To Feel Beloved.
Summary: Buffy Anne Summers feels lost without her best friend Willow Rosenberg Osbourne – who has died on birth – and searches for comfort in the only one she can rely on: Angel O'Connor.
Part One: Suffer
"I'm sorry Mr. Osbourne, Miss Summers, but Mrs. Osbourne didn't make it" I hear the OB say as she brings you the little premature baby of Willow and Oz. It's a little boy with Willow's red hair and Oz's light green eyes. Eyes that now are full of tears.
I can't believe she is actually dead. I mean, last night we were joking about Cordelia and Xander on-off relationship. It was only twenty four hours ago. She was only seven and a half months. Her baby wasn't supposed to be born for another a month and a half.
Cordelia and Xander show up. The brunette is a lot pale and she shakes lightly as she turns to Oz:
"It's... not true, right? I mean, nothing happened to her... She is alive and well?".
"Baby, hush..." Xander says softly as silent tears stream down his face. Willow's death smacked him as hard as it had smacked Oz and I – they had been friends since forever. Cordelia is now entangled to him crying hardly. When did the futile fashion lover that made prejudice jokes about Willow's taste for clothes become this sincere friend?
"She passed... giving birth to little guy here" Oz says softly. I can tell he is in shock. Faith, his sister, shows up and hugs him sweetly. She mumbles she is sorry and finally Oz cries.
I look around. Xander and Cordelia are crying together, held in each other's arms. Faith is consolling Oz. And I'm alone. Finally, Willow's death hits me full force and I run away from hospital.
I run around without path. All I can think is that I have no more best friend. Willow is gone, she passed away giving birth to her son. I'm so shocked. Who could tell she had a heart disease?
I don't know where to go. I'm feeling completely lost. Then, only one person shows up my mind: Angel O'Connor.
Angel is my former boyfriend. Actually, the truth is he is a great friend and, when we dated, we were more friends than lovers. He is the only one – besides Willow, that now is gone – I can cry on the shoulder. He would never judge me. I run to his place, and hope Darla and Drusilla – bitchy twin sisters Angel is having a affair with – are not there.
I arrive at Angel's building. The doorman asks me politely:
"Yes, miss?".
"Mr. Liam Angelus O'Connor, please?".
"Sure, miss".
"Uh... Is he alone?".
"Yes, miss. The twins didn't show up today" He answers as he dials a number on the intercom "Good night, Mr. O'Connor, here is Jack, and here is... Your name is, ma'am?".
"Summers. Buffy Anne Summers".
"Here down is Miss Summers, she wonders if she can go your apartment. Okay, Mr. O'Connor. Thank you. Goodnight" The doorman turns to face me "You can go upstairs, Miss Summers, he is waiting for you".
"Thank you".
"No, Miss, my deal".
I give him a small smile and catch a elevator. I press the 10th button and wait impatiently as the elevator slowly does its path to the tenth floor. As I arrive there is Angel with a huge towel, looking concerned, only on his boxers.
"Hey, sweetie, wassup?".
I cling into his body and cry desperately.
"Calm down, Buffy. Let's go inside. Dry yourself. I think Tara left some clothes here, you can dress them".
As I dry myself, Angel goes to Tara's spare bedroom – Tara is his younger sister, she is such a sweet. He comes back with some dry clothes and I walk to bathroom. As I'm in it, I yell:
"Can I take a hot shower?".
"Make yourself home" it's his reply. Unwilling, I have to smile. Typical. I take a quick shower, dry myself and dress the clothes he gave me a little ago – a loose short and a large t-shirt.
When I'm out the bathroom I smell a delicious scent and go to the kitchen. He is on the stove cooking something.
"What a wonderful smell" I say. He spins around and smiles to me:
"Hot soup to frozen chick" He says and I have to laugh. I sit at the table and he brings two deep plates for soup "Sweetie, what's going on? It's rainy outside. You're definitely not going out on the rain because of nothing".
I taste the soup. As good as it smells. After a few more spoons, I choke:
"It's Willow".
"What's wrong with her?".
"She is..." I don't know how to say that. Tears well up in my eyes "Oh, Angel, she is gone, she died tonight, while giving birth to her baby".
"What!?" I see his shocked face and start to cry, then he comes by my side and hug me tightly. I nearly melt into his embrace. I always feel so safe when he is hugging me "Come, honey, you can eat later".
"It's being so hard for me, Xander and mainly Oz, I mean, how is he going to raise their child? Oh, Angel, I'm so lonely, Xander had Cordelia to calm him down and Oz had his sister Faith. And I had no one. All I could think was that I needed someone and I only thought of you".
"I'm glad, dearest, that you chose me of all people on this hard moment. I know how you feel, I lost a friend also, you remember Doyle, the one dead on a car crash? I know how you're feeling".
I slowly make my way to his lap and cry into his shoulder. He keeps stroking my back in a very calming way. After crying a lot I slowly drift off to sleep in his arms.
The next day I wake up in Angel's kingsize bed, entangled into a hot Irish quilt and with the curtains strongly shut closed. I itch my eyes and look for his tall figure but see nothing. Where is this guy? The answer shows up when he come in with breakfast set for two, with tea, black strong coffee, orange juice, bread, cheese, jelly, ham, butter, toast, fried eggs and bacon.
"Hey, Sleepy Beauty" He greets me and put the tray on the bed "Let's have a great morning meal cause today it's the day... We say your last goodbyes to beloved Willow".
I start to shake lightly.
"No, Angel, I don't really wanna go. It's gonna be so hard. Seeing Oz with their baby... It'll tear me apart".
He brings me close to him.
"Sweetie. I know it's hard, but I'm pretty sure Willow wouldn't want you to suffer. She loved you as a sister and sisters don't want sufferment for their siblings".
I look at his deep black eyes and hugs him tightly.
"Come with me".
"What?".
"Please come with me to Willow's funeral. I'm sure I can't make it alone. If you're by my side I maybe can go farewell her".
"Sure. That's what friends are for".
As I hear him I feel a pang on heart because of the word 'friends'.
We're on the funeral. Cordelia and Xander look worn out. Willow's mother is crying serenely beside Oz. He is carrying their baby, still completely shocked, Faith beside him trying not to melt into tears. Angel is hugging me tightly as I cry softly. My best friend is gone, the one I had always relied on.
"Angel" I whisper.
"Yeah, beloved?" He says distractedly.
"Can we go? I think if I stay longer, I'll wish I'm dead too".
"Oh, okay, sweetie" He hugs me and, as I listen to low thump-thump of his heart, I wish we didn't break up on past. He goes to Oz, hugs him lightly, plays quickly with the baby and comes back to me.
"You won't believe how Oz decided to name their son" He says as we leave the cemetery.
"How?".
"Well, Willow was undecided between William. After her passment he decided the baby is going to be named William, caringly named Will because of his mom".
"This is so sweet of him".
"So, how is heart affairs?" He asks me "You were seeing... Riley Finn, right?".
"Yep" I say unworriedly "But he is so clumsy. And he is such a jerk. He tried to force me into... You know" I blush, embarassed, and he squeezes my hand gently.
"Making love to him" I nod "So, are you going home?".
"Actually. I was wondering if I could stay over your house a little more?".
"Sure, baby" He kisses me on the cheek "Tara isn't coming back from LA for another week and I hate being alone".
"I just worry... about your thing with Darla and Drusilla".
"Don't. We... kinda break apart. You see, Dru fell head over heels for Spike, and Darla is seeing a boy named Warren".
I can't avoid feeling so happy he is kinda 'single' again.
Part Two: Revealed.
Time really flies. It has been seven months since the night I ran to Angel's house when I discovered Willow's death after giving birth to her premature son. Now William Rosenberg-Osbourne is a healthy seven-months-old boy slowly growing up in his father, aunt and gradmother's arms.
Angel and I are living together. After the 'thing' with Darla and Drusilla he didn't have any girl – despite of every girl drooling over him. And I? Well, after the whole Riley thing, I just discovered I had fell in love with my former boyfriend, best friend and current roomate. Of course I didn't tell him yet. But one day I will.
Now we're celebrating our sixth anniversary as friends, and seven-months anniversary as roomates. I almost don't go to Bronze anymore, because on weekends Angel cooks and we have a perfect night watching videos and eating the delicious meals he prepares.
Cordelia is here with me right now. She says:
"How long have you been in love with him?".
"Uh? What?".
She laughs.
"Man, is it that long?".
"What are you saying, Cordy?".
"Your love for Angel, silly".
"I do NOT love Angel" I choke "He is just a friend".
"Right. So why did you whisper his name in a 'inlove' way?".
I have no answer. She pats me on the shoulder.
"Look, B. I know the both of you since I can remember knowing someone. And I have eyes. I see the way you look at him when you think everyone is distracted. He looks at you the same way. You're so in love with each other. It's very cute".
I sigh. Cordelia hugs me.
"Honey, just think. But please don't hurt him once more".
"Once more?".
"He looked like a zombie when you dumped him. It was really hard, Xander nearly burst with jealousy cause I was always thinking on Angel. He is almost a brother for me. I love him like one. So I worry with him. But you are my friend, and I worry about you too. I see how you looked at him when he let slip out he had that... mad affair with Darla and Dru".
"Thanks Cordy".
"Now I shall leave. Have little surprise to Xander".
"Can you tell me?".
"Sure thing" She smiles gracefully "I'm gonna be a mom in six and a half months".
"Oh, Cordy!" I hug her tightly "It's so great, I mean... It's the first since Willow's...".
"I know, sweetie. If this grows up and become a girl, I want her to be named Willow. Willow Angel Anne, to pay homage to my best friends: you, Wills and Angel".
"Thank you, Cordy. I'll be thrilled".
"And I want you to be godmother and Angel godfather".
"I'll be pleased".
"Now I have to leave. Call me anytime. Bye".
"Bye".
This is great. Cordy is going to have a baby. I really hope it is a girl. But now I have to freshen up and wait for my friend, roomate and secret love to show up.
Angel arrives at half past seven. I'm already waiting for him, but, when I look into his eyes, I know he has something to tell me. Something really important.
"Angel. Wassup?".
"Need to talk to you".
"I know" I smile assuringly. He sits beside me on the couch.
"Please let me talk and don't stop me".
"Sure thing".
"Buffy, I'm in love with you" My mouth opens in awe "I've been in love with you since we first dated, long ago, and never really stopped loving you. If you don't love me, I'll understand. I love you as a woman and as a friend, and don't want my feelings to screw up everything we have. You're precious to me, Buffy".
"Can I speak now?" I say as he tries to catch his breath, because he spoke without stopping to breath. He nods "I love you too, Liam Angelus O'Connor. Since forever. You are the one I can always count on and I'm sure we're making this work out".
He looks at me in awe. I lean and kiss him. Then he kisses me back, carries me into his strong arms and leads me into what is now our room.
Part Three: Babies.
We're now on Sunnydale County General, waiting for the doctor show up with news of Cordelia Chase-Harris. She is giving birth to her first baby with Xander, and we all want to be a girl. Oz and his son with Willow, William, are here too. William is thirteen months and grows to look like his mom and have her temper. Oz is doing a good job raising him.
The doctor shows up. With a brief glance at Oz, Xander Harris, soon-to-be-father and husband of Cordelia, runs to Dr. O'Malley:
"Is she okay? Is my baby okay?".
"Chill, Mr. Harris. Mrs. Harris is okay and so is your baby. Congrats, you are father of a healthy baby girl".
"Wow" He whispers "I have a family".
"Yes, Mr. Harris. Mrs. Harris is longing to see you. And you" She turns to Angel, Oz and me "I'll lead Mr. Harris to see his wife and Emily here" she points a nurse "will lead you to know little Harris girl".
As she goes away with Xander, the three of us plus little William follow Emily. She stops in front of a glassy nursery and speaks into a mic:
"Mrs. Alexander Harris' baby, Aileen".
The nurse called Aileen shows us a little girl with Cordelia's eyes and mouth. Angel smiles brightly and thinks aloud:
"I wonder how are they going to call little girl there".
"Willow Angel Anne Chase Harris" I answer. They turn their heads towards me. I craddle against Angel's body "She told me she was pregnant the day we made up, honey. She said she wished it was a girl so she could pay homage to her three best friends: Willow, you and I. I'm gonna be godmother and you godfather".
"I want one of these" Angel says lowly in my ear. Oz is wiping his tears as he tries to get William entertained – the little boy is getting bored. I smile mischeviously to him:
"You do, don't you?".
"Sure. Maybe a little girl like Cordelia's, but she has to look like you".
"Oh no, I'm sure I'm gonna have a little boy who will look like you" I say as this is bullshit. Finally words sink into his mind and he turns me towards him.
"Are you meaning... Are you meaning we're going to have a baby?".
I smile happily and nod. Then he does the most unexpected thing: he hugs me, jumps in the air and yells – all at same time. I burst into laughter and we stay like this, laughing, crying and kissing.
We're going to be parents.
Part Four: Liam Gabriel.
It's a boy!
We happily announce the arrival of
LIAM GABRIEL SUMMERS O'CONNOR
Son of Liam Angelus O'Connor and Buffy Anne Summers-O'Connor
Both mom and baby go well.
I lay here with my husband and my friends. Angel is with our newborn son in his arms and Xander is with little Willow in his. Cordelia is playing with William, who is almost two now. He is looking much and much like Willow. Oz keeps single and always talks in his Willow with missing and love.
Angel and I are newlywed. We got married on church last month. Only because he decided our son wasn't going to be born illegal. So we got married and now I'm Mrs. Liam Angelus O'Connor. Much to my pleasure, Angel – who can't say no to my wishes – agreed to name our baby Liam Gabriel. Much to my pleasure, and Angel's surprise, Liam Gabriel is like a little copy of his father.
"Hey" I say as I smile to Cordelia.
"Oh, Buffy!" She says as she hugs me "He is handsome, I wish my little Annie fall for him when their time come".
"Hey!" Xander protests "No guy will touch my princess. Not even Buffy and Angel's son".
"And there's William" Angel jokes "Who is growing to be a very distinct gentleman".
"Oh, I love William, when I have another daughter I want him to be my son in law. But Annie here is destined to be baby Liam's here".
I have to laugh. Cordelia is already planning a marriage envolving her nine-months-old daughter and my some-hours-old son. It's good to have her as family.
As I look at my husband, I think of all the feeling he brings up to my skin. It's lust, it's passion, it's love. It's about feel love and to feel beloved.