Disclaimer: In no way am I affiliated with Dawson's Creek. This story is for entertainment purposes only. No profit will be made. (Maybe I should find a more profitable hobby).

Notes: This is a series of entries in Amy's diary. She is fifteen and everyone else is about forty. The main basis of the story is how Amy will deal with all the angst that comes with being fifteen along with issues about having an unconventional family, dealing with issues about her real father, and trying to cope with the absence of her mother. The first chapter is an introductory chapter. The title Amy Explains It All pretty much says everything. Each following chapter will center around one person: Pacey, Doug, Grams, Joey, Andie, Audrey, Dawson, and Jack.

Rating: PG-13

The Diary Of Amy Lindley

Chapter One

Amy Explains It All

My friends like to joke that spending time at my house is like being on the set of My Two Dads. If you don't know, My Two Dads is like, this ancient television comedy where something happens to this teenage girl's mother and she has to live with her dad. The problem is one of two men could be her father. (I suppose this was before the days of DNA). Anyway the two men are total opposites and as they all live together wackiness ensues. Yeah, that does about sum up my home life.

My first "Dad", Jack McPhee was my mother's best friend. He says soul mate but I think that word is a little hokey. Anyway when my mother passed away (I was just a baby) she gave him guardianship of me. He wasn't alone though; he had my Grams, actually great grandmother, and his then boyfriend now husband, Doug, to help him. More about them later.

I call Jack, JaJa. It goes back to when my mom was still alive. I guess I had a hard time saying Jack so I just called him JaJa. Even though I don't call him dad' that is how I think of him. He does all the fatherly stuff that any teenage girl could expect. He tells me if my skirt is too short, he tells me if he thinks a friend is a bad influence, and he loves me and supports me in a million different ways that I probably don't even know about.

We're fighting more now than we ever have before and I know that we both hate it. But it's so hard sometimes. For starters he's a teacher at my school. It seems like wherever I go or whatever I do he knows about it. If I skip third period he knows all about it by the time fourth period rolls around. JaJa knew about the time that C.J. Elliot broke up with me at the Winter Dance in front of everyone.

He actually saw it happen, he was a chaperone. I mean how many other girls can say that their father has seen a guy tell them that their relationship was over. I felt like a fool. Not just because C.J. broke up with me, but because I was planning on sleeping with him that night after the dance. He was my first boyfriend, only actually, and I knew that we were drifting apart. I knew that he had wanted to have sex but I just hadn't felt ready. So in a move that almost brought the feminist movement all the way back to the sixties I thought that if we slept together things might get better between us, you know we could repair what was wrong. I know, I know It was stupid.

Later that night when I was talking to Joey about it while nursing a pint of Ben and Jerry's she told me that all girls usually either consider, attempt, or actually sleep with someone for those same reasons. Sometimes a woman will end up doing all three. Joey said that isn't what my first time should be about. She said that I had all my life to sleep with the wrong men. When she said it she laughed, but there was a hard edge to her voice. Joey does that a lot, disguises things about herself with a joke or a depreciating comment. But I love her to death. I'm better friends with her than some of the people that I hang out with. I guess you could say that she's my best friend. But I was talking about my dad wasn't I? More about my mom's friends later, I promise. Much more.

Besides JaJa my other dad is Dougie. I call him Dougie because it almost sounds like daddy'. If I thought that I couldn't get away with anything having JaJa teaching English at my school then that rationale is multiplied tenfold when your other father is the town sheriff. I can't get away with shit. Dougie was the one that busted me and my friends when we were drinking at a senior party. (I wasn't even drunk; I had only had one drink the whole night). And Dougie was also the one that caught me skipping school that one time. (And I swear it really was only that one time).

But Dougie is great, he really is. He's an awesome cook. If it's just me and JaJa for dinner the truth is more often than not we have Captain Crunch. If Dougie is home it's a whole other story. He makes great comfort food like meatloaf and macaroni and cheese. It must be a genetic thing because his brother Pacey (another one of my mom's friends) has his own restaurant. His restaurant, the Ice House, has become a sort of teenage hangout. Not like there are a lot of places to hang out in Capeside. It is sort of like one of those home base hangouts that you see on teen shows. Cheep food, lots of kids, and a friendly owner to oversee the madness.

Then there's my Grams. If you want to get technical she's my great grandma. My real grandma is named Helen and lives in Europe. Anyway, Grams is ninety-one now. Sometimes I try to imagine living ninety-one years. I just can't. It seems like such a vast expanse of time. Almost immeasurable. She lived with us up until last year. Now she lives in a nursing home. Grams is a truly great lady. She would take me to Sunday school every week and tell me stories from the Bible before I went to bed every night. I wouldn't exactly say that I'm a religious person, but I amspiritual. I believe in God and I know that my mother is in heaven, right now I'm just not sure of all the details. When I was a child she would make me sundresses and taught me how to knit and crotchet (things she also taught my mom).

But last year she started to need a wheelchair to get around all of the time and her mind started slipping. I was devastated when she left but it turns out that she had arranged everything prior to her getting sick. Grams is like that. I visit her a few times a week and she goes to church every Sunday and comes back to our house for Sunday dinner. Those things are crazy. Joey puts on music and we all dance around the kitchen as we cook. (Cheesy, I know). There are children running everywhere and all of my mom's old friends laugh and tease each other about things that happened way before I was born. Then during the blessing Grams always says that she is thankful that being around young people that has kept her so young. I don't consider forty to be young but maybe it is when you are ninety-one.

But Grams is getting worse as time goes by. With her dementia, I mean. There are days when I go to see her and things are great. We talk about school and my friends. She is fine and will tell me stories about when my mom would come and visit her as a child. They would go to the Boston Zoo and Martha's Vineyard and to the ocean. She remembers the events so vividly that I can see myself there with them.

But more and more she has been having bad days. Sometimes when I come by she thinks that I am my mother. Honestly it is something that I find uncomfortable and fascinating at the same time. I listen as she says things like, "Jennifer we are out of Jack milk, could you please pick some up at the market on your way back from cheerleading practice. I know how you feel about being a cheerleader, but if you give it half a chance you may enjoy yourself." Then she will go into a world where she was a spirit girl and the moment is gone. Is it morbid for me to be so interested in that small glimpse into my mother's life?

Because a large part of me is interested in this phase of my mother's life. I'm the age now that she was when she came to Capeside. I know a lot of stories about my mother's high school years. All of her friends have told them to me and I've overheard them talking to each other about all of them back when they were young. But I know there is another part of her that no one really talks about. They will say, In the past she made a lot mistakes.' Or they will say. Before Jen came to Capeside she was headed down the wrong path.' No one really goes into it.

Audrey will tell me anything if I ask her but I hardly ever see her and I guess that by the time she knew my mom all she knew about her past was about as much as I do. Pacey will tell me a little bit about it. Mostly he enjoys telling me surprising stories about everyone else. When I asked Joey she said that in a way her and I were lucky. We never had a fight with our mothers about curfews or boys. We have never said we hated them or had to go through that inevitable period of rebellion and separation that most teenage girls go through. What she said was nice, but it didn't answer my question.

So there is this part of my mother's life that I always wonder about, that period when she was in New York and first moved to Capeside. I know that is why JaJa is so strict with me. He is afraid that I will make some of the same mistakes that she did. But how can I avoid her mistakes if I don't even know what they are?

From what I hear my mom and I are a lot alike. Physically I know it is true because I've seen the pictures and watched the videos thousands of times. We have the same hair and stature. My eyes are green though. My Auntie Andie once said that my real dad had green eyes. (Though I think the issue of my real father is best left for a later date).

The first time I went to C.J.'s house his father just kept looking at me. I thought he might not approve of my dad's. Finally after about a half-hour Mr. Elliot asked if I was related to Jen Lindley. Apparently he and my mom dated briefly when she was a sophomore and he was a senior. He had just recently moved back to Capeside and didn't know the whole story that by now the whole town knows. I had some conflicting emotions about this. First I thought it was weird that I was dating the son of someone that my mom had dated in high school. It was weird but in a strange way comforting. Like it made me closer to my mother. Secondly I was pleased and almost proud that Mr. Elliot recognized my mother and me.

When I asked JaJa about my mom and Cliff (Mr. Elliot) he said that he never connected it because he didn't know my mom then. JaJa told me that I would be better off asking Dawson or Joey about that. So I did and they said they had dated briefly and went to a victory dance and Dawson's Halloween party together. Somehow they started talking about blackouts and a psychotic older woman and a serial killer. They lost me at the part about the blackout. Then their youngest son came in crying that Pacey's daughter had beaten him up. I thought that was pretty funny considering Astrid is only half the size of Mikey. (I said it was funny, not untrue).

Oh, yeah, I was writing about my mother. Now that I'm the same age that she was in some of the videos I wonder about her more and more. When I see my mom and her friends laughing at the docks where everyone goes to get high now my curiosity is only heightened. Who is this girl that shyly ducks her head away from the camera one minute and is dancing and laughing in the water the next? I can be like that too. One minute I'm the life of the party and the next I just want to be by myself. Maybe that is just being a teenager. But JaJa says that I'm like her when I make little jokes or comments. He calls it being snarky.

Sorry, but I have to stop writing now. Pacey's here there's this sort of this ritual we have.

Bye for now,

Amy

To be continued. Chapter Two, Pacey-Amy Date Night.