The Random Observations of a Random Observer
Chapter Four: In Which Our Heroes Learn About Sexual Intercourse And Ebbie
Goes Slightly Insane.
Carrot is not a bad person. He just has a highly highly highly active sex drive, and has no qualms in showing that. And that is exactly why Luna was dreading tommorow. Oh she dreaded it - utterly and completly and in a most fearful and dreading way. For tommorow, the second and final Sex Ed class was to take place. But she finally drifted off...
The next thing the pale, wallflower girl knew, Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock's combined terror was blaring on the radio. Detestable sunshine glared in her eyes, but it was better than what she was about to witness: Karmi, Carrot, Chocolate, and Tira waltzing around the hall in their socks playing floor hockey. Karmi and Tira were the only ones really playing - Chocolate now had the scantily clad Carrot up against the wall and she was teaching Carrot why it would not be to his advantage to ignore her anymore in several interesting ways.
But that is besides the point. Lord knows where they got the puck, but right now it was on a collision course for luna's nose. And it hit - right on target.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" Luna screeched, holding onto her nose painfully.
At the sound of a scream, Marron and Gaeteu came running, Marron in silky white pjs and Gaeteu in cotton plaid pj bottoms. Carrot suggestivly questioned what they had been doing in the bedroom prompting a flying skillet in the face on Tira's part, and all the while Luna was screaming and chasing Karmi for her puck-aiming skills, Karmi had put on 8o's dance music and was dancing around the room, and all in all: it was mass chaos.
And that was how the morning began.
BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Karmi was once again perched on Gaeteu's shoulders. Upfront, the teacher was preparing himself. Preparing himself for possibly the hardest and most difficult, and BY-FAR the most humilating thing he would ever do in his life - explain sexual intercourse to a bunch of rowdy teenagers.
He immediatly pulled out his Prozac and popped about 5.
"Class, we will now discuss the process of sexual intercourse." he said trembling.
The room became eerily silent as all faces turned to him. He tugged on his shirt collar and wiped his profusely sweating forehead and continued.
"This process first begins with Stimulation. Both partners...touch, kiss, etc to get the other...stimulated. This is commonly called fore-play."
The class erupted into giggles, with Carrot shouting "You know this from experience?!" and another shouting back "Hey, how ELSE did Ginger get here?!" and yet another saying "Whoo Hoo go Mr. Ebbie!!"
Marron prayed for a quick death.
With some skillet action on Tira's part and some rubber duck action on Luna's, the class was settled, but not before Karmi asked what exactly "touching and kissing" involved as Luna face-vaulted from pure embarrsment. Marron finally cried out, "MOVING ON!" and thus the teacher began again, thouroughly terrified.
"The next step is Advanced Stimulation/Erection. (whoops from the back of the class) The male's...sex organ is erected, the female's nipples are...taut...and...erm...they both begin to lubricate...." the brave old man stuttered on, redder than a New Jersey tomato and choking on his own words. The class reacted differently.
Carrot and several other rather perverted boys began making moaning and "oh god yes" sounds, while all the girls blushed, the less perverse boys hid their heads, and Chocolate looked like she was about to have an orgasm from his description. The only one in the room who had NO clue what was going on was...you guessed it, Karmi.
"Umm...what's lubrication?"
"The white stuff in the middle!"
"Yea baby, can I get a double-stuffed?!"
"Are we talking about oreos?"
"Of course Karmi!"
"What do oreos have to do with sex?"
"Nothing Karmi, they're just a bunch of-"
"Hey hey, let's not get insultive here!"
"Carrot Glace I'm gonna...!"
"Ooh, I like it when they play it rough!"
"CARROT!"
"Little brother, you better stop while your behind."
"As oppsed to what?"
"Dead."
"He does have a point Carrot."
"Hey Ginger lookin' fine today I see..."
"CLASS!!!!!!" The teacher screamed, looking Suddam Hussien on drugs. Or maybe on a lack of drugs.
At this point, all Ebbie wanted to do was remain ALIVE. Forget dignity, forget decency, he simply wanted to wake up to a couple of eggs and some good old Tropicana the next morning, not the pearly gates. In fact, he didn't even ask for that. A moldy piece of toast would do just fine.
So, bordering on the edge of epileptic insanity, he started to speak, or, more rather, squeek, again.
"The next step is the CLIMAX, also know as the ORRR-gAssssssmmM!" * insert high-pitched laughter here. *
"Hey, sounds like he's having one right now."
"Carrot!"
"What?"
"Behave yourself!"
Ebbie could obviously not take much more of this. In fact, he couldn't take anymore of this. Screaming for his teddy bear and ranting on and on about mass production of Rogaine, he stumbled out of the room. The students cheered, the knot in Luna's stomach tightened about 10-fold, and Karmi sat there, staring at the ceiling, and wondering exactly what those funny bumpy things in the paint were.
And that was the end of Sex Ed with Carrot Glace. See you next time!
tbc
AN: Wow, took me awhile to get this one out. Well, I hope it was worth the wait to everyone. RR&F guys! (Read, Review, and Flame) Much thanks to Luna for beating on me to get this finished. All my motivation rests with her. Praise Luna!
"Sixth period English class: Hell. Smell the sulfur, feel the flames." - Meg-chan
Carrot is not a bad person. He just has a highly highly highly active sex drive, and has no qualms in showing that. And that is exactly why Luna was dreading tommorow. Oh she dreaded it - utterly and completly and in a most fearful and dreading way. For tommorow, the second and final Sex Ed class was to take place. But she finally drifted off...
The next thing the pale, wallflower girl knew, Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock's combined terror was blaring on the radio. Detestable sunshine glared in her eyes, but it was better than what she was about to witness: Karmi, Carrot, Chocolate, and Tira waltzing around the hall in their socks playing floor hockey. Karmi and Tira were the only ones really playing - Chocolate now had the scantily clad Carrot up against the wall and she was teaching Carrot why it would not be to his advantage to ignore her anymore in several interesting ways.
But that is besides the point. Lord knows where they got the puck, but right now it was on a collision course for luna's nose. And it hit - right on target.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" Luna screeched, holding onto her nose painfully.
At the sound of a scream, Marron and Gaeteu came running, Marron in silky white pjs and Gaeteu in cotton plaid pj bottoms. Carrot suggestivly questioned what they had been doing in the bedroom prompting a flying skillet in the face on Tira's part, and all the while Luna was screaming and chasing Karmi for her puck-aiming skills, Karmi had put on 8o's dance music and was dancing around the room, and all in all: it was mass chaos.
And that was how the morning began.
BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGG
Karmi was once again perched on Gaeteu's shoulders. Upfront, the teacher was preparing himself. Preparing himself for possibly the hardest and most difficult, and BY-FAR the most humilating thing he would ever do in his life - explain sexual intercourse to a bunch of rowdy teenagers.
He immediatly pulled out his Prozac and popped about 5.
"Class, we will now discuss the process of sexual intercourse." he said trembling.
The room became eerily silent as all faces turned to him. He tugged on his shirt collar and wiped his profusely sweating forehead and continued.
"This process first begins with Stimulation. Both partners...touch, kiss, etc to get the other...stimulated. This is commonly called fore-play."
The class erupted into giggles, with Carrot shouting "You know this from experience?!" and another shouting back "Hey, how ELSE did Ginger get here?!" and yet another saying "Whoo Hoo go Mr. Ebbie!!"
Marron prayed for a quick death.
With some skillet action on Tira's part and some rubber duck action on Luna's, the class was settled, but not before Karmi asked what exactly "touching and kissing" involved as Luna face-vaulted from pure embarrsment. Marron finally cried out, "MOVING ON!" and thus the teacher began again, thouroughly terrified.
"The next step is Advanced Stimulation/Erection. (whoops from the back of the class) The male's...sex organ is erected, the female's nipples are...taut...and...erm...they both begin to lubricate...." the brave old man stuttered on, redder than a New Jersey tomato and choking on his own words. The class reacted differently.
Carrot and several other rather perverted boys began making moaning and "oh god yes" sounds, while all the girls blushed, the less perverse boys hid their heads, and Chocolate looked like she was about to have an orgasm from his description. The only one in the room who had NO clue what was going on was...you guessed it, Karmi.
"Umm...what's lubrication?"
"The white stuff in the middle!"
"Yea baby, can I get a double-stuffed?!"
"Are we talking about oreos?"
"Of course Karmi!"
"What do oreos have to do with sex?"
"Nothing Karmi, they're just a bunch of-"
"Hey hey, let's not get insultive here!"
"Carrot Glace I'm gonna...!"
"Ooh, I like it when they play it rough!"
"CARROT!"
"Little brother, you better stop while your behind."
"As oppsed to what?"
"Dead."
"He does have a point Carrot."
"Hey Ginger lookin' fine today I see..."
"CLASS!!!!!!" The teacher screamed, looking Suddam Hussien on drugs. Or maybe on a lack of drugs.
At this point, all Ebbie wanted to do was remain ALIVE. Forget dignity, forget decency, he simply wanted to wake up to a couple of eggs and some good old Tropicana the next morning, not the pearly gates. In fact, he didn't even ask for that. A moldy piece of toast would do just fine.
So, bordering on the edge of epileptic insanity, he started to speak, or, more rather, squeek, again.
"The next step is the CLIMAX, also know as the ORRR-gAssssssmmM!" * insert high-pitched laughter here. *
"Hey, sounds like he's having one right now."
"Carrot!"
"What?"
"Behave yourself!"
Ebbie could obviously not take much more of this. In fact, he couldn't take anymore of this. Screaming for his teddy bear and ranting on and on about mass production of Rogaine, he stumbled out of the room. The students cheered, the knot in Luna's stomach tightened about 10-fold, and Karmi sat there, staring at the ceiling, and wondering exactly what those funny bumpy things in the paint were.
And that was the end of Sex Ed with Carrot Glace. See you next time!
tbc
AN: Wow, took me awhile to get this one out. Well, I hope it was worth the wait to everyone. RR&F guys! (Read, Review, and Flame) Much thanks to Luna for beating on me to get this finished. All my motivation rests with her. Praise Luna!
"Sixth period English class: Hell. Smell the sulfur, feel the flames." - Meg-chan