"Kerri, you have a phone call!"

Kerri grunted. There were only three people who could possibly be calling her. Sojiro, whom she would be happy to hear from. Kamatari, whom she would be even happier to hear from. Or Crystal, whom she despised.

She was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. A Random CD blared from her stereo, it was up to "Mary-Go-Round" and she was only half listening.

Up to verse three…

You pulled me in,
Convinced me that you cared.
But when I needed you the most,
I looked around and you weren't there.
Does he know the rules yet?
How you play the game?
So when it's all over,
He knows just who to blame.

Sighing, she rose from her perch on the bed. She could tell her mother that she didn't feel like talking on the phone, but she didn't want Kamatari to think she was mad at him if he was the caller.

"I'm coming." She grumbled. There was no phone in her room. Why would there be? Hardly any one ever called her.

She took the receiver from her mom and placed a hand over the mouthpiece. "Who is it?" She whispered loudly.

"Some boy." Her mother shrugged.

"Sojiro?"

"No, I'd know Sojiro's voice, wouldn't I?" Her mother sounded slightly agitated.

"Hello?" Kerri lifted the phone to her ear, waving her mother away with her other hand.

"Kerri?" A nervous voice at the other end asked.

"Yeah." Confused, she furrowed her brow, "Who's this?"

"Katsu…" A pause, "How are you doing?"

Katsu? Why had he called her?? Her eyes widened as she sank into her father's recliner. "Um…I'm okay. How about you?"

"Fine." Another long pause and uncomfortable silence, "I was wondering…Are you going to the concert in August?"

"I wasn't really planning on it…" She trailed off. The thought had occurred to her, but, like she told Tokio, she didn't want to go alone. She had a notion to wander aimlessly at Field Days and still hear the concert without actually paying for a ticket and being part of the crowd, but, well, she still wasn't sure.

"Would you…Would you like to go with me?"

There was a long silence as she nearly dropped the phone. Go with him? Go with Katsu to the concert?? It was everything Kerri had ever hoped for, everything she'd ever dreamed of. To go with him would be heaven on earth…Except…

Kamatari.

You love him. You want him. Even if he was a girl, you would still have loved him. Why would you want to be with any one but him? Because, that shadow of a doubt in the back of her mind whispered, he likes men. He doesn't want you. You're his friend and nothing more…

"Kerri? Are you still there?"

She snapped back to reality. "I'm here. I was just thinking. Sorry…Of course I'll go with you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Who else would I go with?" Kamatari…You want to go with him…That voice continued to whisper. You told your mother you want to be with him, now you're going out with some one else…Guilt washed over her. "Could I call you back? I've got a few things to take care of."

Without waiting for an answer, she dropped the phone into the cradle. Then she sat there, a stunned expression on her face. Katsu just asked me out…I've wanted that for the past five years. He asked me out and I said yes. But I don't love him. I don't think I ever loved him. I never knew love until Kamatari. What am I doing…?

Her eyes welled up with tears. Kamatari…I'm sorry. But I know what I mean to you. And it isn't much. Why am I so fucked up? Why is it that when the guy I thought I love finally asks me out I'm in love with the guy that will never love me? What the hell is wrong with me?

The doorbell rang. Kerri could hear her mom's footsteps down the hall. Then the muffled sounds of her mother talking and a voice responding. Then her mother calling for her. "Kerri? You have a visitor!"

"Coming!" She forced herself to get up, to wipe away the tears. Who the hell could be coming here to see me? Probably Crystal or Sojiro. Who else but…

"Tokio?"

"Um, hello, Kerri." Tokio stood on the stoop, her dark hair pulled back in a lose braid. She was wearing khakis and a lightweight green sweater and standing there, she looked just as pleasant as usual.

"Hi." Why was Tokio always so shy around her? The other girl always seemed so timid around her.

"Can I talk to you about something?"

"I guess so…Mother, excuse us." She stepped outside, closing the door behind her. It was a clear night, the sky dark and dotted with stars. There was a chill on the air and a slight breeze rustled both of their hair.

"Hajime called me a little while ago with, um, something very interesting to tell me…Kerri, he said that Kamatari kissed you." Tokio blushed, her gaze dropping to her feet.

"He did."

"I don't understand…I though Kamatari liked men. Why…?"

"I asked him to, okay? I wanted to know what it was like because no one has ever kissed me before. No one ever will and I figured I could at least ask a friend to do it so I'd know. He didn't want to do it. I asked him to. And how did Saito find out about it anyway?" She glared at Tokio, feeling that she did not owe the girl the explanation she was giving.

"Sanosuke called him a little while ago. I don't know where he heard about it, but I was concerned. I know you've been spending a lot of time with Kamatari. I've seen his purple Beetle around. Do you love him, Kerri?"

"It's none of your business." She said sharply, a hot blush creeping across her face.

"Oh my God…." One of Tokio's hands rose slowly to her mouth, "You do. You love him. I can see it in your eyes. You've fallen for him."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I understand love, Kerri. I understand that you're frightened. You don't know why you feel this way, but you do. Kamatari, you don't want to love him, but you can't help it. He makes you feel complete. I was the same way with Hajime."

"You don't understand. Saito is nothing like Kamatari. He's kind and gentle and I just…" She began to cry, "I just want to be with him. I don't understand why every one thinks he's so disgusting. He's just a little lost. He doesn't know what he wants. That's not his fault…"

"Kerri…"

"Is it so wrong to want to be with him? I don't care if he loves me or not. It doesn't matter. Just being with him makes me happy. He could desire anything and I would give it to him. Anything he wants. I just want him to be happy…" She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, "Is that so wrong, to want his happiness and my own?"

"Oh, no, Kerri. There is nothing wrong with wanting happiness. But I'm not so certain about where you're looking for it."

"I didn't go looking for this, Tokio!" She was suddenly very angry, "I didn't ask for this and I certainly didn't try to find it. It just happened and I don't know what to do about it. And I don't know why it's any of your business anyway."

"I…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I guess…" Tokio finally raised her eyes to look at Kerri and she could see how distraught the other girl was, "I guess I should go now."

"Yes. You should." Kerri turned back to go into the house, "Good bye."

As soon as she opened the door, there was her father holding the cordless phone. "You have a call, Kerri."

Sighing, she snatched the phone from his hand. "Hello?" She barked into it.

"Why is that I always seem to get you in a bad mood, Kerri?" Came Sojiro's cheerful greeting, "You always yell at me on the phone. I just wanted to see what was up. I heard-"

"You heard about me and Kamatari at the mall. You're going to stick your nose into it too. Word around here spreads quickly, doesn't it?" She said sourly.

"Yup." She could picture his smile and it upset her, "That's the problem with living in a small town. So are you two an item now or something?"

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Why should it?"

She sighed witheringly, "We're not an item, Sojiro. I asked him to kiss me because no one else ever will. I asked it as a favor and he granted my wish. That's all."

"I would have if you asked me. I'm a little hurt. But that's beside the point. I just wanted you to know that people were already spreading it around town. Half of FHS thinks you're a lesbian. The other half just thinks you're even more strange than they previously thought."

"What else is new?" She asked sarcastically, "If you have nothing else to say, I'm hanging up. Today has been kind of crappy. I'm going to bed."

" 'Kay! Good night, Kerri."

"Night, Sojiro." She hung up the phone and glared at it as if daring it to ring again. It did not and she stormed down the hall to her room.

This is so bad. She flopped down on the bed still in her clothes. Her head was pounding, her heart ached and she was very confused. This is terrible…What am I going to do? Why does love hurt so much? And what am I doing, saying I'll go out with Katsu? I don't love him…I don't even know if I like him any more. This is all going to blow up in my face.

Sighing, she rolled over onto her back. She was suddenly very sleepy. Things will look better tomorrow…I'll talk to Kamatari and explain to him…I'll tell him…I need to do this. Just to make sure…