That's Childish, So Childish. . .
Chapter Eighteen: Sort Out This Confusion. . .
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Disclaimer--I don't own GW, nor the song this and the past couple titles are from ("One And One Make Five" is by the Petshop Boys).
Warnings--A mild chapter. Kinda. Some characters undergo uncomfortable situations, but nothing permanent. But lilies deserve warning--I know that from personal experience!
What can I say? Zechs keeps his word. Life ends up very interesting in Sanc. . . much to the chagrin of the new arrivals and everyone else already residing at the palace.
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Miri sauntered--yes, sauntered--into the servants' quarters of the new palace (really the home of the last Oz general stationed in Sanc) with a bounce in his step despite the time of day. Or, rather, night. Midnight, to be precise. Nobody else was up. Nobody knew he had just set his bag into one of the smaller rooms at the end of the wing. Fewer knew /why/.
Smugly, the boy collected a mugful of coffee before he flopped into a chair and set his feet up on the table, lounging over the armrest. //Thank God for Noin and credit cards. . . // he thought with a slow smile, flipping the "borrowed" bit of plastic out of his pocket to admire before tucking it back into his pocket. //They'll find their gifts in the morning. . . or the results of them, anyway.//
A faint yelp and heavy thud echoed down the hall, shortly followed by the faintest of gurgling sounds, then a bright curse and another heavy thud.
//Or, maybe before then.// Miri blew on his coffee gently, smiling tiredly but expectantly at the doorway to the hall.
In a couple minutes, Duo appeared, bedraggled and messy and rubbing his throat and shins alternately with each limping step he took, eyes warily scanning the doorjamb before he stepped through. Then his eyes focused on the reason the light was on in the small kitchen. . . And Duo frowned.
Zechs blinked innocently at him, and smiled, trying to look cute. //I wonder if I can use this notion of Noin's to my advantage against upset Gundam pilots. . . //
Duo groaned, looking heavenward, and ambled to the other side of the small table to collapse into a chair. "That was /not/ a good way to wake up, Zechs," he complained.
Miri shrugged slightly. //I was nice to /you/. . . // "You ran into it of your own accord," he pointed out. Icy eyes laughed, though their owner refrained from doing so out loud. "Thrice, in fact."
A rough, rueful laugh answered that. "Guess so," Duo snorted, rubbing his throat again. "But who'd expect trip wires--and throat ones--in a peaceful kingdom's palace?"
Zechs smiled with mock-sadness and shook his head, looking into his coffee. "You weren't in one before, so you shouldn't assume that just because it's a peaceful place, that you're safe."
Another moan, as Duo ran a hand through his bangs to brush them out of tired eyes. "Just get me some coffee, kid. I'm not awake enough for this."
//If only you knew, Duo. . . The old palace was hardly "peaceful" with so many kin running about. . . // With a quiet chuckle, Miri set his own mug down and leaned back to toss another mug under the dispenser behind him. "Why are you awake at all?"
Duo shrugged, rubbing bleary eyes. "Nightmares," he murmured.
//Nightmares? From what?// Zechs glanced back at the braided Gundam pilot curiously, then collected the full mug and slid it across the table to the young man. "Nightmares about what?" he asked, interested.
Deathscythe's pilot took a long pull on the steaming coffee before replying. "Maxwell Church. I was the only survivor, you see. It killed. . . everyone I cared about." Staring into the dark liquid between his hands, Duo let that linger in the air, lost to thought.
Miri sank back in his seat, eyes wide with surprise, and studied Duo through his long pale bangs. //Maxwell Church. . . ? The massacre? I. . . I remember hearing about it--feeling sorry for the people, killed like my own family. Guess they were /his/ family. . . // "I'm sorry," he offered quietly, his sympathy for the taking.
Duo shook his head slightly. "Nothing for you to be sorry for. It's just. . . Well, I was an orphan on L2, and they kind of took me in when nobody else wanted me. And kept me, too." He chuckled softly at an old memory, and tugged his braid from behind his back. "Sister Helen taught me to braid all this, even. . . But then the rebels tried to hide in the church, and I told them I'd get them a mobile suit if that was the only way they'd leave. . . But by the time I got back with it, the place was a ruin, and everyone. . . Everyone was dead. . ." He choked up, and bent his head over his coffee until his mussed hair hid his face.
//They killed his family, too. . . the Alliance,// Zechs mused, heart twisting in anger and sympathetic pain. "And later you became a Gundam pilot. . . ?" he asked gently.
Again the braided pilot shrugged. "Yeah, well, that was more an accident than design. I thought, 'Better me than someone who'll take out innocents,'" Duo admitted a touch shyly, peeking up hesitantly. "Besides. . . I helped build Deathscythe--and I kind of like the big thing. It was pilot it, or blow it up."
//I can understand that. . . It's very like you, Duo.// Nodding quietly, Zechs picked up his own coffee and sipped slowly before trying, "What brought the memories up?"
"You've seen this place," Duo sighed, flinging an arm out in a broad sweep. "Those ruins of the old palace? They remind me of. . . of the church."
//That makes sense. . . I wish they didn't remain, but who has the guts to clean it up? Not me, definitely. Too many memories. . . Too many ties. . . // Zechs stared into his own coffee, and sighed quietly. "I'm sorry, Duo--it wasn't nice of me to dig up bad images for you."
A hand waved generally at the air. "Hey, it's all right. Bad memories don't need digging to resurface--they just do it on their own," Duo dismissed. "So. . . Other than the wires across my doors, what should I expect in the morning in the way of horrors and screams?" Dark blue eyes full of mischief grinned from beneath coppery bangs.
//Good choice of subject to change to--something uplifting.// Miri smirked again and set his coffee down carefully. "You found all you will find. . . for now. For yourself, anyway."
Deathscythe's pilot groaned, and slapped a hand over his eyes. "Oh, no. Don't tell me you pulled something on /Heero/, of all people. . . ! Or Quatre--the Maganacs will /kill/ you! Or turn your Tallgeese into a can opener!"
Zechs nodded with a slow, content smile. //Heero, Quatre, Trowa, the Maganacs, Noin. . . you. . . Treize, /again/. . . //
Duo blinked at him, then laughed, shaking his head and an admonishing finger at the boy. "You're crazy! They'll pull the walls down around your ears, and /then/ what will we protect here? Not to mention /how/--mobile suits aren't easy to damage with can openers. . ."
Miri laughed softly. "I didn't do anything as bad as I did to Treize earlier. . ." //For which he's probably thankful. . . //
"What did you do this time, then? Not red hair--I can't see Trowa as a strawberry blonde. . ."
Zechs smirked. "Well, no, not red hair. . . And not Trowa. . . But Quatre and the Maganacs will be rather noticeable from miles away. . ." //Poor things. . . // Though he felt absolutely no remorse. //They could hardly stop laughing the whole time.//
Duo's expression twisted into a mix of consternation and curiosity. "How?"
"Smell."
The Gundam pilot groaned, cringing in his seat. "Not the glue again!"
Miri laughed cheerfully, waving his free hand for Duo to relax. //I wasn't /that/ mean!// "Oh, no, no, not that! They'll smell pretty good, actually. . . after lily-scented shampoo, lily-scented conditioner, lily- scented hair-gel, lily-scented soap, lily-scented shaving cream, lily- scented aftershave, lily-scented hand moisturizer. . . and, of course, the 5 am delivery of a dozen flowers to their separate rooms. Lilies, of course."
Dark blue eyes blinked at him. "Lilies?" Duo asked, confused.
//Noin's last little prank gave me the idea. How she got someone to switch my toiletries to lilac scented ones last April Fool's still amazes me. Of course, after that, half the Alliance's generals began calling me "Treize's boy". . . // Nonchalantly, the boy answered, "Oh, over the years you pick up a few things. Such as that the lily has the most annoyingly-powerful and pervasive scent you could ever find in a flower. . . I left a note to the staff about where Noin and I hid the gas masks when we were last here, though, so they aren't overcome during the flower delivery."
Duo choked on his coffee, which he'd just brought to his lips. "Hey, what about /us/?!? We're going to end up in the same room as them too, you know!"
//Got that covered.// "Masks are basement floor, second storage room, third shelf on the right. Blame Noin for the idea--she pulled a similar prank on me last spring."
Sighing, Duo ran a hand through his bangs and gazed resignedly into his coffee, then chuckled. "I guess that must have been embarrassing. . ."
Zechs shrugged, and sipped his coffee before admitting, "It's more embarrassing if you acknowledge something's wrong. It started a few wild rumors, though. . ." //Like me and Treize as a couple. . . Whoever started that one was really unobservant! He had already seduced a dozen nurses, for heaven's sake!//
"Well, speaking of Noin. . . she escaped this mess, right?"
A faint smirk echoed icy blue eyes that flicked up from the coffee. "Hardly." //She wishes. . . //
Duo sighed again, smiling helplessly. "And what did you do to her, then?"
"Give her something cute." Zechs grinned evilly.
He could just see mental gears whirring as Duo mulled how something cute could be repulsive to the stolid woman who practically hugged the stuffing out of the boy earlier.
"Cute? Like. . . what?" Duo tried hesitantly, as if not certain he wanted an answer.
//There's cute, then there's scary. It's only fair, though.// "As in bright pink daisies with big smiley-faces on them." Zechs smiled dreamily as he pictured his handiwork again in his mind. "On the shower-curtains, floor mats, lining the tub and shower-stall, tile floor, towels, tissues, toilette-paper. . . Did you know they have those rubber bathtub-liners made in the shape of overly-cheerful daisies, too? In bright pink, to boot."
"You really know how to kill a theme."
"Overkill is rather the point, you know. . . Hopefully she'll have second thoughts about calling me 'cute' after this, though." Reaching behind his seat, Zechs began refilling his mug. "Of course, I think those motion- triggered singing pink daisies on the bathroom counter may scare her out of her rooms entirely, screaming. . . That may have been too much. Or maybe it's the crowning achievement. I was surprised to find those--but I couldn't resist."
Duo made a gagging sound. "Remind me not to piss you off anytime soon. How'd you get all this done? And /still/ have time to booby-trap my room and do whatever you did to Heero and Trowa?"
"And Treize. . . again," Miri added smugly. "Well, if you want to know, the staff here are on my side. Not Noin's, not Princess Relena's, but mine. We go back to well before I knew Treize. Some of them even played foster-kin to me for a bit. Besides which--I recommended them for these jobs." //In part because I could entrust Relena's safety to them, and Pagan knows them all. . . Whatever would Sanc do without Pagan's help? He saves Relena, practically bodyguards her for her whole life, uses his connections to help me out--his kin from the next five countries came to help staff this place after Sanc was freed. The man's got to be memorialized after this.//
Duo's eyebrows lifted, and his mouth tilted in an incredulous expression-- then sank into a resigned but cheerful laugh. "Good God, we really don't stand much of a chance here, do we? Noin said this is your home turf-- guess it's that home team advantage--literally!"
Zechs spread his hands philosophically. "In any case, your tripwires didn't take long to set up. Gluing Treize's boots to the ceiling took longer. . ." He sighed wistfully. //That was /not/ easy.// "I miss being tall. Do you know how hard it is to maneuver a ladder in silence? I gave up on it after two feet--it's too heavy for me to carry far like this. Had to do it a different way."
Duo chuckled quietly, and finished the last of his coffee. "What about Trowa and Heero, then?"
Miri sipped his second cup of coffee with a slight smirk. "Trowa has roommates now. I let the local house cats, a couple hedgehogs, and a rabbit take his clothes drawers, and a few garden snakes got his boots as temporary residences. As for Heero. . . well, he'll have an interesting time leaving his room. I secured the doors and windows from outside with lock, key, glue, duct tape, and the occasionally wedged chair or table or solid steel bar." //I did leave him that note about putting the door back in place when he decided to leave the room, didn't I? I /think/ I left it on the reception-room table for his quarters. . . //
"And Sally? You probably made her back out of the deal to help you, you know. . . ," Duo sighed, making a face. "It'll be a pain to get another doctor. . ."
//Sally?// Zechs shook his head slowly in denial, smiling gently. "I spared her," he admitted.
Duo blinked, then glared. "What? /Why/?"
"Because she didn't laugh at me, at any time. . . /yet/, anyway. That /is/ why I pulled all this on all of you." //You don't mess with the Lightening Count. Got a public reputation to maintain here, you know.// Contentedly, the pale-haired boy sank back in his seat with mug in hand, blinking with mischievous innocence.
Deathscythe's pilot just groaned. "You know this is going to mean war, don't you?"
"You guys don't stand a chance. Not against guerilla tactics with the local populace on /my/ side. . ."
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Bright and early in the morning, something banged heavily--on a wall? The whole building vibrated. It set off a round of bellows and shrieks from the western wing of the palace, and the sound of something cheerfully singing in mechanical voices, "You Are My Sunshine". Luckily, wise folks had retired after taking precautions--like stuffing cotton in their ears.
"ZECHS! Omai o korosu!"
"Kid, that Tallgeese of yours is going to be a /coffee machine/ by nightfall!"
"Zechs?!? Where the heck did you /find/ all this? This alone would finish my Christmas shopping for my sisters for a whole /two years/!"
"Can someone lend me some clean clothes? The rabbit had an accident--I think the cats scared it. . ."
"ZECHS!!! You're going to /wish/ the lilac-thing was /all/ I did to you!"
"Why the /hell/ didn't I court-martial you while I had the chance?"
"Omai o /korosu/!"
"Hey, Rashid, Trowa, I'd offer some of my spare stuff, but unless you guys /really/ like pink. . ."
"Oh stop it, Heero, you never carry that threat out. . ."
"No thanks, Miss Noin!!!" returned a couple of terrified voices.
"Duo, leave him alone--he's almost breaking down the walls. I think--I think--ACHOOOOO!"
"Bless you, Master Quatre!" came a chorus.
"I can't take this anymore--die you horrible things, die!" Gunfire at close range immediately followed, killing the music as well.
"Noin, I commend you. You don't happen to have a spare pair of boots hanging around, do you?"
"Ah! That stupid cat /bit/ me!"
"Only if you like pink daisies, General!"
"Trowa, are you--AH-AHHH-ACHOO!"
"Bless you!" The chorus included others this time.
"Sorry, Noin--I wouldn't wear that if /Zechs/ forced it on me."
"Omai o korosu!!!"
"That's drastic, Heero."
"Quatre, the only reason I agree with you is because that would be too merciful for him."
"Guys, I'm telling you, he's got the home-town advantage. . ."
"Trust me, I can think of /something/. I got him before!"
"Mission accepted!"
"Noin. . . I think I'm going to bow out of this before he does worse to my hair, thank you. And I don't mean just that on my head. You didn't see the glue incident, I expect."
"Honestly, I actually like this, though I think my sisters--AH-AHHHHHHH--my sisters would appreciate it--ACHOOOOO!--more than me."
"General, you are a wimp."
"Thank you, Noin. I prefer to think of it as a tactical retreat."
"Master Quatre. . . How can you /like/ reeking like this?!?"
"I don't suppose one of you are willing to come by here, Quatre, Mister Rashid? Maybe the overpowering smell will /get these damn animals off my bed/!!!"
"Do we really smell that strongly, Rashid? I think I'm a bit stuffed up from all the pollen. . ."
"Duo, are you all right? You're actually quiet!"
The other voices stopped, equally curious.
"Um, guys, I'm a bit busy putting Flexall-454 on all the damn bruises. . ."
"Did he get /everyone/?!?"
"I think I'll follow Treize's example and bow out, guys."
"We're with you, Master Quatre!" returned a familiar chorus.
"I'm rather inclined to join you two, Heero, Miss Noin."
"Glad to have you aboard, Trowa."
"What about you, Duo?"
"My throat hurts. . ."
"Either you're with us or you're against us. This is war, Duo."
"Hell, Heero--/definitely/ out! I may be crazy, but I'm not suicidal like you!"
"Home turf advantage counts for nil, Duo--trust me, I've played this game with him before."
"I would rethink that here, Noin. . ."
"Treize, he would /never/ use. . . !"
"I think he already /is/ using it."
A pause. "Oh," ventured the stunned reply. Then. . . "That explains a lot."
"What are you two talking about?"
"Sorry, Heero. . . I think you're on your own in this!"
"Trowa?"
"I think I'll also stay out--until more information is available."
"Hn."
"Speaking of the twerp--I'm surprised not to hear him laughing uproariously right now!"
"I think he went to bed."
"How do you know, Duo?"
"I got up for a midnight snack. Tripped a half dozen times getting out of bed, and again getting /into/ bed, and then yet /again/ after I woke up and forgot they were still there. . ."
"You didn't see what he was doing?!?"
"Do you think a kid his size could do all this on his own in one night?"
A long silence.
"Mission aborted. . . for now."
"Smart man."
"Shut up, Kushrenada. And someone get me a crowbar."
A couple chuckles. . .
"Heeeerooo?" A distant, uncertain, young feminine call.
"And /hurry/!"
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By noon, the party had convened in the tight confines of the staff's kitchen, except for Miss Noin, who had to attend Relena.
//And Zechs. Where is he /now/? I hope to God he's still asleep. . . Any more pranks, and I think this alliance will forget Romefeller and try for /his/ throat!// Duo chuckled to himself, shaking his head. //I'm not sure the staff can save him then.//
Pagan, the old butler, stood by the door, boxing everyone in the tight confines of the room like the old English sheepdog he resembled with those shaggy brows and bushy moustache. Even as Duo glanced at him, the old man cleared his throat, drawing attention. "Gentlemen, I have come to inform you that as we speak, Miss Noin is conferring with Miss Relena on your behalf. I'm afraid there is no way to gently introduce you to the young gentlemen and ladies who have come to learn about the Perfect Peace Principle, as all the uproar this morning has begun a few rumors. . . ," he explained calmly.
//This guy would probably find a nice way to introduce an assassination-- he's too calm for this!// Smiling wryly, Duo rested his head on his hand and sipped his coffee.
"Miss Relena seems to have recognized a certain voice among you--or perhaps a certain turn of words--and is quite adamant that Heero has arrived. As there is no dissuading this, and it is the truth, I'm certain Miss Noin has confirmed it for her by now," Pagan continued.
Heero closed his eyes and sighed, slouching back in his chair. Earlier, nobody had wanted to argue with the irate Perfect Soldier--and Quatre had hastily surrendered it for the sake of avoiding blood in the staff's kitchen.
Everyone else looked pointedly at Heero--though most smiled. Duo smothered a snicker. //She'd have noticed sooner or later, Heero. Just go deliver the damn letter and get it over with!//
"Well, that just means we propose our idea to her sooner rather than later," Quatre piped up cheerfully.
"Which is probably for the best," a casually-dressed Treize murmured, slouching with relief. "Soonest begun, soonest I can go to Luxemburg with my men to upgrade our suits and claim your scientists."
"One of us is going with you," Trowa stated quietly but firmly, busily tying twine about his borrowed boots to keep them on his legs.
//Oh, definitely!// Duo decided, agreeing wholeheartedly. //Do you think they'd trust Oz as far as they could kick a Gundam?//
Spreading his hands, the ex-Oz general chuckled. "I didn't intend to leave without one of you, at least. You pilots are the only ones they would trust, and so the best choices for parleying with them."
Grinning, Duo ducked his expression back into his coffee mug. //Smart, General, smart. Smart answer, too! Guess you /are/ one of us now!//
Trowa considered the man's words briefly, then nodded in silent acceptance.
Again, Pagan cleared his throat. "I'm afraid your departure may need to be slightly delayed, Master Treize."
//Huh?// Duo frowned, setting cup down again with coffee untasted. //Something go wrong?//
Treize's left eyebrow arched for his hairline, and his expression echoed the feelings of those present. "Oh?" he stated in a dignified manner, challenging the old butler.
Pagan stood unfazed. In fact, he didn't seem to catch Treize's sarcastic tone, nor see the challenging gleam in those blue eyes. Maybe he couldn't see any more than a sheepdog? But his seemingly-innocent answer made Duo scrunch his nose in confusion.
"Miss Dorothy is here, Sir. Sent by her grandfather, we believe."
Groaning, Treize covered his eyes with one hand.
//What does /that/ mean? Who's Dorothy? Or her grandfather?// Duo joined the numerous stares being directed at the former Oz leader. "Who's she?" he asked sharply, suspicious.
"Who is her grandfather?" Heero added demandingly.
Pagan remained silent and unmoving as a statue, as a good butler should, leaving the answers to Treize, whose expression proclaimed his reluctance to expound on the topic.
The stares and waiting tension in the room began to accumulate. Rashid glowered from his corner. Quatre leaned against a counter patiently, smiling gently. Heero glared from his seat as if to dump all his day's frustrations on his former enemy. Trowa simply sat still at a tiny side- table and stared at the rest of the room like a painted portrait of a man. Sally, leaning against the wall by Rashid, smiled with slow amusement and kind eyes on the scene.
Duo merely stared grimly at Treize. //Come on, talk. Clearly it has something to do with you. Time to 'fess up some of those things you and Zechs tell each other but keep from the rest of us!//
After a long, weary sigh, Treize finally looked up. "Dorothy," he stated glumly, "is my cousin. Her grandfather, however, is the same Duke Dermail who we are all set to destroy. Not that she likes him a great deal--but she is the sort who enjoyed intrigue and sowing the seeds of conflict, so she is undoubtedly spying for him. Which means I have to convert her to our side. . ."
Heero's eyes narrowed. "Can you?" he asked firmly.
"Why would she accept? And what would keep her from betraying both sides? From what you say--she /is/ the type to do that, just for the fun of it," Trowa contributed.
Treize's gaze sank down, and his eyes narrowed sharply at the table's surface. "I've always been a favorite of hers, more so than most of our family. Nor is she blind to her grandfather's faults. But if I show and tell her what he did to Zechs. . . I think that would bind her to our side. She's very forward--she would bluntly state what role she intends to take in this conflict, and you can relay on her word."
Scratching his head, Duo considered the ceiling's stucco surface intently, as if someone had written something vital up there. //I don't know. . . She sounds tricky.//
"Speaking of Zechs. . . Where is he?" Sally inquired quietly.
Duo perked up sharply. //Yeah, I want to know, too!//
"Young Master Zechs," Pagan began calmly, "has decided to sleep in, as we informed him of Miss Dorothy's presence when he arrived."
"Yes, she'd recognize him at first glance," Treize murmured grimly. "They grew up together. It makes sense that he'd choose to even avoid the halls, on the slightest chance that she reports him to Duke Dermail. /He/ gave the orders for Zechs's recent imprisonment, after all."
//But. . . this morning we. . . // Duo shuddered. "Ah. . . we all screamed at him this morning, remember? What if she heard us?" he asked, fear melting heavily in the middle of his stomach.
Silence blossomed. Treize's eyes widened slowly, staring into space.
"Shit." The ex-Oz general's curse was quiet, yet in the silence it carried far, only to be drowned out the next second by the man leaping to his feet and knocking his chair over. "Where is she, Pagan? I have to catch her before she reports, or he'll send someone to finish Zechs's sentence for him!"
//Oh damn. . . // Duo slid to his feet, seeing Heero doing likewise-and pulling out his gun. //If she /has/ reported. . . !//
For the slightest instant, Pagan's dark eyes were visible beneath shaggy brows. "East sunroom, Sir," he reported swiftly. "She is under our surveillance--hasn't communicated with anyone yet--"
Treize had already fled out the door past the man, half-jogging.
"I'll cover him," Trowa offered, having escaped his cramped table by the door to be the second through it. Then he was gone in the older man's wake.
//I'm after Zechs! If she /has/ reported, he might have assassins after him any second!// Pulling his own gun as he moved to follow Trowa, Duo called, "I'll go check on the kid!"
"Mission accepted," Heero announced, accepting the same duty with unrelenting finality, striding at Duo's heels.
"Rashid and I'll go to the hangar, then--make sure everything's in order if needed for a strike attack," Quatre stated, nodding worried acceptance.
//Thanks, Heero--good to have you on my side.// "Where's he at, Pagan?" duo demanded quickly, pausing by the old man. . . who looked amazingly frightened.
For once, Pagan's calm was ruffled--he seemed to be sweating a bit heavily, his dark eyes barely visible, when Duo scrutinized him. But he answered as quickly as a soldier reporting for duty, "End of the wing, this floor, last door on the left by the stairs."
A single acknowledging nod from both Gundam pilots, then the pair were running down the hall. . .
//I hope Zechs is alright. . . // Duo glanced at Heero's determined, stoic face, and grunted, grimacing. "Why do I feel like everyone in this place knows who Zechs is, but us?" he asked rhetorically.
Heero eyed him sharply. "Then it's time we found out, too."
Eyes narrowing on the end of the wing, far ahead, Duo decided determinedly, //After we check on him. . . Then we get cracking, Heero. Our ignorance might kill us soon!//
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To be continued.
Sorry-takes longer to get more than one series progressing at the same time, guys. ;)
Chapter Eighteen: Sort Out This Confusion. . .
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Disclaimer--I don't own GW, nor the song this and the past couple titles are from ("One And One Make Five" is by the Petshop Boys).
Warnings--A mild chapter. Kinda. Some characters undergo uncomfortable situations, but nothing permanent. But lilies deserve warning--I know that from personal experience!
What can I say? Zechs keeps his word. Life ends up very interesting in Sanc. . . much to the chagrin of the new arrivals and everyone else already residing at the palace.
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Miri sauntered--yes, sauntered--into the servants' quarters of the new palace (really the home of the last Oz general stationed in Sanc) with a bounce in his step despite the time of day. Or, rather, night. Midnight, to be precise. Nobody else was up. Nobody knew he had just set his bag into one of the smaller rooms at the end of the wing. Fewer knew /why/.
Smugly, the boy collected a mugful of coffee before he flopped into a chair and set his feet up on the table, lounging over the armrest. //Thank God for Noin and credit cards. . . // he thought with a slow smile, flipping the "borrowed" bit of plastic out of his pocket to admire before tucking it back into his pocket. //They'll find their gifts in the morning. . . or the results of them, anyway.//
A faint yelp and heavy thud echoed down the hall, shortly followed by the faintest of gurgling sounds, then a bright curse and another heavy thud.
//Or, maybe before then.// Miri blew on his coffee gently, smiling tiredly but expectantly at the doorway to the hall.
In a couple minutes, Duo appeared, bedraggled and messy and rubbing his throat and shins alternately with each limping step he took, eyes warily scanning the doorjamb before he stepped through. Then his eyes focused on the reason the light was on in the small kitchen. . . And Duo frowned.
Zechs blinked innocently at him, and smiled, trying to look cute. //I wonder if I can use this notion of Noin's to my advantage against upset Gundam pilots. . . //
Duo groaned, looking heavenward, and ambled to the other side of the small table to collapse into a chair. "That was /not/ a good way to wake up, Zechs," he complained.
Miri shrugged slightly. //I was nice to /you/. . . // "You ran into it of your own accord," he pointed out. Icy eyes laughed, though their owner refrained from doing so out loud. "Thrice, in fact."
A rough, rueful laugh answered that. "Guess so," Duo snorted, rubbing his throat again. "But who'd expect trip wires--and throat ones--in a peaceful kingdom's palace?"
Zechs smiled with mock-sadness and shook his head, looking into his coffee. "You weren't in one before, so you shouldn't assume that just because it's a peaceful place, that you're safe."
Another moan, as Duo ran a hand through his bangs to brush them out of tired eyes. "Just get me some coffee, kid. I'm not awake enough for this."
//If only you knew, Duo. . . The old palace was hardly "peaceful" with so many kin running about. . . // With a quiet chuckle, Miri set his own mug down and leaned back to toss another mug under the dispenser behind him. "Why are you awake at all?"
Duo shrugged, rubbing bleary eyes. "Nightmares," he murmured.
//Nightmares? From what?// Zechs glanced back at the braided Gundam pilot curiously, then collected the full mug and slid it across the table to the young man. "Nightmares about what?" he asked, interested.
Deathscythe's pilot took a long pull on the steaming coffee before replying. "Maxwell Church. I was the only survivor, you see. It killed. . . everyone I cared about." Staring into the dark liquid between his hands, Duo let that linger in the air, lost to thought.
Miri sank back in his seat, eyes wide with surprise, and studied Duo through his long pale bangs. //Maxwell Church. . . ? The massacre? I. . . I remember hearing about it--feeling sorry for the people, killed like my own family. Guess they were /his/ family. . . // "I'm sorry," he offered quietly, his sympathy for the taking.
Duo shook his head slightly. "Nothing for you to be sorry for. It's just. . . Well, I was an orphan on L2, and they kind of took me in when nobody else wanted me. And kept me, too." He chuckled softly at an old memory, and tugged his braid from behind his back. "Sister Helen taught me to braid all this, even. . . But then the rebels tried to hide in the church, and I told them I'd get them a mobile suit if that was the only way they'd leave. . . But by the time I got back with it, the place was a ruin, and everyone. . . Everyone was dead. . ." He choked up, and bent his head over his coffee until his mussed hair hid his face.
//They killed his family, too. . . the Alliance,// Zechs mused, heart twisting in anger and sympathetic pain. "And later you became a Gundam pilot. . . ?" he asked gently.
Again the braided pilot shrugged. "Yeah, well, that was more an accident than design. I thought, 'Better me than someone who'll take out innocents,'" Duo admitted a touch shyly, peeking up hesitantly. "Besides. . . I helped build Deathscythe--and I kind of like the big thing. It was pilot it, or blow it up."
//I can understand that. . . It's very like you, Duo.// Nodding quietly, Zechs picked up his own coffee and sipped slowly before trying, "What brought the memories up?"
"You've seen this place," Duo sighed, flinging an arm out in a broad sweep. "Those ruins of the old palace? They remind me of. . . of the church."
//That makes sense. . . I wish they didn't remain, but who has the guts to clean it up? Not me, definitely. Too many memories. . . Too many ties. . . // Zechs stared into his own coffee, and sighed quietly. "I'm sorry, Duo--it wasn't nice of me to dig up bad images for you."
A hand waved generally at the air. "Hey, it's all right. Bad memories don't need digging to resurface--they just do it on their own," Duo dismissed. "So. . . Other than the wires across my doors, what should I expect in the morning in the way of horrors and screams?" Dark blue eyes full of mischief grinned from beneath coppery bangs.
//Good choice of subject to change to--something uplifting.// Miri smirked again and set his coffee down carefully. "You found all you will find. . . for now. For yourself, anyway."
Deathscythe's pilot groaned, and slapped a hand over his eyes. "Oh, no. Don't tell me you pulled something on /Heero/, of all people. . . ! Or Quatre--the Maganacs will /kill/ you! Or turn your Tallgeese into a can opener!"
Zechs nodded with a slow, content smile. //Heero, Quatre, Trowa, the Maganacs, Noin. . . you. . . Treize, /again/. . . //
Duo blinked at him, then laughed, shaking his head and an admonishing finger at the boy. "You're crazy! They'll pull the walls down around your ears, and /then/ what will we protect here? Not to mention /how/--mobile suits aren't easy to damage with can openers. . ."
Miri laughed softly. "I didn't do anything as bad as I did to Treize earlier. . ." //For which he's probably thankful. . . //
"What did you do this time, then? Not red hair--I can't see Trowa as a strawberry blonde. . ."
Zechs smirked. "Well, no, not red hair. . . And not Trowa. . . But Quatre and the Maganacs will be rather noticeable from miles away. . ." //Poor things. . . // Though he felt absolutely no remorse. //They could hardly stop laughing the whole time.//
Duo's expression twisted into a mix of consternation and curiosity. "How?"
"Smell."
The Gundam pilot groaned, cringing in his seat. "Not the glue again!"
Miri laughed cheerfully, waving his free hand for Duo to relax. //I wasn't /that/ mean!// "Oh, no, no, not that! They'll smell pretty good, actually. . . after lily-scented shampoo, lily-scented conditioner, lily- scented hair-gel, lily-scented soap, lily-scented shaving cream, lily- scented aftershave, lily-scented hand moisturizer. . . and, of course, the 5 am delivery of a dozen flowers to their separate rooms. Lilies, of course."
Dark blue eyes blinked at him. "Lilies?" Duo asked, confused.
//Noin's last little prank gave me the idea. How she got someone to switch my toiletries to lilac scented ones last April Fool's still amazes me. Of course, after that, half the Alliance's generals began calling me "Treize's boy". . . // Nonchalantly, the boy answered, "Oh, over the years you pick up a few things. Such as that the lily has the most annoyingly-powerful and pervasive scent you could ever find in a flower. . . I left a note to the staff about where Noin and I hid the gas masks when we were last here, though, so they aren't overcome during the flower delivery."
Duo choked on his coffee, which he'd just brought to his lips. "Hey, what about /us/?!? We're going to end up in the same room as them too, you know!"
//Got that covered.// "Masks are basement floor, second storage room, third shelf on the right. Blame Noin for the idea--she pulled a similar prank on me last spring."
Sighing, Duo ran a hand through his bangs and gazed resignedly into his coffee, then chuckled. "I guess that must have been embarrassing. . ."
Zechs shrugged, and sipped his coffee before admitting, "It's more embarrassing if you acknowledge something's wrong. It started a few wild rumors, though. . ." //Like me and Treize as a couple. . . Whoever started that one was really unobservant! He had already seduced a dozen nurses, for heaven's sake!//
"Well, speaking of Noin. . . she escaped this mess, right?"
A faint smirk echoed icy blue eyes that flicked up from the coffee. "Hardly." //She wishes. . . //
Duo sighed again, smiling helplessly. "And what did you do to her, then?"
"Give her something cute." Zechs grinned evilly.
He could just see mental gears whirring as Duo mulled how something cute could be repulsive to the stolid woman who practically hugged the stuffing out of the boy earlier.
"Cute? Like. . . what?" Duo tried hesitantly, as if not certain he wanted an answer.
//There's cute, then there's scary. It's only fair, though.// "As in bright pink daisies with big smiley-faces on them." Zechs smiled dreamily as he pictured his handiwork again in his mind. "On the shower-curtains, floor mats, lining the tub and shower-stall, tile floor, towels, tissues, toilette-paper. . . Did you know they have those rubber bathtub-liners made in the shape of overly-cheerful daisies, too? In bright pink, to boot."
"You really know how to kill a theme."
"Overkill is rather the point, you know. . . Hopefully she'll have second thoughts about calling me 'cute' after this, though." Reaching behind his seat, Zechs began refilling his mug. "Of course, I think those motion- triggered singing pink daisies on the bathroom counter may scare her out of her rooms entirely, screaming. . . That may have been too much. Or maybe it's the crowning achievement. I was surprised to find those--but I couldn't resist."
Duo made a gagging sound. "Remind me not to piss you off anytime soon. How'd you get all this done? And /still/ have time to booby-trap my room and do whatever you did to Heero and Trowa?"
"And Treize. . . again," Miri added smugly. "Well, if you want to know, the staff here are on my side. Not Noin's, not Princess Relena's, but mine. We go back to well before I knew Treize. Some of them even played foster-kin to me for a bit. Besides which--I recommended them for these jobs." //In part because I could entrust Relena's safety to them, and Pagan knows them all. . . Whatever would Sanc do without Pagan's help? He saves Relena, practically bodyguards her for her whole life, uses his connections to help me out--his kin from the next five countries came to help staff this place after Sanc was freed. The man's got to be memorialized after this.//
Duo's eyebrows lifted, and his mouth tilted in an incredulous expression-- then sank into a resigned but cheerful laugh. "Good God, we really don't stand much of a chance here, do we? Noin said this is your home turf-- guess it's that home team advantage--literally!"
Zechs spread his hands philosophically. "In any case, your tripwires didn't take long to set up. Gluing Treize's boots to the ceiling took longer. . ." He sighed wistfully. //That was /not/ easy.// "I miss being tall. Do you know how hard it is to maneuver a ladder in silence? I gave up on it after two feet--it's too heavy for me to carry far like this. Had to do it a different way."
Duo chuckled quietly, and finished the last of his coffee. "What about Trowa and Heero, then?"
Miri sipped his second cup of coffee with a slight smirk. "Trowa has roommates now. I let the local house cats, a couple hedgehogs, and a rabbit take his clothes drawers, and a few garden snakes got his boots as temporary residences. As for Heero. . . well, he'll have an interesting time leaving his room. I secured the doors and windows from outside with lock, key, glue, duct tape, and the occasionally wedged chair or table or solid steel bar." //I did leave him that note about putting the door back in place when he decided to leave the room, didn't I? I /think/ I left it on the reception-room table for his quarters. . . //
"And Sally? You probably made her back out of the deal to help you, you know. . . ," Duo sighed, making a face. "It'll be a pain to get another doctor. . ."
//Sally?// Zechs shook his head slowly in denial, smiling gently. "I spared her," he admitted.
Duo blinked, then glared. "What? /Why/?"
"Because she didn't laugh at me, at any time. . . /yet/, anyway. That /is/ why I pulled all this on all of you." //You don't mess with the Lightening Count. Got a public reputation to maintain here, you know.// Contentedly, the pale-haired boy sank back in his seat with mug in hand, blinking with mischievous innocence.
Deathscythe's pilot just groaned. "You know this is going to mean war, don't you?"
"You guys don't stand a chance. Not against guerilla tactics with the local populace on /my/ side. . ."
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Bright and early in the morning, something banged heavily--on a wall? The whole building vibrated. It set off a round of bellows and shrieks from the western wing of the palace, and the sound of something cheerfully singing in mechanical voices, "You Are My Sunshine". Luckily, wise folks had retired after taking precautions--like stuffing cotton in their ears.
"ZECHS! Omai o korosu!"
"Kid, that Tallgeese of yours is going to be a /coffee machine/ by nightfall!"
"Zechs?!? Where the heck did you /find/ all this? This alone would finish my Christmas shopping for my sisters for a whole /two years/!"
"Can someone lend me some clean clothes? The rabbit had an accident--I think the cats scared it. . ."
"ZECHS!!! You're going to /wish/ the lilac-thing was /all/ I did to you!"
"Why the /hell/ didn't I court-martial you while I had the chance?"
"Omai o /korosu/!"
"Hey, Rashid, Trowa, I'd offer some of my spare stuff, but unless you guys /really/ like pink. . ."
"Oh stop it, Heero, you never carry that threat out. . ."
"No thanks, Miss Noin!!!" returned a couple of terrified voices.
"Duo, leave him alone--he's almost breaking down the walls. I think--I think--ACHOOOOO!"
"Bless you, Master Quatre!" came a chorus.
"I can't take this anymore--die you horrible things, die!" Gunfire at close range immediately followed, killing the music as well.
"Noin, I commend you. You don't happen to have a spare pair of boots hanging around, do you?"
"Ah! That stupid cat /bit/ me!"
"Only if you like pink daisies, General!"
"Trowa, are you--AH-AHHH-ACHOO!"
"Bless you!" The chorus included others this time.
"Sorry, Noin--I wouldn't wear that if /Zechs/ forced it on me."
"Omai o korosu!!!"
"That's drastic, Heero."
"Quatre, the only reason I agree with you is because that would be too merciful for him."
"Guys, I'm telling you, he's got the home-town advantage. . ."
"Trust me, I can think of /something/. I got him before!"
"Mission accepted!"
"Noin. . . I think I'm going to bow out of this before he does worse to my hair, thank you. And I don't mean just that on my head. You didn't see the glue incident, I expect."
"Honestly, I actually like this, though I think my sisters--AH-AHHHHHHH--my sisters would appreciate it--ACHOOOOO!--more than me."
"General, you are a wimp."
"Thank you, Noin. I prefer to think of it as a tactical retreat."
"Master Quatre. . . How can you /like/ reeking like this?!?"
"I don't suppose one of you are willing to come by here, Quatre, Mister Rashid? Maybe the overpowering smell will /get these damn animals off my bed/!!!"
"Do we really smell that strongly, Rashid? I think I'm a bit stuffed up from all the pollen. . ."
"Duo, are you all right? You're actually quiet!"
The other voices stopped, equally curious.
"Um, guys, I'm a bit busy putting Flexall-454 on all the damn bruises. . ."
"Did he get /everyone/?!?"
"I think I'll follow Treize's example and bow out, guys."
"We're with you, Master Quatre!" returned a familiar chorus.
"I'm rather inclined to join you two, Heero, Miss Noin."
"Glad to have you aboard, Trowa."
"What about you, Duo?"
"My throat hurts. . ."
"Either you're with us or you're against us. This is war, Duo."
"Hell, Heero--/definitely/ out! I may be crazy, but I'm not suicidal like you!"
"Home turf advantage counts for nil, Duo--trust me, I've played this game with him before."
"I would rethink that here, Noin. . ."
"Treize, he would /never/ use. . . !"
"I think he already /is/ using it."
A pause. "Oh," ventured the stunned reply. Then. . . "That explains a lot."
"What are you two talking about?"
"Sorry, Heero. . . I think you're on your own in this!"
"Trowa?"
"I think I'll also stay out--until more information is available."
"Hn."
"Speaking of the twerp--I'm surprised not to hear him laughing uproariously right now!"
"I think he went to bed."
"How do you know, Duo?"
"I got up for a midnight snack. Tripped a half dozen times getting out of bed, and again getting /into/ bed, and then yet /again/ after I woke up and forgot they were still there. . ."
"You didn't see what he was doing?!?"
"Do you think a kid his size could do all this on his own in one night?"
A long silence.
"Mission aborted. . . for now."
"Smart man."
"Shut up, Kushrenada. And someone get me a crowbar."
A couple chuckles. . .
"Heeeerooo?" A distant, uncertain, young feminine call.
"And /hurry/!"
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By noon, the party had convened in the tight confines of the staff's kitchen, except for Miss Noin, who had to attend Relena.
//And Zechs. Where is he /now/? I hope to God he's still asleep. . . Any more pranks, and I think this alliance will forget Romefeller and try for /his/ throat!// Duo chuckled to himself, shaking his head. //I'm not sure the staff can save him then.//
Pagan, the old butler, stood by the door, boxing everyone in the tight confines of the room like the old English sheepdog he resembled with those shaggy brows and bushy moustache. Even as Duo glanced at him, the old man cleared his throat, drawing attention. "Gentlemen, I have come to inform you that as we speak, Miss Noin is conferring with Miss Relena on your behalf. I'm afraid there is no way to gently introduce you to the young gentlemen and ladies who have come to learn about the Perfect Peace Principle, as all the uproar this morning has begun a few rumors. . . ," he explained calmly.
//This guy would probably find a nice way to introduce an assassination-- he's too calm for this!// Smiling wryly, Duo rested his head on his hand and sipped his coffee.
"Miss Relena seems to have recognized a certain voice among you--or perhaps a certain turn of words--and is quite adamant that Heero has arrived. As there is no dissuading this, and it is the truth, I'm certain Miss Noin has confirmed it for her by now," Pagan continued.
Heero closed his eyes and sighed, slouching back in his chair. Earlier, nobody had wanted to argue with the irate Perfect Soldier--and Quatre had hastily surrendered it for the sake of avoiding blood in the staff's kitchen.
Everyone else looked pointedly at Heero--though most smiled. Duo smothered a snicker. //She'd have noticed sooner or later, Heero. Just go deliver the damn letter and get it over with!//
"Well, that just means we propose our idea to her sooner rather than later," Quatre piped up cheerfully.
"Which is probably for the best," a casually-dressed Treize murmured, slouching with relief. "Soonest begun, soonest I can go to Luxemburg with my men to upgrade our suits and claim your scientists."
"One of us is going with you," Trowa stated quietly but firmly, busily tying twine about his borrowed boots to keep them on his legs.
//Oh, definitely!// Duo decided, agreeing wholeheartedly. //Do you think they'd trust Oz as far as they could kick a Gundam?//
Spreading his hands, the ex-Oz general chuckled. "I didn't intend to leave without one of you, at least. You pilots are the only ones they would trust, and so the best choices for parleying with them."
Grinning, Duo ducked his expression back into his coffee mug. //Smart, General, smart. Smart answer, too! Guess you /are/ one of us now!//
Trowa considered the man's words briefly, then nodded in silent acceptance.
Again, Pagan cleared his throat. "I'm afraid your departure may need to be slightly delayed, Master Treize."
//Huh?// Duo frowned, setting cup down again with coffee untasted. //Something go wrong?//
Treize's left eyebrow arched for his hairline, and his expression echoed the feelings of those present. "Oh?" he stated in a dignified manner, challenging the old butler.
Pagan stood unfazed. In fact, he didn't seem to catch Treize's sarcastic tone, nor see the challenging gleam in those blue eyes. Maybe he couldn't see any more than a sheepdog? But his seemingly-innocent answer made Duo scrunch his nose in confusion.
"Miss Dorothy is here, Sir. Sent by her grandfather, we believe."
Groaning, Treize covered his eyes with one hand.
//What does /that/ mean? Who's Dorothy? Or her grandfather?// Duo joined the numerous stares being directed at the former Oz leader. "Who's she?" he asked sharply, suspicious.
"Who is her grandfather?" Heero added demandingly.
Pagan remained silent and unmoving as a statue, as a good butler should, leaving the answers to Treize, whose expression proclaimed his reluctance to expound on the topic.
The stares and waiting tension in the room began to accumulate. Rashid glowered from his corner. Quatre leaned against a counter patiently, smiling gently. Heero glared from his seat as if to dump all his day's frustrations on his former enemy. Trowa simply sat still at a tiny side- table and stared at the rest of the room like a painted portrait of a man. Sally, leaning against the wall by Rashid, smiled with slow amusement and kind eyes on the scene.
Duo merely stared grimly at Treize. //Come on, talk. Clearly it has something to do with you. Time to 'fess up some of those things you and Zechs tell each other but keep from the rest of us!//
After a long, weary sigh, Treize finally looked up. "Dorothy," he stated glumly, "is my cousin. Her grandfather, however, is the same Duke Dermail who we are all set to destroy. Not that she likes him a great deal--but she is the sort who enjoyed intrigue and sowing the seeds of conflict, so she is undoubtedly spying for him. Which means I have to convert her to our side. . ."
Heero's eyes narrowed. "Can you?" he asked firmly.
"Why would she accept? And what would keep her from betraying both sides? From what you say--she /is/ the type to do that, just for the fun of it," Trowa contributed.
Treize's gaze sank down, and his eyes narrowed sharply at the table's surface. "I've always been a favorite of hers, more so than most of our family. Nor is she blind to her grandfather's faults. But if I show and tell her what he did to Zechs. . . I think that would bind her to our side. She's very forward--she would bluntly state what role she intends to take in this conflict, and you can relay on her word."
Scratching his head, Duo considered the ceiling's stucco surface intently, as if someone had written something vital up there. //I don't know. . . She sounds tricky.//
"Speaking of Zechs. . . Where is he?" Sally inquired quietly.
Duo perked up sharply. //Yeah, I want to know, too!//
"Young Master Zechs," Pagan began calmly, "has decided to sleep in, as we informed him of Miss Dorothy's presence when he arrived."
"Yes, she'd recognize him at first glance," Treize murmured grimly. "They grew up together. It makes sense that he'd choose to even avoid the halls, on the slightest chance that she reports him to Duke Dermail. /He/ gave the orders for Zechs's recent imprisonment, after all."
//But. . . this morning we. . . // Duo shuddered. "Ah. . . we all screamed at him this morning, remember? What if she heard us?" he asked, fear melting heavily in the middle of his stomach.
Silence blossomed. Treize's eyes widened slowly, staring into space.
"Shit." The ex-Oz general's curse was quiet, yet in the silence it carried far, only to be drowned out the next second by the man leaping to his feet and knocking his chair over. "Where is she, Pagan? I have to catch her before she reports, or he'll send someone to finish Zechs's sentence for him!"
//Oh damn. . . // Duo slid to his feet, seeing Heero doing likewise-and pulling out his gun. //If she /has/ reported. . . !//
For the slightest instant, Pagan's dark eyes were visible beneath shaggy brows. "East sunroom, Sir," he reported swiftly. "She is under our surveillance--hasn't communicated with anyone yet--"
Treize had already fled out the door past the man, half-jogging.
"I'll cover him," Trowa offered, having escaped his cramped table by the door to be the second through it. Then he was gone in the older man's wake.
//I'm after Zechs! If she /has/ reported, he might have assassins after him any second!// Pulling his own gun as he moved to follow Trowa, Duo called, "I'll go check on the kid!"
"Mission accepted," Heero announced, accepting the same duty with unrelenting finality, striding at Duo's heels.
"Rashid and I'll go to the hangar, then--make sure everything's in order if needed for a strike attack," Quatre stated, nodding worried acceptance.
//Thanks, Heero--good to have you on my side.// "Where's he at, Pagan?" duo demanded quickly, pausing by the old man. . . who looked amazingly frightened.
For once, Pagan's calm was ruffled--he seemed to be sweating a bit heavily, his dark eyes barely visible, when Duo scrutinized him. But he answered as quickly as a soldier reporting for duty, "End of the wing, this floor, last door on the left by the stairs."
A single acknowledging nod from both Gundam pilots, then the pair were running down the hall. . .
//I hope Zechs is alright. . . // Duo glanced at Heero's determined, stoic face, and grunted, grimacing. "Why do I feel like everyone in this place knows who Zechs is, but us?" he asked rhetorically.
Heero eyed him sharply. "Then it's time we found out, too."
Eyes narrowing on the end of the wing, far ahead, Duo decided determinedly, //After we check on him. . . Then we get cracking, Heero. Our ignorance might kill us soon!//
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To be continued.
Sorry-takes longer to get more than one series progressing at the same time, guys. ;)