Unexpected

An Inu Yasha Fan Fiction by Caitlin M.

Moogleheadgirl@cs.com

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu Yasha or anything associated with it. So don't sic any lawyers on me.

Chapter 7:

Distantly, I wondered how many times in a day one could be lead to one's doom by well-meaning meddlers. This would be my third; I doubted I would escape at this point. While the girl pulled me through the woods, happily chatting and not apparently minding that it was all one-sided, I contemplated making a break for it. But it was the same as when Sango had taken me into the village. I had already abandoned this poor kid once in her life. To do it again would be unforgivable, even if she had no idea who I was. So I let her tow me and tried to prepare myself for impending doom.

The girl continued talking. She was telling me again about her father. With a funny kind of jolt, I realized she might have few things to say about her mother… about me.

So I asked. Without really wanting to know, afraid of what she might say, utterly convinced that she would hate me as soon as she discovered that I was not a stranger (although, in a way, I suppose I was), I asked.

"What about your mum? What's she like?" I felt like a jerk, since I knew full well she had no idea. The sun was falling faster now, and I felt cold. I realized Hideaki's jacket was still tied around my waist, where I had put it that morning, and I now pulled it on. Anything to avoid eye contact.

The lively chatter ceased, and she looked at me for a moment. How someone who wasn't even five yet managed to develop such an intense stare, I'll never know. Slowly, carefully, she told me, "My mommy isn't around. She left a long time ago. She left me when I was a baby. Now Daddy and Shippo and Grandpa Myoga and auntie Sango and uncle Miroku take care of me."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. And I was. For all this time, in my mind, she had only been "the baby." I had never once stopped and thought about the fact that she was growing all the time, getting older and realizing her family was missing one crucial member…. I was sorry for letting her go, and for letting her down. I had known her for all of an hour, but I was finding myself liking her more with each passing moment. She was so sweet, so cute. I felt a little flush of guilt; it was almost like I only wanted her now that I had met her, like I had to test her before I could accept her. This wasn't the case, I knew, but it wasn't a comforting thought.

"You didn't make her leave, so don't say sorry." There was a pause. "Daddy said she was afraid… he said she didn't think she would take good care of me. She was afraid, so she left."

Her face was clear, almost hardened. Even though she was practically still a baby, it made her look very old, somehow.

"That's all Daddy will say about her. A lot of times he won't talk about her at all. Shippo tells me lots about her. He really liked her. But he says the same thing."

The hard look was disappearing now.

"It's not fair. It's not good enough. I want her to come back. I want her to be the best mommy ever. She was mean to leave us, but I bet Daddy wants her to come back, too. We'd be nice. I'd take a bath whenever she asked and eat all my dinner, even the icky parts. I wouldn't even scratch Shippo if he was mean to me. I just want her to come home. I just want her to like me."

Tears had been fighting their way out during this tirade, and now they fell freely. She didn't sob, and her shoulders didn't shake. It was just a little trickle down her cheeks, punctuated occasionally by a sniffle. I had no idea what to do. I should be doing something, I knew. Even if it was just patting her back or telling her it would be OK, or something. But I didn't want to intrude. I was simultaneously a stranger, without any real right to infringe on her like this, and the mother who had abandoned her. Both unwelcome witness and instigator. Finally I couldn't take it, and knelt beside her, but by then, she had regained her composure.

"Sorry," she said, wiping her face. "I'm not s'posed to cry."

"Says who?" I asked, slightly alarmed that Inu Yasha might have impressed on her that she was somehow not allowed to be sad.

"Says me. I hate crying. It's stupid and nothing gets done when you cry. It just makes your head hurt and you have to wash your face after."

She may have been about five physically, but I think mentally, she was pushing forty. I had no idea where this profound miniature adult had come from, nor did I know where she put the energetic little girl who had been standing in her place only a few minutes ago.

And then, just as suddenly as it had come, the moment was gone. She wiped away the last of her tears, smiled brightly, and once again took my hand.

"Come on. You still have to meet Daddy."

She took my hand again, and this time I didn't panic. I didn't want to run. I wanted to see Inu Yasha. I'd face him. Anything would be better than this moment; the weight of five years' repressed guilt sliding out from the back of my mind and onto my shoulders. So I didn't let go. I twined my fingers in with hers and gave them a little squeeze. She turned to me and smiled, and for a moment I could see the tiny grown up again, but then it was gone. We started walking.

"I… um… well, do you—what's your name?" I faltered. Smooth. She stared at me, probably because I had stumbled over such a simple question. Simple to her. To me, this was it. I felt like the moment I learned her name, I'd be bound to her. I couldn't ignore her anymore, couldn't pretend she was a blip somewhere in the past… I couldn't pretend she didn't exist. It had been easier on my side of the well, where I'd never encounter her, never find evidence of her. Now she was here, and she was mine. No, that wasn't true. I hadn't done anything to deserve her. But she had me, whether she knew it or not. I was here now. I was with her.

"Oh no! I forgot! My name's Ame! I'm Ame."

I bowed to her, which was a little awkward, since we were still holding hands, but I managed it. "Ame, it is a pleasure to have met you."

She gave me a slightly crooked grin, bobbing her head enthusiastically instead of properly bowing. "You, too, Lady, but we have to hurry before my daddy gets really mad."

A short walk later and we had arrived at a campsite so like all the others it was hardly worth inspection. I swear I know of every small clearing in Japan. In the center of this one was a small campfire, entirely identical to all of the ones I had to build before…well, just before. Over the flames a few small rabbits were roasting; presumably intended for dinner. Guiltily, I realized they probably would not have enough to feed themselves and an unexpected (possibly unwelcome) visitor. And I was hungry again.

"Daddy? Shippo? I'm back. And I'm hungry!" At least I wasn't the only one.

The campsite had appeared empty, but as soon as Ame made her presence known, there was a rustle from the edge of the clearing, and Inu Yasha appeared, another rabbit in his hands.

"Ame, when I say you can play on your own, it doesn't… mean…"

Stop. Stare. Blink. Stare. Drop rabbit. Stare.

"Holy shit."

I wondered, briefly, if Ame was accustomed to Inu Yasha extensive vocabulary of colorful expletives. Judging by her exasperated expression, she was.

"No swearing, Daddy."

Normally, I would be inclined to agree, but in this case, I thought "holy shit" was an appropriate choice. I felt much the same way myself.

The first thing I noticed was his hair. It was gone. Well, not gone. It had just been cut. Where it had once been an impressive white curtain down his back, it was now barely past his shoulders and had been tied back in a horsetail. His clothes were the same, but previously they had given the impression of being slightly oversized. Now he filled them out properly.

And his face. It looked…older? Longer? Just different. It was the face of an established adult, not an overgrown kid. Did I, too, look like I had grown? Every day I looked in the mirror and just saw myself staring back. Maybe I looked like a grown-up now, and it just happened too gradually for me to notice.

"Kagome." My name from his mouth made me want to melt. I had spent so much time without him I had forgotten…. The piece of me that I hadn't even realized had been missing fell suddenly into place. Just because he said my name. "Kagome, you're back."

The master of redundancy, that's my Inu Yasha.

Ame moved between Inu Yasha and me, put her hands on her hips, and said, firmly, "Daddy, this is the lady I met while I was playing so be nice to her, because she's my friend."

He knelt before her. "'The lady?' 'Friend?' You mean she didn't tell you who she was?" Oh good, my glorious return would be tainted before it even began.

She opened her mouth to respond, closed it, thought for a moment. "Oh. I forgot to ask her name."

"No, no, she should have told you. If she knew who you were, she should have told you." He gave me a concerned look. Its tenderness caught me off guard.

"Told me what? She didn't know who I am; she had to ask my name. Why should she know who I am? We just met." Ame was clearly puzzled, and becoming distressed. I didn't blame her. In her position, I would have preferred to skip all the vagaries and just find out what the hell he was talking about.

"This is Kagome, Ame. She's your mother." Admittedly, the announcement was incredibly blunt, but that was Inu Yasha's usual style, and to his credit, he had said it as gently as possible. There was nothing bitter, nothing accusing, nothing even remotely hostile about his tone. Still, his words had a painful feeling, an ache that hung in the air. At the word "mother," I think both Inu Yasha and I flinched.

Ame turned and stared at me for a moment before returning her attention to her father.

"Daddy, that's a mean joke. Don't—" She noticed his expression. He looked like he was trying to will her to understand, to make her believe. "She…" Her voice trailed off. Glancing behind her, as if afraid I'd come after her, she rushed to him and stationed herself behind his legs. From the shelter they offered, she peeked around them and stared at me. "You are?"

I nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak. Actually, I'm amazed I managed to pull myself together enough for even the nod.

"Oh." She seemed to shrink a bit. I felt a sense of loss, knowing that it would be a while before I could see her shining, bubbly self again. It was easier to be so happy around a new friend than a long-lost mother.

She was fighting back tears again, I could tell. Inu Yasha could, too, and he turned and bent so that he could pick her up. He balanced her on his hip and looked into her eyes. "Hey, what's wrong? I thought you'd be happy to see her?"

"I am, Daddy… I…Just… She…" She hiccuped miserably. Inu Yasha tightened his grip temporarily, the closest he could manage to a hug at the moment. He whispered some encouragement in her ear. I felt so alone, standing a few feet away and in another world. I had never seen him like this, would never know what had changed him into the man I was seeing now. I felt like I would never get the chance to do the same thing myself. How could I? What could I possibly do to make her love me and trust me, in the way she did him? "I am happy to meet my mommy, but…she asked me what my name was." I didn't understand the significance of this until she murmured, "She didn't know my name…." She rubbed her eyes in a surprisingly effective attempt to prevent the tears from falling.

Poor kid. I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't even know that she was a girl until this afternoon.

He squeezed her again, rested her head on his shoulder, rubbed her back. I heard his faint whisper, too quiet for me to make out what he had said, but she could, and she nodded. She released his neck and slid down his body to the ground in the boneless way that all children accustomed to being carried do, and wandered over to the fire. I was half tempted to follow her, suddenly fascinated by the concept of a tiny human that had come from me. I wanted to know everything about her.

At the same time, I knew the desire was just an excuse to get as far away from Inu Yasha as I thought I could manage. Already I was turning away from him, ready to make for the fire. Funny, you think you're prepared to face something like this, and when the time comes, you're just as prepared to run for it. Fortunately, I think he saw it coming, because he caught my arm and pulled me back to him.

"Hey you," he said softly. It looked like he wasn't entirely sure it was me. For some reason, he couldn't or wouldn't look at my face. Instead, his attention seemed focused on my shoulder. Going strictly by his expression, you would have thought it was the part of me he had missed most.

I was secretly rejoicing at the feeling of his big, warm hand around my arm. This was it; this was what I needed. More and more of my self was clicking into place, Inu Yasha's presence filling the remaining gaps utterly. Even if things were awkward now, I was convinced we'd figure it out. We had to.

"So…" he started. Paused. He seemed to be picking his words carefully. "I…ah…. Oh hell, who's the guy?"

The guy? The guy? What was he talking about? Who was he talking about?

Either I was even more transparent or he had grown more perceptive; the former seemed more likely, but I was beginning to realize, in a strangely desperate kind of way, that Inu Yasha had matured. He was a grown up now, and as briefly that I had been in his company, I could see that he'd outstripped me. I found the role reversal comforting or terrifying at the same time.

Anyway, he saw my panic and confusion, and simply fingered the jacket hanging around my shoulders gently. Hideaki. I'd forgotten.

"Oh… he's a friend."

"A very good friend?" he asked, his eyebrow arched.

"You would certainly think so. He's the one who pushed me down the well."

"Someone had to push you? You couldn't go on your own?" He looked dismayed. From his side, it must have looked pretty bad; to go years and years without me, and then to find out that I didn't even want to be here.

Screw him. He sealed the damn well in the first place.

"I tried to come back! Three days after the—after Ame was born, I tried. And do you know what happened? Jack squat! I couldn't get through! You can't lock me out and then yell at me for being late! I mean--"

He put his hand over my mouth. "Don't shout like that. Yes, I sealed the well. That was a mistake. I realized that right away. I unsealed it after about two weeks. You would have known that if you'd tried more than once."

I opened my mouth to defend myself, but what was the point? The damage was done; it wasn't as if I could get him to give in and tell me I'm right. Even if, by some miracle, he did, it wouldn't change the fact that I had been absent for nearly five years. Much easier to let it go and save my energy. So I just said, "Yes, I would have." And that was that.

We were silent for a moment, until Ame called to him that she wanted her dinner. Then he led me to the fire, and we all sat down together. Without really meaning to, I took the place between her and Inu Yasha. Abruptly, she stood, and walked very deliberately around to his other side. He acted as though nothing had happened, and simply took a rabbit off the fire, gave some to her and some to me and took the rest for himself. We ate in silence, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as I would have expected. The tension was somewhat alleviated by the fact that I could see Ame periodically peering around her father to watch me. I took it as a good omen that she was not ignoring me. At least she was willing to admit I existed, which was more than I'd given her in her lifetime. There was hope for us yet.

Maybe.

Halfway through our meal, Shippo found his way into the clearing. To say that he was happy to see me would be like saying the Pacific was damp. He was positively ecstatic, hurling himself at me full force, squealing delightedly. I would say he was getting a bit old for that sort of behavior, but it felt good to hold him in my arms again. He was my son, there was no denying it.

So why had I been so afraid of my other child?

Shippo's arrival meant the end of our silent meal; he happily and rapidly filled me in on everything I'd missed. I could barely follow him. But I was happy to hear it none the less.

After dinner, Inu Yasha put Ame to bed and eventually managed to talk Shippo into joining her. I watched the entire spectacle from my seat by the fire. "Spectacle" was the only word for it; Ame was not keen on going to bed, and she put up an impressive fight in order to avoid it. She even tried climbing a tree to escape her father. She didn't get too far, and inevitably was captured and tucked in. Shippo was more cooperative, but not much.

Once the kids were tucked away, he rejoined me at the fire. We sat quietly, him watching the flames and me watching his profile. Finally, he said, "You know what was weird? She didn't know what the world was. It was all new to her. When I realized it was up to me to teach her, I thought, 'Shit, I hope I don't screw this up.' It was so weird to have to tell her things that I knew. I know the sky is blue; that's what it is. She didn't even know what blue was. I had to show her. And when I was done with that, I still had to tell her what the sky was."

I said nothing. He turned and looked into my eyes. I drew in a breath.

"She'll warm up to you. And then you can have your turn at teaching her."

Easy for him to say. He didn't have years of private fantasies and Shippo's testimony to live up to.

I didn't want to say that. I just nodded. We watched the flames for another moment.

"So did Sango and Miroku tell you where to find me? Where are they, anyway?"

Shit. I knew I was forgetting something.

To Be Continued….

Author's Note:

Hey! Long time, no work done whatsoever. I'm really sorry about that. I meant to be super-productive this summer, and I just ended up being really lazy instead. Don't worry; I'm going to be starting college in a week (eep), and once I get there and people start giving me work to do, I'll instantly start doing other, less productive things instead. Bad for my GPA, but good for whoever has been following this thing. Yay!