Author's note: The disclaimer from the previous chapter still applies. Additionally, any resemblance between the 'Wonder' Juicer™ and any other appliances, living or dead, is purely coincidental. (I sure hope that little superscript TM stays there when I convert this to html…) Stay tuned for further commentary at the end of the fic.

The Phooka is a rare and solitary creature, somewhat wild in nature but with extremely high intelligence and magical capability, Harry wrote rapidly on a roll of parchment It is a shapeshifter that often takes the form of a shaggy horse or goat, usually black.

He sighed and paused for a moment. At the end of the year, Professor Binns had informed their class that over the holiday they were to write an essay comparing and contrasting three different supernatural beings in preparation for an additional class to be taught next term. The new class was Dumbledore's brainchild, a course on the culture of the various supernaturals of Europe. The information to be covered was vast and in-depth. Harry was not looking forward to it, but he had to admit it was rather interesting to be studying supernatural beings as potential allies rather than dark creatures to be avoided or defended against. He had chosen to write his essay about werewolves, giants, and phookas, as all three reminded him of absent friends. Giants reminded him of Hagrid, of course, though much of the information he could find of them in his textbook described them disparagingly. Werewolves naturally brought Remus Lupin to mind. He was beginning to regret the choice of the phooka as his third being, however, as he could find little information on them aside from a few folktales. But the idea of a being who could turn into a large, black animal at will reminded him of Sirius.

Harry stood and walked to the window. Less than an hour ago he had watched Vernon and Petunia pull out of the driveway. They had been invited to join some of Uncle Vernon's business associates for cocktails and dinner. Dudley had not been included in the invitation, and Petunia was hesitant to go without him, but he had practically shoved her out the door, insisting he wanted the time to himself, anyway. Harry suspected Dudley mainly wanted a chance to fix his own dinner for a change, so he could eat something other than salad and wheat toast.

An odd sound coming from the kitchen below him caught Harry's attention. It was a metallic buzz that he could not quite place until he recalled the 'Wonder' Juicer™ that Petunia had presented to Dudley at the start of the summer, along with a book full of vegetable juice recipes that were supposed to promote weight loss.

"Fantastic," Dudley had said, "Now I can drink rabbit food, as well as eat it."

Dudley hadn't touched the juicer since, though Harry sometimes heard Petunia grinding carrots and tomatoes in the early morning for her son's breakfast. He was surprised to hear the appliance running at all, much less for the amount of time it had been whirring away. It took Petunia less than five minutes to manufacture more juice than anyone cared to drink. Harry sat for nearly fifteen minutes, staring out the window and listening. The buzz continued. Curious at last, he got up and left his bedroom, heading downstairs. When he stuck his head into the kitchen, an amusing sight met his eyes.

The 'Wonder' Juicer™ was on the tiled floor. Dudley knelt by it, hunched over it thrusting vegetables and fruit into the maw of the appliance. A plastic bucket, half-full, sat by the machine to catch the precious drippings. However, Dudley had forgotten to close the cover and he and most of the cabinets and floor around him were spattered with juice and bits of pulp.

"Dudley?" Harry coughed, trying not to laugh, "What on earth are you doing?"

His cousin looked up, startled, then scowled and returned to his work, "Would you believe I'm thirsty?"

"Yes. But I won't believe you're going to drink that. You've just put a banana and a turnip in, one after the other."

He grunted in assent. "I thought maybe if I got rid of all this we could get something decent to eat."

"Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia might. Neither of us will. You're dieting and they hate me."

"I'm sick of dieting."

"You were sick of it before you started it."

A tangerine went into the juicer, peel and all, followed by a quarter of a head of purple cabbage. "Where are the parsnips?" Dudley asked.

"In the basket under the sink, with the onions and potatoes."

Dudley brightened and groped for the cabinet door, but he reached too far and his knees slipped on the juice-dampened floor. One foot flew out from under him and struck the juicer, which in turn hit the bucket and tipped it, spilling brown liquid all across the floor. The juicer skidded a bit, and the plug pulled free of the wall socket. The buzzing ceased abruptly. Harry watched the unappetizing, fruit-scented puddle spread over the linoleum. "Okay," he said after a moment, "I'm going to go back upstairs and lock myself in my room before your mother comes home."

He turned, but Dudley protested in a panicked tone, "Wait! She'll kill me! You've got to help me clean this up!"

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. "No way. Your mess, your problem."

"If you don't help, I…I'll tell her you took the vegetables!"

"I was just doing my homework!"

"She'll believe me. She will."

Harry glared at him. "What happened to being nicer to me?"

"This is an emergency! Please? You won't have to do it by yourself. Here, I'll get the mop!" Dudley hopped up and headed for the closet.

"Wait! You're dripping! You'll get juice on the carpet." Harry sighed. "I'll get it. But you owe me."

Dudley tried not to look smug as he watched his cousin go, then reached to pull some paper towels off the rack over the sink. When Harry returned with the mop, Dudley was wiping juice off his pudgy knees.

"All right," said Harry, "You wash the 'Wonder' Juicer™ and the cabinets. I'll get the floor."

Dudley nodded eagerly in agreement, picking up the appliance and detaching the grinding blades carefully.

"And don't cut yourself," Harry added as an afterthought, righting the juice bucket gingerly, then poking at the puddle with the mop.

"Ewwww," Dudley commented as he opened the back of the juicer, watching the sludgy vegetable pulp drip into the garbage disposal.

Harry just rolled his eyes, shoving the juice puddle with the mop in an attempt to keep it from spreading further, then grabbing a handful of paper towels. "You should probably change clothes and rinse the ones you're wearing, too," he commented, "It looks like there's some tomato specks on your shirt."

"I'll do it when I'm done with this." Dudley rinsed the bits out of the juicer as Harry swabbed up the puddle with paper towels. It took two rolls full before he was done, and in the meantime, Dudley had wiped the cabinets down with a dishrag.

When the kitchen was finally spotless, Harry sank into a chair with a sigh. Dudley wrung out the dishrag, then looked over his shoulder at him. "Hey, Harry?"

"Mm?"

"Thanks."

Harry smirked slightly, "You still owe me."

Dudley looked thoughtful for a moment, then grinned, "Wait here, I'll pay you back." He waddled out of the room and up the stairs as quickly as he could. Harry blinked after him, a little worried about how Dudley planned on repaying him.

His cousin returned after a few moments, jogging noisily down the stairs wearing clean, juice-free clothes and carrying a blue metallic bag in one hand. "I know you like these," he said triumphantly, "I remember how mad you got when I took yours from you at lunch when we were nine." He tossed the bag into Harry's lap.

"Cheez Crunchies," Harry read aloud, then laughed, "I remember these! I don't think I've had them since then…"

"So you still like them?"

"As far as I know." He tore the bag open and pulled out a lumpy twig of crisped corn, covered with fluorescent orange, cheese-flavored dust. "You know, I never realized what a disturbing color that was." He popped it in his mouth.

"Good, though." Dudley looked pleased with himself.

"Yeah," Harry agreed after swallowing, "But where did you get them?"

Dudley looked half-embarrassed, half-sly. "Well…I knew they'd put me on a diet this summer, so I saved up all the change I could and when I was waiting for the train at the station I bought out the vending machines."

"You've got a stash, too, then?" Harry shook his head, feeling he should be disapproving but choosing to be amused instead. After all, he didn't care if Dudley lost or gained weight.

"Too? You mean you've got one?"

"Since last year. My friends from school sent me snacks." He misinterpreted the sudden look of envy on Dudley's face. "I'm not telling where it is, though. Besides, it's wizard candy, you wouldn't like it."

Dudley flushed and sat heavily across from Harry, "It's not that. I've got plenty, really. It's just…no one from school would send me anything."

"Don't you have any friends at all there?"

"No," he replied shortly, then made an obvious attempt to change the subject, "What's wizard candy like? Different from ordinary candy? It's not all like that awful thing I ate last year is it?"

Harry regarded him thoughtfully for a moment. "Well…no…most of it isn't. Fred and George Weasley made that toffee as a prank. They want to start a joke shop." He ate a couple more Cheez Crunchies.

"Oh. Well…if it hadn't turned my tongue like that and scared me so bad…it tasted good. Probably one of the best toffees I've ever eaten." He grinned weakly.

"Really? I'll have to tell them that." Harry chuckled softly. "They did it partly because they knew how awful you've been to me, though, you know."

"I know. Still, though, they should put a warning on those things. If that other man hadn't been there, Mum and Dad might have cut off my tongue…or I might have really panicked and choked on it."

Harry blinked, not having thought of that. "They weren't trying to be *that* mean…" he said uncomfortably, feeling oddly guilty. "But they won't be selling them to Muggles. Just other wizards."

"That makes a difference?"

"Sure. Wizards are used to odd things like that happening unexpectedly. They know how to deal with it. You should have seen the time in potions class when we tossed a firecracker in Malfoy's cauldron. The potion went all over. His nose was this big…" he gestured with his hands.

Dudley blinked. "It sounds like a cartoon. Would my tongue have stayed like that if no one had done anything?"

"Probably not…I don't really know. The feathers fell off Neville in a few minutes…"

"Feathers?!"

Harry chuckled and explained about the Canary Creams.

"Well, that's not so bad. I could deal with feathers." Dudley declared.

Harry grinned evilly, "Oh, you think so? I've got a couple upstairs. Want to try one?"

"Er…no thanks."

"You sure? We could trade snacks." Harry nibbled another Cheez Crunchie thoughtfully. The gift of his favorite childhood snack made him feel mellower around his cousin than he ever had before. Besides which, Dudley was being unusually civil. Perhaps he had changed, after all. "I haven't had Muggle snacks in years. I kind of missed them. I actually have lots of things that won't enchant you when you eat them. Chocolate frogs…pumpkin pasties…sugar quills…and Mrs. Weasley's chocolate cakes…"

Dudley was interested in spite of himself. Food was his greatest weakness, and it showed. "Promise?"

"I promise. I'll warn you about anything funny."

Dudley looked at him searchingly for a moment. "Okay. I'll bring down part of my stash and you bring down part of yours. We'll trade snack for snack. Fair?"

"Sounds good." Harry rolled the top of the bag of Cheez Crunchies down to close it, holding it possessively. "But I'm keeping these."

Dudley laughed. "I've got lots."

Harry trotted up the stairs lightly, followed more slowly by Dudley. He locked the door to his room before pulling up the floorboard, not willing to risk his cousin finding his hiding place. He took out a little less than half of the delicacies he had hidden, leaving behind the more healthy fare Hermione had sent, then replaced the floorboard, and carried his armload of food back downstairs, lining up each item neatly on the kitchen table. Dudley appeared a moment later, his arms full of metallic bags and plastic wrappers. He sat at the opposite end of the table and lined his items up in a manner similar to Harry's, then sat. They regarded each other's prizes for a moment, then Harry offered, "I'll trade you a chocolate frog for that bag of pretzels."

"Is it a real frog?" Dudley inquired suspiciously.

"No, it's all chocolate, but you have to be careful when you open it. It moves like a frog for a couple minutes. You have to pin it down or it will jump."

Dudley looked both curious and intimidated. "Well…okay, then."

The snacks changed hands. Harry opened his bag casually and ate a pretzel, but Dudley unfolded the corners of the chocolate frog box as if he were afraid it would explode. The contents croaked once and gave a half-hearted hop onto the table. Dudley cupped his hand over the chocolate frog, wide-eyed. "You swear it's not real?"

"Cross my heart." Harry watched with amusement.

Dudley lifted his hand up just a bit to peer at the frog, then sniffed. "It smells like chocolate…"

"I'd wait until it's done hopping to eat it, though," Harry suggested. "It feels strange going down if you eat it before it's done."

Dudley nodded slightly, then lifted his hand slowly, his eyes still round and nervous. The frog hopped toward his face, and he jumped back with a yelp, then relaxed again as the amphibious confection grew still.

Harry coughed to hide a chuckle. "There you are. It's done. Take a bite."

Dudley picked up the chocolate frog and nibbled timidly on its right hind leg, then looked relieved. "It tastes like chocolate. Good chocolate."

"I think they're made in Belgium," Harry commented, continuing on his pretzels.

Dudley sat still for several moments, regarding the frog thoughtfully.

"Something wrong?" Harry inquired.

"Um…no…just…it's a little weird to eat something that was moving just a minute ago."

"And you're waiting to see if any part of your body is about to swell up like a balloon?" Harry teased.

Dudley blushed. "Kind of, yeah."

Harry snickered, then thought of something. "Hey, can I have the packaging? There's a moving picture in it and if anyone saw it I could get in trouble for passing off magical things to Muggles."

"It moves?" Dudley pulled the collectible card out of the box and stared at it. "Weird…she's winking at me…"

"She? Who is it?"

"Umm…it says 'Circe' on the bottom." Dudley handed the card to Harry.

"Oh…I have one of her already. Maybe Colin Creevey would like it. He collects these things, too…" Harry glanced at the card, then pocketed it. "She's creepy, anyway."

"And you just put her in your jeans pocket?" Dudley joked.

"It's just a picture…it moves, but it can't do anything. It doesn't even talk."

Dudley picked up the frog and took a more decisive nibble. "This is really good…what other kinds of things do you have?"

Harry showed him the pumpkin pasties, the sugar quills, Drooble's Best Blowing Gum, and the various baked goods Molly Weasley had sent him.

"What are Every-Flavor Beans?" Dudley asked, eyeing the box of Bertie Bott's jellybeans.

"They're jellybeans," Harry explained, "but they come in flavors you…well…wouldn't expect. I brought them down just to show you, really, I don't think you'd like them."

"Why not? I like normal jellybeans."

"Would you like a horseradish flavored one?" Harry grinned at Dudley's confused expression.

"Horseradish??"

"And rutabaga, earwax, fresh-cut grass, dirt…"

"But why? Why would anyone make an earwax flavored jellybean?"

"Dunno, but lots of people buy them. It's kind of fun, not knowing what flavor you're going to get."

"I'm curious now."

"If you trade and don't like them, I'm not trading back." Harry's eyes sparkled.

"Mmmmh…" Dudley looked thoughtful, then eyed his pile of food. "How about…I give you half a package of caramels for half of the beans?"

"Done. You're braver than I thought." Harry opened the box and poured half the jellybeans into Dudley's waiting hands. "Maybe you should review restaurants or something when you grow up."

"I'd never get skinnier if I did that," Dudley complained, setting the handful of candy on the table in front of him, then giving Harry half the contents of his bag of caramels as promised.

Harry wisely said nothing, merely watching as Dudley picked through the beans, trying to find one that looked safe. "I usually bite half of one. If I like it, I keep the other half so I can wash the taste out of my mouth if I get a nasty one."

Dudley nodded thoughtfully, picking out a bright pink one. "What do you think? Cotton Candy? Watermelon?"

"You wish. Probably Bubble Bath or something." Harry teased.

Dudley nibbled at it carefully, "No, it's Shrimp-flavored! That's so strange…"

Harry laughed at his expression, and Dudley defiantly popped the rest in his mouth.

Harry ate a couple caramels, then finished his pretzels, watching Dudley try the beans carefully, one by one. He got Candy Apple, Kiwifruit, Honey, Mocha, Almond, Apricot, and Kumquat, saving half of each in case of bad-flavored emergencies. He also got Celery, Bacon, Champagne, Bleu Cheese, Rose Petal, and Baked Potato, which he found odd, but ate anyway. And he got Rubber, Wasabi, Worm, Seawater, and Tobacco, all of which he spit out after the first taste and replaced with something more likely. Harry watched, thoroughly enjoying the show, particularly the contortions Dudley's expression went through when he tasted the Worm-flavored bean. Dudley didn't seem to mind. He even laughed once or twice himself. By the time his cousin had tired of the beans, Harry was surprised to find himself feeling almost friendly toward Dudley. Unfortunately, the noise of a car in the driveway interrupted them.

"Mum and Dad!" Dudley gasped, leaping up and scooping his snacks into his arms frantically.

Harry followed his lead, muttering a few words he wouldn't normally have used in front of anyone but Ron, whose swearing habits were far worse. Dudley didn't seem to notice, hurrying up to his room with his food. Harry had almost reached the top of the stairs when his own hand-me-down jeans (from Dudley, naturally, and far too big for him), tripped him. He fell on all fours, and the food in his arms scattered across the hallway.

Dudley glanced back in time to see what had happened, then ducked quickly into his room. There was a sound of things getting shuffled around quickly as he hid his snacks, then he hurried back into the hallway, where Harry was scrambling to gather his own candy together. He picked up a handful of Pepper Imps, licorice wands, and pumpkin pasties and shoved them hurriedly into Harry's arms, then began to scoop up the caramels for him. Harry stared at him.

"What?" snapped Dudley, "Hurry up, if they catch you we're both finished!"

"You're helping me," Harry said in confusion, then shook his head, setting his puzzlement aside for the moment and hurrying into his room. He yanked the floorboard up and started to stuff the food into his usual hiding place. Dudley followed him in and dropped the caramels in, as well, then helped him shove the floorboard back into place. They were just in the nick of time. Petunia's voice echoed shrilly from the foot of the stairs, "Duddykins! We're home! Where are you??"

Dudley winced, "I hate it when she calls me that," he muttered to Harry in an almost conspiratorial fashion, then shouted back, "I'm up here, Mum!"

"Come down, sweetums," she replied, "We brought you some lovely fresh spinach salad from the restaurant."

Harry blinked at Dudley as he rolled his eyes and headed for the door. As he was about to exit, Dudley paused, "Hey, Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"That was fun. Thanks." The cousins exchanged uncertain smiles, then Dudley shuffled down the stairs to suffer through a bowl of spinach salad with fat-free dressing.

Author's Note: Still more to come. This last chapter was very dialogue-based, so I hope it didn't bore anyone, but the next chapter will be more action-oriented. And there will be a plot. A real one. I'm on a roll this week, so it may show up soon, even.

The mention of a class on supernatural beings and their cultures is a nod to a Hogwarts roleplay I have going.

Much thanks to all those who reviewed! It's very encouraging to post a story on the web, go to bed, then wake up the next morning and find 8 positive comments. Responding to individuals' comments in author's note's seems to be fairly commonplace here, so I will follow suit (always at the end, lest the commentary disrupt the flow of the story) unless by some miracle I get a vast flood of comments in a short time period, in which case I will probably just fall over.

ToonedIn: Oh, good, I'm original? ^_^ I try, but there's almost 50 thousand HP stories floating around here, and I can't read them all to be certain. I figured plenty of fanfic authors want to reform Draco, because he's nice looking, and Snape, because he's complex (ok, lots of people think he's nice-looking, too), but no one wants to reform Dudley because he's…well, not charismatic. But I've always sympathized with the fat kid in any story. And I think Dudley's main problem is that his parents have spoiled him rotten, and that he wouldn't be nearly as nasty to Harry if he hadn't been taught to. Please do keep reading!

CatalinaRose: Glad you like it. The title's the easy part. I had a title before I had a plot. ;-)

Katriana: Will do! Originally it was just going to be 'Harry and Dudley each realize the other's not so bad', but now I'm getting better ideas.

Jelsemium: After I posted the story, I had a moment of panic where I wondered if Smeltings was actually an all-boy's school and I had foolishly assumed it was co-ed. Then I checked 'Harry Potter and the Sorceror's (Philosopher's) Stone', and it doesn't really say, so I'll just run with it until someone points and laughs at me. Would you like to hear more about the bully herself? I wasn't really going to go all that in-depth regarding her and Dudley's conflict, but I could come up with something, if you're interested.

Kirjava: There ya go. ^_^ I think there will be at least four chapters, possibly five, when all this is through.

Kaylin: I am notoriously bad about starting stories and not finishing them, but I feel like, having posted these, there are people watching me. It's like a deadline but not as stressful. So I think I will actually finish this.

Red Witch: Thank you! I was going for cute, actually. I just hope Dudley didn't sound too much like Neville. But then, I think Neville has more grit than Dudley. Now people are giving me funny looks.

Falco: You know, I haven't done a search for Dursley fics on ff.net, but it wouldn't surprise me if there weren't many. Particularly not sympathetic portrayals. After all most people read the Harry Potter series because they like the magic stuff, and the Dursleys…can't do magic. ^_^;; truth is, I'm too intimidated to try and write a 5th year fic (for now…don't count on that worry lasting too long), and I'm not sure I could do an Alternate Universe and still keep them in character. So short fics squeezed in at appropriate lulls in the novels works to start with.