Author's Note: I haven't been too active in the Final Fantasy fanfiction community until very recently, so I'm not sure if this idea has already been done before. If it has, then I humbly apologize to the author who did this before me, but I'm going to do it anyway. If, however, it hasn't, then welcome to my nightmare...I mean...vision. Also, I apologize for any formatting errors/lack of formatting since I'm saving these stories in txt format after writing them in Word. I found it to be the most effective way of doing things on this crappy computer of mine.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the...well, I think we all understand how this process works by now. You can just assume the obligatory disclaimer fills this space.
Dancing Mad Comedy Club
by Madnesshawk
::Imagine a club. Good. Now imagine that club is a comedy club. Even better. Now...imagine that comedy club has a bar, ample seating, and a rather accommodating stage framed by red curtain and a brick wall background. Think Final Fantasy VI! Excellent, now twirl around three times and quack like a duck. What do you mean "no?" Fine, whatever. Anyway, now that you have a bit of an idea as to the setting, let the comedy begin.::
::Returning to my proper role as narrator...am I there? Aw hell, I screwed it up again. Here we go! As the narrator returns to his proper descriptive role, a thief dressed in a rather sharp looking outfit walks onto the stage. The audience calms down and the idle banter tapers off. The thief clears his throat to introduce himself.::
Thief: Welcome to the Dancing Mad Comedy Club! I'm your host, Johnny C. Bad, but you can call me Johnny. Tonight we have a special treat for you all. The almighty Kefka has come down from his tower to bestow upon us his impersonation talents! Let's give him a healthy round of applause.
::As Kefka walks onto the stage the club is completely silent. Rather than applauding the insanely powerful madman, the crowd stares at him in fear. Some even stop breathing, afraid to make the slightest noise. Kefka takes notice of this.::
Kefka: Sigh...I'm not going to set you on fire, slit your throats, OR fry you with the Light of Judgement-not tonight anyway! Now enjoy the show, I COMMAND YOU!
::Everyone nods in frightened unison.::
Kefka: Now for my first impression, I'm going to do the late Emperor Gestahl.
::As if to punctuate his announcement, a large bang accompanied by a flash of light which blinds everyone present come and go within a matter of seconds. No longer is Kefka onstage, rather a perfect replica of Gestahl has taken his place. "Gestahl" speaks.::
Kefka(Gestahl): Merton!
::The crowd screams in terror at the uttering of that terrible magic word while the Gestahl figure upon stage merely laughs with childish glee. Seconds later there is another bang and a flash. Kefka has reappeared on stage.::
Kefka: Fooled you!
Audience Member: That wasn't very funny...
Kefka: Silence, peon!
Audience Member#2: No, he's right. That wasn't funny at all.
Member#3: I think I soiled myself from fright!
Member#1: THAT'S funny.
Member#2: No, that's crude.
Member#1: Do you have no sense of humour at all?
Member#2: I'll have you know-
Kefka: Sigh...SHUT UP!! Don't make me go Ultima on your asses!
Everyone: AHHH!! NO, WE'LL BE GOOD!!
Member#3: I think I soiled myself again...
Member#2: Ugh...just...just go away.
Member#1: Now hold on! He has every right to be here, weak bladder or not!
Member#2: Since when were you the voice of the people?
Kefka: THAT TEARS IT! Consider your warranty to live voided! In a matter of minutes, the Light of Judgment will destroy your pathetic comedy club!
::With that said Kefka warps out of the club and back to his tower to prepare the Light.::
Johnny: Well, I've lived a full life. Might as well leave this mortal coil while tanked. Bartender, gimmie your strongest brew.
Ultros: Hey! You're talking to octopus royalty here! Ask nicely next time, ya freak.
Johnny: Need I remind you that you're currently twenty grand in the hole here? I don't need to be nice to you.
Ultros: Yeah, yeah...whatever.
::The octopus hands Johnny his drink while the host checks his jewel encrusted gold watch (stolen, of course).::
Johnny: That's odd. By all accounts, the Light should have fried us by now. What's up with that?
::Meanwhile in Kefka's Tower.::
::Kefka is pacing around the statues, obviously very upset about something. He's yelling rather loud in fact.::
Kefka: What's so difficult about it?! This isn't rocket science! Just point and shoot! It's a small comedy club for God's sake!
Statues: We're on Break!
Kefka: ...I hope that wasn't an attempt at a joke.
Statues: Well yeah. See, it's funny because we're statues made of stone, and the magic spell Break turns enemies into stone and-
Kefka: -I get it already! It's not funny.
Statues: Neither was your Gestahl impression. That routine stank so badly we could smell it from here.
::Kefka sinks to his knees from stress and frustration, holding his head.::
Kefka: I need a Remedy...ugh...
::Back at the Dancing Mad Comedy Club Johnny is back on stage, stumbling around like the drunkard he currently is.::
Johnny: Well, that's our...our...funny..thingy..show..for..::hic:: today! Come back on the...day..that isn't...today ::hic:: for more amusement....WHOA!!
::CRASH! Johnny's graceful exit from the stage folks! Someone give him a hand up, eh?::
Author's Note: I'm not sure if I'm entirely pleased with this yet. It might be a tad harder to pull off than I thought. However, I'd like to continue it and see how it goes. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Tell me what you think, since I'm not sure if this is any good, though it is just the first chapter.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the...well, I think we all understand how this process works by now. You can just assume the obligatory disclaimer fills this space.
Dancing Mad Comedy Club
by Madnesshawk
::Imagine a club. Good. Now imagine that club is a comedy club. Even better. Now...imagine that comedy club has a bar, ample seating, and a rather accommodating stage framed by red curtain and a brick wall background. Think Final Fantasy VI! Excellent, now twirl around three times and quack like a duck. What do you mean "no?" Fine, whatever. Anyway, now that you have a bit of an idea as to the setting, let the comedy begin.::
::Returning to my proper role as narrator...am I there? Aw hell, I screwed it up again. Here we go! As the narrator returns to his proper descriptive role, a thief dressed in a rather sharp looking outfit walks onto the stage. The audience calms down and the idle banter tapers off. The thief clears his throat to introduce himself.::
Thief: Welcome to the Dancing Mad Comedy Club! I'm your host, Johnny C. Bad, but you can call me Johnny. Tonight we have a special treat for you all. The almighty Kefka has come down from his tower to bestow upon us his impersonation talents! Let's give him a healthy round of applause.
::As Kefka walks onto the stage the club is completely silent. Rather than applauding the insanely powerful madman, the crowd stares at him in fear. Some even stop breathing, afraid to make the slightest noise. Kefka takes notice of this.::
Kefka: Sigh...I'm not going to set you on fire, slit your throats, OR fry you with the Light of Judgement-not tonight anyway! Now enjoy the show, I COMMAND YOU!
::Everyone nods in frightened unison.::
Kefka: Now for my first impression, I'm going to do the late Emperor Gestahl.
::As if to punctuate his announcement, a large bang accompanied by a flash of light which blinds everyone present come and go within a matter of seconds. No longer is Kefka onstage, rather a perfect replica of Gestahl has taken his place. "Gestahl" speaks.::
Kefka(Gestahl): Merton!
::The crowd screams in terror at the uttering of that terrible magic word while the Gestahl figure upon stage merely laughs with childish glee. Seconds later there is another bang and a flash. Kefka has reappeared on stage.::
Kefka: Fooled you!
Audience Member: That wasn't very funny...
Kefka: Silence, peon!
Audience Member#2: No, he's right. That wasn't funny at all.
Member#3: I think I soiled myself from fright!
Member#1: THAT'S funny.
Member#2: No, that's crude.
Member#1: Do you have no sense of humour at all?
Member#2: I'll have you know-
Kefka: Sigh...SHUT UP!! Don't make me go Ultima on your asses!
Everyone: AHHH!! NO, WE'LL BE GOOD!!
Member#3: I think I soiled myself again...
Member#2: Ugh...just...just go away.
Member#1: Now hold on! He has every right to be here, weak bladder or not!
Member#2: Since when were you the voice of the people?
Kefka: THAT TEARS IT! Consider your warranty to live voided! In a matter of minutes, the Light of Judgment will destroy your pathetic comedy club!
::With that said Kefka warps out of the club and back to his tower to prepare the Light.::
Johnny: Well, I've lived a full life. Might as well leave this mortal coil while tanked. Bartender, gimmie your strongest brew.
Ultros: Hey! You're talking to octopus royalty here! Ask nicely next time, ya freak.
Johnny: Need I remind you that you're currently twenty grand in the hole here? I don't need to be nice to you.
Ultros: Yeah, yeah...whatever.
::The octopus hands Johnny his drink while the host checks his jewel encrusted gold watch (stolen, of course).::
Johnny: That's odd. By all accounts, the Light should have fried us by now. What's up with that?
::Meanwhile in Kefka's Tower.::
::Kefka is pacing around the statues, obviously very upset about something. He's yelling rather loud in fact.::
Kefka: What's so difficult about it?! This isn't rocket science! Just point and shoot! It's a small comedy club for God's sake!
Statues: We're on Break!
Kefka: ...I hope that wasn't an attempt at a joke.
Statues: Well yeah. See, it's funny because we're statues made of stone, and the magic spell Break turns enemies into stone and-
Kefka: -I get it already! It's not funny.
Statues: Neither was your Gestahl impression. That routine stank so badly we could smell it from here.
::Kefka sinks to his knees from stress and frustration, holding his head.::
Kefka: I need a Remedy...ugh...
::Back at the Dancing Mad Comedy Club Johnny is back on stage, stumbling around like the drunkard he currently is.::
Johnny: Well, that's our...our...funny..thingy..show..for..::hic:: today! Come back on the...day..that isn't...today ::hic:: for more amusement....WHOA!!
::CRASH! Johnny's graceful exit from the stage folks! Someone give him a hand up, eh?::
Author's Note: I'm not sure if I'm entirely pleased with this yet. It might be a tad harder to pull off than I thought. However, I'd like to continue it and see how it goes. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Tell me what you think, since I'm not sure if this is any good, though it is just the first chapter.