A/N: this isn't my very best chapter, it isn't the longest either, and it
feels quite angsty, but I'm preparing things for what's to come. From next
chapter onwards things are getting very dark, very angsty and then going
downhill from there (I'm even thinking about changing the rating)... I
thought I'd warn you for upcoming character death, gore, violent scenes,
suicidal themes and other angsty stuff; I hope you'll stick to the story...
IvyCrane: I don't know why Harry calls Seamus 'Imp'... I just thought it was a cute nickname when I saw it in a couple of other fics!
huldufolknr1: you liked the way Draco is feeling? Good, I thought it would squick some people, as Svetlana is much older than him...
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters invented by JK Rowling. I don't own the tiny, eenie-meenie quote out of the Robbie Williams song, "Come undone" either (see if you can spot it!)
Take a minute to read, another to send me a review, and you'll be working to improve you bad karma (specially as my B-Day is on Saturday and I'm no expecting any presents)...
FAMILY MATTERS
PART XI
Ten minutes after his conversation with Seamus, Harry was sitting in a plush couch, with a big mug of hot chocolate (with whipped cream and marshmallows on top) and a dish of choc-chip cookies by his side. In front of him sat Mandy, knitting and chattering about something or other; she was aware Harry wasn't listening to her, but she considered that if she filled the silence, he wouldn't be forced to come out of his daydream. When she stopped talking to count stitches under her breath, Harry spoke softly.
"I don't want to die, you know?" his green eyes were unfocused and hazy as he looked out of the window. "I mean, everyone thinks that I'm so brave and fearless, but... I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to!"
"Nobody wants to die, sweetheart, not even the people who say they do... specially not those" Mandy put aside her knitting and added "It's perfectly natural"
"People think that I wouldn't mind dying for the common good. Ever since my first year, when I faced Voldemort and I threw myself at him, they think that I will sacrifice myself to stop him" Harry gave a wry smile "But I'm not so sure myself... don't you think it's terribly selfish from me?" His anguished eyes turned to Mandy. If she was startled by the question, she certainly didn't show it.
"No, I think it's normal... you're a young man, under no circumstances should you want to die. And if the situation comes where you have to choose between saving your life or defeating You-Know-Who, no-one will have the right to blame you if you choose your own"
"But... I'd understand if they'd hate me for it. After all, I'm just a boy, I'm dispensable, and if I could save the wizarding world, I should, even if it means getting killed" Harry ran his fingers through his hair, making it even more of a mess than it already was.
"Are you worried because you think it's going to happen soon?" asked Mandy, carefully weighing Harry's reaction.
"I don't know if it'll happen tomorrow or in five years, but I *know* it'll come to it" Harry smiled that mirthless smile again "Apparently it is a matter of great importance to have me dead. Not only Voldemort wants it..." Mandy jumped slightly at the mention of the name, but the boy didn't notice. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't survived my parents... everything'd be more simple then..."
"Dear, don't you realise that you have already done more than anyone could expect from you?" asked Mandy, moving to sit next to Harry "You've defeated You-Know-Who three times, more than anyone else, including Professor Dumbledore, could have done. You've played your part already. The Fate of the world doesn't rest on your shoulders alone, it wouldn't be unfair if it did. There are lots of people fighting alongside you; Minerva, for example..."
"I don't want to let them down because I'm too much of a coward to kill Voldemort *and* die trying" insisted Harry, missing again Mandy's discomfort.
"Are you sure you are going to have to do that?" Harry nodded negatively "Then, don't worry about things that have yet to come. If the moment arrives, you'll make the right decision, like you've done so many times... trust me. Dumbledore wouldn't have chosen you for this if he didn't know that you were the right person" Mandy then leaned in and hugged Harry, like Mrs Weasley had done after the Triwizard Championship. The boy relaxed in the motherly embrace, pushing all worries aside and crying freely for the first time in ages; he'd have to buy both Seamus and Mandy a good present for Christmas.
"Would it pose a problem if I wanted to go to Hogsmeade next weekend?" asked Svetlana to Severus from her place in front of her desk. He looked up from where he had been watching Siena play, and regarded his wife searchingly before answering.
"I don't think so. The students have a Hogsmeade weekend visit, and the highest security wards will be up on the village" Svetlana acknowledged the permission and turned back to whatever she was doing; Severus regarded her back for a moment longer, on the brink of asking her what she wanted to go to Hogsmeade for, but he was enjoying the quiet evening to much to spoil it with another argument.
Svetlana stole a look to her husband once she felt his eyes had returned to Siena, and studied carefully how the fire played with his features, softening the aquiline nose and stern brow and giving some colour to the pale cheeks. After a minute of observation, she turned back to her work, thinking that she had to meet her contact with Les Fleurs next weekend at Honeydukes. Her alibi for the holidays was almost ready: Narcissa had written to Draco, asking him to extend an invitation to Svetlana to spend the holidays with them, and she had promised to attend if her family circumstances allowed it. Truth be told, she was waiting for her contact to tell her what she had to do, when and how.
While her left hand handled the pastels and watercolours, and the piece of parchment she was working on continued being filled with a portrait, Svetlana remembered her conversation with Draco: the courteous request, the elegant arching of a pale eyebrow in response to her hesitation, the smirk on pale pink lips, a certain nervousness from his part, the feeling of recklessness she felt while talking to him, a delicate hand on her arm, leaving a warm sensation that refused to fade... Shaking her head, Svetlana turned to her daughter; she wondered if Siena could bag the prize that was Draco Malfoy, but probably she was too young. Which reminded her that she should start looking for a husband for Siena and a wife for Serguei; the fact that she had been most unhappy in her arranged marriage didn't mean that she didn't consider it a wonderful institution and she was determined to get good matches for her children. Should she ask Severus what he thought of it? She would ask some other time, the evening was occurring too pleasantly to bring up the issue.
Students swarmed round the small village of Hogsmeade in their first weekend to get out of the school and spend their few sickles in the sweet- and-prank shops, the most awaited event of the month of October, except for Halloween, of course. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny strolled around in the sun, discussing whether to go to The Three Broomsticks for a Butterbeer or to Honeydukes; the argument was getting heated when someone interrupted it.
" 'Arry! 'Ow nice to see you!" said Fleur Delacour, her accent almost completely neutral; she had attended Hogwarts during Harry's fifth year as Potions assistant, and perfected her English besides causing great uproar amongst the boys with her Veela charms. Hogwarts' romantic life had almost come to a complete stop while she was in the school, and now she stood in the pale autumn sun in all her glory, smiling at the Gryffindors "And 'Ermione, Ronald and Virginia"
Ron was quite enthusiastic in his greeting, although the girls weren't quite as such.
"It's nice to see you too, Fleur. Are you coming back to Hogwarts, or are you just here for a visit?" asked Harry, trying not too look much at her; he had discovered that if one avoided eye-contact with Fleur, it was easier to keep one's equanimity.
"I'm just visiting. I was told this was a 'Ogsmeade weekend, and I thought I would come and see you all" explained the girl, who was attracting admiring looks from everyone. "Are you going to 'Oneydukes? I've missed the chocolate..."
"Yes, we were going there precisely" assented Harry, grinning cheekily to Hermione and Ginny, the losing side of the argument.
They exchanged a few inconsequential comments before entering the sweet- shop. Once there, they were divided by the crowd of students making the most of their pocket money. Harry and Ron went over to the 'Novelty' stand, Ginny bought herself some Bertie's Every-Flavour Beans, Hermione went in search of something that might interest her parents, like Toffee Toothpicks, and Fleur navigated towards the busy chocolate section, where Svetlana Snape was helping her daughter choose some treats. The older witch felt a staring presence behind her, but didn't change her demeanour, at least not yet.
"Now, what could we get for Serguei, Siena? He's too serious to ask for anything for himself, but we know he likes candy..."
"I'd suggest some Cockroach Clusters, boys seem to like those" said Fleur, reaching for a box of honeymead-filled chocolates.
"Won't they be too squicky?" asked Svetlana, looking at the price of a pound of Chocolate Frogs.
"You'll find that even the most squicky of things 'ides a certain charm" replied the half-Veela, replacing the box in its place and looking instead at the big bars of pure chocolate. That was the password; Svetlana only had to reply and they would be set.
"A hidden charm, that is your recommendation?" asked Svetlana, finally turning to Fleur; she knew her, she had helped with her training, and she wasn't at all surprised to see her there.
"Or you may find interesting the Marzipan Mice too" said Fleur, before walking to the cashier's with a bar of Honeydukes chocolate. Svetlana finished helping Siena, chose some other sweets for herself and for her son, and went over to the marzipan section, which was almost deserted. Sniffling the wiggly Marzipan Mice, she noticed a small capsule, made of blue glass, between them.
"I wouldn't recommend you those, Svetlana" said Draco, smiling at the witch and waving a greeting at a squealing Siena.
"Yes, they don't look very appealing" confirmed Mrs Snape "but I've found something better" Reaching for her basket, Draco took one of the packages and read.
"A pound of Sugared Rose-Petals?"
"I meant *you*, Draco. Stop being so modest, it doesn't become you" smirked Svetlana, giving her buys to the sales-assistant, and reaching for her purse. Draco followed her after a moment of initial confusion, and even Harry noticed the slight pink tinge on his cheeks as the Slytherin carried Svetlana's bags outside.
Once she was back at Hogwarts and in the safety of her room, Svetlana brought out the capsule she had found between the sweets and kept hidden in a pocket of her sleeve during the remainder of the Hogsmeade excursion. Severus would be attending Fleur's visit, Siena was amusing Mandy and the eldest Flitwicks, Serguei would be in the Library with his class-mates, and Draco would be too busy pondering about the significance of the shower of compliments she had given him; there was no-one who could interrupt her, but still she locked the door, erected wards around the entire section of the dungeons she was in, and drew closed the curtains of her bed.
Once she was satisfied with the absence of possible visitors, she placed the small blue capsule on a cushion and tapped it three times with her wand. The capsule glowed a faint blue and started blinking.
"Code-name: Firefly. Password: hidden charm. Level of authorisation: seventh" The capsule stopped its rapidly-increasing blinking and returned to its original state. Svetlana unclenched her hand from where it was clutching her wand and released a sigh: one word wrong, one syllable without the correct pronunciation, and the message would burn itself before it could be opened. Les Fleurs took no chances with security, and this was the way they had to ensure their agents, if caught, could destroy all incriminating evidence. After a three-minute pause, the capsule showed the faintest of glows again, and Svetlana pressed her left index-finger to it.
"Agent Firefly, you've been summoned for a mission" said a velvety whisper that somehow reminded her of her husband "If you choose to accept it, please give out the password to the Inner Circle" Svetlana remained silent; there was no such password, it was another trap to catch the unwanted hearer and leave him with a burnt message "Entrance allowed. Firefly, your mission, should you choose to accept it, shall develop in a time-frame of six months, beginning the moment this message is over. The location will be the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The methods used will be chosen by yourself, within the parameters given for you category." There weren't such parameters; in her category she could do whatever she chose, as long as she got the job done and cleanly so "The objective will be..."
Three minutes later, all that remained of the message was a sudden flame and a pile of semi-transparent ashes that disintegrated when Svetlana blew upon them. Message received, now she had six months to carry out the still non-existent plan and keep her skin and reputation intact while she was at it. It was difficult, but she had been through much more complicated things, and she had an unwavering faith on her abilities. Now, if only she could set all personal feelings aside...
Svetlana had no peaceful night's sleep after receiving the message from Les Fleurs du Mal. Every night, no matter what she did or how she tried to avoid it, she would awake with one heart clutching her heart, her breathing uneven, her cheeks pale and cold sweat dripping down her back. It was the same nightmare every time: a black pendulum, or something that resembled one, hung in the darkness, hypnotising Svetlana, filling her with a feeling of unease and insecurity that grew as she neared the object; when she was almost close enough to see what it was, the feeling of impending danger cascaded down upon her, waking her up. //I know this kind of dreams// she reasoned one night, laying back in the tangled sheets, and trying to steady her breathing //I wouldn't call them prophetic, but they *are* trying to give me an answer... if only I could discover what it is, I might be able to sleep through them. It's not as if I could ask Severus for some Dreamless Sleep Potion, or if I could make it myself without him smelling the fumes... What is it all about?! A pendulum? Maybe hypnotising someone? That doesn't make sense!// Frustrated and tired, Svetlana closed her eyes again and tried to remember the dream: the shadows, the black object swinging back and forth, the feeling of danger...
Svetlana would never be certain if she was awake or asleep when, behind closed eyelids, she got close enough to see *what* the object was. What she was sure of, however, is that she wouldn't have a proper night's sleep until she could rid her head of that image, and *that* would take a long time...
IvyCrane: I don't know why Harry calls Seamus 'Imp'... I just thought it was a cute nickname when I saw it in a couple of other fics!
huldufolknr1: you liked the way Draco is feeling? Good, I thought it would squick some people, as Svetlana is much older than him...
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters invented by JK Rowling. I don't own the tiny, eenie-meenie quote out of the Robbie Williams song, "Come undone" either (see if you can spot it!)
Take a minute to read, another to send me a review, and you'll be working to improve you bad karma (specially as my B-Day is on Saturday and I'm no expecting any presents)...
FAMILY MATTERS
PART XI
Ten minutes after his conversation with Seamus, Harry was sitting in a plush couch, with a big mug of hot chocolate (with whipped cream and marshmallows on top) and a dish of choc-chip cookies by his side. In front of him sat Mandy, knitting and chattering about something or other; she was aware Harry wasn't listening to her, but she considered that if she filled the silence, he wouldn't be forced to come out of his daydream. When she stopped talking to count stitches under her breath, Harry spoke softly.
"I don't want to die, you know?" his green eyes were unfocused and hazy as he looked out of the window. "I mean, everyone thinks that I'm so brave and fearless, but... I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to!"
"Nobody wants to die, sweetheart, not even the people who say they do... specially not those" Mandy put aside her knitting and added "It's perfectly natural"
"People think that I wouldn't mind dying for the common good. Ever since my first year, when I faced Voldemort and I threw myself at him, they think that I will sacrifice myself to stop him" Harry gave a wry smile "But I'm not so sure myself... don't you think it's terribly selfish from me?" His anguished eyes turned to Mandy. If she was startled by the question, she certainly didn't show it.
"No, I think it's normal... you're a young man, under no circumstances should you want to die. And if the situation comes where you have to choose between saving your life or defeating You-Know-Who, no-one will have the right to blame you if you choose your own"
"But... I'd understand if they'd hate me for it. After all, I'm just a boy, I'm dispensable, and if I could save the wizarding world, I should, even if it means getting killed" Harry ran his fingers through his hair, making it even more of a mess than it already was.
"Are you worried because you think it's going to happen soon?" asked Mandy, carefully weighing Harry's reaction.
"I don't know if it'll happen tomorrow or in five years, but I *know* it'll come to it" Harry smiled that mirthless smile again "Apparently it is a matter of great importance to have me dead. Not only Voldemort wants it..." Mandy jumped slightly at the mention of the name, but the boy didn't notice. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't survived my parents... everything'd be more simple then..."
"Dear, don't you realise that you have already done more than anyone could expect from you?" asked Mandy, moving to sit next to Harry "You've defeated You-Know-Who three times, more than anyone else, including Professor Dumbledore, could have done. You've played your part already. The Fate of the world doesn't rest on your shoulders alone, it wouldn't be unfair if it did. There are lots of people fighting alongside you; Minerva, for example..."
"I don't want to let them down because I'm too much of a coward to kill Voldemort *and* die trying" insisted Harry, missing again Mandy's discomfort.
"Are you sure you are going to have to do that?" Harry nodded negatively "Then, don't worry about things that have yet to come. If the moment arrives, you'll make the right decision, like you've done so many times... trust me. Dumbledore wouldn't have chosen you for this if he didn't know that you were the right person" Mandy then leaned in and hugged Harry, like Mrs Weasley had done after the Triwizard Championship. The boy relaxed in the motherly embrace, pushing all worries aside and crying freely for the first time in ages; he'd have to buy both Seamus and Mandy a good present for Christmas.
"Would it pose a problem if I wanted to go to Hogsmeade next weekend?" asked Svetlana to Severus from her place in front of her desk. He looked up from where he had been watching Siena play, and regarded his wife searchingly before answering.
"I don't think so. The students have a Hogsmeade weekend visit, and the highest security wards will be up on the village" Svetlana acknowledged the permission and turned back to whatever she was doing; Severus regarded her back for a moment longer, on the brink of asking her what she wanted to go to Hogsmeade for, but he was enjoying the quiet evening to much to spoil it with another argument.
Svetlana stole a look to her husband once she felt his eyes had returned to Siena, and studied carefully how the fire played with his features, softening the aquiline nose and stern brow and giving some colour to the pale cheeks. After a minute of observation, she turned back to her work, thinking that she had to meet her contact with Les Fleurs next weekend at Honeydukes. Her alibi for the holidays was almost ready: Narcissa had written to Draco, asking him to extend an invitation to Svetlana to spend the holidays with them, and she had promised to attend if her family circumstances allowed it. Truth be told, she was waiting for her contact to tell her what she had to do, when and how.
While her left hand handled the pastels and watercolours, and the piece of parchment she was working on continued being filled with a portrait, Svetlana remembered her conversation with Draco: the courteous request, the elegant arching of a pale eyebrow in response to her hesitation, the smirk on pale pink lips, a certain nervousness from his part, the feeling of recklessness she felt while talking to him, a delicate hand on her arm, leaving a warm sensation that refused to fade... Shaking her head, Svetlana turned to her daughter; she wondered if Siena could bag the prize that was Draco Malfoy, but probably she was too young. Which reminded her that she should start looking for a husband for Siena and a wife for Serguei; the fact that she had been most unhappy in her arranged marriage didn't mean that she didn't consider it a wonderful institution and she was determined to get good matches for her children. Should she ask Severus what he thought of it? She would ask some other time, the evening was occurring too pleasantly to bring up the issue.
Students swarmed round the small village of Hogsmeade in their first weekend to get out of the school and spend their few sickles in the sweet- and-prank shops, the most awaited event of the month of October, except for Halloween, of course. Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny strolled around in the sun, discussing whether to go to The Three Broomsticks for a Butterbeer or to Honeydukes; the argument was getting heated when someone interrupted it.
" 'Arry! 'Ow nice to see you!" said Fleur Delacour, her accent almost completely neutral; she had attended Hogwarts during Harry's fifth year as Potions assistant, and perfected her English besides causing great uproar amongst the boys with her Veela charms. Hogwarts' romantic life had almost come to a complete stop while she was in the school, and now she stood in the pale autumn sun in all her glory, smiling at the Gryffindors "And 'Ermione, Ronald and Virginia"
Ron was quite enthusiastic in his greeting, although the girls weren't quite as such.
"It's nice to see you too, Fleur. Are you coming back to Hogwarts, or are you just here for a visit?" asked Harry, trying not too look much at her; he had discovered that if one avoided eye-contact with Fleur, it was easier to keep one's equanimity.
"I'm just visiting. I was told this was a 'Ogsmeade weekend, and I thought I would come and see you all" explained the girl, who was attracting admiring looks from everyone. "Are you going to 'Oneydukes? I've missed the chocolate..."
"Yes, we were going there precisely" assented Harry, grinning cheekily to Hermione and Ginny, the losing side of the argument.
They exchanged a few inconsequential comments before entering the sweet- shop. Once there, they were divided by the crowd of students making the most of their pocket money. Harry and Ron went over to the 'Novelty' stand, Ginny bought herself some Bertie's Every-Flavour Beans, Hermione went in search of something that might interest her parents, like Toffee Toothpicks, and Fleur navigated towards the busy chocolate section, where Svetlana Snape was helping her daughter choose some treats. The older witch felt a staring presence behind her, but didn't change her demeanour, at least not yet.
"Now, what could we get for Serguei, Siena? He's too serious to ask for anything for himself, but we know he likes candy..."
"I'd suggest some Cockroach Clusters, boys seem to like those" said Fleur, reaching for a box of honeymead-filled chocolates.
"Won't they be too squicky?" asked Svetlana, looking at the price of a pound of Chocolate Frogs.
"You'll find that even the most squicky of things 'ides a certain charm" replied the half-Veela, replacing the box in its place and looking instead at the big bars of pure chocolate. That was the password; Svetlana only had to reply and they would be set.
"A hidden charm, that is your recommendation?" asked Svetlana, finally turning to Fleur; she knew her, she had helped with her training, and she wasn't at all surprised to see her there.
"Or you may find interesting the Marzipan Mice too" said Fleur, before walking to the cashier's with a bar of Honeydukes chocolate. Svetlana finished helping Siena, chose some other sweets for herself and for her son, and went over to the marzipan section, which was almost deserted. Sniffling the wiggly Marzipan Mice, she noticed a small capsule, made of blue glass, between them.
"I wouldn't recommend you those, Svetlana" said Draco, smiling at the witch and waving a greeting at a squealing Siena.
"Yes, they don't look very appealing" confirmed Mrs Snape "but I've found something better" Reaching for her basket, Draco took one of the packages and read.
"A pound of Sugared Rose-Petals?"
"I meant *you*, Draco. Stop being so modest, it doesn't become you" smirked Svetlana, giving her buys to the sales-assistant, and reaching for her purse. Draco followed her after a moment of initial confusion, and even Harry noticed the slight pink tinge on his cheeks as the Slytherin carried Svetlana's bags outside.
Once she was back at Hogwarts and in the safety of her room, Svetlana brought out the capsule she had found between the sweets and kept hidden in a pocket of her sleeve during the remainder of the Hogsmeade excursion. Severus would be attending Fleur's visit, Siena was amusing Mandy and the eldest Flitwicks, Serguei would be in the Library with his class-mates, and Draco would be too busy pondering about the significance of the shower of compliments she had given him; there was no-one who could interrupt her, but still she locked the door, erected wards around the entire section of the dungeons she was in, and drew closed the curtains of her bed.
Once she was satisfied with the absence of possible visitors, she placed the small blue capsule on a cushion and tapped it three times with her wand. The capsule glowed a faint blue and started blinking.
"Code-name: Firefly. Password: hidden charm. Level of authorisation: seventh" The capsule stopped its rapidly-increasing blinking and returned to its original state. Svetlana unclenched her hand from where it was clutching her wand and released a sigh: one word wrong, one syllable without the correct pronunciation, and the message would burn itself before it could be opened. Les Fleurs took no chances with security, and this was the way they had to ensure their agents, if caught, could destroy all incriminating evidence. After a three-minute pause, the capsule showed the faintest of glows again, and Svetlana pressed her left index-finger to it.
"Agent Firefly, you've been summoned for a mission" said a velvety whisper that somehow reminded her of her husband "If you choose to accept it, please give out the password to the Inner Circle" Svetlana remained silent; there was no such password, it was another trap to catch the unwanted hearer and leave him with a burnt message "Entrance allowed. Firefly, your mission, should you choose to accept it, shall develop in a time-frame of six months, beginning the moment this message is over. The location will be the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The methods used will be chosen by yourself, within the parameters given for you category." There weren't such parameters; in her category she could do whatever she chose, as long as she got the job done and cleanly so "The objective will be..."
Three minutes later, all that remained of the message was a sudden flame and a pile of semi-transparent ashes that disintegrated when Svetlana blew upon them. Message received, now she had six months to carry out the still non-existent plan and keep her skin and reputation intact while she was at it. It was difficult, but she had been through much more complicated things, and she had an unwavering faith on her abilities. Now, if only she could set all personal feelings aside...
Svetlana had no peaceful night's sleep after receiving the message from Les Fleurs du Mal. Every night, no matter what she did or how she tried to avoid it, she would awake with one heart clutching her heart, her breathing uneven, her cheeks pale and cold sweat dripping down her back. It was the same nightmare every time: a black pendulum, or something that resembled one, hung in the darkness, hypnotising Svetlana, filling her with a feeling of unease and insecurity that grew as she neared the object; when she was almost close enough to see what it was, the feeling of impending danger cascaded down upon her, waking her up. //I know this kind of dreams// she reasoned one night, laying back in the tangled sheets, and trying to steady her breathing //I wouldn't call them prophetic, but they *are* trying to give me an answer... if only I could discover what it is, I might be able to sleep through them. It's not as if I could ask Severus for some Dreamless Sleep Potion, or if I could make it myself without him smelling the fumes... What is it all about?! A pendulum? Maybe hypnotising someone? That doesn't make sense!// Frustrated and tired, Svetlana closed her eyes again and tried to remember the dream: the shadows, the black object swinging back and forth, the feeling of danger...
Svetlana would never be certain if she was awake or asleep when, behind closed eyelids, she got close enough to see *what* the object was. What she was sure of, however, is that she wouldn't have a proper night's sleep until she could rid her head of that image, and *that* would take a long time...