Attempting to hide it from you, how stupid that? If only I could have
learned from what my heart taught me, from what you taught me. But maybe
there is hope for me and for us . . . if you want there to be. Just come
for me when you 'hear' my voice and my words:
^*^*^*^*^
Well here is chapter 8! This fic will have one or two more chapters after this one I think, but as always, when one H+K fic ends another begins LOL. Well actually two! So after this is finished there SHOULD be two new ones out. One the prequel to Flower Shop of Love (Halloween special) and Vote or Die (Sequel to Just Friends)! (Vote or Die will just be a one chapter story, but it should be a little longer than most of my shorter ones . . . if that made sense) ANYWAY! This isn't what you want to be reading!!! (Oh yeah, and the sequel to Under ONE Condition . . . that'll have more H+K stuff in it. ^^-)
^*^*^*^*^
I don't own Kurama and Hiei!!!!
^*^*^*^*^
"Well Hiei . . . I won't argue with you, I don't like it." I said softly moving my finger across his cheek.
"Knock it off! Don't ever touch me again got that!" He snapped at me as he flicked his neck and pushed my finger away.
"Alright Hiei, whatever you say, I will obey." I said mockingly as I moved over to my desk, opened my drawer and grabbed my books.
Hiei got a really strange look on his face. Sort of like he had a really huge belief or statement that had just be proven to be wrong or a lie. I wonder . . .
"H-hey so . . . don't make anything of it but- . . . but why did . . . why me?" Hiei asked avoiding looking at me.
"I don't know . . . maybe I felt really close to you because we're so much alike, or at least we were. I remember back then, when I made myself closed to the world, that I really didn't want anyone to be with me or tell me what to do . . . but then, when you feel like that, all it takes is one person to make you realize how wrong that was. Back then, the best thing that could have happened to me would to be for someone to love me. But I didn't have that until much later . . . when I was born as Shuichi. Maybe because I know that I'm a good person and because I wanted someone to love that- . . . that maybe you would be too." I told him walking towards the door.
I didn't look at him, I didn't want to see the look on his face.
I slowly passed through the door and closed it gently behind me as I began my way down the stairs again.
I really did love him didn't I . . .
^*^*^*^
I sat on his bed motionless. I didn't know what to think of what he had just said. But I did know that it made me shiver. What he said about that had really been a little true. Ever since I met Yusuke, the oaf, and Kurama himself, especially Kurama, I had slowly begun to open up . . . as much as I hate to admit it I had grown to like them all somehow. And because of that friendship they had showed me, I began to really feel things that I hadn't before. I didn't like to see my new friends sad, in danger or to be suffering . . . not like I had before.
I had learned something very important back then when that first happened, . . . that sometimes, when someone shows you or feels a feeling for you . . . you will gain that feeling and share it with them. Was this true for more than just friendship? I think so . . . it is I rule I had just soon come to believe in.
^*^**^*^
My son came walking into the kitchen, wearing his uniform, carrying his schoolbooks, but something about him was different . . . only a mother would noticed such a thing.
"Shuichi honey your button is in the wrong hole." I told him as I undid his top button along with the second one and did them again right. "You must have gotten dressed in a hurry and didn't realize." I said to him with a smile . . . big then. "Oh my, that didn't sound at all right, I'm sorry dear."
"Nothing to be sorry for mother. It reminds me . . . I'm really thankful to how understanding you're being about Hiei and me." He said to me with a soft smile.
It really all it hit me with a rather big shock, but I didn't want to judge my son! I really don't have a reason to. He has the right to love whoever he wants to . . . I won't tell him no.
"Don't worry Shuichi . . . I'm just happy for you, that you found someone who you can share your love with. Of course there are some things that I'd rather you not share just yet honey." I told him with a raised eyebrow.
"MOTHER!" He yelled sounding very embarrassed about the whole subject; I guess that was a good thing.
"Well son if you even have any questions on the matter just know you can come to me."
"MOTHER DON'T WORRY!!!"
"Shuichi you know that of you and Hiei stay together than eventually the two of you will decided that you want to have-"
"PLEASE MOTHER!" He said loudly to me, his blushing was really getting to a remarkable level.
"Alright dear . . . so where is Hiei anyhow?" I asked a little nervous about him staying here. How long would he live with us? I couldn't just through him out at anytime, he was here until he decided to leave . . .
"He's upstairs . . . he'll be down in a moment." He told me as he took a seat in on of the chairs.
"Umm . . . mother . . . what do you think of Hiei?"
^*^*^*^*^
I asked feeling a little bad. Mother said she was happy that I found someone I could SHARE my love with . . . why did my mood have to keep shifting.
"Well, I know that he's a wonderful person, and a very nice soul. He loves you very much. Don't worry honey, I'll always like him, if you do." She said smiling over at me honestly and sincerely.
I wish I could return that smile . . . I wish I could really be in a relationship with Hiei! I wanted to hold him in my arms again, I missed that feeling. Was I so selfish . . . I can't force Hiei to be with me like this. It's clear he wants to leave. If I really cared about him, I would let him and help him go. But I wanted him here with me so bad.
"Mother, let me go upstairs for a moment. I'm going to talk to Hiei." I said to her standing up and walking back up the stairs.
. . .
I opened the door to find Hiei had made a mess of things. My stuff was all over the place!!
"Hiei what on Earth are you doing!?" I yelled at him, after I finally located him under my bed.
I crawled under there, finding that I really had a lot of space under there, almost roomy. But I didn't plan to spend too much time down here . . .
//"Shuichi where are you?" . . . "Under my bed relaxing mother!"//
No that wouldn't go well . . .
"N-nothing . . . I was just looking for something . . ." He said as he pulled himself out from under my bed. As did I.
"Alright Hiei . . . So . . . Hiei, if you want to leave . . ." I started, finding it hard to finish what I had to say. It hurt! "If you want to leave here . . . you can go now . . . I can understand if you don't wish to live here with me and my mother pretending that you love me . . . when . . . you don't. You don't care about me, I understand that . . . so you can go." I finished starting to tear up.
"Kurama . . . I will go then, but, I'll settle things here first. It would be too hard some such an idiot like you to explain why your 'boyfriend' just left without saying a word." He said putting his hands in his pockets and walking towards the door.
"Hiei, I know it's too much to ask of you." I said to him as I walked over closer to him. He stopped. I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder and said to him, "That's why I love you . . ."
I turned him to face me and then kissed him softly, making sure not to be aggressive or forceful. I was gentile; I wanted to show him that I really cared about him.
I couldn't end this whole experience with Hiei without at least kissing him one more time . . . I wanted my memories of him to be warm ones . . . because I knew that when he left, he wouldn't be coming back.
With this thought tears started streaming down my cheeks.
To my surprise, Hiei hadn't pulled away from me. He even kissed back a little . . . I think . . . maybe this was his way of saying goodbye to me. He really was a friend . . . he had always been. I hated myself for all the time I had spent with him and not appreciated it! He was the best friend I'd ever known and I never even knew it until now, when he was leaving . . .
We both knew that he wouldn't stay after this kiss ended . . . he couldn't face my mother after all of this. After I opened my eyes and pulled my lips away from him, he would slowly turn his back to me and walk away forever. It was the only was to solve all this. If he did stay to try and help me sort things out, I'd only end up trying to get him to be with me . . . and he didn't want to be so I wouldn't force him, because I cared!
I started to cry harder, making it hard to maintain the kiss but I struggled and held it.
The room was covered in shadows, the only light coming from the open door. My windows were closed and the blinds shut . . . it all seemed so perfect, but perfect in the worst kind of way.
I finally moved my head away, regretting it completely. I looked at Hiei painfully, water streaming down my cheeks dropping onto the floor every few seconds.
I shut my eyes to push out the tears and whispered to him in deep sadness, "Please don't go . . ."
I opened my eyes to find him leaning closer to me. He slowly brushed his lips against my cheek and began rubbing my hair between his fingers.
Did he . . .
Hiei then backed away, a confused look on his. He then shook his head and took another step back.
"Hiei . . . hold me . . ." I plead to him
"Why don't you get it fox? I don't want to be with you! Get your idiotic mind to realize that you stupid fox!" he shouted at me as he walked away and left me in the dark all alone
"Hiei . . . Hiei I love you!" I cried out to him feeling tears role down my cheeks, knowing he couldn't hear me
The pain that filled my heart could not be put to words . . . it is such a confusing thing when your heart clearly knows something your mind cannot seem to understand. Maybe if I did understand, I'd know how to get Hiei back. I loved him so much . . . how could someone I had feelings so deeply for seem to want nothing to do with me? I loved him and he didn't care in the slightest bit.
Slowly I thought about how this had all happened . . . why?
" . . . Hiei . . ." I whimpered as I dropped to my knees and stared at the closed door Hiei had left to me as my last memory of him.
What did I have left of him? I didn't have anything . . . except . . .
I stood up and opened my blinds to let in some sun light. The light made me wince at first but I quickly adjusted. I dropped my books on floor as I- . . . wait . . . that book wasn't mine.
There was a strange little book that had been placed in-between my schoolbooks. I picked it up and opened it to one of the center pages. I noticed right away that it was written in many different languages! This was Hiei's!
I started to flip through the pages reading it carefully . . . it was a diary. It was pretty interesting actually. I never knew Hiei had so many deep thoughts. But it didn't say anything real specific about me, not that I expected it to. Except for one thing that I found at the bottom of one of the pages, it said, "Kurama has always been there for me . . . and slowly, somehow, I have come to think of his as a friend . . ." I read quietly out loud.
I didn't really want to read more . . . it all made me feel even worse. I turned the page and quickly glanced at the page numbers . . . it went from 36 to38 . . . damn a page was missing . . .
^*^*^*^*^
Yugijouoh: You're all going to hate me for the ending of that chapter huh? PR! And yes that one part WAS from the first chapter . . . we're caught up now heheh . . .
^*^*^*^*^
Well here is chapter 8! This fic will have one or two more chapters after this one I think, but as always, when one H+K fic ends another begins LOL. Well actually two! So after this is finished there SHOULD be two new ones out. One the prequel to Flower Shop of Love (Halloween special) and Vote or Die (Sequel to Just Friends)! (Vote or Die will just be a one chapter story, but it should be a little longer than most of my shorter ones . . . if that made sense) ANYWAY! This isn't what you want to be reading!!! (Oh yeah, and the sequel to Under ONE Condition . . . that'll have more H+K stuff in it. ^^-)
^*^*^*^*^
I don't own Kurama and Hiei!!!!
^*^*^*^*^
"Well Hiei . . . I won't argue with you, I don't like it." I said softly moving my finger across his cheek.
"Knock it off! Don't ever touch me again got that!" He snapped at me as he flicked his neck and pushed my finger away.
"Alright Hiei, whatever you say, I will obey." I said mockingly as I moved over to my desk, opened my drawer and grabbed my books.
Hiei got a really strange look on his face. Sort of like he had a really huge belief or statement that had just be proven to be wrong or a lie. I wonder . . .
"H-hey so . . . don't make anything of it but- . . . but why did . . . why me?" Hiei asked avoiding looking at me.
"I don't know . . . maybe I felt really close to you because we're so much alike, or at least we were. I remember back then, when I made myself closed to the world, that I really didn't want anyone to be with me or tell me what to do . . . but then, when you feel like that, all it takes is one person to make you realize how wrong that was. Back then, the best thing that could have happened to me would to be for someone to love me. But I didn't have that until much later . . . when I was born as Shuichi. Maybe because I know that I'm a good person and because I wanted someone to love that- . . . that maybe you would be too." I told him walking towards the door.
I didn't look at him, I didn't want to see the look on his face.
I slowly passed through the door and closed it gently behind me as I began my way down the stairs again.
I really did love him didn't I . . .
^*^*^*^
I sat on his bed motionless. I didn't know what to think of what he had just said. But I did know that it made me shiver. What he said about that had really been a little true. Ever since I met Yusuke, the oaf, and Kurama himself, especially Kurama, I had slowly begun to open up . . . as much as I hate to admit it I had grown to like them all somehow. And because of that friendship they had showed me, I began to really feel things that I hadn't before. I didn't like to see my new friends sad, in danger or to be suffering . . . not like I had before.
I had learned something very important back then when that first happened, . . . that sometimes, when someone shows you or feels a feeling for you . . . you will gain that feeling and share it with them. Was this true for more than just friendship? I think so . . . it is I rule I had just soon come to believe in.
^*^**^*^
My son came walking into the kitchen, wearing his uniform, carrying his schoolbooks, but something about him was different . . . only a mother would noticed such a thing.
"Shuichi honey your button is in the wrong hole." I told him as I undid his top button along with the second one and did them again right. "You must have gotten dressed in a hurry and didn't realize." I said to him with a smile . . . big then. "Oh my, that didn't sound at all right, I'm sorry dear."
"Nothing to be sorry for mother. It reminds me . . . I'm really thankful to how understanding you're being about Hiei and me." He said to me with a soft smile.
It really all it hit me with a rather big shock, but I didn't want to judge my son! I really don't have a reason to. He has the right to love whoever he wants to . . . I won't tell him no.
"Don't worry Shuichi . . . I'm just happy for you, that you found someone who you can share your love with. Of course there are some things that I'd rather you not share just yet honey." I told him with a raised eyebrow.
"MOTHER!" He yelled sounding very embarrassed about the whole subject; I guess that was a good thing.
"Well son if you even have any questions on the matter just know you can come to me."
"MOTHER DON'T WORRY!!!"
"Shuichi you know that of you and Hiei stay together than eventually the two of you will decided that you want to have-"
"PLEASE MOTHER!" He said loudly to me, his blushing was really getting to a remarkable level.
"Alright dear . . . so where is Hiei anyhow?" I asked a little nervous about him staying here. How long would he live with us? I couldn't just through him out at anytime, he was here until he decided to leave . . .
"He's upstairs . . . he'll be down in a moment." He told me as he took a seat in on of the chairs.
"Umm . . . mother . . . what do you think of Hiei?"
^*^*^*^*^
I asked feeling a little bad. Mother said she was happy that I found someone I could SHARE my love with . . . why did my mood have to keep shifting.
"Well, I know that he's a wonderful person, and a very nice soul. He loves you very much. Don't worry honey, I'll always like him, if you do." She said smiling over at me honestly and sincerely.
I wish I could return that smile . . . I wish I could really be in a relationship with Hiei! I wanted to hold him in my arms again, I missed that feeling. Was I so selfish . . . I can't force Hiei to be with me like this. It's clear he wants to leave. If I really cared about him, I would let him and help him go. But I wanted him here with me so bad.
"Mother, let me go upstairs for a moment. I'm going to talk to Hiei." I said to her standing up and walking back up the stairs.
. . .
I opened the door to find Hiei had made a mess of things. My stuff was all over the place!!
"Hiei what on Earth are you doing!?" I yelled at him, after I finally located him under my bed.
I crawled under there, finding that I really had a lot of space under there, almost roomy. But I didn't plan to spend too much time down here . . .
//"Shuichi where are you?" . . . "Under my bed relaxing mother!"//
No that wouldn't go well . . .
"N-nothing . . . I was just looking for something . . ." He said as he pulled himself out from under my bed. As did I.
"Alright Hiei . . . So . . . Hiei, if you want to leave . . ." I started, finding it hard to finish what I had to say. It hurt! "If you want to leave here . . . you can go now . . . I can understand if you don't wish to live here with me and my mother pretending that you love me . . . when . . . you don't. You don't care about me, I understand that . . . so you can go." I finished starting to tear up.
"Kurama . . . I will go then, but, I'll settle things here first. It would be too hard some such an idiot like you to explain why your 'boyfriend' just left without saying a word." He said putting his hands in his pockets and walking towards the door.
"Hiei, I know it's too much to ask of you." I said to him as I walked over closer to him. He stopped. I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder and said to him, "That's why I love you . . ."
I turned him to face me and then kissed him softly, making sure not to be aggressive or forceful. I was gentile; I wanted to show him that I really cared about him.
I couldn't end this whole experience with Hiei without at least kissing him one more time . . . I wanted my memories of him to be warm ones . . . because I knew that when he left, he wouldn't be coming back.
With this thought tears started streaming down my cheeks.
To my surprise, Hiei hadn't pulled away from me. He even kissed back a little . . . I think . . . maybe this was his way of saying goodbye to me. He really was a friend . . . he had always been. I hated myself for all the time I had spent with him and not appreciated it! He was the best friend I'd ever known and I never even knew it until now, when he was leaving . . .
We both knew that he wouldn't stay after this kiss ended . . . he couldn't face my mother after all of this. After I opened my eyes and pulled my lips away from him, he would slowly turn his back to me and walk away forever. It was the only was to solve all this. If he did stay to try and help me sort things out, I'd only end up trying to get him to be with me . . . and he didn't want to be so I wouldn't force him, because I cared!
I started to cry harder, making it hard to maintain the kiss but I struggled and held it.
The room was covered in shadows, the only light coming from the open door. My windows were closed and the blinds shut . . . it all seemed so perfect, but perfect in the worst kind of way.
I finally moved my head away, regretting it completely. I looked at Hiei painfully, water streaming down my cheeks dropping onto the floor every few seconds.
I shut my eyes to push out the tears and whispered to him in deep sadness, "Please don't go . . ."
I opened my eyes to find him leaning closer to me. He slowly brushed his lips against my cheek and began rubbing my hair between his fingers.
Did he . . .
Hiei then backed away, a confused look on his. He then shook his head and took another step back.
"Hiei . . . hold me . . ." I plead to him
"Why don't you get it fox? I don't want to be with you! Get your idiotic mind to realize that you stupid fox!" he shouted at me as he walked away and left me in the dark all alone
"Hiei . . . Hiei I love you!" I cried out to him feeling tears role down my cheeks, knowing he couldn't hear me
The pain that filled my heart could not be put to words . . . it is such a confusing thing when your heart clearly knows something your mind cannot seem to understand. Maybe if I did understand, I'd know how to get Hiei back. I loved him so much . . . how could someone I had feelings so deeply for seem to want nothing to do with me? I loved him and he didn't care in the slightest bit.
Slowly I thought about how this had all happened . . . why?
" . . . Hiei . . ." I whimpered as I dropped to my knees and stared at the closed door Hiei had left to me as my last memory of him.
What did I have left of him? I didn't have anything . . . except . . .
I stood up and opened my blinds to let in some sun light. The light made me wince at first but I quickly adjusted. I dropped my books on floor as I- . . . wait . . . that book wasn't mine.
There was a strange little book that had been placed in-between my schoolbooks. I picked it up and opened it to one of the center pages. I noticed right away that it was written in many different languages! This was Hiei's!
I started to flip through the pages reading it carefully . . . it was a diary. It was pretty interesting actually. I never knew Hiei had so many deep thoughts. But it didn't say anything real specific about me, not that I expected it to. Except for one thing that I found at the bottom of one of the pages, it said, "Kurama has always been there for me . . . and slowly, somehow, I have come to think of his as a friend . . ." I read quietly out loud.
I didn't really want to read more . . . it all made me feel even worse. I turned the page and quickly glanced at the page numbers . . . it went from 36 to38 . . . damn a page was missing . . .
^*^*^*^*^
Yugijouoh: You're all going to hate me for the ending of that chapter huh? PR! And yes that one part WAS from the first chapter . . . we're caught up now heheh . . .