Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, February 4, 1941.
Eliza and Edward strolled around the deck of the boat, arms linked, while the children hurried ahead of them, occasionally stopping to lean on the railing and look down into the ocean below. Every time they did this Eliza's heart would give an involuntary lurch, but she assured herself she was just being silly. Her children were smart enough to know they shouldn't lean all the way over.
"Mama!" Ben called suddenly. "Daddy! Quick!"
Eliza turned around to where her son was leaning over the railing behind them. She didn't see Margaret and she immediately jumped to the conclusion that Ben's cry had something to do with her daughter. She ran across the deck to him.
"What is it? What's wrong?" She asked frantically.
Ben looked at his mother in surprise. "Nothing's wrong Mama. I wanted you to see the dolphins." He said pointing down into the water.
"Where's Margaret?" Eliza demanded, her heart still pounding.
"There." Ben pointed to where Margaret was crouched on the deck playing with a baby and its mother.
Eliza felt faint, and if Edward hadn't been there to support her she would have fallen onto the floor. As it was she was trembling so much Edward had to help her back down to their suite. He left the children in their room with firm instructions not to move an inch and then helped his wife to lie down on the bed. He poured her a glass of water and gave it to her, and then sat beside her on the bed.
Finally Eliza spoke up. "I'm sorry." She said. "I know I overreacted but I thought that Margaret had drowned."
"You've been jumpy this whole trip so far." Edward said thoughtfully. "The children have even noticed it, and I just tell them you get seasick and it effects you."
"I'm sorry." Eliza said again, but her husband shook his head.
"Don't be sorry sweetie. You can't help it. It's because of what happened on the Titanic isn't it?" Edward asked.
Eliza nodded slowly. "I think so. After seeing all those people die." She shuddered. "I always thought it didn't effect me, but I guess I was wrong."
"It would have effected everyone, just in different ways." Edward suggested. "I wish I knew what to say to make it better, but I don't."
Eliza sat up, and pushed her hair from her face. "I'll try not to panic in future." She promised.
"Eliza I don't expect you to do that." Edward said with a sigh. "I understand that you would be scared to be on the ocean again. I'm just concerned that it might ruin the trip for the children."
Eliza felt like he'd slapped her. Her dear, understanding husband, who had never once in their marriage ever said anything like that to her. Never before had he ever blamed her for anything! "I'll try and lighten up." She said coldly.
Edward nodded and then stood up. "Stay here and rest, I'm going to look after the children for a bit."
Eliza didn't protest. She knew a rest would do her the world of good after the shock she'd just had. When Edward left the room she buried her head in the pillow and cried. She didn't want to ruin the trip for the children, she wanted them to see it all as the adventure she'd promised them. She resolved to try and keep calm, for the children, but also to show Edward she could do it. She wasn't sure what had prompted his sharp complaint, but she knew it wasn't like him.
*****
Eliza glanced at the clock. She'd been asleep for almost two hours and Edward and the children still weren't back. She stood up and glanced at herself in the mirror. Her hair was messy, and her clothes were rumpled but at that moment she didn't care. She wanted some fresh air and she was going to get some regardless of how she looked.
As she stood at the railing gazing out to sea she sensed rather than saw, someone come to stand next to her. After a few minutes the stranger said, "I hate the ocean. I try to tell myself it's a completely irrational fear, but nonetheless I hate it. If it weren't for the children I'd spend the entire crossing in my cabin."
"I know what you mean." Eliza said earnestly. "I'm always frightened the children are going to fall overboard. I'm ruining their trip by being a paranoid mother." And she turned to see who she was speaking to. There, standing beside her, looking like she did in all the papers, was Rose Calvert.
"I had some..um...distant relatives who died on board the Titanic and I think it's made me nervous." Rose admitted, with a sigh.
Eliza bit back her reply. She wanted to tell Rose that she knew who she really was, and that so had Cal, but she didn't. After all, Rose had clearly made another life for herself, and who was she, Eliza, to ruin that for her? Who knew what really had happened between Cal and Rose, after all she'd only heard Cal's story. Maybe there was more to the story than Eliza knew, and maybe Rose had done the right thing by turning her back on who she was. Instead she said, "So did my parents. I was lucky."
Rose looked horrified. "Oh my, that's terrible." She said. "And here's me complaining about my problems when yours are far worse."
Eliza laughed weakly. "Are you going to tell me I need a straight-jacket? My usually supportive husband seems to think I do. He actually told me today that even though he understood my reaction he didn't want me to ruin things for the children."
Rose looked thoughtful. "So that's where your comment came from?" she mused. "You said you're scared that your children are going to fall overboard?"
Eliza nodded.
"Well maybe- and if I'm overstepping my mark here you can tell me- but maybe your fears not stemming from the Titanic exactly. I mean, you're not worrying about whether the ship is going to sink or not are you?" Rose asked.
"No, I did on the way over here, but no, not now." Eliza replied.
"Well maybe your worry is more from love for your children, and perhaps even life during the war than anything?" Rose suggested.
Eliza considered this. It was entirely possible.
"My ex fiancée used to tell me I should be a psychiatrist. He said I always loved to analyse people. Over-analyse in fact." Rose said with a laugh. "I used to drive the poor man crazy."
Eliza held her breath. Was she speaking about Cal? How she dearly wished to ask her whether she was really Cal's Rose, but she knew she couldn't. It wasn't fair.
"I suppose we're both lucky things didn't work out between us." Rose said with a slight smile. "We'd have driven each other crazy. We were completely incompatible."
"Why?" Eliza asked before she could help herself. Then she could have kicked herself. Wouldn't Rose think it strange that Eliza, a complete stranger, was so interested in her?
"Oh he was into money, and status and material things. I wanted to change the world." Rose laughed out loud. "I actually thought if I did something it would make a difference. The things we think when we're younger hmmm?"
Eliza sighed and leant over the railing watching the water below.
"Listen I better get back to my husband and the children. Why don't you and your family join us for dinner tonight?" Rose offered.
Eliza smiled. "I'd like that- I'm sorry, I don't think we've even introduced ourselves!" She looked ashamed, but Rose laughed.
"You're right. I'm Rose Calvert." She said.
"Eliza Gracie." Eliza replied.
"Well Eliza Gracie, we'll see you at dinner." Rose said, and she left.
Eliza stood there for a few more minutes before turning and going back inside.
Edward and the children were in the cabin and Edward was pacing the room when Eliza entered.
"Eliza, where on earth were you?" Edward asked, coming over to her.
"I woke up and decided to get some fresh air." Eliza said, surprised at his reaction.
"Ben, can you take Margaret into your room?" Edward asked and Ben obeyed. The moment they were gone Edward turned back to Eliza. "Have you got any idea how worried I was to find you gone? Especially considering you've been too scared to go on the deck alone."
"Well you needn't have worried." Eliza said coldly. "I did some thinking and I decided to face my fears. I don't think that my worries about the children have anything to do with the Titanic."
"Indeed?" Edward asked curious.
"After all I'm not worrying about the ship sinking am I? I'm worrying about them falling overboard. I think my worry stems from all the close shaves we had with the German's bombing us." Eliza explained. "So maybe now you needn't worry about me ruining everyone's trip!"
Edward sighed. "Eliza I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I'm worried about things myself and I took it out on you."
Eliza came over to put her hand on his arm. "Edward, what are you worried about?"
"Father, business, war..." Edward said. He still hadn't told Eliza about the rumors he'd heard about the German U-Boats, but in all honesty she'd hardly been in the mood to hear that kind of thing, had she?
Eliza leant her head against Edward's arm. "Everything is going to be all right." She said, sounding braver than she felt. For once it seemed that she had to be the brave one of the two. Even if she didn't believe it.
Edward smiled faintly. "Of course it is." He agreed.
"Oh- and I didn't tell you but we've got a dinner date tonight with the Calverts. I didn't know they were on this ship, but I was speaking to Rose up on the deck. She's lovely." Eliza said. "I'm surer than I was before that she's Cal's Rose, but I'm not going to mention that to her. I'm sure she's put all that out of her mind and built her new life."
Edward nodded. "I'm sure she has. And they've got children too don't they? It'd be good for Ben and Margaret to have someone to play with."
"And you can have someone to talk business too." Eliza teased him.
"And you can have someone to gossip with." Edward teased her back.
Eliza laughed, glad that things were all right between them now. And hopeful that maybe she'd cured her excessive worrying.
Eliza and Edward strolled around the deck of the boat, arms linked, while the children hurried ahead of them, occasionally stopping to lean on the railing and look down into the ocean below. Every time they did this Eliza's heart would give an involuntary lurch, but she assured herself she was just being silly. Her children were smart enough to know they shouldn't lean all the way over.
"Mama!" Ben called suddenly. "Daddy! Quick!"
Eliza turned around to where her son was leaning over the railing behind them. She didn't see Margaret and she immediately jumped to the conclusion that Ben's cry had something to do with her daughter. She ran across the deck to him.
"What is it? What's wrong?" She asked frantically.
Ben looked at his mother in surprise. "Nothing's wrong Mama. I wanted you to see the dolphins." He said pointing down into the water.
"Where's Margaret?" Eliza demanded, her heart still pounding.
"There." Ben pointed to where Margaret was crouched on the deck playing with a baby and its mother.
Eliza felt faint, and if Edward hadn't been there to support her she would have fallen onto the floor. As it was she was trembling so much Edward had to help her back down to their suite. He left the children in their room with firm instructions not to move an inch and then helped his wife to lie down on the bed. He poured her a glass of water and gave it to her, and then sat beside her on the bed.
Finally Eliza spoke up. "I'm sorry." She said. "I know I overreacted but I thought that Margaret had drowned."
"You've been jumpy this whole trip so far." Edward said thoughtfully. "The children have even noticed it, and I just tell them you get seasick and it effects you."
"I'm sorry." Eliza said again, but her husband shook his head.
"Don't be sorry sweetie. You can't help it. It's because of what happened on the Titanic isn't it?" Edward asked.
Eliza nodded slowly. "I think so. After seeing all those people die." She shuddered. "I always thought it didn't effect me, but I guess I was wrong."
"It would have effected everyone, just in different ways." Edward suggested. "I wish I knew what to say to make it better, but I don't."
Eliza sat up, and pushed her hair from her face. "I'll try not to panic in future." She promised.
"Eliza I don't expect you to do that." Edward said with a sigh. "I understand that you would be scared to be on the ocean again. I'm just concerned that it might ruin the trip for the children."
Eliza felt like he'd slapped her. Her dear, understanding husband, who had never once in their marriage ever said anything like that to her. Never before had he ever blamed her for anything! "I'll try and lighten up." She said coldly.
Edward nodded and then stood up. "Stay here and rest, I'm going to look after the children for a bit."
Eliza didn't protest. She knew a rest would do her the world of good after the shock she'd just had. When Edward left the room she buried her head in the pillow and cried. She didn't want to ruin the trip for the children, she wanted them to see it all as the adventure she'd promised them. She resolved to try and keep calm, for the children, but also to show Edward she could do it. She wasn't sure what had prompted his sharp complaint, but she knew it wasn't like him.
*****
Eliza glanced at the clock. She'd been asleep for almost two hours and Edward and the children still weren't back. She stood up and glanced at herself in the mirror. Her hair was messy, and her clothes were rumpled but at that moment she didn't care. She wanted some fresh air and she was going to get some regardless of how she looked.
As she stood at the railing gazing out to sea she sensed rather than saw, someone come to stand next to her. After a few minutes the stranger said, "I hate the ocean. I try to tell myself it's a completely irrational fear, but nonetheless I hate it. If it weren't for the children I'd spend the entire crossing in my cabin."
"I know what you mean." Eliza said earnestly. "I'm always frightened the children are going to fall overboard. I'm ruining their trip by being a paranoid mother." And she turned to see who she was speaking to. There, standing beside her, looking like she did in all the papers, was Rose Calvert.
"I had some..um...distant relatives who died on board the Titanic and I think it's made me nervous." Rose admitted, with a sigh.
Eliza bit back her reply. She wanted to tell Rose that she knew who she really was, and that so had Cal, but she didn't. After all, Rose had clearly made another life for herself, and who was she, Eliza, to ruin that for her? Who knew what really had happened between Cal and Rose, after all she'd only heard Cal's story. Maybe there was more to the story than Eliza knew, and maybe Rose had done the right thing by turning her back on who she was. Instead she said, "So did my parents. I was lucky."
Rose looked horrified. "Oh my, that's terrible." She said. "And here's me complaining about my problems when yours are far worse."
Eliza laughed weakly. "Are you going to tell me I need a straight-jacket? My usually supportive husband seems to think I do. He actually told me today that even though he understood my reaction he didn't want me to ruin things for the children."
Rose looked thoughtful. "So that's where your comment came from?" she mused. "You said you're scared that your children are going to fall overboard?"
Eliza nodded.
"Well maybe- and if I'm overstepping my mark here you can tell me- but maybe your fears not stemming from the Titanic exactly. I mean, you're not worrying about whether the ship is going to sink or not are you?" Rose asked.
"No, I did on the way over here, but no, not now." Eliza replied.
"Well maybe your worry is more from love for your children, and perhaps even life during the war than anything?" Rose suggested.
Eliza considered this. It was entirely possible.
"My ex fiancée used to tell me I should be a psychiatrist. He said I always loved to analyse people. Over-analyse in fact." Rose said with a laugh. "I used to drive the poor man crazy."
Eliza held her breath. Was she speaking about Cal? How she dearly wished to ask her whether she was really Cal's Rose, but she knew she couldn't. It wasn't fair.
"I suppose we're both lucky things didn't work out between us." Rose said with a slight smile. "We'd have driven each other crazy. We were completely incompatible."
"Why?" Eliza asked before she could help herself. Then she could have kicked herself. Wouldn't Rose think it strange that Eliza, a complete stranger, was so interested in her?
"Oh he was into money, and status and material things. I wanted to change the world." Rose laughed out loud. "I actually thought if I did something it would make a difference. The things we think when we're younger hmmm?"
Eliza sighed and leant over the railing watching the water below.
"Listen I better get back to my husband and the children. Why don't you and your family join us for dinner tonight?" Rose offered.
Eliza smiled. "I'd like that- I'm sorry, I don't think we've even introduced ourselves!" She looked ashamed, but Rose laughed.
"You're right. I'm Rose Calvert." She said.
"Eliza Gracie." Eliza replied.
"Well Eliza Gracie, we'll see you at dinner." Rose said, and she left.
Eliza stood there for a few more minutes before turning and going back inside.
Edward and the children were in the cabin and Edward was pacing the room when Eliza entered.
"Eliza, where on earth were you?" Edward asked, coming over to her.
"I woke up and decided to get some fresh air." Eliza said, surprised at his reaction.
"Ben, can you take Margaret into your room?" Edward asked and Ben obeyed. The moment they were gone Edward turned back to Eliza. "Have you got any idea how worried I was to find you gone? Especially considering you've been too scared to go on the deck alone."
"Well you needn't have worried." Eliza said coldly. "I did some thinking and I decided to face my fears. I don't think that my worries about the children have anything to do with the Titanic."
"Indeed?" Edward asked curious.
"After all I'm not worrying about the ship sinking am I? I'm worrying about them falling overboard. I think my worry stems from all the close shaves we had with the German's bombing us." Eliza explained. "So maybe now you needn't worry about me ruining everyone's trip!"
Edward sighed. "Eliza I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I'm worried about things myself and I took it out on you."
Eliza came over to put her hand on his arm. "Edward, what are you worried about?"
"Father, business, war..." Edward said. He still hadn't told Eliza about the rumors he'd heard about the German U-Boats, but in all honesty she'd hardly been in the mood to hear that kind of thing, had she?
Eliza leant her head against Edward's arm. "Everything is going to be all right." She said, sounding braver than she felt. For once it seemed that she had to be the brave one of the two. Even if she didn't believe it.
Edward smiled faintly. "Of course it is." He agreed.
"Oh- and I didn't tell you but we've got a dinner date tonight with the Calverts. I didn't know they were on this ship, but I was speaking to Rose up on the deck. She's lovely." Eliza said. "I'm surer than I was before that she's Cal's Rose, but I'm not going to mention that to her. I'm sure she's put all that out of her mind and built her new life."
Edward nodded. "I'm sure she has. And they've got children too don't they? It'd be good for Ben and Margaret to have someone to play with."
"And you can have someone to talk business too." Eliza teased him.
"And you can have someone to gossip with." Edward teased her back.
Eliza laughed, glad that things were all right between them now. And hopeful that maybe she'd cured her excessive worrying.