Chapter 4: First Night

// Jack was in a field, with bright yellow grass. There were Jaffa everywhere, and he wasn't killing a single one. He was tickling them. He was tickling them to get them to stop eating all of his Jell-O. But there were more and more of them and he couldn't have any Jell-O at all, and it just wasn't fair. Now they had rolled over on him, and they were squishing him and he...//

...Woke up to Jonas's butt snuggled right up against his back. Jack was lying on his left side on the floor in front of the couch, which had previously been occupied by Jonas. Teal'c sat against the wall on the far side of the room in a very content state of Kelnoreem. As Jack tried to roll over, Jonas scooted his butt closer. Jack tried again. He went the other way this time. The magnetic field was so strong, that when he went the opposite way of Jonas, the younger man went with him, and Jack flipped him over to his now right side.

"SPPSST. Jonas!" Jack hoarsely whispered. "Jonas wake up!!" Jonas didn't budge. he mumbled something about chocolate. Jack tried pushing him away, but it was no use. With the dead weight, and the magnetic field combined, Jonas stayed attached to Jack like they'd been born that way.

"JONAS GOD DAMN IT, WAKE THE HELL UP!" Jack yelled in Jonas's ear. The young man jumped in his sleep, and opened his eyes to look directly at Jack who had now wriggled himself onto his back, with Jonas on top of him.

"Colonel, what happened? I thought you were asleep on the fl..." Jonas broke off as he sleepily looked around at his surroundings.

Just then, Sam opened the door to the other room and stormed out in her pants and a dark blue t-shirt, with her hair standing straight up and one sock on her left foot. Teal'c, hearing Jack scream at Jonas too, stood up and walked to the center of the room, taking care not to go near where Sam was walking with only one eye open. To make things worse, the new guard that had taken over at midnight entered the room at the same time as Sam and Teal'c were cautiously approaching the couch to peer over to the other side.

"This is not what it looks like!" Jack blurted right out. His eyes were big enough to take up his whole face. Jonas was trying desperately to get off of the Colonel, but Jack was not cooperating, and Jonas was not having any luck.

"I was on the couch when we went to sleep; I don't know what happened!" Jonas tried to defend himself and the Colonel. This was sooo going to ruin his reputation with the ladies in the infirmary.

"Um, sir, would you like some help? I thought that you guys wouldn't have any trouble making your own sleeping arrangements, but I was apparently mistaken." Sam said yawning. It was three thirty in the morning, and she didn't feel the slightest bit amused at being awoken to the Colonel's games, but she couldn't help but grin just a little at his 'compromising position'.

However, the Colonel didn't seem to hear what she said at all.

"You WERE sleeping on the couch when we laid down last night! And I was sleeping down here on the floor, all by my little lonesome. I don't know what you do in your sleep, but I don't like you bringing it down here to me! Is that understood? How in the hell did you get down here anyway? I'm at least twenty feet away from you!" Jack was yelling literally in Jonas's face. The military tone of voice was starting to come out, and so were the veins on Jack's neck

The guard spoke up. "Is there anything I can help you with sirs?"

"You're dismissed Airman." Jack said coldly. The airman was curious, but not enough so to warrant testing the Colonel any further. Jack didn't have a reputation for yelling that often, but when he did, people listened. The guard shut the door with a hasty "Yes sir."

"Geeze Colonel, I'm really sorry. I was dreaming about swimming in a pool of chocolate with... ... um, I was dreaming about chocolate sir, I'm sorry. I guess I must have rolled off the couch, and when I hit the floor, I must have been pulled over to you."

"Fine. Now how are you going to get off of me? I'll just bet the security guys on level 16 are getting a real big kick out of this." Jack looked up at the security camera as he said it. The two men began to struggle to get themselves apart.

Teal'c yawned and went back to his corner for some more meditation. This was typical. A terrific night of Kelnoreem and it was interrupted by unnecessary Tauri antics.

"Um sir, Jonas, if you two will just stop for a minute, I can help you." Sam said as she caught Teal'c's contagious yawn.

The two stopped struggling, and managed to look up at Sam. Jonas had his hand on Jack's face, had Jack had his foot on the side of Jonas's hip trying to push him away with his feet.

"All you guys are doing is making the magnetic field stronger. The more you move the stronger the magnetization. Just stop for a minute. This should be like pulling any two ordinary household magnets apart. Just...on a much larger scale. If both of you roll, in opposite directions, at the same time, with a lot of muscle, you should be able to disconnect. I recommend that you keep going in those directions until you're far enough away from each other to get outside of the magnetic field." Sam yawned again.

"I'll count." Jack said impatiently." "We go on three. I'll go to my right, you go to your right, and then we are sleeping on total opposite sides of the room, got it?" Jonas nodded.

"One...two......three!" The two men rolled away from each other with amazing quickness. There was just something about being stuck to another man that bothered them both tremendously, and they were greatly relieved when they were apart.

"Thank you Carter. That was as close to Jonas as I ever really want to be. No offense Jonas. But I am going to take this corner over here. Feel free to take the couch back or the floor over there." The Colonel pointed across the room. Jonas hopped right back onto the couch.

"Good night sir. Jonas. Teal'c." With that said, Sam headed back to bed. She'd laugh tomorrow, when she didn't feel like she weighed eight hundred pounds from all of the inertia that was pulling her down.

"Night Carter...again! Jack called to her as she shut the door once more. He looked over at the couch. He was facing the back of the sofa, and all he could see were Jonas's feet hanging off of the end. Jonas was going back to sleep already.

Sure wasn't a very big couch.

So Teal'c settled back into his corner across the room, and Jack settled against the opposite wall. Now that he had been so rudely awakened, he didn't think he'd have an easy time going back to sleep any time soon.

//Wonder what we'll do if the Pentagon approves diplomatic relations with the Cequarish? It's going to be really expensive to figure out a way to maintain appropriate quarantine procedures. I really hope that SG- 15 are the ones to go back and do the negotiating. I can't handle another three days stuck to Jonas! Now maybe if it were Carter... that would be worth exploring. Hey...I wonder...// Jack stood up and interrupted his own thoughts. He walked over to the door that led into the other room where Sam lay deeply asleep again after the late night interruption.

Quickly looking around the room at the other two who were out, Jack tried the doorknob. His hand stuck right to it. With some effort, he silently pulled it off again. Then slowly holding his hand out, he let it dangle just above the doorknob, and then...whssoop....his hand was sucked back overtop the doorknob.

//Oh this is going to be fun!// Jack played this little game with the doorknob a couple more times. He looked back around at the couch where Jonas was huffing rather loudly. Not snoring exactly, but exhaling very...well, loudly. Silently, he tiptoed back over to the rear of the couch, and cautiously leaned just far enough over so that he could see Jonas sleeping with his left arm across his face.

Jack held his self up against the couch with his legs. Already he could feel the magnetic fields between him and Jonas pulling them together. He reached his right hand over the back of the couch, and held it about three feet above Jonas's arm that covered his face. Jack watched with amusement as Jonas's arm raised up as it was attracted to the magnetic field around his own arm. It was like he had Jonas's arm on a string and he was pulling it up off of his face without Jonas knowing. Suddenly, Jack yanked his own arm back behind the couch again, and grinned broadly as Jonas smacked his self in the face.

He did it again. This time, once he got Jonas's arm up off of his face, Jack raised his arm higher, so that Jonas's arm was at a 90 degree angle, straight up in the air. Quickly, Jack stepped back, and heard a loud whack! as Jonas's arm fell right back over his head.

"umnf.. ow...umf." Jonas mumbled after smacking his own face twice in five minutes. He briskly rolled over so that his face was buried in the back of the couch.

Jack bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. He noticed that Jonas also had his feet crossed now, as he was curled up on his side. Jack crept around to the opposite end of the couch where Jonas's feet were. He held his hands up in a magician's gesture, over the top of Jonas's feet. He could see the top foot move up in the air slightly. Jack moved his hands fast to one side. Jonas's feet came uncrossed, and the top foot slammed to the floor beside the couch. Oops...that did it; Jonas stirred, and opened his eyes. Jack moved fast, and escaped back over to his side of the room where he had claimed new territory for the evening. Playing coy, he called softly over to Jonas.

"Everything okay over there Jonas?" Jack wondered if Jonas could hear him grinning.

"Yes sir. But you know something? This sure isn't a very big couch, I keep falling off! Maybe tomorrow we can trade! I'll take the floor and you can have the couch, how's that?" Jonas yawned as he prepared to go back to sleep...for the third time that night.

"Yeah, sure, okay. Just try and get some shuteye will ya? I think Carter's going to be very busy tomorrow." Jack was still smiling as he glanced towards Sam's door.

"Okay Colonel, goodnight."

"Night."

Teal'c smiled slightly to himself. O'Neill had not seen him watching his antics with Jonas. Oh yes. He would have the couch the third night for certain.

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