***Disclaimer: One day I'm gonna say I own Tomb Raider and Lara Croft........but not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday!***
***Author Insanity: Ok, this is gonna be a tough chapter. Sooooo many ways to kill her. This level was always my fav place to see the differant ways she could die. Yes I am very sick. But hey, there was someone that made a page devoted to the many deaths of Lara Croft......That site rocked.
I'll do my best to make this a long chapter, you know, to make up for the last one being so short. R&R please!***
St. Francis' Folly
High above the hotel a small spark could be seen, as if it was floating somewhat above the elevator.
Standing atop the elevator was the world's greatest explorer, Lara Croft. Who at the moment, had the brilliant idea to use a blow torch to cut through the cables. Well, it would have been brilliant if she'd remembered to use the torch BELOW her hand. ((Kids, only use a blowtorch to cut through elevator cables with adult supervision!!))
After about 10 minutes of constant heat from the torch, the cords began to snap and seperate. Lara steadied herself for the trip up, then snapped the last wire.
The elevator, and Lara, plummeted down, leaving only her glasses to hover for a second, then follow.
1 Week Later
"Almost there......eh.....just a little....more....." Lara fumbled for fingerholds up the side of the mountain, that for some reason, was all black and green and really smooth. ((Was I the only one that freaked out? I am?......oh.)) She finally reached up and grabbed onto the smooth surface of the top.
"Yes!! I made it---WAHHHHHH!!" She threw her arms up in triumph, and just bearly managed to catch herself back against the rock before she fell. Lara pulled herself up to her elbows and sighed in relief, just then noticing the rope to her right. She pulled herself the rest of the way up and looked at the rope again.
"Aw damnit......I completely forgot." She reached into her backpack and pulled out the script. "DAMNIT!!!!" She tucked the script back in, then swung her legs back over the side of the cliff. She half climbed, half slipped her way down the side of the mountain, dusted herself off, then grabbed ahold of the rope.
1 Week Later
Lara, gasping for breath, pulled herself up the last few inches of cliff to grab ahold of, and pull herself over the cliff edge. She flopped down onto her back and relaxed her aching muscles.
What had taken so long? She kept getting knocked off the rope! First, it was the goddamn birds pecking at her. Then it was snake that slithered into her shorts, and don't even get her started on the moron that decided to throw scalding hot beans over the edge.
After relaxing for a little while longer, she sighed and pulled herself up, then stomped over to the abandoned campsite infront of the temple doors. She picked up the empty can of beans and glared at it.
"Pierre, you son of a bitch! I'm gonna break my foot off in your ass when I catch you!!" She then hurled the can over the edge, and stepped right into the still smoldering embers of the fire. "AHHHHHH! DAMNIT!!!!" She stomped her foot against the ground until the flames died out. She reached down and yanked her boot off, only to find the entire sole of it had been eaten through. Could this get any worse...... ((Of course it can! Heehee.))
Lara cursed again, then tossed her shoe to the side. She'd just have to do without. Hell, she'd been through worse. She lifted her head up and made her way to the huge doors keeping her from the inside.
The doors swung open surprisingly easy, with just a small puff of dust thrown off the ground from the action. ((Insert cool scene shown from inside with just a sillohuete (sp?) and stuff.)) She took a few steps in and peered into the darkness, hooking her sunglasses in the front of her tanktop.
"What is it with these people and all the beige colored stuff........and all the square stuff...." She muttered to herself. And speaking of beige stuff......something very beige and very very fast was moving at her from the far back corner.
She swung her head from side to side, settling onto a ledge jutting out several feet high from the wall and vaulted up onto it. The sandy lion paced around underneath her, growling every now and then.
She didn't see anyway she could outrun the beast, but she couldn't afford to waste the bullets this early on in the level....er adventure...yeah. Lara then noticed a block placed not to far from her. Maybe if she jumped she could make it.....hmm.... She backed up as far as she could, then turned herself so she was aligned with the stone, then took off as fast as she could, leaping the second she ran out of floor.
Underneath her the lion lept and snapped at her foot, missing by bearly an inch and smashed into one of the pillars, but she avoided it and landed smoothly on the block...before her foot lost it's traction and sent her sliding straight off of it to land on her ass in the gravel. ((Picture it in slow mo, it makes it seem cooler.)) Lara flung herself over and onto her back, at the same time withdrawing her pistol and jamming it straight into the throat of the lion as it pounced.
Lara didn't waste a second and pulled the trigger once, twice for luck, three to be sure, and.....once more just for fun. ((Heehee!! Bam bam!!)) If only all the blood and squishy brain matter hadn't fallen back onto her, turning the wellworn aqua tanktop to a rusty red.
She blinked and wiped her face off, then pushed the heavy carcass off her. "Hmph. Yeah, things can get worse I see." She grumbled and pulled herself up, doing her best to wipe off all the icky stuff on her shirt.
She tucked her gun back into it's holster and took a better look at the room. ((Yes, I know Pierre is supposed to be in this area. Guess what though? He's not! WAHOO!!))
The block she'd jumped too was resting in a little rectangular ditch, with a large Omega symbol imprinted on the ground.
After poking at it for a few minutes, she determined that it wasn't important, and decided to get out of this place. ((And I didn't want to bother with the monkeys.))
High above her stood a single ledge, resting a good hundred feet above her on the wall, and on closer inspection, the pillars in the room varied in height, the highest being the same level as that ledge.
"I can finally get the fuck out of this place....thank god."
Lara hoisted herself up onto the first pillar, and nearly tripped over another one of those little medi kits. ((Who the hell is putting those there in the game?? That's what *I* want to know.))
The pillars weren't that hard to jump too, so it took only.......30 minutes to get there. ((WAHHHOOOOAAHAHAHAH!!))
Inside the roomthingy, she could see a window of another straight across. What she couldn't see however, was what was below the slopey drop off. Hmm. Better to go with what she could see.
"Alrighty here we go!" Lara took off at full speed, ready to leap.....((but being the evil author that I am)), her foot just hit the edge of the slope, sending her forward and onto the slope, which sent her right off the edge.
Now, the rational part of her was thinking, 'Thank god it's water. Look at the pretty water.' while the part of her that was about to hit that water thought, 'Look at the pretty water with the crocodile in it------WWWAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!'
Lara hit the crocodile head on with a huge splash as they both went under.
*Author hits FastForward button because she is getting very impatient*
Lara stepped out into one of the biggest rooms ever.
The ceiling seemed to be miles ahead, and she couldn't even see where the floor was. And there were so many differant ledges and levels she couldn't count them all. Of course, the first thing that came to mind for her was..
"Holy crap! Lookat the ledgies!!!" She peered off the ledge, and almost lost her lunch.
Looking closer, she could see what seemed like an opening a few levels below her.
*Author hits fast forward button again*
Lara poked her head in through the stoney doorway that read Damacle.....Dameclis....Whatever. There really wasn't much in the room, aside from lots of pillars and lots and lots of little black dots all over the floor.
She couldn't figure out what those little dots were.... so of course she stepped closer. ((Dun dun dun!!!!))
"Hey....lookit that..HAOWAH!!!!"
Lara flung herself backward as the knife dropped from the ceiling, slamming her back into the nearest column to dodge it, well....THAT sword anyway.
She didn't even see the other one dropped, twisted as it fell and slamming the broadside straight onto her skull.
"....hehehe......" She dropped to the ground with a loud thud.
Sometime later she managed to crawl her way to the last room in this damn hellhole. Lara didn't even bother looking at what the writing above the door said. She really just didn't give a damn. So far, this had been the absolute WORST mission she'd ever been on. After that damn Domiclauswhatever room, she'd hit Neptune's room and nearly been eaten by a huge eel in the tunnel, and then there was the room with all the lightening.
'Heh...kinda wonder if my eyebrows will ever grow back after that one..' She stopped and looked around. God it was dark in here.
The only thing she could make out was another one of those Omega tiles on the ground. She had the urge to stand on it. ((Why? How the hell should I know? I'm just a friendly reminder. Heehee.))
After a few seconds she heard something like a rope snapping.
Lara looked up, her arms hanging limply at her sides as the huge shadow fell over her. She didn't even have time to scream as it fell. She just covered her head and closed her eyes.
And nothing happened. She cracked one eye open and peeked up, only to see the giant hammer wasn't moving. She'd been freaking out for nothing.
"Hehehe.....hehe......haha...HAHAHAA---SMASH!!!"
Hey look. The hammer fell.
High above the clouds.....
"Thor what are you doing?? You're not playing with that hammer again are you?"
He stopped and froze, hammer poised to smoosh the little person again.
********
Wow. This has taken so long to write I'll bet you thought I'd given up? Eh.....hello? Come on I know you're still out there! Anybody..? Wait! I see you!
During the writing of this chapter, I've been through two trips to the hospital, once for a spider bite and once for accidently stabbing myself in the foot. Yeah, I'm not too clear on how that happened either. So most of this was written in a kinda painkiller like daze. Which would explain a lot. Oh well. I finally finished it!
~Jessy A.
***Author Insanity: Ok, this is gonna be a tough chapter. Sooooo many ways to kill her. This level was always my fav place to see the differant ways she could die. Yes I am very sick. But hey, there was someone that made a page devoted to the many deaths of Lara Croft......That site rocked.
I'll do my best to make this a long chapter, you know, to make up for the last one being so short. R&R please!***
St. Francis' Folly
High above the hotel a small spark could be seen, as if it was floating somewhat above the elevator.
Standing atop the elevator was the world's greatest explorer, Lara Croft. Who at the moment, had the brilliant idea to use a blow torch to cut through the cables. Well, it would have been brilliant if she'd remembered to use the torch BELOW her hand. ((Kids, only use a blowtorch to cut through elevator cables with adult supervision!!))
After about 10 minutes of constant heat from the torch, the cords began to snap and seperate. Lara steadied herself for the trip up, then snapped the last wire.
The elevator, and Lara, plummeted down, leaving only her glasses to hover for a second, then follow.
1 Week Later
"Almost there......eh.....just a little....more....." Lara fumbled for fingerholds up the side of the mountain, that for some reason, was all black and green and really smooth. ((Was I the only one that freaked out? I am?......oh.)) She finally reached up and grabbed onto the smooth surface of the top.
"Yes!! I made it---WAHHHHHH!!" She threw her arms up in triumph, and just bearly managed to catch herself back against the rock before she fell. Lara pulled herself up to her elbows and sighed in relief, just then noticing the rope to her right. She pulled herself the rest of the way up and looked at the rope again.
"Aw damnit......I completely forgot." She reached into her backpack and pulled out the script. "DAMNIT!!!!" She tucked the script back in, then swung her legs back over the side of the cliff. She half climbed, half slipped her way down the side of the mountain, dusted herself off, then grabbed ahold of the rope.
1 Week Later
Lara, gasping for breath, pulled herself up the last few inches of cliff to grab ahold of, and pull herself over the cliff edge. She flopped down onto her back and relaxed her aching muscles.
What had taken so long? She kept getting knocked off the rope! First, it was the goddamn birds pecking at her. Then it was snake that slithered into her shorts, and don't even get her started on the moron that decided to throw scalding hot beans over the edge.
After relaxing for a little while longer, she sighed and pulled herself up, then stomped over to the abandoned campsite infront of the temple doors. She picked up the empty can of beans and glared at it.
"Pierre, you son of a bitch! I'm gonna break my foot off in your ass when I catch you!!" She then hurled the can over the edge, and stepped right into the still smoldering embers of the fire. "AHHHHHH! DAMNIT!!!!" She stomped her foot against the ground until the flames died out. She reached down and yanked her boot off, only to find the entire sole of it had been eaten through. Could this get any worse...... ((Of course it can! Heehee.))
Lara cursed again, then tossed her shoe to the side. She'd just have to do without. Hell, she'd been through worse. She lifted her head up and made her way to the huge doors keeping her from the inside.
The doors swung open surprisingly easy, with just a small puff of dust thrown off the ground from the action. ((Insert cool scene shown from inside with just a sillohuete (sp?) and stuff.)) She took a few steps in and peered into the darkness, hooking her sunglasses in the front of her tanktop.
"What is it with these people and all the beige colored stuff........and all the square stuff...." She muttered to herself. And speaking of beige stuff......something very beige and very very fast was moving at her from the far back corner.
She swung her head from side to side, settling onto a ledge jutting out several feet high from the wall and vaulted up onto it. The sandy lion paced around underneath her, growling every now and then.
She didn't see anyway she could outrun the beast, but she couldn't afford to waste the bullets this early on in the level....er adventure...yeah. Lara then noticed a block placed not to far from her. Maybe if she jumped she could make it.....hmm.... She backed up as far as she could, then turned herself so she was aligned with the stone, then took off as fast as she could, leaping the second she ran out of floor.
Underneath her the lion lept and snapped at her foot, missing by bearly an inch and smashed into one of the pillars, but she avoided it and landed smoothly on the block...before her foot lost it's traction and sent her sliding straight off of it to land on her ass in the gravel. ((Picture it in slow mo, it makes it seem cooler.)) Lara flung herself over and onto her back, at the same time withdrawing her pistol and jamming it straight into the throat of the lion as it pounced.
Lara didn't waste a second and pulled the trigger once, twice for luck, three to be sure, and.....once more just for fun. ((Heehee!! Bam bam!!)) If only all the blood and squishy brain matter hadn't fallen back onto her, turning the wellworn aqua tanktop to a rusty red.
She blinked and wiped her face off, then pushed the heavy carcass off her. "Hmph. Yeah, things can get worse I see." She grumbled and pulled herself up, doing her best to wipe off all the icky stuff on her shirt.
She tucked her gun back into it's holster and took a better look at the room. ((Yes, I know Pierre is supposed to be in this area. Guess what though? He's not! WAHOO!!))
The block she'd jumped too was resting in a little rectangular ditch, with a large Omega symbol imprinted on the ground.
After poking at it for a few minutes, she determined that it wasn't important, and decided to get out of this place. ((And I didn't want to bother with the monkeys.))
High above her stood a single ledge, resting a good hundred feet above her on the wall, and on closer inspection, the pillars in the room varied in height, the highest being the same level as that ledge.
"I can finally get the fuck out of this place....thank god."
Lara hoisted herself up onto the first pillar, and nearly tripped over another one of those little medi kits. ((Who the hell is putting those there in the game?? That's what *I* want to know.))
The pillars weren't that hard to jump too, so it took only.......30 minutes to get there. ((WAHHHOOOOAAHAHAHAH!!))
Inside the roomthingy, she could see a window of another straight across. What she couldn't see however, was what was below the slopey drop off. Hmm. Better to go with what she could see.
"Alrighty here we go!" Lara took off at full speed, ready to leap.....((but being the evil author that I am)), her foot just hit the edge of the slope, sending her forward and onto the slope, which sent her right off the edge.
Now, the rational part of her was thinking, 'Thank god it's water. Look at the pretty water.' while the part of her that was about to hit that water thought, 'Look at the pretty water with the crocodile in it------WWWAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!'
Lara hit the crocodile head on with a huge splash as they both went under.
*Author hits FastForward button because she is getting very impatient*
Lara stepped out into one of the biggest rooms ever.
The ceiling seemed to be miles ahead, and she couldn't even see where the floor was. And there were so many differant ledges and levels she couldn't count them all. Of course, the first thing that came to mind for her was..
"Holy crap! Lookat the ledgies!!!" She peered off the ledge, and almost lost her lunch.
Looking closer, she could see what seemed like an opening a few levels below her.
*Author hits fast forward button again*
Lara poked her head in through the stoney doorway that read Damacle.....Dameclis....Whatever. There really wasn't much in the room, aside from lots of pillars and lots and lots of little black dots all over the floor.
She couldn't figure out what those little dots were.... so of course she stepped closer. ((Dun dun dun!!!!))
"Hey....lookit that..HAOWAH!!!!"
Lara flung herself backward as the knife dropped from the ceiling, slamming her back into the nearest column to dodge it, well....THAT sword anyway.
She didn't even see the other one dropped, twisted as it fell and slamming the broadside straight onto her skull.
"....hehehe......" She dropped to the ground with a loud thud.
Sometime later she managed to crawl her way to the last room in this damn hellhole. Lara didn't even bother looking at what the writing above the door said. She really just didn't give a damn. So far, this had been the absolute WORST mission she'd ever been on. After that damn Domiclauswhatever room, she'd hit Neptune's room and nearly been eaten by a huge eel in the tunnel, and then there was the room with all the lightening.
'Heh...kinda wonder if my eyebrows will ever grow back after that one..' She stopped and looked around. God it was dark in here.
The only thing she could make out was another one of those Omega tiles on the ground. She had the urge to stand on it. ((Why? How the hell should I know? I'm just a friendly reminder. Heehee.))
After a few seconds she heard something like a rope snapping.
Lara looked up, her arms hanging limply at her sides as the huge shadow fell over her. She didn't even have time to scream as it fell. She just covered her head and closed her eyes.
And nothing happened. She cracked one eye open and peeked up, only to see the giant hammer wasn't moving. She'd been freaking out for nothing.
"Hehehe.....hehe......haha...HAHAHAA---SMASH!!!"
Hey look. The hammer fell.
High above the clouds.....
"Thor what are you doing?? You're not playing with that hammer again are you?"
He stopped and froze, hammer poised to smoosh the little person again.
********
Wow. This has taken so long to write I'll bet you thought I'd given up? Eh.....hello? Come on I know you're still out there! Anybody..? Wait! I see you!
During the writing of this chapter, I've been through two trips to the hospital, once for a spider bite and once for accidently stabbing myself in the foot. Yeah, I'm not too clear on how that happened either. So most of this was written in a kinda painkiller like daze. Which would explain a lot. Oh well. I finally finished it!
~Jessy A.