Author's Note: Thanks for the two reviews! If I were REALLY a Mary Sue author, I would write something like: 'if i dont get at least 10 reveiws, i'll stop riting!!!11' Thank goodness I'm not—I'd want to shoot myself. Even if I don't get any reviews, I'll continue—in fact, I already know what I'm going to put in the next chapter. Jaded Roses: It's tempting to emulate the spelling and grammar of Mary Sue authors, but I think that I would probably go insane if I did that. And there is a plot developing, in addition to more Mary Sue bashing.Yori-chan: Hehe… This chapter has less of Harry and Ron. As for why the Mary Sues come from America, it's because that's where the author is usually from (and it's easier to write a self-insertion if the character has a similar background to you). And they're all named Serena! That's probably because of Sailor Moon. Oh, and I also have a soft spot for parodies!
Angst, Animosity, and Alliteration—Argh!
Chapter 2: Draco's Decision
Draco walked away from the Prefect's car, a frown on his face. Ginny Weasley was the most obnoxious Gryffindor he knew. And that was saying a lot, since Gryffindor also contained Potter, Ron Weasley, and Granger. However, ever since that damned Bat-Bogey Hex in his fifth year, he had been constantly trying to find ways to get back at her. He teased her more than usual, always trying to get her mad. It had become his new obsession. She had replaced Potter as his favorite person to torment. And it was NOT because she was cute when she was angry. Hell, Draco didn't even want to admit that, but it was always in the back of his mind whenever she was irritated at him.
"You're back, Draco!" Serena cried when he entered the compartment where he had left Crabbe and Goyle. He had chased her away earlier, but now she was there, with Pansy Parkinson.
"We missed you, Draco," Pansy said with a pathetic attempt at a flirtatious expression. Draco rolled his eyes. Serena Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson looked like they had the makings of a beautiful friendship. He didn't know which of the two was more annoying: his slutty and idiotic sister or the girl who refused to get a clue.
He looked at Crabbe and Goyle. The two of them were stuffing their faces again. He didn't have the patience to deal with their gluttonous stupidity at the moment. "Crabbe! Goyle! Let's go!"
"But Draco, I'm not finished with my—"
"Now!" Draco snapped, interrupting Goyle.
His two goons stood up, mumbling incoherently.
"I'll see you later, Vincent and Gregory," Serena said in a low, seductive voice. Was she flirting with Crabbe and Goyle? Yuck.
Both Crabbe and Goyle just grunted and followed Draco out of the compartment. "Why'd you wanna leave, Draco?" Crabbe asked.
"Honestly Crabbe, you and Goyle are the biggest idiots in the school," Draco said pointedly. "I'll give you a hint. We're starting a new year at Hogwarts. What do we always do on the train to Hogwarts?"
"Find the new first-years and figure out which will be Slytherins?" Goyle suggested.
"Yes…and what else?" Draco asked, as though talking to a pair of five-year-old.
Crabbe piped up. "Torture the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors!"
"Yes, you morons. We've already been on this bloody train for an hour and haven't even begun. So let's get going!" Draco said, leading the way. Crabbe and Goyle scampered behind him, sniggering idiotically.
They spent the next hour doing just that. A few of the new kids were obviously going to be Slytherins. Draco knew a lot of them as being children of his father's friends and he welcomed them. There were a few who were questionable, so Draco just ignored them. The new students he liked the best were the scrawny and scared-looking ones. Most of them would probably end up in Hufflepuff. He was in a compartment with four of these ones, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He had just been telling the little Hufflepuff-wannabes that the detentions at Hogwarts consisted of trying to tame werewolves on the full moon, battling trolls in a locked dungeon, and ridding the Forbidden Forest of hinkypunks. He had been enjoying the terrified looks on their faces and was annoyed at the impudent person that interrupted him.
Draco turned around and found himself staring down at Ginny Weasley. He put his hands on his hips. "What do you want, Weasley?"
"Malfoy, the Head Boy should not be setting such a bad example for the rest of the students," she said snidely.
"Five points from Gryffindor for you disrespect," he retorted.
"You can't do that!" Weasley said, looking horrified.
Draco smiled. He loved the expression on her face, especially since he was the one to put it there. "Oh yes I can. I am the Head Boy, which is more than I can say about your stupid brother or boyfriend, Potter. I seem to remember your Mudblood friend giving you points, so now you're back to nothing."
She crossed her arms angrily. "You're dumber than those two louts you always hang around with. Harry's not my boyfriend. Think about it, Malfoy," she said.
Suddenly it struck him. So that was why Potter had been sitting on Weasley's lap! "Took you long enough to realize it," Weasley said with a smirk on her face.
"Hey! Do you want me to take more points off?" he said.
"I don't have anymore to lose and you can't give me negative points," she taunted. "And I think that I should teach you a lesson for being mean to those first-years," she added as she pulled out her wand, pointing it at him. However, he was just as quick, pulling his out at the exact same time. Each of them stared straight into the other's eyes, wands ready, neither wanting to be the first to look away.
"Expelliarmus!" yelled a voice behind them. Draco's wand flew from his hand, the force of the curse pushing him into Ginny. His body ended up on top of hers on the ground. He wasn't sure exactly how, since logic dictates that the curse would have pushed him away from Ginny, but Draco chalked it up to stupidity on the part of the author. Because, as all Draco and Ginny shippers know, the two of them must "accidentally" end up on top of each other at least once in the story, no matter how peculiar the circumstances.
Still not having moved, the two of them looked to see who had cast the curse. "Pansy Parkinson?" Ginny shrieked.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, you brainless girl?" Draco asked.
Pansy's face was bright red with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Draco. I think I need to work on my aim a little bit. I meant to hit her!" She pointed at Ginny Weasley who was now laughing uncontrollably.
"Lovely, Malfoy. Here I was about to hex you, when your girlfriend came and did it instead!"
"She's not my girlfriend!" he snapped. Pansy looked upset when he said that.
"At least she did the curse correctly!" Serena said. "I thought it was brilliant!"
"You would," Draco murmured softly enough so that only a giggling Ginny Weasley could hear him. He realized that he was still on top of her. Not that he minded. Er, wait… he did, at least he was supposed to. No matter how cute and spunky she was, she was still a stupid poor Weasley after all. Right? He finally stood up.
Then he spoke louder. "Pansy, please don't try to save me again—you're completely incompetent when it comes to curses," he said sternly. She pouted, then turned around and rushed away.
"Hey, Draco, that was mean!" Serena cried.
"Oh, shut up, Mary Su—I mean, Serena!" Draco yelled back. He hated her with a passion, and wished that he could ship her away to Antarctica. Or anywhere far away from here.
"What did you call me?!" Her eyes changed to bright red. Draco briefly wondered how that was possible. Serena continued her rant. "I am NOT a Mary Sue! I bet you think that I'm a self-insertion, too! But I am nothing like the author! She has blonde hair and blue-grey eyes; my hair is red with streaks in it and my eyes are violet!! I look like some preteen girl's fantasy character and she just looks like a normal girl. We have nothing in common at all!"
Draco just stared at her, embarrassed that she was making a scene in front of Ginny Weasley, who was smirking. "This author person sounds like she has more of the Malfoy physical attributes than you," she said to Serena.
Serena gave her a mean look. "You're just jealous that I look like a supermodel and you don't." Then she stuck her tongue out at Ginny and ran after Pansy.
"Wow, Malfoy, next to your sister, you almost seem pleasant," Ginny said.
Draco felt like jumping up and down. She had complimented him! Well, in a backward sort of way. Hey, wait a minute! he thought. It had actually been more of an insult! "If you had any house points, I would take them away from you!" he said with a frown.
She sneered back at him, then looked down at his wand which somehow had ended up at her feet. Draco smirked when she picked it up and handed it to him. "Not going to curse me anymore, Weasley?" he asked smugly.
She gave him an innocent—and adorable—look. Draco ignored the way his body responded to it. "Parkinson took all the fun out of it. What's the point of hexing you when she can do it for me?" She gazed intensely into his eyes for a few heart-stopping moments, but then jumped back and turned around when the door to the compartment nearby slammed.
"Draco, why'd you leave?" Crabbe whined. "It's not fun to torment people without you there!" Draco rolled his eyes. He ignored the two dumb oafs, instead watching Ginny Weasley as she walked away. Quickly he snapped out of it. It was silly for him to be staring at that Weasley brat. She wasn't even that beautiful. And she lived in poverty! Stupid girl. Well, not really stupid—Pansy had her beat in that department.
"Pansy told us that there's going to be a Halloween Ball. She thinks that you're going to ask her," Crabbe told him, snickering.
"Since when do you care about dances?" Draco asked derisively.
"They always have good food at those things," Goyle responded.
Idiots! However, this led him to thinking about the Halloween Ball. Why were they even having a ball? It wasn't like there was anything big going on this year, like the Triwizard tournament three years earlier. It was probably some ludicrous conspiracy created by American transfer students, who expected to go to dances every month.
So who would he go with? He momentarily wondered what it would be like to have Ginny Weasley as his date. No, that was a bad idea. Of course, anyone was better than horrible Pansy…
He thought again about her red hair and how cute she looked when she was angry. "Crabbe, Goyle, I've decided! I'm going to have Ginny Weasley as my date for the Ball!"
Goyle gave him a stupid look. "Guh? Draco, she's a Weasley!"
Crabbe had an equally idiotic expression on his face. "Her family is so poor! I think that—"
"You're not here to think!" Draco interrupted, annoyed. "You're here to follow me around, making monosyllabic comments that sound like gibberish. Your purpose is to act like dolts, not to offer your opinion! Do I make myself clear?" He gave both of them an angry look.
"Erg," Crabbe assented.
"Arb," said Goyle.
"I have no clue what the hell either of you are saying." He nodded, pleased. "Excellent, that's exactly the way you're supposed to be acting. And don't let me hear you making sense again!" The two of them looked at him vacuously.
"Okay, I have a really good, no-fail plan. Rather than treating her kindly and being romantic, I'll be as rude as possible, and insult everything about her! She'll fall in love with me instantly!"
Goyle opened his mouth, about to say something. Crabbe elbowed him, shaking his head. Goyle rethought his remark. "Heh heh, good idea, Draco," he said stupidly.
"It is, isn't it?" Draco replied, satisfied with himself. He rushed off in search of Ginny Weasley, ready to implement his strategy.
Author's Note—Inspirations: The Mary Sue tantrum in the middle was inspired by an author whose story I once reviewed, politely saying that her character was a Mary Sue (which is something I'm never doing again—authors who write Mary Sues just don't want listen to criticism!).
The word, 'guh', comes from two of my dear male friends who remind me of Harry and Ron. Especially when Harry and Ron are making out with each other…