[A/N. This chapter wasn't one that was going to be written, but I have to
admit I bowed to pressure. Because it wasn't part of my plan for Eliza I'm
not too sure how it came out, but I hope it's all right?]
Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, February 1941.
"I'm glad the children are getting along so well." Rose said a few days later as she and Eliza watched the five children happily playing on the deck. Both women were seated on deck chairs comfortably.
"Yes, so am I. Even though Ben and Margaret usually get along well I think that with this trip being so long it may have tested them." Eliza said. "And of course Edward loves having someone to talk "man talk" with!"
Rose laughed, and then a strange look crossed her face as she said, "They retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being masters of the universe."
Eliza nodded. "I couldn't put it any better myself." She said, with a little smile. There was the same faraway look in Rose's eyes as she'd had the other day.
Rose sighed and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.
Eliza leant closer towards her friend. "Are you all right? I hope you're not sick." She asked.
Rose smiled weakly. "I'm not sick." She said. "Sometimes I just get caught up in my memories."
"Oh," Eliza smiled too, and as she'd done the other day decided to change the subject. "So do I. There's one memory I'm going to have to relieve soon which I'm not looking forward to- my mother in law."
Rose's eyes cleared and she laughed. "Is she terrible?"
"Worse than terrible. She's never really forgiven me for marrying Edward. She had visions of him marrying someone more of his class shall we say?" Eliza said.
"She sounds a lovely woman." Rose said sarcastically.
"Mmm." Eliza replied. "Although I know she only ever wanted the best for her son. Maybe all mothers are like that- I don't really remember mine since she died when I was six."
"My mother was a terrible snob." Rose said. "Sometimes it used to frustrate me so much, I wanted to just grab her and shake her and scream at her. But on the other hand I know she loved me dearly. I never wanted for anything growing up, and she always lavished attention on me. I think things changed a bit though when my father died. We had a lot of debts he'd left us, and things were pretty hard."
Eliza looked thoughtful. "Is your mother dead?" She asked.
Rose frowned. "I don't know to tell you the truth. I ran away when I was seventeen and I've not seen her since. Sometimes I wish I could see her but I know it could never be. Too much water has passed under the bridge."
"It must have been hard to be on your own at seventeen." Eliza said sympathetically.
"I wasn't completely alone. I had Jackson and the memories of the most wonderful person I'd ever met." Rose said, and Eliza held her breath, pretty sure that Rose was going to tell her about Jack Dawson, the man Cal always referred to as the "gutter rat", and the man Rose had left Cal for. "Jackson was the result of a man I met called Jack. Jack was the first man I ever gave myself too, and it was only the one time. When I found out I was pregnant I didn't hesitate in keeping the baby. I thought of it like a tie between Jack and I. Jack was my true love. The sort of love I felt for Jack is the sort of love one only feels once in a lifetime, and I certainly haven't felt like that since. To tell you the truth I often look forward to the time we can be together again."
"What happened to you two?" Eliza asked, caught up in the story. From what she could gather from Cal Jack had probably died on board the Titanic.
"Fate." Rose said with a sigh. "Fate intervened and I lost Jack. He died. At first I was upset but then I thought about him and I knew that he'd want me to live my life to the fullest and enjoy it as best as I could. But having said that I vowed never to forget him. And I never have.."
"That's so sad." Eliza said, tears in her eyes. "I can't imagine what it would be like without Edward. To be honest I don't think I could go on."
"Oh but you do go on." Rose assured her. "But they're always in your heart. Much of what I do- even acting, is for Jack."
"MAMA!" Margaret called interrupting the moment. "I need to go to the..you know..."
Eliza smiled slightly at her daughter and started to stand up, however Carmel stood up too. "I'll take her. You two look like you're having a heart to heart."
"Thank you sweetie." Eliza said.
Carmel took off with Margaret's hand in hers and Eliza looked into the distance. At the moment there was nothing but the dark blue of the ocean, however she knew in only three days they'd be docking in New York. She wondered what it would be like to be back in America. It had given her so many things, some good and others not so good. It had given her an education, a job and a family. It had taught her about prejudice and going without. But overriding all this was the fact that it had given her Cal, who had treated her almost as if she were his own daughter. Cal, who had provided for her, put her through school, helped her get work when there was some, and looked after her when there was none. Perhaps what Cal had done in taking her from the Titanic was selfish but if there was one thing the war had taught her was that the human instinct for survival burnt stronger than anything else. And no longer did Eliza harbor the slightest resentment towards the man and his actions.
"My you look like you're having very deep and profound thoughts there." Rose teased her friend.
Eliza made a decision then, and she hoped she wouldn't regret it. "I was thinking about the man who brought me up. Interestingly enough he also saved my life on the Titanic by taking me into a lifeboat with him. His name was Caledon Hockley."
Rose made a strange noise then, and her face went pale. "Caledon Hockley?" She repeated.
"Cal took me in and he treated me better than I could have expected to be treated. He sent me to school and then after I finished school he got me a job as a governess. When the depression began and work got scarce he brought me back home to look after me. Society used to wonder why he'd do it, but I worked it out." Eliza said, her eyes never leaving Rose's. "He only occasionally talked about her, but when he did I knew that what had happened had hurt him. He knew he'd done the wrong thing too. And by taking me in and helping me like he did, by giving me a home, an education and even a life, because without him I'm sure I'd be dead now, he hoped he would atone for his sins. He hoped that Rose would be pleased and realise he wasn't as bad as she'd thought."
Rose broke the staring competition and looked away, and Eliza held her breath. Had she done the right thing by giving Rose this slightly garbled account of her life? She hadn't been able to express her feelings as well as she would normally have been able to, and she wondered whether she'd managed to get the message across.
Finally Rose replied, "I was only seventeen when Cal and I got engaged, and I didn't even know my own mind. I thought Cal and life in American society was what I wanted, but it took someone else to make me see I'd never have been happy. I thought I loved Cal, maybe I did I don't really know, but I know now that it would never have worked between us. After the sinking I saw him come down to search for me, and I made my decision then and turned my back so he couldn't see me. Marrying Cal, especially after all Jack had taught me, would only ever have lead to pain and heartache for both of us."
"Rose, Cal did love you." Eliza said.
"I don't doubt that he did. Maybe it was more of a possessive love, like I was another thing he owned, I don't know. I didn't get the chance to work that out of course." Rose said, pushing her hair back from her face. "But you must believe me Eliza when I say that I would have caused Cal, and indeed myself, more pain by going back to him than I did leaving him. He'd have always been thinking about Jack and it wouldn't have been a proper marriage. By leaving him I gave us both the chance to have happy lives."
"I'm not judging you Rose!" Eliza hastened to assure her. "I never would. In the last few days I've gotten to know you and I know you're one of the kindest people I've ever met!"
Rose laughed, slightly hoarsely, and wiped a tear from her face. "Was he happy though?" She asked.
Eliza didn't hesitate. "Yes, very happy." She promised. She didn't tell her about the pain of his first wife's death, nor the pain of his second wife and her taking the children to England, nor about Cal's violent end. She told Rose what Rose obviously wanted to hear.
Rose smiled, and it looked to Eliza as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. "I'm very glad to know that. It also makes me know even more that I did the right thing by not going back to him. Thank you Eliza."
Eliza smiled back. "No problems."
Somewhere in the middle of the ocean, February 1941.
"I'm glad the children are getting along so well." Rose said a few days later as she and Eliza watched the five children happily playing on the deck. Both women were seated on deck chairs comfortably.
"Yes, so am I. Even though Ben and Margaret usually get along well I think that with this trip being so long it may have tested them." Eliza said. "And of course Edward loves having someone to talk "man talk" with!"
Rose laughed, and then a strange look crossed her face as she said, "They retreat into a cloud of smoke and congratulate each other on being masters of the universe."
Eliza nodded. "I couldn't put it any better myself." She said, with a little smile. There was the same faraway look in Rose's eyes as she'd had the other day.
Rose sighed and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.
Eliza leant closer towards her friend. "Are you all right? I hope you're not sick." She asked.
Rose smiled weakly. "I'm not sick." She said. "Sometimes I just get caught up in my memories."
"Oh," Eliza smiled too, and as she'd done the other day decided to change the subject. "So do I. There's one memory I'm going to have to relieve soon which I'm not looking forward to- my mother in law."
Rose's eyes cleared and she laughed. "Is she terrible?"
"Worse than terrible. She's never really forgiven me for marrying Edward. She had visions of him marrying someone more of his class shall we say?" Eliza said.
"She sounds a lovely woman." Rose said sarcastically.
"Mmm." Eliza replied. "Although I know she only ever wanted the best for her son. Maybe all mothers are like that- I don't really remember mine since she died when I was six."
"My mother was a terrible snob." Rose said. "Sometimes it used to frustrate me so much, I wanted to just grab her and shake her and scream at her. But on the other hand I know she loved me dearly. I never wanted for anything growing up, and she always lavished attention on me. I think things changed a bit though when my father died. We had a lot of debts he'd left us, and things were pretty hard."
Eliza looked thoughtful. "Is your mother dead?" She asked.
Rose frowned. "I don't know to tell you the truth. I ran away when I was seventeen and I've not seen her since. Sometimes I wish I could see her but I know it could never be. Too much water has passed under the bridge."
"It must have been hard to be on your own at seventeen." Eliza said sympathetically.
"I wasn't completely alone. I had Jackson and the memories of the most wonderful person I'd ever met." Rose said, and Eliza held her breath, pretty sure that Rose was going to tell her about Jack Dawson, the man Cal always referred to as the "gutter rat", and the man Rose had left Cal for. "Jackson was the result of a man I met called Jack. Jack was the first man I ever gave myself too, and it was only the one time. When I found out I was pregnant I didn't hesitate in keeping the baby. I thought of it like a tie between Jack and I. Jack was my true love. The sort of love I felt for Jack is the sort of love one only feels once in a lifetime, and I certainly haven't felt like that since. To tell you the truth I often look forward to the time we can be together again."
"What happened to you two?" Eliza asked, caught up in the story. From what she could gather from Cal Jack had probably died on board the Titanic.
"Fate." Rose said with a sigh. "Fate intervened and I lost Jack. He died. At first I was upset but then I thought about him and I knew that he'd want me to live my life to the fullest and enjoy it as best as I could. But having said that I vowed never to forget him. And I never have.."
"That's so sad." Eliza said, tears in her eyes. "I can't imagine what it would be like without Edward. To be honest I don't think I could go on."
"Oh but you do go on." Rose assured her. "But they're always in your heart. Much of what I do- even acting, is for Jack."
"MAMA!" Margaret called interrupting the moment. "I need to go to the..you know..."
Eliza smiled slightly at her daughter and started to stand up, however Carmel stood up too. "I'll take her. You two look like you're having a heart to heart."
"Thank you sweetie." Eliza said.
Carmel took off with Margaret's hand in hers and Eliza looked into the distance. At the moment there was nothing but the dark blue of the ocean, however she knew in only three days they'd be docking in New York. She wondered what it would be like to be back in America. It had given her so many things, some good and others not so good. It had given her an education, a job and a family. It had taught her about prejudice and going without. But overriding all this was the fact that it had given her Cal, who had treated her almost as if she were his own daughter. Cal, who had provided for her, put her through school, helped her get work when there was some, and looked after her when there was none. Perhaps what Cal had done in taking her from the Titanic was selfish but if there was one thing the war had taught her was that the human instinct for survival burnt stronger than anything else. And no longer did Eliza harbor the slightest resentment towards the man and his actions.
"My you look like you're having very deep and profound thoughts there." Rose teased her friend.
Eliza made a decision then, and she hoped she wouldn't regret it. "I was thinking about the man who brought me up. Interestingly enough he also saved my life on the Titanic by taking me into a lifeboat with him. His name was Caledon Hockley."
Rose made a strange noise then, and her face went pale. "Caledon Hockley?" She repeated.
"Cal took me in and he treated me better than I could have expected to be treated. He sent me to school and then after I finished school he got me a job as a governess. When the depression began and work got scarce he brought me back home to look after me. Society used to wonder why he'd do it, but I worked it out." Eliza said, her eyes never leaving Rose's. "He only occasionally talked about her, but when he did I knew that what had happened had hurt him. He knew he'd done the wrong thing too. And by taking me in and helping me like he did, by giving me a home, an education and even a life, because without him I'm sure I'd be dead now, he hoped he would atone for his sins. He hoped that Rose would be pleased and realise he wasn't as bad as she'd thought."
Rose broke the staring competition and looked away, and Eliza held her breath. Had she done the right thing by giving Rose this slightly garbled account of her life? She hadn't been able to express her feelings as well as she would normally have been able to, and she wondered whether she'd managed to get the message across.
Finally Rose replied, "I was only seventeen when Cal and I got engaged, and I didn't even know my own mind. I thought Cal and life in American society was what I wanted, but it took someone else to make me see I'd never have been happy. I thought I loved Cal, maybe I did I don't really know, but I know now that it would never have worked between us. After the sinking I saw him come down to search for me, and I made my decision then and turned my back so he couldn't see me. Marrying Cal, especially after all Jack had taught me, would only ever have lead to pain and heartache for both of us."
"Rose, Cal did love you." Eliza said.
"I don't doubt that he did. Maybe it was more of a possessive love, like I was another thing he owned, I don't know. I didn't get the chance to work that out of course." Rose said, pushing her hair back from her face. "But you must believe me Eliza when I say that I would have caused Cal, and indeed myself, more pain by going back to him than I did leaving him. He'd have always been thinking about Jack and it wouldn't have been a proper marriage. By leaving him I gave us both the chance to have happy lives."
"I'm not judging you Rose!" Eliza hastened to assure her. "I never would. In the last few days I've gotten to know you and I know you're one of the kindest people I've ever met!"
Rose laughed, slightly hoarsely, and wiped a tear from her face. "Was he happy though?" She asked.
Eliza didn't hesitate. "Yes, very happy." She promised. She didn't tell her about the pain of his first wife's death, nor the pain of his second wife and her taking the children to England, nor about Cal's violent end. She told Rose what Rose obviously wanted to hear.
Rose smiled, and it looked to Eliza as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. "I'm very glad to know that. It also makes me know even more that I did the right thing by not going back to him. Thank you Eliza."
Eliza smiled back. "No problems."