Chapter Three : A Rather Pointless Party
That very night, half the Shire came together to celebrate Bilbo's birthday, despite the fact that he had died earlier that day. But, you must remember, these are hobbits. They love parties, and often don't care what they're for. They just use parties as an excuse to break away from their daily chores of drinking ale and instead, drink more ale. Gandalf was there too, grudgingly pulling off his fireworks show. He had not found Bilbo's secret stash of prize-winning Hobbit Weed, and the Hobbit Weed Shop was closed for Bilbo's long-expected party, so Gandalf would have to wait until tomorrow morning to buy some with the million dollars he received earlier that day. Not far away, a group of hobbits were dancing to the tune of obnoxious hobbit fiddle music. Frodo and his gardener, Samwise Gamgee, were sitting at a table and drinking ale.
"Go on, Sam. Ask Rosie for a dance," Frodo told Sam.
"I think I'll just have another ale," Sam replied.
"Now that's the spirit!" Frodo chuckled as the irritating music continued playing. Frodo began thinking about how sad he would've been if Bilbo was there. "He'd probably be gloating about his silly adventures. In fact, I bet he'd tell the story where he and his dwarf-friends were captured by monstrous trolls, and how he saved the day. 'And I kept those devilish trolls busy so long that the sun's first light crept over the top of the trees...POOF! And turned them all to stone!' It was the same tedious story every time," Frodo continued thinking. A few minutes later, two little mischievous hobbits snuck into Gandalf's rickety horse-drawn carriage and snatched one of the wizard's biggest fireworks.
"Why is it not lighting?" Merry the Hobbit asked Pippin (the other hobbit).
"Stick it in the ground," Pippin stated.
"It IS in the ground," Merry replied.
"Try lighting it again," Pippin replied to the reply.
"It is not working!" Merry replied to the reply that replied.
"Wait just a second," Pippin added as he popped off the top half of the firework. "It's full of Hobbit Weed!"
"Here, let's take it to our place," Merry said as the two ran off with Gandalf's secret stash of Hobbit Weed he didn't realize he had. A few hours later, the hobbits persuaded Gandalf to give a speech in place of the deceased Bilbo.
"I only have one firecracker left, and it's a big one!" Gandalf then said, heading to his rickety horse-drawn carriage. Gandalf soon realized it wasn't there, so he headed back to give a quick little speech. "Wait," he thought. "That big firecracker is where I once had a supply of Hobbit Weed. It wouldn't of worked anyways." Gandalf walked a little longer and realized just what he thought. "My Hobbit Weed! I could've had some the whole time! Where is that firecracker?!?" he exclaimed to himself. Just then, all the hobbits there chanted "Speech" so Gandalf grudgingly got up to give one. He stood on top of a barrel to make himself appear even taller to the tiny hobbits.
"Speech!" Frodo said to himself as Gandalf began his speech.
"My dear Baggageinses and Coffins... Cooks and Bradybunch... Grubbies, Chubbies... Snowblowers... Buldgers... Bracedraidles... and Proudgooses!" Gandalf began.
"It's Proudgeese!" a hobbit yelled as everyone simultaneously laughed.
Gandalf ignored this annoying hobbit and continued, "Today's not my birthday! But alas, one day is far too long a time to be among such clueless and annoying hobbits. I don't hate half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less then half of your Hobbit Weed half as well as you deserve."
"I don't get it!" a hillbilly hobbit yelled at Gandalf.
"Neither do I," Gandalf replied as he left to look for his Hobbit Weed.
That very night, half the Shire came together to celebrate Bilbo's birthday, despite the fact that he had died earlier that day. But, you must remember, these are hobbits. They love parties, and often don't care what they're for. They just use parties as an excuse to break away from their daily chores of drinking ale and instead, drink more ale. Gandalf was there too, grudgingly pulling off his fireworks show. He had not found Bilbo's secret stash of prize-winning Hobbit Weed, and the Hobbit Weed Shop was closed for Bilbo's long-expected party, so Gandalf would have to wait until tomorrow morning to buy some with the million dollars he received earlier that day. Not far away, a group of hobbits were dancing to the tune of obnoxious hobbit fiddle music. Frodo and his gardener, Samwise Gamgee, were sitting at a table and drinking ale.
"Go on, Sam. Ask Rosie for a dance," Frodo told Sam.
"I think I'll just have another ale," Sam replied.
"Now that's the spirit!" Frodo chuckled as the irritating music continued playing. Frodo began thinking about how sad he would've been if Bilbo was there. "He'd probably be gloating about his silly adventures. In fact, I bet he'd tell the story where he and his dwarf-friends were captured by monstrous trolls, and how he saved the day. 'And I kept those devilish trolls busy so long that the sun's first light crept over the top of the trees...POOF! And turned them all to stone!' It was the same tedious story every time," Frodo continued thinking. A few minutes later, two little mischievous hobbits snuck into Gandalf's rickety horse-drawn carriage and snatched one of the wizard's biggest fireworks.
"Why is it not lighting?" Merry the Hobbit asked Pippin (the other hobbit).
"Stick it in the ground," Pippin stated.
"It IS in the ground," Merry replied.
"Try lighting it again," Pippin replied to the reply.
"It is not working!" Merry replied to the reply that replied.
"Wait just a second," Pippin added as he popped off the top half of the firework. "It's full of Hobbit Weed!"
"Here, let's take it to our place," Merry said as the two ran off with Gandalf's secret stash of Hobbit Weed he didn't realize he had. A few hours later, the hobbits persuaded Gandalf to give a speech in place of the deceased Bilbo.
"I only have one firecracker left, and it's a big one!" Gandalf then said, heading to his rickety horse-drawn carriage. Gandalf soon realized it wasn't there, so he headed back to give a quick little speech. "Wait," he thought. "That big firecracker is where I once had a supply of Hobbit Weed. It wouldn't of worked anyways." Gandalf walked a little longer and realized just what he thought. "My Hobbit Weed! I could've had some the whole time! Where is that firecracker?!?" he exclaimed to himself. Just then, all the hobbits there chanted "Speech" so Gandalf grudgingly got up to give one. He stood on top of a barrel to make himself appear even taller to the tiny hobbits.
"Speech!" Frodo said to himself as Gandalf began his speech.
"My dear Baggageinses and Coffins... Cooks and Bradybunch... Grubbies, Chubbies... Snowblowers... Buldgers... Bracedraidles... and Proudgooses!" Gandalf began.
"It's Proudgeese!" a hobbit yelled as everyone simultaneously laughed.
Gandalf ignored this annoying hobbit and continued, "Today's not my birthday! But alas, one day is far too long a time to be among such clueless and annoying hobbits. I don't hate half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less then half of your Hobbit Weed half as well as you deserve."
"I don't get it!" a hillbilly hobbit yelled at Gandalf.
"Neither do I," Gandalf replied as he left to look for his Hobbit Weed.