Hello and Welcome, readers! My name is Cowboy Alchemist, and I'm back in the world of Gravity Falls with a spin-off of my epic story, Weirder Things:
Weirder Things: Patrick's Camera
This is a pretty basic little story that I'm mostly doing for fun. With Weirder Things turning 5 years old in November, I wanted to do this as a side project. Basically, this is about the shorts from the show. From Dipper, Mabel, and Soos' video shorts, and some that don't necessarily have a camera. However, it will all lead to something I think you all will enjoy.
But until then I hope you enjoy the story.
Part 1: Candy Monster
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"Well, that concludes Gravity Falls anomaly #13, the Möbius chicken strip," Dipper said while holding a basket of chicken strips, pulling out one that was in the shape of infinity. He took a bite of the chicken strip. "It's infinitely delicious!"
"Great, so can I have my chicken strips back?" Patrick asked, holding up one hand while still holding the camera. All of a sudden something ran past him at high speed. "Whoa! Hey! What the hell—Aah!"
Patrick and the camera were knocked onto the floor as the creature continued running around the room. Dipper quickly grabbed the camera and pointed it at Mabel, who was trying to sleep.
"Mabel, did you see that? Wake up!" Dipper said, poking her.
"Never," Mabel groaned, rolling over to face the other direction. "Let me sleep forever."
"Some creature just jumped out of nowhere!"
"It's getting into leftover Summerween candy!" Patrick yelled.
"What?!" Mabel yelled, instantly getting up.
"Look!" Dipper exclaimed as he pointed the camera at the monster. The creature was a short, round, hairy, tan-orange creature with large light-yellow eyes, red pupils, fangs, a blue tongue, and short, stubby arms and legs.
"Ew, it's like a... naked little man," Mabel said as it ate a handful of candy and crawled out of a tire on the floor.
As it let out shrieks and weird sounds, Dipper hurriedly wrote on a piece of card and then held it up to the camera. "Okay, this is now Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, # 76, uh, 'That Thing?'"
The Thing ate more of their candy before picking up the candy basket. "No, put it down!" Mabel commanded, making the creature stop and look at her. "Put it down..."
However, it just licked the basket.
"Oh, gross!"
"We gotta do something about that thing," Patrick said.
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"You sure this will protect me?" Patrick asked Mabel. The young girl had taped all of her squeaky toys to his body to try and give him body armor.
"That's all we have! Plus it's funny when you squeak," Mabel said, squeaking one of the toys.
"Alright, Patrick. Remember, capture him for science," Dipper said, still holding the camera as he handed him a trash bend.
"And for candy!"
"Get this on tape in case I die or whatever," Patrick said, pulling out his crowbar. Cautiously, he walked over to the Thing. It saw him coming and started to growl. "Easy now. I'm not going to hurt you."
Patrick stopped a few feet away from the creature and maintained eye contact with it. Slowly he reached out with his crowbar and moved some candy towards him. Hoping that it would bait the monster.
The Thing looked at the candy and jumped at it. Patrick tried to catch it in a wastebasket, but it jumped back before he could get it. With the bucket of candy in its mouth, the Thing climbed up the ceiling.
"Oh! Die mutant! Die!" Mabel yelled, throwing a squeaky toy at it, but it came back and hit her in the face. "Ow!"
Crawling on the ceiling out of the bedroom before jumping into the staircase. Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel ran after it.
"Save the candy!" Mabel yelled before they entered the living room.
However, Patrick looked around to try and find the monster, but couldn't find it. "Where is it? Have you seen it?" The teenager asked the twins.
Suddenly, the Thing jumped out of nowhere and landed on Patrick's face. The young man yelled and tried to pull it off as it hit and scratched his face. He tried to punch the monster, but it jumped off before he could hit it. Making Patrick punch his own face and knock himself over.
The candy monster grabbed the candy bucket and ran towards Dipper and Mabel. The two twins quickly got out of the way as it ran into the kitchen.
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The Thing was now on the fridge, knocking over a can and some cereal. The camera panned up to show the creature munching on more candy.
"Oh no!" Mabel yelled.
Patrick ran into the kitchen, now visibly angry. "COMING IN MY HOUSE, AND STEALING OUR CANDY!" He yelled, throwing his crowbar at it. The Thing dodged it and retaliated by throwing candy at Patrick.
"Don't hurt him, Patrick! I want to study him!" Dipper exclaimed.
"We're far past that, Dipper!" Patrick yelled, flipping the table over and giving behind it as the monster continued to throw candy at him.
"He's wasting candy!" Mabel cried. "Patrick, open your mouth! Try to catch the candy in your mouth!"
"What? No, why would I—" Patrick was cut off when a piece of candy was thrown into his mouth. At first, he choked a bit, before munching on it. "Huh, that's pretty good—Aah!"
Patrick got hit in the face with a big candy bar. The Thing then jumped down from the refrigerator and ran with candy into the living room. The three kids ran after it and turned the corner, seeing the monster run across the living room floor. They were about to go after it when it stepped on the TV Remote.
The TV turned on, catching the Thing's attention. He stared at the screen with wide eyes and dropped the candy.
"Look! He's hypnotized by the TV," Mabel said as the Thing walked back and sat in Stan's chair.
"Ha! And he dropped the candy!" Dipper said as he walked over to stand next to the monster. "What a little dummy! Glued to the..." He trailed off when he turned his eyes towards the TV and started to lose focus. "...to the... Oh, I love this movie."
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And so it was, Patrick, Dipper, Mabel, and the Thing sat together as they watched TV. The Pines Cousins were eating from the candy bucket while the Thing ate a golf club.
"Shouldn't we...do something about the monster?" Dipper asked while munching on his candy.
"Candy now. Monster later," Mabel said in a robotic tone. The Thing finished eating the golf club and whimpered at the Pines while making a gimme hand gesture. Patrick reached into the bag and pulled out another one. He handed it to the monster, who started to eat it.
At the same time, Stan walked into the room. "Oh, hey Patrick! Hey Dipper! Hey Mabel!" He greeted each of the kids. However, he paused when he looked at the Thing. "Hey, Grunkle Stan!"
"Well, that's it for Dipper's Guide to the Supernatural," Dipper said to his audience. IF he ever gets an audience. "The next episode will probably be about getting rid of this candy-eating monster."
"Psst! Stan, what's he talking about?" Soos asked the monster. Patrick sighed, got up, and walked over to the camera before turning it off.
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Part 2: Stan's Tattoo
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As Patrick filmed Dipper, Mabel pretended to squish her twin's head in front of the camera. Making sloshing noises as Patrick laughed. "Hello, I'm Dipper Pines," Dipper said, waving at the audience. "The girl trying to crush my head is Mabel."
Mabel popped in front of the camera and waved to it. "I'm helping!" she exclaimed before Dipper pointed it back to himself.
"And behind the camera is my assistant, Patrick," he said. Patrick turned the camera around to face him.
"I'm only doing these videos because I don't trust any of them with my camera," Patrick said bluntly.
"Patrick!" yelled Dipper. Patrick turned the camera back to him. Clearing his throat, the boy started his introduction. "Today on 'Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained—'"
He was interrupted when Mabel 'squished' his head again in front of the camera.
"Okay, that—that's enough!" Dipper pushed her hand away. He then held up the title written on a piece of cardboard. "Today we investigate Anomaly #23, Grunkle Stan's secret tattoo," he said, gesturing to the bulletin board next to him. Patrick zoomed in to reveal it was covered with pictures of Stan's tattoo and possible theories. "What is he hiding? A college prank? Secret symbol? Or something stranger?"
Patrick turned the camera back to himself. "Dipper's been obsessed with this for days and he said that it's not creepy," he said with an unamused expression before turning it back to Dipper, who didn't look all that amused by his statement.
"Stan claims it doesn't exist, but today we're gonna find out," Dipper said, trying to get back to the subject.
Mabel grabbed the front of the camera and pointed it to her knee, which had a band-aid. "Right after another exciting episode of 'What's Under Mabel's Bandage?'" She said, before starting to peel it off while singing. "Doo doo..."
"Alright, that's enough!" Patrick yelled.
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The scene changed to show Dipper and Soos standing in the hallway in front of a thermostat. "Okay, here's the plan. Stan never takes off his undershirt—" Dipper said, before walking over and gets closer to the camera. "Obviously to hide his tattoo."
"Dude, you're breathing on the leans," Patrick said.
Dipper ran back to his original position. "But me and Soos are about to 'turn up the heat' on this mystery," he said, using air quotes, acting like that was a clever pun. He then raised the temperature on the thermostat as Soos chuckled at his joke.
"Ha ha! Literally!" Soos said, before whispering to Dipper. "I love how you come up with stuff like that."
Patrick turned the camera to himself. "Contrary to Dipper's beliefs, he's not funny."
"Patrick!"
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In the gift shop of the Mystery Shack, Patrick set the camera up in a shelf facing Stan, who was just looking at a clipboard. Soos walked up to Stan and started talking to him, his pits sweating. "Whoo, hot in here today, huh, Mr. Pines?" He asked, fanning himself as his face sweated. He winked at the camera. "Probably be a lot cooler if we... worked without our shirts on!" To Stan and Patrick's horror, Soos slipped off his shirt and throw it away. "Am I right?"
"Soos, I will pay you to put your shirt back on," Stan told his employee.
"Aw, don't be shy, Mr. Pines," Soos said. He then grunted as he hopped onto the table and lied on the table. He then tried to look sexy. "Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of."
"Watch the shop for a minute, Patrick. I need to go find a melon-baller and pull my eyeballs out." Stan told his nephew and exited the room.
Soos sat on the table as his boss left, before he started playing with his stomach and singing. "Doot, doot-doot-doot-doot, doot. Doot, doot-doot-doot-doot, hey! Dat, dat-dat-dat-dat..."
"Please stop, Soos," said Patrick.
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"Okay, Plan B," Dipper said to the camera, before Patrick pointed it at Stan. The old conman was sitting on his chair with his tank top on. The tattoo was barely visible. "Heavens! Is that poison oak on your shoulder? Let me scratch it for you."
Dipper reached for Stan's tattoo, only for the conman to smack his hand away. "Kid, if you're trying to see my tattoo, you're going to have to try harder than that," Stan said in annoyance, only to realize his mistake.
"A-ha!" Dipper yelled, pointing his finger at his uncle. "I thought you said you didn't have a tattoo!"
"I don't, but you do," Stan said, pulling out a red marker. "Keep that camera rolling, Patrick."
"What do you mean I— AAAH!" Dipper screamed as Stan reached out to him with the marker
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When Patrick turned back on the camera, he pointed it at Dipper, who now had the word "Goober" written on his forehead. "Dipper, this is a really terrible idea," he tried to warn him.
"Well, I've got no other option, Patrick!" Dipper exclaimed, frustrated that all of his attempts to see what was on Stan's back were ending in failure. "It's time for Plan C. Stan is in the shower. I wish it hadn't come to this, but sometimes you have to do terrible things for science."
"Maybe he doesn't want anyone to see it," Patrick said with a frown.
"Well I'm going to see it!" Dipper exclaimed, obsessed about knowing what Stan's hiding.
"I believe in you, Goober!" Mabel said off-screen.
"Dipper. Just say Dipper," he told his sister. "Come on, Patrick."
"Dude, there is no way I'm risking seeing Stan's dick just to see his tattoo," Patrick told him.
"Alright, then I'll go in," Dipper said.
He took the camera from Patrick and walked towards the door of the bathroom. He opened the door and walked into the bathroom, which was covered in steam from the running shower. When he reached the bathtub and saw that the curtains were closed, he grabbed it and unveiled the curtain.
When the steam cleared away, it revealed Stan to be standing under the running water, fully dressed, and glaring angrily at Dipper. "You're never gonna see it, kid. Never. Gonna. See it."
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Give me that camera!" Stan yelled, reaching for Patrick's camera as Dipper screamed.
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The next time we see Dipper with the camera, up on the roof of the shack. "So I just figured I'd just chill out on the roof for a while..."
"I'M GONNA FIND YOU, KID!" Stan yelled from down below, scaring crows into flying from the woods.
"Well, that's it for this episode. Stan's tattoo remains a mystery, but who knows what other secrets are waiting to be uncovered."
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Part 3: Mailbox
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When the video screen came into focus, it showed Dipper standing in front of it. He was deep in the forest with Patrick and Soos, who were off-screen. "Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, Anomaly #54: The Mailbox," he said, holding up a cardboard card with the title on it and then putting it down.
Grabbing the camera, he turned it to face the mailbox that was the center of this mystery. Posted alone in the forest with no house in sight of it, the mailbox was white with a wooden post and a red handle. However, it's clear that it's been there for a very long time, given it's old, rusted, mossy, and damaged from the outside.
"There it is, in the middle of the forest. No house. No address. Today, me and my team of experts..."
On cue, Patrick and Soos walked up to the mailbox, both of them wearing lab coats and safety goggles. "'Sup," asked the handyman.
"...are gonna put a letter in and see who picks it up."
Putting his arms behind his back, Patrick passed around, trying to look professional. "For this test, we must posit a salient question," he said, trying to sound like a German scientist, though it was mostly sarcastic, even if he knew something was off about the mailbox. Patrick then pulled out a piece of sketch paper and opened it to reveal what it said. "'Hey, man. How's it going?'"
He opened the mailbox and placed the letter in it. With the letter in the box, Dipper said, "Now we're gonna hide behind a bush, and wait for someone to come by."
But as he said that, the mailbox all of a sudden started to shake. This action took everyone by surprise. "Whoa, dude!" Soos exclaimed as he and Patrick backed away.
"What the...?!" Dipper yelled, zooming in on the mailbox. It continued to shake, as its flag slowly rose up.
"Did you see that?!" Soos exclaimed, freaked out by what he saw.
"Dipper, stay over there!" Patrick pointed at his cousin as he approached the mailbox. Pulling out his crowbar in case whatever was inside it was dangerous.
"Open it!" Dipper said from behind the camera.
"No way, dude! I'm not touching a ghost mailbox!" Soos said, backing away from the mailbox with a fretful expression. They then looked to Patrick, who realized they all wanted him to do it.
"Ugh, fine. Here it goes," Patrick said nervously. Using his crowbar, he opened the door of the mailbox and looked inside. Inside, the young man could see that there was a letter inside. Reaching in with his arm, Patrick grabbed the letter and pulled it out. "What the...?"
The letter that he pulled out was a very old-looking letter with a red wax seal with the infinity symbol on it.
Seeing this, Dipper rushed over with the camera. "That's not our letter, dude!" Soos exclaimed as Dipper set the tripod down and rushed over to his cousin.
"Open it!" Dipper said, eager to know what was sent back to them.
Patrick broke the seal and opened the letter. "It says..." Patrick trailed off and gasped when he saw what it was. Then he held it up so that the others and the camera could see what it was.
"'Hello Patrick Dipper and Soos.'" Soos read the letter.
"It knows our names!" Dipper exclaimed, beyond shocked by this revelation.
"What if this thing's all-knowing," Soos asked
"We gotta test it," Dipper told the others.
"But how?" asked Patrick.
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The camera showed Soos standing in front of the camera. "Mailbox test #1," said Patrick from behind the camera. "What's your question, Soos?"
Soos held up his letter to the camera. "'What did I shave into my head this morning?'" He told the camera. He then walked over to the mailbox and put the letter in it. Once again, the mailbox shook, and the flag rose up. Soos then opened it and took out the letter. "'A baby duck holding a paddleball'. Dude! It knew!"
Soos turned around and took off his hat to reveal the duck shaved into his hair, much to the shock of everyone.
"What?!" Dipper exclaimed.
"Ask it more questions!" Soos said.
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Dipper stood in front of the mailbox and wrote on a piece of paper. "'When is the end of the world?'" He then put the paper in the mailbox.
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The response came back, and Dipper read from it. "'3012.' Huh. We got a while," he said.
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Now it was Patrick's turn. "Do I have a chance with Wendy Corduroy?'" He wrote don't. Patrick then noticed the other looking at him. "Hey, don't judge me!" He yelled and put the letter in.
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"'Come on. Is that really a question?'" Patrick read from the paper. He looked at the mailbox with an annoyed expression. "Well, that was helpful."
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Patrick and Dipper were standing in front of the mailbox, with the young boy trying to figure out what to write next. "Uh... What is the exact time and date of my death?"
"Did aliens build the pyramids?!" Soos shouted from behind the camera.
"Or... what is the meaning of life?"
"What are marshmallows made of?!"
"Is the world a simulation and are we just play-things for a higher being?"
"Guys!" Patrick yelled, getting the others' attention. "Aren't you forgetting something? We have an opportunity to know who wrote Journal #3!"
"Who wrote the journal! Who wrote the journal!" Soos exclaimed excitedly as he pointed at Patrick.
"Ahah! You're right!" Dipper said with a massive grin. "We're finally gonna get the answer to the greatest mystery in Gravity Falls!"
However, before Dipper could write down the question, Mabel walked over with a backpack. "Nifty! A mailbox! I've been wanting to mail Mom this video of me sticking 100 gummy worms up my nose!" She said, pulling out said disturbing video.
Seeing this, the boys' eyes widened with fear, and they all started yelling at her to stop what she was about to do.
"No, wait!"
"Wait, dude!"
"Don't do it!"
But it was too late. Mabel put the package inside the mailbox and slammed the mailbox door. "Slam!"
There was a moment of silence as they stared at the mailbox, which remained silent. "Is it dead?" Patrick asked, only for the mailbox to shake again. This time more violently before the flag rose up.
Dipper took out the letter and read from it. "'Your gummy worm video has disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.'"
All of a sudden, the mailbox started to glow, freaking out the kids. "What's that?!" Soos asked.
"Hit the deck!" Patrick yelled as he, Dipper, and Mabel ran away, screaming in fear. The camera continued filming the mailbox as it gave off a pulse of energy. Then it collapsed in on itself. Crushing itself into a tiny ball before it exploded in a flash of light.
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When the camera came back on, Patrick, Dipper, Mabel, and Soos were seen standing in front of a scorched crater that used to be where the mailbox had stood. They were covered in ash soot, and some parts of their clothes were burned away from the blast. Their eyes were wide with looks of shock.
"Well, uh, that concludes Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, where we learned when dealing with the unknown..." He turned to glare angrily at Mabel. "...do not mail videos of you shoving gummy worms up your nose!
Mabel smiled and pulled out a wad of gummy worms. "There's more where that came from!" She said, picking one out and started singing as she lowered it to her nose. "Into my nose! Into my nose!"
"Alright, this show is over," Patrick said, walking over to his camera and turning it off.
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Part 4: Lefty
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"Dipper, this is stupid!" Patrick told his cousin as he pointed the camera at him. He, Mabel, and Dipper were in town for another one of Dipper's videos. However, this one was much more stupid than the other ones.
"Come on, Patrick," Dipper said before getting back to his video and holding up the title card. "Alright, uh. Welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained. Today we investigate Gravity Falls Anomaly #82."
Dipper nodded to something off to the side. Patrick sighed and turned pans over to the bowling alley. He then zoomed in on the man behind the counter. He was a normal-looking man in his late 40s, with a balding head with some brown hair on the back and a mustache. He was wearing a red shirt with short white sleeves and a collar, blue jeans, and brown shoes with white soles.
"This guy," said Dipper, as the man reached for a cup of coffee on his left side with his right hand, while holding a newspaper with his left hand.
Patrick turned the camera to himself with an annoyed expression. "That's right, folks. We're stalking a random, normal-looking stranger for no reason," he said, before turning the camera back to Dipper, who was looking at his cousin with an annoyed expression. "So, tell everyone what you've found out about him, Dipper. Is he a serial killer? A monster in disguise? A child...trapped in a man's body?"
"Alright, that's enough!" Dipper exclaimed, waving his arms around before getting back to the investigation. "Sure he looks normal, but if he's so normal, explain why he's always facing left."
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A previous footage showed the man at the grocery store performing complicated tasks facing the left side. A woman next to him sniffed the air before walking away from the man.
"Literally, I've been following him around for weeks," Dipper said.
"And dragging me along," Patrick said.
"Patrick!"
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Another photoage showed the man running around the park's track. However, when he turned the corner, he began to run backwards around the track.
"And I've never once seen the right side of his face."
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Another photoage showed the man walking through the mall before walking backwards into the escalator. Going up it as if no one else noticed his strange behavior.
"And neither has anyone else. But why?"
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"Mabel? Theories?" Dipper asked as she walked into the frame with her brother, holding an envelope with drawings inside it.
"Theory one: He's hiding an embarrassing sunburn," she said, pulling out a drawing of the man that had the right side of his body burnt by the sunglasses-wearing sun. "Theory two: Half-man, half lizard-man." Mabel pulled out a drawing of the man with the right side of his body being a lizard while wearing 'cool pants' that would have been cool in the 70s. "And theory number three, my personal favorite: He's normal! And Dipper's just crazy!" The last picture showed the man with a normal right side and Dipper following him with a few screws loose.
"I like that theory," Patrick said.
Embarrassed, Dipper quickly took the picture from Mabel. That's not a theory. That doesn't count as a theory," he said, as she laughed at him.
"Yes it does," Patrick said with a chuckle.
Dipper sighed before talking to the camera. "We find out now!" He then ran across the street towards the Bowling alley. Patrick and Mabel followed him, and the three entered together. "Hello, good sir!" Dipper greeted the man behind the counter, as he strayed the inside of a pair of shoes.
"I'm sorry, cameras aren't allowed in here," the man told Patrick.
"Oh, it's not on. Not on." Dipper grabbed Patrick's camera and acted like he was turning off the camera. He then handed it back to Patrick. The young man looked and saw that it was still recording. "He bought it," Dipper whispered to the audience, giving a thumbs up.
Patrick rolled his eyes and angled the camera in his hand to have it face the lefty man. Making it look like he wasn't filming him. Dipper then walked up to the counter. "So, would you mind grabbing those bowling shoes for me? The ones on your right side?" He asked.
"Those ones?" Lefty asked, pointing to a pair of shoes on the shelf over his head. Dipper nodded, expecting the man to turn and show him his left side. However, Lefty walked backwards, reached up, grabbed, and placed them on the counter without turning around.
Well, that didn't go as planned. But Dipper was undeterred. So he tried something else. "Whoops! Oh no, I... dropped my wallet!" He announced, throwing his wallet over on the other side of Lefty. "It's over to your right there. Your right side. Could maybe turn around and..."
Patrick had to facepalm.
Now annoyed, Lefty sighed and picked up his wallet without turning around. "There you are, sir," he said, handing it to Dipper.
Dipper sighed and took it. "Fine... Could you just get me my bowling ball?"
"I don't see why not," Left said, walking out from behind the counter and going over to the bowling ball rack.
"Welp, you failed, but at least we'll play a game of bowling," Patrick said, and was about to turn off the camera. That was until Dipper stopped him.
"Wait! I've got another idea," he said before walking over to Lefty. Curious, Patrick kept filming.
"Let's see, look like maybe a ten, or..." Lefty muttered to himself.
"Well, I was thinking it could be the... Ah ha!" Dipper suddenly grabbed the man and turned the man around. To his and his family's shock, the man's left side wasn't human or mutated. He was a completely hollow robot, with multiple levels and a few silver cogs. "What the...?!"
Shocked beyond words, Patrick raised the camera and zoomed in to see sixteen little green fish-like men working the body. They were small cylindrical and gelatinous green creatures, with a round top and two humanoid arms. They wore black gloves and a black belt with a lightning bolt on the buckle. They had relatively large eyes with red pupils and prominent dark green lips. They were all controlling the robot's body. One in the foot, arm, neck, nose, and on the shoulder; two in the leg; three in the stomach; and six in the head.
That was until one of them noticed the humans staring at them. "Guys!"
They all gasped when they saw the humans staring at them. Patrick then turned the camera to himself to show his and the twins' similar reactions.
"We're blown! Shut it down! Shut it down!" Yelled the aliens' leader before they all took out small, glowing, red cubic pills.
"The time has come!" One alien said, swallowing the pill. This killed him, and he collapsed on the floor of the robot, before vanishing in a flash of red light. The other aliens did the same thing, killing themselves with the suicide pills until the leader and another alien was still alive.
"The time has come, brother!" He yelled at his subordinate.
"I can't! I have a family!" He pleaded with the leader.
"You signed the oath!" The leader said, shoving the pill into his hand.
"Wait, DON'T!" Patrick yelled, rushing forward to stop them, but it was too late. The aliens took the pills together. The minion died instantly, but the leader fell out of the robot, yelling as he plummeted to the bowling alley floor. However, Patrick was able to save him and his companion. "Spit it out!"
However, the aliens both exploded in his hand. The electricity suddenly shot out from the lefty robot as it self-destructed. Then it collapsed and exploded in a burst of fire. Every evidence that proves the aliens were there was gone.
Patrick and the twins stared at the burn mark that was left behind, only snapping out of it when the smoke from the fire triggered the sprinklers, and the fire alarm rang.
"Aw, come on!" Complained one of the customers.
"The sprinklers are on!" said another.
Realizing they had to get out of there fast, Patrick, Dipper, and Mabel ran for the exit. Dipper grabbed the camera and pointed it at himself. "Well, that concludes anomaly #82. Uh, I think we might want to burn this tape."
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Part 5: Tooth
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The video started with Dipper Pines standing on the shores of Lake Gravity Falls, which was covered in a mist. "Welcome to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained, Anomaly #42: The Tooth," he said, holding up the cardboard with the title.
Behind it, Patrick lifted the tripod the camera was on and pointed it at a truly massive molar tooth that was a tiny bit yellowish in coloration, with a strain of seaweed hanging from it. Mabel was standing next to it, happily poking the tooth with a stick. "I'm here for scale!" she said to the audience, before poking it again.
Dipper walked into the frame. "Our cameraman discovered the tooth when out here on the beach," he said before looking at Patrick. "So how did you find the tooth?"
Patrick turned the camera to himself. "Oh, you know. I was just here on the beach. Finding bottles to break, harassing fishes, you know, teenager stuff," he said, trying to act cool.
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An earlier footage from the camera reveals Patrick playing the saxophone. He really wanted to impress Wendy with his musical skills. However, he stopped when he saw the tooth off in the distance and pointed to it.
"Hey, is that a giant tooth?"
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Patrick was now the one in front of the camera as he walked around it. "From what we've been able to tell, it looks like a human molar. However, as you can see for yourself, it's gigantic! It's bigger than any fish or lake monster I've ever seen," he said, placing his hand on it to feel it. "And I've only seen one."
"And today, we're gonna find out where it came from!" Dipper said, walking into frame. "But first, we'll have to ask the locals.
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Patrick walked up to the counter of the tackle shop. Behind it was Tate McGucket, putting up some fishing rods. "Yeah, Tate. You wouldn't happen to know anything about a giant tooth that washed up on the shore," he asked, making the man go stiff.
"Tooth? No, don't know nothin' about a tooth," he said, not facing him or Dipper.
Patrick glanced at Dipper, who was holding the camera, before turning back to Tate. "Yeah, well, we were thinking about paddling out on that lake tonight."
"Bit of friendly advice, boy," the son of Fiddleford said, turning his head to look at them from over his shoulder. "You see bubbles on that lake, run."
"What, why?" Dipper asked.
"Enough questions, get that camera out of here!" Tate suddenly said and covered the camera.
CRRR!
When the camera started recording again, the moon was in the sky, and the Pines Cousins were together at the shore of the lake. Patrick manned the camera again as he stood next to the boat.
Dipper came over and held a flashlight under his face. "We're here at the lake to investigate. I brought Mabel for backup," he said as Patrick turned the camera to face Mabel, who waved at it.
"And I brought Bear-O! Hi-yo!" Mabel said, holding up Bear-O. It was a worn-out bear puppet with stuffing peeking out of its various tears, including the sides of its head, arm, and leg. It had brown fur and a pink face, with a long snout. It had one front tooth and eyes that pointed in different directions. It wore yellow overalls with one pocket in the front. It also wore a brown boater hat.
The face of Bear-O was nightmarish, and seeing it startled Patrick. "AH!" He yelled, falling down to the ground. He took a few breaths before shouting at his cousin. "What the hell is that thing, Mabel?!"
"This is my adorable childhood puppet, Bear-O. Ain't that right, honey?" She said, before she used a funny voice to make Bear-O talk. "Did somebody say...honey?" She started laughing at her own joke. "Don't you want to say hi to Patrick, Bear-O?"
"You keep that thing away from me, Mabel!" Patrick said loudly.
"I'm with Patrick. Bear-O's creepy. Everyone hates Bear-O," said Dipper said, getting into the boat.
Mabel acted as Bear-O again and held him up to her brother. "But Dipper, who could hate Bear-O?"
"Other than Patrick, I can think of a few people."
CRRR!
As it turned out, Mabel stole Patrick's camera to film herself doing an on-stage performance with Bear-O. Or as he was called, "Bear-O the Great", for a crowd of kids.
"They're quite a pair, Mabel and Bear-O. Her un-bear-lievable bear!" She sang, as one of Bear-O's arms ripped off and fell to the floor.
The camera zoomed out to reveal all the kids crying and screaming at the terrifying bear puppet. "I hate Bear-O, mommy! I hate it!" One of the boys yelled and ran away. However, he tripped on the tripod and knocked the camera over, cracking the lenses.
CRRR!
"So you're the reason I had to pay a hundred dollars to repair my dad's camera!?" Patrick yelled at Mabel.
"Aw, come on! You'll see! You, Dipper, me, and Bear-O, are the adventure team of a lifetime!" She exclaimed, hugging her puppet with a giant smile.
Dipper glanced at Patrick, who turned the camera to him. "There is no way I'm getting into the boat with that thing, and neither is my camera," Patrick said firmly. "I don't want it to be possessed or something."
CRRR!
And so it was. Bear-O was left behind on the beach as Dipper and Mabel paddled the boat out onto the lake. Patrick turned the camera back to the kid as they rowed the boat. Mabel looked disgruntled.
"Okay, something out there left that tooth, and we're gonna find out what it is!" Dipper said with determination.
Mabel however held a sign up to the camera that said "DO YOU WANT MORE BEAR-O?! LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD WRITE: Mabel Pines, c/o Mystery Shack, Gravity Falls"
Patrick grabbed the sign and threw it into the water.
CRRR!
After getting to the best position in the lake, Patrick started recording again, and he pointed the camera at Dipper and Mabel, who were both looking around the lake with flashlights.
"What are we supposed to be looking for?" Mabel asked.
"I don't know, just look out for bubbles in the water," Dipper said, looking nervous.
Patrick looked around the surface of the lake with his camera. Trying to find the bubbles. It didn't take him long to find what they were looking for. As it turned out, those bubbles were coming up near a tiny island with pine trees on it.
"Dipper, look! They're over by that island!" Patrick exclaimed, pointing to it. Dipper and Mabel shined their flashlights towards it. Seeing this made Patrick feel really unnerved. "I don't like this. We better get out of here."
"Wait, we have to see what happens!" Dipper whispered. Suddenly there was a strange sound. "What was that?"
CRRR!
Mabel screamed when all of a sudden the water started rocking their boat, as the island itself started to shake.
"Oh no. What's happening?!" Dipper asked, now very scared.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER! ROW! ROW! ROW!" Mabel yelled. Patrick handed the camera to Dipper and started rowing as fast as he could. Hearing an eldritch voice coming from behind him, Dipper quickly turned the camera around and what he caught on film was something horrifying.
The island levitated out of the water, a giant humanoid head with glowing eyes and roots dangling from the bottom. It also appeared to be missing a tooth and also had a human skeleton on its bottom. It floated toward the boat, grunting in backwards words "!YNITSED RUOY RETNE !nerdlihc ,htuom ym retnE .rebmuls ym debrutsid evah uoY"
The kids all screamed as Patrick rowed with all his might, but it wasn't fast enough to outrun the monster. "It's getting closer!" Dipper yelled as it was now hovering over the boat, dripping water down onto them.
"AAH! AH! KEEP ROWING!" Mabel screamed as Dipper aimed the camera up.
"HOLY FUCKING GOD!" Patrick yelled as the monster opened its jaws and came down on the boat. However, at that moment, the camera footage started skipping.
Then it completely cut out.
CRRR!
When it came back on, it was on the sandy beach of the lake as crawfish crawled by. Covered in dirt and scrape marks, Patrick came into fame, looking around for the camera.
"I don't know, I've been looking for... there it is!" He said happily and rushed over to the camera. Picking it up, he held it up to his face. His expression showed shock while also being disturbed by what they had just encountered. "Okay, that was nuts! After it attacked us, that giant head thing just sunk back into the lake, and it lost another one of its teeth trying to eat our boat!"
Patrick pointed the camera to the boat, showing a giant tooth crushing the boat. Patrick pointed the camera back to himself and the twins. "But the important thing is, we survived. Barely," Dipper said, smiling.
"Ugh, yeah," Mabel sighed. However, she quickly grabbed Bear-O and shoved him next to Patrick's face and into the frame. "Did somebody say, bear-ly?"
"AAAAHH!"
CRRR!
Part 6: The Hide-Behind
CRRR!
When Patrick started recording for Dipper's new episode, his cousin was still writing the title on a piece of cardboard. From behind the camera, Patrick whispered. "Dip, we're on!"
"Oh!" Dipper placed the title card down and cleared his throat. "Hello. And welcome back to Dipper's Guide to the Unexplained." Patrick held out a UFO keychain and buzzed it, causing it to make a classic alien sound. "Thank you. Today we investigate Gravity Falls anomaly #132: The Hide Behind." Dipper finished the intro, holding up the title card.
CRRR!
Dipper held Journal #3 to the camera and showed the page that spoke of the creature. "'Local lumberjacks tell of a mysterious creature, always just out of sight,'" He read from the page, before pulling out a photograph that showed a set of strange footprints in the ground. "But these photos suggest it might actually be real! Either way, I intend to find out!"
"AAH! I'M THE HIDE-BEHIND!" Mabel shouted as she jumped out behind Dipper.
"Aah! Mabel!" Dipper screamed, scared by her sudden appearance. Mabel laughed as Patrick turned the camera around to face himself.
"In order to find out about this monster, we're going to need to find some eyewitnesses," Patrick said to the camera, not noticing Wendy walking up behind him. "So we'll have to ask around to see if anyone has seen the Hide-Behind."
"You guys looking for the Hide-Behind?" She asked, startling Patrick enough to almost drop the camera.
CRRR!
As it turned out, Wendy knew some people in the lumberjack community who had seen or heard of the Hide-Behind. One of them was none other than the town's punching enthusiast and her father, Manly Dan.
When Patrick started recording Manly Dan for his interview, he noticed the man's sons sawing into a tree in the background. "So, dad, my friends here wanted to know if you've really seen the Hide-Behind," Wendy told her father.
"Hide-Behind? Oh, he's real alright. REAL AS MY BEARD!" Dan said loudly. "Was behind me once; made this sound: "tch-tch-tch-tch". Mighty spooky."
"Huh, so it makes a shaking sound," Patrick said, pondering. However, the only sound he heard was the sound of straining wood. He looked to the Corduroy boys and saw the tree that Dan's sons were cutting down was starting to fall. They run away.
"Daaad!" Marcus yelled.
"It's comin' down!" Kevin shouted as he and his brother ran away.
"DADDY'S DOIN' A MOVIE! He's doin' a movie now." Dan said. Not even turning around when the tree fell down on a shack nearby. Wendy sighed and facepalmed.
CRRR!
The next place Wendy took the cousins to was Grease's Dinner. Many lumberjacks ate at the restaurant, so if there was a place to gain information, it was there. However, the only people there were a truck driver and Lazy Susan.
When they asked the old woman what she knew about the creature, she was pouring coffee into a cup. However, she didn't stop, and it started overflowing.
"Could I get a refill, ma'am? Refill?" asked the truck driver. But she didn't hear him.
"Oh, the Hide-Behind is definitely real," Susan said, finished filling the cup after pouring half of the coffee she made into it and onto the floor. "Might even be behind me right now! Let me see..." She turned around to see if there was someone behind her. But she didn't stop. The brain-damaged woman just kept spinning around and around Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...!
The truck driver was utterly confused and looked at the kids to find out what was going on. However, they didn't know either.
CRRR!
With no other leads, they tried interviewing their uncle as he sat on the porch of the Mystery Shack. "Don't believe every legend you hear, kid," he jadedly told Dipper. "The people in this town are literally the dumbest people in the world. Literally. The Hide- Behind's just a rumor. You want a mystery? How about the mystery of why—"
All of sudden, there was a shaking sound coming from around the corner of the shack. "What the... AH!" Stan yelled when a blur ran behind him at impossibly fast speeds.
"That's it!" Dipper yelled and ran after it.
"Dipper wait!" Patrick rushed after him. He looked behind to see Stan, Mabel, Wendy, and Soos just watching them run after the monster.
"Hey, we're doin' an interview here!" Stan yelled.
"Dipper!" Mabel called out to her brother.
"Patrick!" Wendy called out to her best friend before both girls ran after the boys.
Patrick looked back to show Dipper still running ahead of him. "I'm coming for ya. Where is he? Where is he?" Dipper muttered, running blindly into the woods.
CRRR!
When Patrick turned back on the camera and started recording, he aimed it at a tiny tree in the middle of a clearing. "Alright. After hours of searching, Patrick and I've narrowed it down to this tree," Dipper said, pointing his finger at the tree. The Hide-Behind made its shaking sound. The young boy then turned the camera to face himself with an excited grin. "I know what you're wondering. How do you catch a creature who's always right behind you? How about... a mirror suit!"
He pointed the camera to Patrick, who was wearing what was likely the most ridiculous outfit he's ever worn. He had a harness with multiple metal arms and mirrors attached to the ends. On his hat were two bending metal rods that had a small mirror attached to each of them, and in his hands were handheld mirrors.
"I'm going to kill you, Dipper," Patrick said.
"Complain all you want, but you'll be thanking me. Nothing's going to sneak up on—" Dipper was cut off when Patrick was suddenly poked in the head with a stick by Mabel, who was hanging down from a tree.
"Blind spot!" She shouted. Patrick sighed and looked more annoyed than before.
Wendy then walked over and saw what Patrick was wearing. She had to hold in her laugh as she tried to speak to him. "Wow, dude. I...I don't know what to say, man," she giggled, making Patrick blush with embarrassment.
"Can I please take this off?" Patrick asked Dipper.
"No, now focus!" Dipper said, holding out the camera. Patrick sighed and walked over to him. "This is it. Get ready to finally be seen, Hide-Behind!"
Patrick took the camera and aimed it at the tree. "This has better be worth it," he grumbled.
Patrick started towards the tree. Slowly and cautiously so as to not startle the monster. When he was close enough, Patrick made his move. He jumped behind the tree to get the Hide-Behind on film and prove its existence.
However, what he found was an owl with a maraca in its mouth.
"...What?"
The owl hooted and shook the maraca.
"Wow! Cool! Maraca owl!" Mabel said, running over and pointing at the admittedly cool owl.
Dipper on the other hand ran over with wide, confused eyes. "What?! But...But where's the Hide-Behind?" He asked, looking around to see if it was anywhere around them.
CRRR!
When the camera recorded again, Wendy helped Patrick take off the mirror suit. The teenager dumped it on the ground in frustration. Mabel on the other hand was as happy as she could be, especially with her new owl friend on her arm. As she ran off back home, Dipper turned to the camera and sighed in defeat. "Well, based on the lack of evidence, I have to conclude, anomaly #132, the Hide-Behind, is just a legend."
"Come, let's go get ice cream," Wendy said, wanting to cheer up the boys.
Patrick smiled and nodded. Grabbing his camera, he, Dipper, and Wendy started walking away from the tree. However, Patrick did not turn off the camera, and it was still recording. Being held backwards, the camera's video showed the little tree as the teenager walked away from it...
...and what was hiding behind it.
Standing up to its full height, the Hide Behind revealed itself to the camera. It was a gangly, flexible, slender, and incredibly tall black creature, with small glowing yellow eyes. Its structure was humanoid but nearly skeletal and resembled a tree. Its limbs were incredibly long, with large hands and long fingers each ending with sharp fingernails/claws.
The monster turned its head, facing the backs of the kids. Then it started to follow the three of them.
"Oh, right!" Patrick said, and turned off the recording and the camera.
CRRR!