Lucetta slowly regained awareness. The first thing she noticed was that a dull ache throbbed in her head. She didn't know why her head would be hurting, couldn't remember doing anything to it. Maybe she'd fallen. The second thing she noticed was the sound of a bird twittering nearby. It was quite soothing, and she listened to it for awhile as she waited for her mind to clear. She had the feeling that she was forgetting something very important, but couldn't seem to remember what it was. Nor did she particularly care. She felt as if she would die happy if she could just stay and listen to the birdsong, head rested on a cool flat surface.
Through a great effort of will, Lucetta opened her eyes to look for the bird. Not seeing it anywhere, she was about to close her eyes again when she noticed that she was reclining on a large flat rock. Startled, she jumped off of it. The bird stopped spouting its hypnotizing tune. Lucetta glared at the rock. She knew that she hated that rock, but she couldn't remember why. The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed. It was just a rock. There wasn't any reason to loathe it. But she did.
She considered a moment, but moved on to more important matters when it became clear that she wasn't going to remember why she despised the rock. Where was she? Looking around at the trees, she realized that it had to be a forest. Why was she in a forest? She came up with no answer to this. Why couldn't she remember anything? She realized that this wasn't precisely true. She knew that her name was Lucetta. She knew that she was seventeen years old. She knew that trees were trees, birds were birds, and the sky was the sky. But memories were elusive. She knew that she had a past, she just couldn't remember what it was. She supposed that she ought to be worried about this, but couldn't summon up enough emotion to be worried over the lack of worry.
Deciding that it wasn't important to remember right now, she stood up and brushed the dirt off of her clothes. As she turned to leave, the insidious rock caught her eye. She shuddered, and walked off between two fir trees into the forest.
She soon forgot about the oddly menacing rock. Green light filtered through the leaves on the trees, creating a dream-like atmosphere. Everything was alive and growing. The air seemed heavily perfumed with the sweet fragrance of spring blossoms. Looking up, Lucetta saw a squirrel looking back down at her. She stopped and watched as it quivered nervously for a moment, then scurried off through the interwoven branches. She continued walking.
The forest seemed to have no end. Lucetta wandered, breathing in the sense of serenity that flowed around her. Eventually, she began to grow hot and thirsty. Her surroundings turned from beautiful to mocking. Preoccupied with her need for water, she stopped noticing the life around her.
Disheartened, Lucetta stumbled on through the grass and dirt, over rocks, around trees, until she came to a place where a mantle of dead leaves cloaked the ground. She noticed them at once, the only sign of death she had seen in the idyllic maze she'd been meandering through. It almost seemed as if two paths stretched before her. One continued on with the same atmosphere of the garden-like forest. The other was a trail of death, a system of decaying leaves fallen from now barren branches.
Lucetta's head swiveled this way and that as she attempted to see where the paths led. It was an impossible endeavor, but she wasn't overly worried by this. The paths were heading in roughly the same direction, and it wasn't as if she had a destination in mind anyway. She looked around again at the perfection of the rest of forest and wondered what had caused this scar on the landscape. It was one more question to which she had no answer. She was tired of not knowing anything. "Perhaps," she muttered, taking a few steps toward the dead leaves, "If I walk the path I'll find out more about it."
A vague odor filled the suddenly cool air. It grew stronger as she strode toward her goal, but Lucetta was determined now. She hadn't found any answers while wandering through the forest, and she sensed that if there were any answers to be found they would be found somewhere along this trail. She stepped into the first of the dead leaves.
It was as though a switch had been flipped, like the reverse of turning on a lamp. This was watching the darkness swallow the space once occupied by light. This was becoming blind, remembering that you could once see but now being limited to blank nothingness. This was walking into a wall of fog and off a cliff when you could have went around it. What had she been thinking?
Lucetta turned to re-enter paradise, but no matter which way she turned she could no longer see the other path. She knew that she had taken only a few steps on this path. She should have been able to get right out. She had to get out. She would die here. She didn't know how she knew this, but she was certain it was true. Already her limbs felt heavy and her breathing strained. Panic's cold fist clutched her mind and heart in a death grip and she sank to the ground amid the dead leaves, closed her eyes and prepared to die.
Her mind drifted to her last meeting with her mother. She briefly saw the scene as it had happened. Saw her mother's blue eyes fill with tears once again. Heard the anger in her own voice as she demanded to know why her mother was crying when she had caused the events that now made her weep. And she heard the door slam and saw herself run out of the house, not waiting for an answer. Her mother had made her bed and now she could soak it with tears as far as Lucetta had been concerned. She had felt no desire to stay and talk to the woman who had made a mess out of her own life and the lives of her children. Besides, if she had stayed she would have been late for church.
The memory was painful enough, but what happened next made it a thousand times worse. The scene should have ended there, or continued with her memory of the church service. Instead she saw her mother, tears rolling unchecked down her face, on her knees, alone, in a darkened room. Instead of hymns she heard the echo of a broken whisper resounding in the otherwise still room: "Oh God, how long will you punish me? I'm sorry. I've lost them all…" Whatever else her mother might have wanted to say was lost in her choking sobs. The scene faded from Lucetta's mind.
This was impossible. There was no way she should have been able to remember something that she hadn't seen in the first place. That it was a memory and not her own imagination Lucetta was certain. She would have pictured her mother calling one of her friends rather than calling on God. Her mother liked to gossip. She also liked to cast blame anywhere but at her own feet, and her friends were the sort who would sympathetically encourage her not to feel guilty. Seeing her mother's vulnerability brought an unwelcome tendril of empathy to Lucetta's heart. Hatred was comfortable and familiar. She did not want to like her mother right now.
A sudden revelation struck her: she had remembered something! Lucetta searched her mind for more, hungry for the past that once again eluded her. Nothing remained, except the echoes of her own angry voice and her mother's sobs. She winced. It would be easier to believe that she had just imagined the whole episode. Perhaps approaching death had clouded her mind and created unrealistic visions of days gone by.
It was then that a second revelation struck her: either death was taking its time approaching, or it wasn't coming.
Author's Note: Sorry it has been so long since I've updated this. I've been experiencing the joys of life as a college freshman and haven't had any time lately. But I think I'm getting into the swing of things now. Please leave me a review to let me know that you're reading and what you think. Thanks!