Author's Note: I've decided to simply sit down and write for this chapter. It's been nearly a month since I first put this story up, and I don't want it to become forgotten and neglected as most of my other fanfics did. Hopefully this chapter comes out nicely.
Disclaimer: My name is not Square, nor is it Enix. My name is also not Square Enix. Therefore, I do not own Final Fantasy or any of it's characters. If that rat bastard Squre Enix tries to sue me, he'll be introduced to my friend Pointy Object.
The Dancing Mad Comedy Club
Chapter 2
::My bologna has a first name, it's N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R. My bologna has a second name, it's AHHHH!! JESUS CHRIST! Don't sneak up on me like that! Bloody rude bunch, you fanfiction readers. Don't you knock or anything? What do you mean "I was raised in a barn by a transvestite cow." Yeah, well that excuse won't cut it around here. The next act? You want to know about the next act? Well, if you really must know, we're having King Edgar Roni Figaro in tonight to regail us all with royal humour. His act is just about to start...::
Edgar: Good evening everyone. How are we all doing tonight?
::The audience cheers.::
Edgar: Very good. Are there any ladies between the ages of 19 and 25 in the audience tonight?
::A few women in the audience cheer.::
Edgar: Excellent. Please, ladies, meet me after the show and I'll treat you to an encore performance.
::Edgar winks and the ladies start to edge towards the doorway, trying their best to look innocent. One woman cracks and jumps out the stained glass window nearest the door.::
Edgar: That is an excellent example of what is wrong in our world of ruin today. Aside from all the monsters, the broken shards of our once beautiful continents, the rampant use of magic, the increased rate of thievery, our lack of reliable communication...
::Two hours later...::
Edgar: ...the Light of Judgement, Kefka's horrid tower, and Kefka himself, is the fact that women refuse to date me! Wait...now that I think about it, women have always refused to date me. You can disregard all of what I just said, everyone.
::Immediately the comedy club patrons explode into an angry chorus of yelling and screaming at the king of Figaro. Apparently they don't take kindly to being jerked around for two hours by a king who obviously has no idea what he's talking about. He also isn't funny in the least. In any case, my bologna has a first and second name. Does yours? Didn't think so. On with the show!::
Edgar: Ahem...so anyway...heh...um, what's the deal with chocobos? I mean, what's up with that?
Audience: ...
::At this time, the three audience members who enraged Kefka earlier decide that they can no longer keep quiet. For the sake of the author's fingers, and perhaps more clairity in the event of possible continuity (big words, eh?) I, THE NARRATOR, take it upon myself to name them. They are now called Bob, Bobby, and Robert.::
Bob: You suck, Edgar!
Bobby: Did your mother drop you on your head as a child?!
Robert: Your act sucks so bad, I soiled myself!
Bob: Heh heh...that's still funny.
Bobby: No, it's still rather crude.
Bob: Funny.
Bobby: Crude.
Bob: FUNNY!
Bobby: CRUDE!
Robert: QUIT YELLING! I soil myself when it gets really loud.
Bob: Sorry, Robert.
Robert: No, it's fine...you're too late..
::The booing and swearing directed at Edgar continues all around the club and Johnny decides that he should finally step in. Perhaps stagger, it all depends on his blood alcohol level at the time. Personally, my money's on stagger. And the answer is...STEP! Oh my [expletive deleted!] God! That was unexpected. Good thing I don't have any money to lose. Anyway, Johnny steps onto the stage to grab the audiences attention.::
Johnny: Everyone, I apologize for tonight's entertainment. Please don't get angry. In order to compensate for tonight's horrid performance I'm offering free drinks to anyone who wants one in the next ten minutes.
::The audience cheers.::
Johnny: And as for Edgar...I think he should exit stage left immediately.
::The audience cheers much louder and Edgar shuffles dejectedly off the stage. As the king is heading towards the door a pair of hands cover his eyes from behind. A woman's voice is heard a second later.::
Woman: Come with me, big boy. I'll make you feel better in no time.
::Edgar perks up immediately and the woman drags him off towards the nearest closet whilst still keeping the kings eyes covered. A few of the audience members snicker quietly to themselves.::
Johnny: Well, I guess that's our show for tonight. I'm just about as disappointed as the rest of you. At least you guys don't have to pay him. Speaking of which, Edgar hasn't bugged me for his payment yet. Has anyone seen the King of Figaro?
Bob: Somebody dragged him off into a closet a few minutes ago.
Johnny: I guess some girl must have taken EXTREME pity on him.
Bob: Girl?
::Scarcely a second later Edgar comes flying out of the closet screaming and running for his life.::
Edgar: DEAR GOD! THAT'S A MAN!!! AHHHH!!
WoMAN: Sweetie, come back to me! I wasn't finished yet!
Edgar: AHHHHH!!! GET AWAY FROM ME DEVILSPAWN!!
::Edgar practically flies out the front door of the club while the audience members laugh until they die. Well, only one died. A few were left in a coma, but that might have been alcohol induced. We're not quite sure.::
Johnny: It's pretty bad when the narrator is funnier than the entertainment I had lined up. Oh well, see you tomorrow night when I light my own ass on fire!
Author's Note: I think I get my best writing done when I sit down to a blank page and absolutely no idea of what I want to do. I actually didn't mind how this chapter turned out. Anyway, you're all welcome to submit ideas or suggestions on the acts you'd like to see and maybe I can fit them in here. Reviews of any kind are appreciated. They're like early Christmas gifts.
Disclaimer: My name is not Square, nor is it Enix. My name is also not Square Enix. Therefore, I do not own Final Fantasy or any of it's characters. If that rat bastard Squre Enix tries to sue me, he'll be introduced to my friend Pointy Object.
The Dancing Mad Comedy Club
Chapter 2
::My bologna has a first name, it's N-A-R-R-A-T-O-R. My bologna has a second name, it's AHHHH!! JESUS CHRIST! Don't sneak up on me like that! Bloody rude bunch, you fanfiction readers. Don't you knock or anything? What do you mean "I was raised in a barn by a transvestite cow." Yeah, well that excuse won't cut it around here. The next act? You want to know about the next act? Well, if you really must know, we're having King Edgar Roni Figaro in tonight to regail us all with royal humour. His act is just about to start...::
Edgar: Good evening everyone. How are we all doing tonight?
::The audience cheers.::
Edgar: Very good. Are there any ladies between the ages of 19 and 25 in the audience tonight?
::A few women in the audience cheer.::
Edgar: Excellent. Please, ladies, meet me after the show and I'll treat you to an encore performance.
::Edgar winks and the ladies start to edge towards the doorway, trying their best to look innocent. One woman cracks and jumps out the stained glass window nearest the door.::
Edgar: That is an excellent example of what is wrong in our world of ruin today. Aside from all the monsters, the broken shards of our once beautiful continents, the rampant use of magic, the increased rate of thievery, our lack of reliable communication...
::Two hours later...::
Edgar: ...the Light of Judgement, Kefka's horrid tower, and Kefka himself, is the fact that women refuse to date me! Wait...now that I think about it, women have always refused to date me. You can disregard all of what I just said, everyone.
::Immediately the comedy club patrons explode into an angry chorus of yelling and screaming at the king of Figaro. Apparently they don't take kindly to being jerked around for two hours by a king who obviously has no idea what he's talking about. He also isn't funny in the least. In any case, my bologna has a first and second name. Does yours? Didn't think so. On with the show!::
Edgar: Ahem...so anyway...heh...um, what's the deal with chocobos? I mean, what's up with that?
Audience: ...
::At this time, the three audience members who enraged Kefka earlier decide that they can no longer keep quiet. For the sake of the author's fingers, and perhaps more clairity in the event of possible continuity (big words, eh?) I, THE NARRATOR, take it upon myself to name them. They are now called Bob, Bobby, and Robert.::
Bob: You suck, Edgar!
Bobby: Did your mother drop you on your head as a child?!
Robert: Your act sucks so bad, I soiled myself!
Bob: Heh heh...that's still funny.
Bobby: No, it's still rather crude.
Bob: Funny.
Bobby: Crude.
Bob: FUNNY!
Bobby: CRUDE!
Robert: QUIT YELLING! I soil myself when it gets really loud.
Bob: Sorry, Robert.
Robert: No, it's fine...you're too late..
::The booing and swearing directed at Edgar continues all around the club and Johnny decides that he should finally step in. Perhaps stagger, it all depends on his blood alcohol level at the time. Personally, my money's on stagger. And the answer is...STEP! Oh my [expletive deleted!] God! That was unexpected. Good thing I don't have any money to lose. Anyway, Johnny steps onto the stage to grab the audiences attention.::
Johnny: Everyone, I apologize for tonight's entertainment. Please don't get angry. In order to compensate for tonight's horrid performance I'm offering free drinks to anyone who wants one in the next ten minutes.
::The audience cheers.::
Johnny: And as for Edgar...I think he should exit stage left immediately.
::The audience cheers much louder and Edgar shuffles dejectedly off the stage. As the king is heading towards the door a pair of hands cover his eyes from behind. A woman's voice is heard a second later.::
Woman: Come with me, big boy. I'll make you feel better in no time.
::Edgar perks up immediately and the woman drags him off towards the nearest closet whilst still keeping the kings eyes covered. A few of the audience members snicker quietly to themselves.::
Johnny: Well, I guess that's our show for tonight. I'm just about as disappointed as the rest of you. At least you guys don't have to pay him. Speaking of which, Edgar hasn't bugged me for his payment yet. Has anyone seen the King of Figaro?
Bob: Somebody dragged him off into a closet a few minutes ago.
Johnny: I guess some girl must have taken EXTREME pity on him.
Bob: Girl?
::Scarcely a second later Edgar comes flying out of the closet screaming and running for his life.::
Edgar: DEAR GOD! THAT'S A MAN!!! AHHHH!!
WoMAN: Sweetie, come back to me! I wasn't finished yet!
Edgar: AHHHHH!!! GET AWAY FROM ME DEVILSPAWN!!
::Edgar practically flies out the front door of the club while the audience members laugh until they die. Well, only one died. A few were left in a coma, but that might have been alcohol induced. We're not quite sure.::
Johnny: It's pretty bad when the narrator is funnier than the entertainment I had lined up. Oh well, see you tomorrow night when I light my own ass on fire!
Author's Note: I think I get my best writing done when I sit down to a blank page and absolutely no idea of what I want to do. I actually didn't mind how this chapter turned out. Anyway, you're all welcome to submit ideas or suggestions on the acts you'd like to see and maybe I can fit them in here. Reviews of any kind are appreciated. They're like early Christmas gifts.