering that he looks like…like…a feeble traveler, he threw away the thought.
No one could blame him for being too careful about strangers, suspecting them as they come and go ("Paranoia," as Kagome putted it). Especially since the Shikon no Tama's Mistress has come back as a reincarnation, and with his Tetsusaiga that his brother obsesses about, monsters of all sorts came towards them like meat thrown in a lion's cage.
And there's Naraku and his minions--one circumstance he would like to forget once, especially when Kagome pointed out that everyone should have a day-off from everything…whatever that means. "Another useless idea from future Japan."
And that day-off was today.
Inuyasha was lost in his own thoughts that he slammed right on the pack that was slung over Miroku's back. He didn't notice that he stopped abruptly in the middle of the road.
"What is it now?" Inuyasha complained.
Miroku pointed something ahead of them. "Look."
Inuyasha squinted his eyes as if it was too far away from him. "They are just two farmers who came out from the gate. What's so special about that?"
Miroku didn't answer. Instead, he looked sideways, as if someone would find him with a demon (as if), then pulled Inuyasha into the thick bushes at the side of the road.
Inuyasha's mouth opened to burst out a complaint, but Miroku shoved a handful of greens into his mouth to shut him up. They heard the two men pass by, one muttering "did you just saw two people standing around here." But they didn't hear his companion's reply. The footsteps faded, and then, there was silence.
The hanyou spat out leaves, twigs, and things not meant to be eaten. He glowered at Miroku, "Why the hell did you do THAT?"
"That town is very superstitious, thus I think seeing a creature such as yourself would only prevent us to coming into that town," he said.
"I don't care what they think and I am immune from their stares," Inuyasha countered. "I have been to so many towns and I didn't act any differently on any of them. Why does THIS should be different?"
Miroku put his hand on his chin, as in thinking. Then he decides to tell him the truth. "Okay, okay…we don't want to scare people off---or welcomed with pitchforks and such throwing at us----especially if there's a shard in that town."
Shard? Shikon no Kakeru? "WHAT?"
"I have ordered tanuki* to search for Naraku, but instead told me about this little town last night. What so special about it is that there's a demon in that town and she's holding a shard."
"So all we have to do is to vanquish her, get the shard, and get the hell out of there," the hanyou sufficed. "But why all the trouble? Why leave the girls behind? And why do we have to hide in the bushes?"
"According to tanuki*," Miroku added, "the woman can also change her appearance, like Naraku. You don't want Kagome experience what you and Kikyo had gone through fifty years ago, would you?"
Inuyasha's eyes shifted downwards, lost in thought as soon as he heard her name. Anger shifted inside him, and he didn't know what will happen if history repeats itself. Especially to Kagome.
"See what I mean?" Miroku said, noticing the reaction Inuyasha gave. "That's why I don't want any of the girls into this. And it will be much convenient."
"I should go there by myself, then," with that he stood up. Miroku tried to stop him but it was too late. The feeble traveler who was once a kilometer away was standing on the path right beside Inuyasha. And much to his astonishment, the feeble traveler---which he kept referring to as a 'he'---turned out as a woman carrying a bag of radishes on her back. Upon seeing Inuyasha---his ears and all---she gave a loud scream.
"Wait! Don't scream! It's not what you thin---" but before he could finish, a heavy radish went coming down on his head as the she made attempts on protecting herself.
Miroku immediately stood up, pulled him away from the scene and both of them ran farther into the woods. "I told you so. Here---" he pulled out something from his pack and handed Inuyasha something heavy and wrapped in beautiful rice paper. "Wear this, and we can go safely into that town and get that jewel."
"Sure. But what is this that you gave me?"
He should have known better than to trust Miroku at these things.
Now he looked very silly. And how the men are looking at them like that. It was like…like…a big juicy cake to a thousand of hungry ants. It makes his stomach squirm and his face red with embarrassment. His only consolation now is Kagome's not being here, lest she'll be laughing so hard she'll roll off to the floor.
Miroku kept smiling as they walked on, all eyes on them. He kept telling Inuyasha not to mind them, but instead, "savor the attention you're getting." He felt disgusted at the thought.
Savor? Ha! Kiss your own ass, you dimwit! After I get the shard, I'll make you sorry that you wished that your impending death will come to you as fast as it could.
And it couldn't get worse. Right?
Finally, they stopped. Inuyasha adjusted his yukata and tried to look as woman-ly as possible. A hundred curses still ran in his ahead for letting Miroku talked him into posing as a woman.
"Besides, you make a beautiful female, Inuyasha. Men will drool at you," he remembers saying that earlier. Again, he felt disgust all over his system.
Miroku, also clad in a black kimono, with a green dragon encircling the hem of the skirt, knocked the door using his left hand twice.
His right hand---his cursed hand---lay hidden under the kimono sleeve. He looked at Inuyasha, wearing a red yukata, with yellow flowers outlining the sleeves and the skirt, with clouds hovering around at the midchest. His white hair (to Miroku's own opinion, is a very good asset to his 'beauty,' and will surely attract attention from men) is raised in a bun and decorated with a black ivory comb. His ear painfully tucked under the bun (unfortunate hanyou). It's a good thing that his hair is long. Fixing it in a bun wasn't hard. Miroku had brought himself a wig, and that is placed neatly on his head.
A few moments later, one of the double doors opened, and a girl---no older than twelve (too young to be proposed to)---appeared. She was wearing a simple yukata---appropriate attire for a maid.
"How may I help you?"
Switching Miroku's voice to a high pitched one, he replied, "Uhm…we're here to see Mrs. Niki Oda."
The girl scrutinized both of them, as if something was amiss. Then she turned to Inuyasha and glared at him intently. Inuyasha returned the favor, scowling at her. The girl was taken aback. "You may come in. You are expected."
The door opened wide enough for them to enter. "Expected?" Inuyasha whispered as they followed the girl into the receiving room.
"I had made some arrangements weeks ago," Miroku said.
"So you mean that the witch is expecting us to steal the shard?"
"I am not stupid, you know." Miroku replied sarcastically. They were led into one of the rooms and both of them sat down on the cushions that were prepared for their arrival. The girl bowed, "Oda-san has some visitors in the other room. Shall I bring you tea while you wait?"
Miroku, with finesse of a woman, waved his hand in dismissal. "No, thank you."
The door closed. As soon as Inuyasha sensed that it is clear, he started berating Miroku with questions. "And where did you learn to do THAT?"
Miroku clamped Inuyasha's loud mouth, forgotting finesse and all. "Shh! Don't talk so loud!" He sat down on his seat.
"Answer my question."
"Where did I learn to do what? You mean when I wave my hand to the little girl?"
"Not only that. You acted as if you ARE a woman!"
Miroku let out a chuckle. "Have you forgotten? I am surrounded with women. I watched them, analyzed them, and imitated them."
"How convenient," Inuyasha muttered, giving Miroku a sarcastic look. "And did you try to TOUCH them as well?"
"Not quite. Why? Are you jealous that I am capable of pleasing myself while you do not?"
Inuyasha stood up and glowered at Miroku in accusation. "Did you DO something to Sango? To KAGOME?!" Too bad he had to leave his Tetsusaiga behind. Miroku said that it will be inappropriate, especially on the role they are about to play. He would dearly love to teach the pervert a thing or two about manners.
The monk raised his hands in defense. "No! Even though I've tried to, but---"
WHACK!
Inuyasha shifted back in his seat. Miroku has to fix his wig again and hide a growing bump underneath.
The room stayed quiet for a long time. They could hear women's giggles from a room not far from them. That should be Niki Oda and her guests. Inuyasha wonders how long should he stay like this, kneeling on the floor.
"Miroku?"
"Hmm?"
"I think my legs are dying on me." With that, he tried to stand up and try to shift into a seating position, but collapsed. His legs are as wobbly as jelly.
"You should have practiced, Inuyasha," Miroku pointed, still in his kneeling position and without any sign of uneasiness.
The hanyou grumbled. He went back to his usual cross-legged sitting position. Miroku warned him about the kimono, that if he ruined it in some other way, he'll pay for it.
But Inuyasha didn't care. And both of them again waited for a long time.
"I think we should go," Inuyasha suggested as half an hour passed on them. "I don't think this Niki Oda. And I don't think she remembered that she has other visitors to attend to."
Miroku stood up. "Or maybe we ought to start to search the okiya for the shard ourselves."
Inuyasha blinked. "O-okiya?"
The perverted monk stared down at him, "Yes, okiya. Why? Where do you think we are now?"
His fists as hard as rock, Inuyasha bellowed, "NANI?"
(If you, the one who is reading this fanfic, doesn't have any idea what an okiya is, I'll tell you. Okiya is where geishas----they are artists, not prostitutes, but stereotyped as such---lived.)
Miroku brought him down, two of his hands clamping tight around his mouth. "Didn't I told you not to raise your voice?"
Inuyasha pulled Miroku's hand away. "I'm not surprised if YOU are doing this. But I can't believe that you let ME tag along with you. To think that this place----this place---"
"---is filled with beautiful women," Miroku finished, with a dreamy look on his face. "I think you should know more about women, so you and Kagome wouldn't do something together such as fighting and screaming." He let Inuyasha go.
He sat up. "I'm just glad Kagome didn't go. Or else, she'll laugh at the mistake I made."
"What do you think they are doing now?" Miroku asked, referring to Kagome, Shippo and Sango.
They left their campsite after breakfast. Kagome asked Inuyasha why they are leaving early, and by themselves, and without her, Sango and Shippo. Of course, his answer was no, for he didn't really know what Miroku had in mind then. He just dragged Inuyasha towards this town.
Inuyasha was reluctant to go at first, leaving the girls behind without anyone to protect them. But Kagome said that they are going to be all right. After all, they are not just any ladies most men would say as 'weaklings.' Sango has her Hiraikotsu, Kagome is getting very good at shooting arrows, and there's Shippo on their side. Even though the koukitsune is just a child and his powers are not really as strong as they are, he have a few tricks under his sleeve that saves them on the last minute. Come to think of it, he pulls out the tricks right on the last minute. (A.N: Hmm…)
"And besides, we are also going to visit a friend. A girl's thing," Kagome assured him.
Back to their present situation, Inuyasha decided to answer Miroku's question. "Probably having tea with their friend." Inuyasha stood up and straightened his kimono. Miroku watched him as he opened the door in the gesture of going out. Inuyasha looked at him, "Well…aren't you going?"
"Huh?"
"Shard-hunting," Inuyasha supplied. "If I feel any presence of a youkai, we'll follow it and for sure the shard is with her."
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tsu du ku...
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Author's notes: This is the longest part of this fanfic. I was hoping to finish it in one chapter, but it got too long.
Funny how I imagine them as women.
*tanuki means racoon. I haven't watched any Inuyasha series in Japanese so I don't know his name is. Then, I watched Inuyasha the Movie and found out that the tanuki DOESN'T HAVE a name. So I stick to just 'tanuki.' Any corrections?
Bad Disguise
By Ushuaia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter One
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Where are we really going?' Inuyasha asked for a hundredth time.
"We're almost there," Miroku replied, also for a hundredth time.
Two men walking down a narrow path to somewhere: one is a hanyou---Inuyasha---and a rather lecherous Buddhist monk---Miroku. The latter gaily enjoys the wonderful view that the path is giving him, contrary to his friend who is following behind him, with his arms underneath his red gi; his eyes diverted to anywhere but the fine sights. Inuyasha mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath.
They reached the highest part of the hill and Miroku used his right hand as a visor, shielding his eyes from the bright rays of the morning sun. "Here we are."
Inuyasha straightened his gaze to the town just ahead. "Finally."
The bushes at the side of the path started to thicken as they continued. The ones outside the gate is like a man's face, whose thick, messy beard almost covering up his face. The bushes almost occupied the main gate if it hadn't shown any signs of care and concern.
Inuyasha heard a footstep and looked behind. A feeble traveler--a kilometer away--is walking towards the path he and Miroku are on. His first idea was that he is a spy. But considering that he looks like…like…a feeble traveler, he threw away the thought.
No one could blame him for being too careful about strangers, suspecting them as they come and go ("Paranoia," as Kagome putted it). Especially since the Shikon no Tama's Mistress has come back as a reincarnation, and with his Tetsusaiga that his brother obsesses about, monsters of all sorts came towards them like meat thrown in a lion's cage.
And there's Naraku and his minions--one circumstance he would like to forget once, especially when Kagome pointed out that everyone should have a day-off from everything…whatever that means. "Another useless idea from future Japan."
And that day-off was today.
Inuyasha was lost in his own thoughts that he slammed right on the pack that was slung over Miroku's back. He didn't notice that he stopped abruptly in the middle of the road.
"What is it now?" Inuyasha complained.
Miroku pointed something ahead of them. "Look."
Inuyasha squinted his eyes as if it was too far away from him. "They are just two farmers who came out from the gate. What's so special about that?"
Miroku didn't answer. Instead, he looked sideways, as if someone would find him with a demon (as if), then pulled Inuyasha into the thick bushes at the side of the road.
Inuyasha's mouth opened to burst out a complaint, but Miroku shoved a handful of greens into his mouth to shut him up. They heard the two men pass by, one muttering "did you just saw two people standing around here." But they didn't hear his companion's reply. The footsteps faded, and then, there was silence.
The hanyou spat out leaves, twigs, and things not meant to be eaten. He glowered at Miroku, "Why the hell did you do THAT?"
"That town is very superstitious, thus I think seeing a creature such as yourself would only prevent us to coming into that town," he said.
"I don't care what they think and I am immune from their stares," Inuyasha countered. "I have been to so many towns and I didn't act any differently on any of them. Why does THIS should be different?"
Miroku put his hand on his chin, as in thinking. Then he decides to tell him the truth. "Okay, okay…we don't want to scare people off---or welcomed with pitchforks and such throwing at us----especially if there's a shard in that town."
Shard? Shikon no Kakeru? "WHAT?"
"I have ordered tanuki* to search for Naraku, but instead told me about this little town last night. What so special about it is that there's a demon in that town and she's holding a shard."
"So all we have to do is to vanquish her, get the shard, and get the hell out of there," the hanyou sufficed. "But why all the trouble? Why leave the girls behind? And why do we have to hide in the bushes?"
"According to tanuki*," Miroku added, "the woman can also change her appearance, like Naraku. You don't want Kagome experience what you and Kikyo had gone through fifty years ago, would you?"
Inuyasha's eyes shifted downwards, lost in thought as soon as he heard her name. Anger shifted inside him, and he didn't know what will happen if history repeats itself. Especially to Kagome.
"See what I mean?" Miroku said, noticing the reaction Inuyasha gave. "That's why I don't want any of the girls into this. And it will be much convenient."
"I should go there by myself, then," with that he stood up. Miroku tried to stop him but it was too late. The feeble traveler who was once a kilometer away was standing on the path right beside Inuyasha. And much to his astonishment, the feeble traveler---which he kept referring to as a 'he'---turned out as a woman carrying a bag of radishes on her back. Upon seeing Inuyasha---his ears and all---she gave a loud scream.
"Wait! Don't scream! It's not what you thin---" but before he could finish, a heavy radish went coming down on his head as the she made attempts on protecting herself.
Miroku immediately stood up, pulled him away from the scene and both of them ran farther into the woods. "I told you so. Here---" he pulled out something from his pack and handed Inuyasha something heavy and wrapped in beautiful rice paper. "Wear this, and we can go safely into that town and get that jewel."
"Sure. But what is this that you gave me?"
He should have known better than to trust Miroku at these things.
Now he looked very silly. And how the men are looking at them like that. It was like…like…a big juicy cake to a thousand of hungry ants. It makes his stomach squirm and his face red with embarrassment. His only consolation now is Kagome's not being here, lest she'll be laughing so hard she'll roll off to the floor.
Miroku kept smiling as they walked on, all eyes on them. He kept telling Inuyasha not to mind them, but instead, "savor the attention you're getting." He felt disgusted at the thought.
Savor? Ha! Kiss your own ass, you dimwit! After I get the shard, I'll make you sorry that you wished that your impending death will come to you as fast as it could.
And it couldn't get worse. Right?
Finally, they stopped. Inuyasha adjusted his yukata and tried to look as woman-ly as possible. A hundred curses still ran in his ahead for letting Miroku talked him into posing as a woman.
"Besides, you make a beautiful female, Inuyasha. Men will drool at you," he remembers saying that earlier. Again, he felt disgust all over his system.
Miroku, also clad in a black kimono, with a green dragon encircling the hem of the skirt, knocked the door using his left hand twice.
His right hand---his cursed hand---lay hidden under the kimono sleeve. He looked at Inuyasha, wearing a red yukata, with yellow flowers outlining the sleeves and the skirt, with clouds hovering around at the midchest. His white hair (to Miroku's own opinion, is a very good asset to his 'beauty,' and will surely attract attention from men) is raised in a bun and decorated with a black ivory comb. His ear painfully tucked under the bun (unfortunate hanyou). It's a good thing that his hair is long. Fixing it in a bun wasn't hard. Miroku had brought himself a wig, and that is placed neatly on his head.
A few moments later, one of the double doors opened, and a girl---no older than twelve (too young to be proposed to)---appeared. She was wearing a simple yukata---appropriate attire for a maid.
"How may I help you?"
Switching Miroku's voice to a high pitched one, he replied, "Uhm…we're here to see Mrs. Niki Oda."
The girl scrutinized both of them, as if something was amiss. Then she turned to Inuyasha and glared at him intently. Inuyasha returned the favor, scowling at her. The girl was taken aback. "You may come in. You are expected."
The door opened wide enough for them to enter. "Expected?" Inuyasha whispered as they followed the girl into the receiving room.
"I had made some arrangements weeks ago," Miroku said.
"So you mean that the witch is expecting us to steal the shard?"
"I am not stupid, you know." Miroku replied sarcastically. They were led into one of the rooms and both of them sat down on the cushions that were prepared for their arrival. The girl bowed, "Oda-san has some visitors in the other room. Shall I bring you tea while you wait?"
Miroku, with finesse of a woman, waved his hand in dismissal. "No, thank you."
The door closed. As soon as Inuyasha sensed that it is clear, he started berating Miroku with questions. "And where did you learn to do THAT?"
Miroku clamped Inuyasha's loud mouth, forgotting finesse and all. "Shh! Don't talk so loud!" He sat down on his seat.
"Answer my question."
"Where did I learn to do what? You mean when I wave my hand to the little girl?"
"Not only that. You acted as if you ARE a woman!"
Miroku let out a chuckle. "Have you forgotten? I am surrounded with women. I watched them, analyzed them, and imitated them."
"How convenient," Inuyasha muttered, giving Miroku a sarcastic look. "And did you try to TOUCH them as well?"
"Not quite. Why? Are you jealous that I am capable of pleasing myself while you do not?"
Inuyasha stood up and glowered at Miroku in accusation. "Did you DO something to Sango? To KAGOME?!" Too bad he had to leave his Tetsusaiga behind. Miroku said that it will be inappropriate, especially on the role they are about to play. He would dearly love to teach the pervert a thing or two about manners.
The monk raised his hands in defense. "No! Even though I've tried to, but---"
WHACK!
Inuyasha shifted back in his seat. Miroku has to fix his wig again and hide a growing bump underneath.
The room stayed quiet for a long time. They could hear women's giggles from a room not far from them. That should be Niki Oda and her guests. Inuyasha wonders how long should he stay like this, kneeling on the floor.
"Miroku?"
"Hmm?"
"I think my legs are dying on me." With that, he tried to stand up and try to shift into a seating position, but collapsed. His legs are as wobbly as jelly.
"You should have practiced, Inuyasha," Miroku pointed, still in his kneeling position and without any sign of uneasiness.
The hanyou grumbled. He went back to his usual cross-legged sitting position. Miroku warned him about the kimono, that if he ruined it in some other way, he'll pay for it.
But Inuyasha didn't care. And both of them again waited for a long time.
"I think we should go," Inuyasha suggested as half an hour passed on them. "I don't think this Niki Oda. And I don't think she remembered that she has other visitors to attend to."
Miroku stood up. "Or maybe we ought to start to search the okiya for the shard ourselves."
Inuyasha blinked. "O-okiya?"
The perverted monk stared down at him, "Yes, okiya. Why? Where do you think we are now?"
His fists as hard as rock, Inuyasha bellowed, "NANI?"
(If you, the one who is reading this fanfic, doesn't have any idea what an okiya is, I'll tell you. Okiya is where geishas----they are artists, not prostitutes, but stereotyped as such---lived.)
Miroku brought him down, two of his hands clamping tight around his mouth. "Didn't I told you not to raise your voice?"
Inuyasha pulled Miroku's hand away. "I'm not surprised if YOU are doing this. But I can't believe that you let ME tag along with you. To think that this place----this place---"
"---is filled with beautiful women," Miroku finished, with a dreamy look on his face. "I think you should know more about women, so you and Kagome wouldn't do something together such as fighting and screaming." He let Inuyasha go.
He sat up. "I'm just glad Kagome didn't go. Or else, she'll laugh at the mistake I made."
"What do you think they are doing now?" Miroku asked, referring to Kagome, Shippo and Sango.
They left their campsite after breakfast. Kagome asked Inuyasha why they are leaving early, and by themselves, and without her, Sango and Shippo. Of course, his answer was no, for he didn't really know what Miroku had in mind then. He just dragged Inuyasha towards this town.
Inuyasha was reluctant to go at first, leaving the girls behind without anyone to protect them. But Kagome said that they are going to be all right. After all, they are not just any ladies most men would say as 'weaklings.' Sango has her Hiraikotsu, Kagome is getting very good at shooting arrows, and there's Shippo on their side. Even though the koukitsune is just a child and his powers are not really as strong as they are, he have a few tricks under his sleeve that saves them on the last minute. Come to think of it, he pulls out the tricks right on the last minute. (A.N: Hmm…)
"And besides, we are also going to visit a friend. A girl's thing," Kagome assured him.
Back to their present situation, Inuyasha decided to answer Miroku's question. "Probably having tea with their friend." Inuyasha stood up and straightened his kimono. Miroku watched him as he opened the door in the gesture of going out. Inuyasha looked at him, "Well…aren't you going?"
"Huh?"
"Shard-hunting," Inuyasha supplied. "If I feel any presence of a youkai, we'll follow it and for sure the shard is with her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
tsu du ku...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's notes: This is the longest part of this fanfic. I was hoping to finish it in one chapter, but it got too long.
Funny how I imagine them as women.
*tanuki means racoon. I haven't watched any Inuyasha series in Japanese so I don't know his name is. Then, I watched Inuyasha the Movie and found out that the tanuki DOESN'T HAVE a name. So I stick to just 'tanuki.' Any corrections?