"OK, now everyone, get into your costumes!" said Ren after he had shown his friends the script.
Lyserg was the first to complain. "Wait a minute! Why am I the frog in this story? I don't have warts!"
Ren smirked. "You're green." He looked at the cast of characters and ticked them off. He still had one vacant role left in Pirika's script.
"We still need a narrator," he told them panickedly.
"Maybe I can be of service," said a horrendously familiar voice.
Yoh's face lit up. "Aniki!"
Ren's face turned dark as Hao Asakura entered the backstage, obviously uninvited but his confidence was unwavered. His impeccable smile was disposed. "Maybe I could help you with your little play?"
Lyserg's look was beyond homicidal. "Hao…"
The cheerful man held a gloved hand up. "Hey, long time no see, Lyserg Diethyl. How is the Iron Maiden and her bodyguards?" he asked as if they were long-time acquaintances.
Yoh rubbed his head. "Aniki, you know that Lyserg doesn't like being teased."
"Ah gomen!" Hao grinned at his younger brother, then turned to Ren. "So what's the story about?"
The Tao couldn't trust himself to speak; he might end up screaming his brains out with colorful profanities that came to him like a flash of inspiration. Like Lyserg, he never liked Hao's cocky attitude and how he nearly killed one of his best friends-cum-greatest-opponent.
Hao grabbed the script and let his eyes wander on the paper. His face broke into a grin. "Cute." He smirked at the boiling Ren. "Really cute. Thumberena."
"Kisama…" Frankly, the Tao couldn't understand why the Ying Yang master reincarnated would want to have anything to do with a high school play.
To this, Hao said flippantly, "I'm bored as hell, and seeing you in a gown is an entertainment."
Ren fought for the grip of the loosening reins of his temper. He wasn't going to ruin Pirika's hard work for anything and anyone, even for someone like Hao Asakura.
"Two minutes," said the English teacher, frantically signaling the proxy cast of characters to prepare for curtains up.
Hao smiled at Ren conspiratorially. "Don't fret, Hao Asakura will help." He then turned his attention to the mirror and combed his hair. "Hey, little brother, Anna will be watching, right?" he asked as he slid his fingers through his hair.
Yoh rolled his eyes. "I told you, Aniki, it's ok to admire your future sister-in-law, but…"
"Hai, hai, I was just teasing you." Hao grinned at the now costumed cast. "It's show time!"
Chapter 7: ThumbeRena Part IMy birthday blowout to Ren/Piri fans, as well to Hao worshippers! Enjoy!
--- Syaoran no hime who just turned 17 this September 27th.
Hao walked to the centerstage, his mantle fluttering along with his promenade. He faced the audience, flashed a killer smile any toothpaste commercial model would gnash his teeth for, and greeted, "Konnichi-wa, ladies, especially to my favorite future sister-in-law…ah, wait, I only have one brother, but she's a favorite nevertheless." He could feel the lethal glare of Anna Kynarrator," he told them panic. "What we will witness now is a remake of the well-loved fairy tale by Hanes Christian Underwear-"
Ren marched into the stage furiously. "It's Hans Christian Andersen, you idiot!!!"
Horo Horo, from the backstage, slammed his hand on his face. "He wasn't supposed to appear yet, Ren Tao no baka!"
Yoh sighed helplessly. His aniki will always be his usual annoying self.
Hao grinned at the furious costumed Ren. "Why, I'm sorry, ThumbeRena!" He grinned at the gaping audience. "Guys, meet ThumbeRena." He turned to the kindergarten kids in the front seat. "Kids, say hello to ThumbeRena."
"Hello ThumbeRena!" greeted the kids in chorus.
"Wow, Mommy wasn't kidding when she said that Thumbelina was small!" said one kid, looking at Ren's miniature stature in fascination.
"Is that a doll? A walking talking doll?" piped another kid. "Where did they buy her? She's so cute!"
Hao held his hand up. "Kids, let's listen first to the story of ThumbeRena, ok?"
"Yes Sir!" they all saluted.
"Call me King Hao."
"Yes, King Hao!" said the children obediently, as Yoh and the others backstage sweatdropped. Anna's own face was dark as Tamao watched her nervously.
"What is he thinking," muttered the itako. "When he failed to rule the world, he resorted to brainwashing kids…that nincompoop."
Hao motioned Ren to go back into the backstage, and then started to walk back and forth the stage. "Now…how do I begin narrating ThumbeRena's sucky and worthless existence…" From the back of the curtains, the suspicious sound of someone being restrained from committing murder was heard by the audience, but the kids were oblivious. Their whole and undivided attention was on their King Hao.
"Oh yes." The shaman king wannabe clapped his hands. "Once upon a time, long, long ago in a kingdom far, far away-"
"How long ago?" asked a kid curiously.
"And how far?" asked another.
Hao smiled. "The time when there is no Mcdonald's yet, in a place where even the Disney channel cannot reach their TV antennas."
The kids looked frightened out of their wits. Hao nodded sympathetically. "I know, it's plain horrible."
"Well, Aniki has a way with kids, I must admit," said Yoh, laughing. Everyone else in the backstage was wearing dark faces.
The Ying Yang master continued. "So as I was saying, our story is set in a McDonald-less era in a Disney Channel-less place. There was once an old woman who lived amidst a beautiful garden, with lots of flowers, and um…" Hao forgot the flowers enlisted in the script.
One child was apt enough to notice his hesitation. "What are the flowers there?"
"Many to mention," said the man quickly. "OK, so this old woman…" He cleared his throat. "THIS OLD WOMAN…" he said when no one entered the scene.
At last, a tall, lanky figure limped towards the stage. "Aaw, my aching back," said the old woman in a frightfully deep, baritone voice forced to sound hoarse, but managed to sound like a carabao drowned underwater.
Some of the less-braver kids started to hug each other in horror, blinking back tears.
Hao smiled comfortingly. "Don't worry kids, grandma may look scary, but she's human…er, at least that's what she claims," he said in an afterthought.
"Hao!!!" yelled Ryu, his real voice surfacing from his false falsetto.
"It's King Hao!" barked the kids angrily, whose loyalty belonged to Hao already.
"Hey, let's get on with the story, you guys," said the narrator, smiling charmingly. It instantly melted the kids and the more grown-up girls in the audience into a helpless Aaw.
"Now, this old woman wished to have a daughter, but her good ole husband was impotent-" Hao was saying when Ryu stomped his feet on the stage. "Dammit, don't say things like that!"
"Grandma old woman is defensive!" smirked Hao.
"De-de…" said the kids.
"Defensive," he repeated.
"De-fen-sive," said the kids obediently.
"So the old woman wanted to have a daughter, and the fairy of wishes heard her mute longings," said Hao, pointing upwards. Manta was tied in a wire, face green. He was suffering from the fear of heights that he thought he never had. He clutched his wand tightly and prayed that Chocolove and Horo Horo were handling the ropes well.
"What is it that you wish for?" he greeted.
Before Ryu could speak, one kid spoke up. "Is that fairy a relative of ThumbeRena?"
"Fairy's hair is kawaii!"
"Grandma's hair ROCKS!"
Hao snickered. "But my hair is still the best, right, kids?"
"Yes, King Hao!"
Manta cleared his throat then turned to Ryu again. "I presume that you wish to have a daughter."
Ryu nodded. "My dearest wish," his voice was back in its false high-pitch, making the kids cringe. Hao shrugged. Oh well, if even life isn't perfect, what more can you expect from a high school play? Damn, he was the only one born to sinless perfection.
"Here is a barleycorn of a different kind to those which grow in the farmer's fields, and which the chickens eat; put it into a flower-pot, and see what will happen." Manta waved his magic wand, signaling Horo to start dropping the *magical* seeds.
Unfortunately, Horo's eyes were on Tamao, who was watching the play, her lovely face trying to suppress the giggles within her because of the itako's presence. Ah, she was really cute, no matter what angle he looks. He silently wondered if he could make himself ask her out on a cup of coffee or something later, after the play.
Manta waved his hand again and again, and the audience was starting to snicker.
Hao smiled. "The wand is malfunctioning, eh?" He snapped his finger, and the seeds fell from unaware Horo's clenched fist.
The audience blinked; the kids cheered. "King Hao, you're the best!!!"
Hao bowed exaggeratedly, then winked at Yoh and his friends. They were all gaping at him in disbelief.
"Unbelievable," was all Lyserg could mutter.
Chocolove noticed what was happening below, then tapped Horo. "Hey, Boro Boro!"
The Ainu blinked. "Huh? What?" Startled, he suddenly lost grip of the rope. Choco tried to maintain his grip, but the rope broke.
"Uh-oh," said the two, just seconds before the Fairy of Wishes slammed on the floor face first.
"The fairy crashlanded!" yelled the kids.
"The Fairy is gaining weight," explained Hao quickly, winking at them.
"So will she fly up again?" asked one child.
"Her wings are broken, unfortunately. We'll see what Grandma can do about it," said Hao cheerfully. "Hope her bones aren't broken; she might not grow up anymore."
Ryu dragged the furious Manta into the backstage. "Come, Fairy, let's glue your wings back."
"So what happened to the seeds?" asked the children.
"Oh, of course!" Hao smiled. "The seeds were extraordinary, and they can grow even without being watered, so the seeds sprouted," he snapped his finger, and the seeds magically grew into a lotus.
"Such special effects!" whispered one judge fiercely. "If I didn't know better, I swear it could have been magic." To this, Hao smirked, marveling at how unintelligent humans are, especially when they pretend to know so much about things they haven't have a single idea about.
"And from here, we'll close the curtains, and we can now all prepare for the second act." Hao pulled the rope, and the curtains fell down.
tsuzuku