Chapter 10 – One-eighty
"7th January. I…I'm not sure what I want to write but…well I have to write something. Do something. I honestly didn't think I could feel any worse than I did that evening, or in the hours that followed but now… now I'm not so sure. This morning we were...we were talking about getting back to classes and, well, what Snape was going to do without his idol. I guess it's all come back to haunt us. I just can't believe this is happening. I mean after everything else…
"Let's start from the beginning again; that seemed to work last time. After lunch today Professor Dumbledore came to see us in the common room again. I wasn't totally surprised by this. I had been expecting…we had been expecting to hear something about the trial date that the Wizarding Law Enforcement Agents had told us we would probably have to testify at. Anyway, the look on his face set off alarm bells, in me in any case. I know I said that in the last few weeks when we had seen him that the sparkle in his eyes had been diminished, but this afternoon it had been replaced entirely by something that I doubt any of us had ever seen before. He was angry. I could see it. We could feel it in the very air, but this didn't last. It seemed that when he looked at us sitting there, he snapped out of it, and a sorrowful smile was slid into place.
"I…I need to speak to you." He said quietly as he crossed the room and sat on the coffee table, his back to the fire. We shuffled around so that we were facing him on the couch where Professor McGonagall sat when she came to visit us last. I glanced at Moony and it seemed we had the same thought at the same moment.
"Professor," I ventured. "the Professor, she's…she's not…" The Headmaster shook his head.
"She was in good health when I spoke to her this morning." I let out a breath that I hadn't noticed I had been holding. "However, she asked me to inform you of the decision she has come to, regarding the events at the end of the last term."
"Decision?" Lilly asked from next to me.
"Yes, well, I'm sure that it will become clearer after I've finished. In short, Professor McGonagall has come to the conclusion that it would be best for all involved not to press for this matter to be taken before a court." It took me a minute to comprehend what I had just heard. Sirius reacted faster though and was on his feet before I was.
"What! He can't just get away with this! It was wrong! He needs to get what he deserves!"
"Mr. Black." Dumbledore said forcefully. He sat back down with a helping hand on his arm that belonged to Remus. "There are circumstances and other factors that unfortunately make this situation a little more complex than it would at first seem." Padfoot was up and pacing despite Moony's best efforts. He was standing looking out the window when the Professor paused for breath. Spinning on his heel he turned and spoke.
"He…he RAPED her for Merlin's sake! How complex does it need to get?" There was complete silence; the kind that only ever occurs after a statement like that. Looking back on it, I think that he was the first one to actually say it. To admit out loud what we had all subconsciously known had happened that night.
"Eventually we all turned back to Dumbledore whose eyes were downcast. He must have felt our gaze however, as he looked up at us and I was again shocked by the intensity of his gaze.
"Unfortunately Mr Black that is a fact, that though we may be in no doubt of, would be tremendously hard to prove in a court of law." This time Remus spoke up.
"But surely, surely there are spells…or they could use Veritaserum on Malfoy. Then they would now what he really did."
"A sensible suggestion. However, in order for Veritaserum, the only truly reliable truth serum, to be used, permission from both parties' council must be given. Unsurprisingly, the Malfoy family lawyers seem to be in no way inclined to agree to its use."
"But there must be…must have been physical evidence…" Lily trailed off.
"All of which could be explained by a consensual, if somewhat unusual, encounter." Dumbledore replied quietly. We sat in silence for a while, and even from the other end of the couch I could feel the fury rising in Sirius.
"When dealing with Hellios Malfoy, one has to be aware that he and his family have the power to manipulate, corrupt and threaten the best intentioned and the purest of soul. He has made it perfectly clear that he would not hesitate in ensuring that everyone involved in a case against his son would have their names dragged through the mud and their word forever discredited." Again the headmaster had let his gaze fall downward to the floor, but now he looked up. "You have to remember that there is a difference between bravery and fools courage. In this case, when nothing could be achieved and everything lost by pursuing revenge, or even justice, the bravest thing may be to face up to what has happened, only in order to put it behind you and carry on with the rest of your lives." I got the distinct impression that we weren't necessarily who he was talking about then, but the principle still applied. Padfoot broke my chain of thought again when he spoke.
"If I ever see that slimy, two-faced, pure-blood bastard again, I'm going to wipe the floor with him!"
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to refrain from doing that, at least while you are both students here." There was a chorus of 'WHAT!'s at this statement. "Without the backing of a charge, never mind a conviction, it would be impossible for me to expel young Mr Malfoy. This action requires the agreement of the governors, and there is the added complication that one of them happens to be his father. So Lucius will return after the holidays to continue with his studies, in everything except Transfiguration, and if you have any respect for either Professor McGonagall or myself, you will refrain from making any reference to what has passed. To anyone." Before anyone else could say anything, Sirius was up and out the portrait hole, letting it swing shut behind him with a crash. I quickly made my excuses and went after him. It took me a little under two hours to find him, and when I did he was prowling around at the edge of the forbidden forest. I sat down on the grass and watched him as he paced between two of the giant oak trees on the forests perimeter. He ignored me to begin with, but eventually he stormed across and threw himself onto the ground next to me and did the last thing I had expected. He cried. Not over-blown bawls, but quiet tears streaming down his face. I don't remember why, but I put a hand on his shoulder and just sat quietly until he calmed somewhat, eventually enough to speak.
"It's not quite what I had in mind for a just punishment." He said smiling morosely.
Well, here I am again. Sitting on my bed trying to sort out what I feel about all of this before trying to sleep. At first it threw me, this whole thing, because admitting defeat isn't something I'm used to hearing from those two. Dumbledore is an expert at finding his way out of seemingly impossible situations, and "try and try again" seems to be Professor McGonagall's motto most of the time, but then it clicked. When I was thinking it over, I realised that it wasn't her own reputation that the professor was concerned for; it was ours. Ours; the schools and Dumbledore's. He said it and must have realised it himself, and she must have realised it too. Malfoy wouldn't be satisfied with marring her name, to ensure that any allegations were firmly buried; all of us would have to be shot down. That was obviously something she didn't feel was worth the end result. I don't know where that leaves me. If I thought we could have actually gotten a result I would have told her that I didn't care what they said about me but…Dumbledore was right in a way. There is so little we could gain, knowing whom we were working against. In any case, the decision really wasn't ever any of ours to make, was it? And yet again, tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow night will give us something else to think about when Moony, Padfoot and Prongs ride again."
A/N: Well here it is at last – the next chapter. As ever I want to thank my beta – Maria, and ask you to review now that you've taken the time to read. Thanks, Linz