AN: Kikyo's POV was originally part of a much longer fic, but since the storyline shifted
away from this scene I had simply clipped it out and wanted it to stand by itself. It should
not answer all your questions. I certainly don't know -- and I have a feeling the characters
don't either. But some comments (Thanks lynnxlady for the prodding) made me rethink
this. I'll let Sessy have his say. Its not what I had originally intended, since the
Sesshoumaru from the longer work has already had some bonding moments before this
act, but let me know if I can pull this off. I still think he'd pull through in the end. Please
review.

Oh yeah-- this may have spoilers for the magna. I try to keep up with the weekly translations,
and I've seen up to episode 107 of the anime. I consider that fair game for basing the characters off of.

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. They thank God for that. ^_~

My Own Agenda

The day had started out routinely enough. Or at least, it had started following the routine
established with the addition of the human pup. Rin had awoken from the warmth of
Sesshoumaru's fluffy. Jakan had annoyed the ruffled demon lord with his muttered
complaints. Jakan got stepped on by said demon lord. All was right with the world. But
after a quick breakfast of fresh fish and confiscated rice balls, the routine disappeared.

Ah-Un was the first to deviate. The rumbling dragon-horse refused to budge from its
scratched-out hollow from the night before. Jakan fitted the halters to its head and tried to
pull it to its feet. Rin shouted encouragement. Sesshoumaru stood facing away. He very
much regretted missing what happened next. A loud belch and an accompanying odor of
sulfur, stomach acids, and burnt flesh was swiftly followed by a wet smack. Sesshoumaru
allowed himself a small twitch of amusement before he turned around to coldly stare at his
followers.

Rin, predictably danced in place. She held her face in her hands and shrieked cutely. He
noted that she was untouched. The same could not be said for Jakan. The little toad was
currently dumbfounded into silence. His wide yellow eyes peered through a massive pile of
evidence that the dragon was ill.

Hmm... the youkai lord used his nose and ears to gather the evidence to his unmoving
form. It seems that last demon was not digestible. Ah-Un groaned.

"Quiet Rin" Sesshoumaru ordered. She nodded and gave him a chipper reply as she went
to comfort the ailing dragon. Sesshoumaru focused his gaze instead on Jakan. The end of
his nose wrinkled slightly. "Jakan"

"Yes Sesshoumaru-sama!" the toad knew better then voice his complaints while under his
master's direct gaze.

The golden eyes roamed over the trio before him. His mind already mapping out the slight
change for the day. "Clean up and find a cure for this.... problem." He turned and started
to move off. He could patrol ahead on his own for a while before doubling back to meet
up with his charges later. It was a sound idea. Then Rin spoke up.

"Sesshoumaru-sama please let Rin go with you!" Her hopeful voice drew his gaze down
to her shining brown eyes. The Great Lord of the Western Lands was vanquished by the
slight trembling of her lower lip. From a deeply buried memory of his sibling's long ago
childhood he could recall this telling look. What had his father called it? Ah yes, 'the
feared puppy face'. Rin had learned this tactic soon after joining them. He had yet to find a
suitable defense.

She must have been worried by his continued silence. Her clasped hands rose in
supplication before her as she used a weapon of his own making: logic.
"Sesshoumaru-sama you said I needed to keep learning how to track and patrol."

He gave in. Though his sigh was barely audible, and the shift in his stare hardly noticeable,
Rin lit up. The odd pair set off at a relaxed pace through the sleepy forest. She knew him
too well. That thought might have earned her a death sentence a few months ago, but now
she was a constant. He would have it no other way.

He knew himself to be a creature of routine. He was a stickler for traditions and honor.
His proud mother had raised him as such. Her honor had gotten her killed. Yet, ever the
dutiful son, he lived as she had directed.

On the other hand, his masked curiosity was a curse from his father. He could blame all of
his transgressions on his father. He had to know everything.

Why did he have Tenseiga?
Why did the other youkai lords never give up pressing at his boarders?
Why did a spell work a certain way?

The questions seemed endless in his mind. And in his silence he sought to deduce the
answers. He used his keen senses to collect information. He used his time-honed
intelligence to analyze and prod until his curiosity could be answered. And in a way he was
happy. He lived like this for well over a century after leaving his mother's side. He met up
with his father infrequently as he roamed the lands searching for the next question. He
knew his father referred to him on occasion as a lone wolf.

Then one year his father had provided him with questions. The Taiyoukai had taken a
human mate. Sesshoumaru discovered a treasure of questions from this. He had not given
humans more then passing attentions. Their lives seemed dull and uninspired. They could
not be a source of his amusement. He'd kill them if they got in his way, as he would any
other beast. So when his father decided to not only bed a lowly human, but to mate and
sire a pup with her he had formed a gigantic 'why'.

He spent almost two years around his father's little family trying to solve that question and
the many others that sprung from watching the female's behavior. The answers eluded
him. His frustrations turned to anger. The Taiyoukai had sensed this anger and drove
Sesshoumaru away. It was a last brick to seal off the inu-youkai's heart. For the first time he tried
to silence his curiosity with a self-reproach. It doesn't matter; some things just are.

This cryptic excuse was soon repeated as an answer to many questions. As the years
passed he lost his father. Immediately a small voice inside his head asked 'Why'. But the
question was for once directed at his own actions. Why hadn't he helped in battle? Why
did he not protect his younger sibling when his father's mate had died from grief? Why did
he feel? These types of questions he couldn't answer with 'It doesn't matter.' He knew a
lie when it was spoken. He could smell the lie on himself.

So he did the only thing he could do. He stopped asking questions about himself. Let
others be his amusement. He would not lower himself to questioning his own actions. Just
as he did not question his actions towards his brother. Some things he had schooled
himself to not be curious about.

But he let himself be curious about Inuyasha. He did not understand the hanyou at all. And
it had been so long since he had come across a new source of amusement. Besides,
Inuyasha's connection to the Tetsusaiga might help him answer a particularly irritating
question. Why had his father given him the healing sword, Tenseiga, rather then the
powerful Tetsusaiga. He was getting closer to an answer.

Inuyasha has certainly proved an endless source of amusement for the past year. The
hanyou was an ideal punching bag when needed. Then, of course, he offered a perfect
specimen of strange behavior to pique Sesshoumaru's interest. The demon lord had been
curious enough to even come out and ask Inuyasha a few of his well guarded questions
during the battle for Tetsusaiga. At the time, Sesshoumaru had thought that he would kill
the half-breed. It had been a last chance to satisfy these questions.

But he was caught off gaurd by the events at his fathers tomb. He had been shocked by his
little brother and that oddly-dressed female of his. The searing pain from his amputated
arm was nothing compared to the headache that followed. So many questions had
emerged from that day alone. He knew then that Inuyasha would have to be studied. His
curiosity would not let him alone for this.

Encounter after encounter with the Inu-hanyou and his growing pack led to yet more
nagging questions. He gathered information, following the group at times. His nose
cataloged changes in his brother's scent. He discovered the depths of emotions and the
richness of behaviors he never thought possible with humans. They were still lesser beings
than youkai, but could they offer him more entertainment over the long years of his life?

Sesshoumaru pulled himself out of his thoughts. Rin skipped along the trail ahead of him,
all pretenses of learning how to track forgotten. She had once been another question. The
answers she offered were less then satisfactory. As long as he remained unsure he'd keep
her with him. Besides, now she was part of the routine. Routine was accepted. Routine
was like Tradition. His mother had raised him thus.

His alert senses had caught wind of Inuyasha's latest campsite. Behind the stoic
mask, the great demon lord smirked inwardly. He had long ago discovered the reason why
his brother's pack chose to sleep around the hot springs. It seemed that the hanyou's miko
had a fetish for cleanliness. Although that raised other questions. The scent was faint but it
told him all he wanted to know... for the moment. The monk, exterminator, kitsune, and
fire-neko were at the camp. They were starting the fire. His ears filtered out the normal
forest sounds and focused on the murmurs of conversation. Bah... boring stuff.

Where is that whelp and his miko? For a moment he almost shuddered at the thought of
them alone together. As usual he didn't question his own reaction. What did he care if the
near-shudder was from disgust that she was a lowly human female or that he still could remember
Inuyasha as a day old pup. He shoved the image and the unwanted questions away. Maybe
he had been studying the hentai monk too much.

The sun had started its dip towards the horizon by the time the Demon Lord of the
Western Lands felt a faint tingle. Something was happening. Something that disturbed his
territory. It came from the direction that his brother's scent led off to. Naturally his
curiosity egged him to investigate.

Was it that undead miko? He knew she had been tailing his brother closely for the last few
days. Her scent was intermingled with the pack scent by the time Sesshoumaru came upon
it from his own lag. He prefered to stay at a days distance usually.

The laden summer haze interfered with his nose. He couldn't get a whiff of his brother's
current predicament.

"Rin" His low voice brought her skipping to an end as she turned loving eyes to his. "Now
we track. Stay silent and close." If it turned out that his brother was participating in more
adult activities then he'd be able to steer Rin away. Her senses were weak.

At the moment that his ears had picked up the clashing battle sounds and angry yells, his
nose had caught hold of Naraku's stench. On instinct the youkai lord shot forward. He
was minutes away. Minutes from answering yet another of his intense drives: bloodlust.
He would see that disgusting Naraku dead!

But a part of him that remained unquestioned stopped his charge. Rin. He turned and
looked back. Jakan was not with her now. It could be another of the nasty hanyou's traps.
Naraku worked this way. In a snap decision he whirled back and grabbed his charge,
dragging her along. She would be much safer with him. She'd just have to hide while he
destroyed the monster that had threatened his possessions. Again he did not question why
this possession, Rin, should drive him to such rage.

The sky lit with the combined powers of the miko's holy arrows and the devastating
effects of Tetsusaiga's ultimate attack. Sesshoumaru skidded to a halt. Rin pulled up
behind him with a tiny gasp. He ignored it.

His brow furrowed. Had it been that simple then? Did his nose lie when it told him of the
vile creature's demise? But his ears had also confirmed the events of the battle as he had
pulled Rin along. He heard the twang of two arrows fire. He listened to the defiant yells of
the young miko.

He barely acknowledged the presence of the other observer some distance ahead and to his left. He
sensed that the undead miko would be no harm to him. She seemed too focused by the
pair some fourty feet ahead of her. Her scent had been well masked, but his nose picked it
up. Those swirling soul-stealers of hers were also trying to hide themselves. He snorted
softly to himself. He was not his brother. His senses went much further. She could never
catch him unaware.

Had it been a mistake to assume that Inuyasha and the two mikos were the only ones
ahead of him? No. He would not ask this question. It dealt with himself.

And so, at a much more cautious pace he made his way towards the clearing. He was just
in time to see the last eddies of swirling youkai settle after the final attack. He watched, his
face impassive as his brother crashed to his knees to gather the unmoving woman in his
arms. For a split second in time all the nagging questions that had cluttered his thoughts
for the past years quieted. There was silence, inside and out. His ears seemed to stop
working. The air froze. He was unable to do more then watch the drama unfold.

This Sesshoumaru has witnessed many events during the long years I've walked these
lands. He stood, statuesque, among the thick trunks of the ancient forest. The summer air
lay heavily upon him. The damp earth muffled the telling sounds of shifting feet. His keen
golden gaze weighted the scene before him.

His little half brother was making a scene in the small clearing before him. Sesshoumaru
watched Inuyasha's shoulders shaking, his cascade of white hair echoed the movement.
Sesshoumaru could make out the raven-crowned head of hair resting in
the crook of one arm. The little miko's pale legs lay lifelessly to the other side.

But he did not have to see the blood to know it was there. The coppery scent filled his
sinuses. With his superior nose he could even distinguish the darker deeper blood that only
came with organ injury. Curious, the blood smell is not provoking. He inhaled again,
testing the putrid air. Traces of the vanquished foe remained. The reek of death blanketed
them all.

So. The whelp and his mate destroyed Naraku then. He brought his fingers to brush the
hilt of Tenseiga in confirmation. As soon as he touched the sword, he could see the many
caretakers gathered on the field. Several of death's collectors were already making away
with Naraku's blackened soul. A few of the little creatures hovered over the cracked
remains of Kagura's heart. It had still been in Naraku's possession when he died. Some of
the twisted creatures hovered over the dying miko. As his hand fell from the healing sword
the creatures faded before his eyes. He could only see them when he touched it. But he
knew they were still there.

As he listened to his brother's mindless apologies and belated devotions, the unbidden
questions bubbled forth.

Can I not feel this depth of emotion? Would I want to? How can he stand it? What will
happen now? How do I feel about it? They circled rapidly in his mind. He could feel the
snippets of other half-formed questions trying to burst forth. A small mental growl quieted
it all.

I don't care. It doesn't matter. But he felt the lie. Oh he may not care emotionally for the
miko, or his brother. Yet... they entertained him. Their antics and adventures amused him.
Their encounters disrupted the tedium. They made the Routine bearable. His impassive
mask slipped as his eyes widened slightly. He felt the truth in these thoughts.

Is this an answer then? An answer to a question that I refuse to ask? He could not deny it.
The mask crept back into place as he turned slightly to look at his young charge.

Behind him, Rin stood wide eyed but silent. She always obeyed him. Such an obedient pup. He regarded her
more closely. Her eyes always betrayed her emotions. Usually he avoided them. But now
they held something. Damn curiosity. He focused his nose on her. Her scents changed
with her emotionsl. Sorrow, regret.... and a tinge of guilt huh?

As her eyes trailed to his hip he caught the faint tinge of hope enter her scent. He tilted his
head down to regard the swords at his side. He knew which one she stared at. She
touched it sometimes, while they were walking. She never touched the other sword, Toukijin. But
occasionally she'd pet Tenseiga as if it were alive. He decided that she was grateful. She didn't pet him like that.

As if sensing his regard, Tenseiga pulsed. He knew what it was asking. He had been
expecting this. He did not question his sword. It was like a part of himself, as distasteful as
he had originally found it.

He turned and glided softly towards the priestess. He had heard the rest of Inuyasha's
pack arrive at the scene. He filtered out their emotion-filled voices. He'd analyze the
whole situation later. As he came up beside the undead woman he caught her awed gasp
as she wiped away an unexpected tear. He felt the welcome twinge of amusement. So he
was not the only one thrown for a loop by this whole situation. Not that anything would
ruffle this Sesshoumaru's fur!

Ah, so he caught himself in a lie again. Even he had to admit, if only to a small portion of
his own mind that the feisty young girl had affected him. How could he not? With all his
years of observation and analysis, all those endless questions and investigations, he felt
himself qualified above all others to admit that the strange girl caused change wherever
she went.

The proof lay in her companions. He barely recognized his brother anymore. He had to
spend many hours reinvestigating, observing, and thinking before he satisfied some of the
mental itches that Inuyasha's change had produced. The little kitsune pup had also
changed. Sesshoumaru had been astounded when the little kit had even stood up to him at
one point. Not that the Great Lord of the Western Lands had given in to the trembling kit
before him. (Actually it had taken insistent prodding my Tenseiga). There was no denying
that the miko and his brother were giving the kit a family and a semi-decent upbringing.
The two humans in the group had also evolved over the past year. Sesshoumaru had
watched them shift under the patient moldings of the exuberant girl. And now it seems she
had brought change upon this undead creature beside him.

And though she may not know it, he addressed this aspect of change and surprise that the
older miko now expressed.

"She has that affect on people... youkai, hanyou, human,....and it seems even the dead."
He observed. He watched her shoulders stiffen. Her scent gave nothing away. But his own
emotional stealth gave him clues to her state.

"The dead cannot be affected. Death doesn't change." She countered flatly. She did not
look at him as he paused directly to the side of her. Her weight shifted slightly away. It is
right for her to fear me then. He thought about the lie in her statement. So he offered her
his own lie. The lie he lived. The lie he projected to the world. Let her make of it what she
will.

He didn't care. He didn't question.

"Nor do Youkai." He replied flatly. He did not turn his eyes to try and catch the misplaced
emotions in her gaze. His even steps carried him gracefully towards the clearing where the
sounds of grief continued. Her stance and the misplaced scent of the single tear told him
enough. To linger near her might give too much of his own inner turmoil away. He
doubted that they suffered from the same cracks beneath the masks. But he would not risk
her witnessing a crack behind his. She had too much experience with hiding.

He heard Rin following quietly on his heals. Her heart rate increased as he pulled out her
favorite sword. Tenseiga sang.

As he approached the mourning figures before him he had to scoff at himself. The stupid
sword had only prodded him once and he had given in without a fight. He would revive
the young miko and then return to the routine of letting them amuse him. That's all.

He would not question his motives. And he'd never try to explain to himself why it felt
so... right.


AN: So this came out pretty reflective. But hey, Sessy is a complex character. I wanted to
try and pin down some motives on him. And no-- I don't really hate anyone in the series
except Hojo and Naraku. One annoys the hell out of me, the other deserves a much slower
death then I gave him here. Don't worry, in the longer fic that I should start posting by the
end of this week I'll run him through the ringer. Even if I torture some of the more loved
characters too. And yes, I really do see Kikyo this way. I feel really bad for her, and from
the magna and anime I think she is starting to change from the complete witch she started
out as. On the other hand, Inu and Kagome make such an awesome couple, I have a hard
time pairing them with anyone else. Not that that's a guarantee I won't! Hehe. That's it
for this though. I really need to work on my baby. It inspired the first chapter so stay
tuned.

Thanks to lynnxlady who like I said got me thinking about this, dia -- right along my line of thinking,
and pruningshears -- did I show you why? Or at least why I think he'd help at this point
And any other reviews who help me out.