Hello. T_T Sorry about the false chapter. I accidently put the chapter of brownies on here and people read it. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even read most of the reviews I got for it. Notice the key word "most"…;;;; And believe me, this has only happened one other time….I think….geeze, I need to up the medication again…;;;;;
Inu Yasha doesn't belong to me, and neither does this story idea! This is actually the idea of a Hottie names Houtsuma-san who also writes on here, some very good romance stories. If you get a chance, read his stories and send him a big hug! ^_^
(Inu Yasha: Oh, yeah! The next chapter is up, Shippou!)
(Shippou: *sarcastic tone* I'm all a twitter…)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inu Yasha's Guide to Mating
Chapter 2
How to Attract a Mate
Now that you know some of the things that the opposite sex expects in you, it is time to learn how to use what you have to find that certain someone. Whether you are male or female, attracting a mate is very important, and whether your human or demon, it can be hard as hell. First of all, if you're a demon and you are looking for a mate, it can depend on what species of demon you are and your mate are, and how your customs go. If you're a male bird youkai, then you know very well that it is you who must look attractive so that the woman can pick you out, if you are a wolf woman youkai, then you are used to the man picking you out – usually the leader of the pack, unless your going for some cross species relationships.
(Shippou: Oh yeah, wouldn't want any dirty half demon blood in your mix…)
(Inu Yasha: I was talking about other breeds of demon mixing with other breeds of demon, stupid!)
But there are certain demon clans who have all the luck. Just look at the lion demon man. He get's all the females the minute he becomes pack leader!
(Shippou: What? So you want a harem too?)
(Inu Yasha: NOOOOO…I just mean that it's easier! Or something…;;;;)
(Shippou: Yeah right…)
When you're a human, things are almost twice as hard, for the opposite sex can be very tricky.
(Shippou: Are you talking to everyone or just the male readers?)
(Inu Yasha: *Whacks him in the head*)
Whether you're a man or a woman, your counterpart is very different from you, and not just physically. Pull your mind out of the gutter! I see it in there! Pull it out and clean it off, I'm talking about disposition of thought.
(Shippou: Huh?)
(Inu Yasha: The way they think..)
(Shippou: You know sometimes, I don't think even you know what you're talking about…)
But the main thing to remember is that there are millions and billions of fish in the sea, and you can always catch another one if one doesn't work out.
(Shippou: What if we don't like fish?)
(Inu Yasha: I'm not going down that road, Shippou…)
When you're looking for a mate, you have to find the right places to look. You can meet people at your school, if you go to school….
(Shippou: It's okay Inu Yasha, we all know you're as smart as a lump of mud…)
(Inu Yasha: Shippouuuuu…..)
(Shippou: Alright! I'm sorry, don't hurt me!)
Highschools, colleges, adult education facilities, and even conventions; If you meet someone at a convention, ten times out of one your going to share the same interests…
Parties. You can also meet people at parties. If you meet someone who doesn't try to slip a date rape drug into your dr. pepper there and you share a common bond then you've hooked a fish!
(Shippou: Again with the fish, what is it with you and fish?)
Or you can meet people at the movies, like if your out to see the Harry Potter movie on the first day it's out or something and there's that freakishly long line that curls around that little donations penny funnel and outside, you'll have lots of time to meet and talk to that Harry Potter fanatic standing in front of you! Just don't get caught making out in the back. You end up spilling a lot of your popcorn, and it's a very precious food…..
(Shippou: What are you talking about? You can by popcorn anywhere, even in gas stations!)
(Inu Yasha: No one asked you, Shippou…)
Which leads me to my next suggestion, the Grocery store! Let's say your checking out the Ramen and this gorgeous man or woman comes over to buy the six pack of beef flavored ramen. It's like a match made in heaven!
(Shippou: *sarcasm* Wow, very romantic, Inu Yasha…)
(Inu Yasha: Isn't it? *doesn't notice*)
Laundromats are good. Like in that iced tea commercial with the snowman, there's that hot chick with short shorts doing her laundry.
(Shippou: Oh, so now you're referring off of the t.v. for information? You know that only old people go to Laundromats..)
(Inu Yasha: Hey! Do you want my information or not?? Shut up and listen!)
I hear that you can meet people in book stores, but no one really reads anymore, so…
(Shippou: *aggravated groan*)
(Inu Yasha: Do you have something to say Shippou?)
(Shippou: Ah, no. Go on..)
Now if you try to sit by someone at a restaurant, you might not succeed. If you're a man and you try, the woman might think you look too shifty and tell you to get your own table. But if she's nice enough she might let you sit down. If you're a female and you ask, he'll more then likely let you sit down. Unless your ugly, then he'll pretend that he's saving the seat for someone else….
(Shippou: T_T;;;;;)
Sometimes, if your into that religious stuff. You can find your match at church. They sometimes have those singles nights in an attempt to increase their wedding business….
Political campaigns, volunteer activities, and sporting events. All good places for a person to meet a mate. If you're a demon who celebrates the moon, you can meet them at the blood drinking ceremony at midnight and do the religious dance with them.
(Shippou: *mutters* psycho….)
And now to tell you about where NOT to meet your mate, where NOT to. This is where it would be bad to meet them, not good….
(Shippou: okay, we get it…)
Work. Never, ever, ever, ever, ever date anyone at work.
(Shippou: Inu Yasha, have you ever even had a job?)
(Inu Yasha: Yeah, saving your ass…)
Why don't you meet anyone at work? Because anything that interferes with the "com-pe-tence" of your job is a big no no. Then when you break up with that person, there's that awkwardness that you really don't want, and more then likely, one of you will get fired. Don't do it unless your planning to quit or something.
Bars. It's dark, it's creepy, the people there are creepy, and usually everyone is drunk there..that's what bars are for…who wants a relationship based on blurred sensiblities…
(Shippou: *points at Inu Yasha* And here's a good example…)
(Inu Yasha: *whacks him in the head*)
(Shippou: T_T ow…)
Meeting people online is also on the list. Online is about fantasy It's an illusion of intimacy while still being at arms length. When you do meet face to face, there is all that expectation. It's okay to chat, but online is the ultimate long distance relationship.You'll think you know much more then you really know, and that's really tricky.
(Shippou: You copied that out of a book! *holds up the book "Dating for Dummies"* (Which the author also doesn't own.))
Singles dances, singles weekends, also on this list of bad places to meet your mate. Desperation is thick, and expectations are high. With that much stress, who can get hard?
(Shippou: ooooo, waaaay too much information. ;;;;; My virgin ears are ringing….)
(Inu Yasha: Well, you were going to hear it sooner or later…)
Pickup lines always work, unless they get mad or freak out.
When you spot the mate that you are looking for…
(Inu Yasha: *points to Kagome and says to Shippou* She'll be the guinea pig.)
You have to be cool, smooth, and confident in what your doing. Don't let him/or her know your afraid because it will either make them afraid or it will annoy them, or they'll decide your weak and want to take advantage of you. Which is not good.
(Inu Yasha: *walks confidently over to Kagome, who is reading a horror book, her eyes are wide and she's leaning forward* Kagome, I…)
(Kagome: OO KYAH!! *she screams in shock and throws the book at his face, knocking him off of his feet*)
(Shippou: Smooooooth as silk….)
Compliments are good too. Guys like to be complimented on their hair. If it looks nice, like if it's long and silver and you're a girl and are just aching to touch it, a compliment is the first step to heaven.
(Shippou: Oh please..)
You can compliment guys on their eyes….warm, expressive, intense…if they have beautiful golden eyes that you would like to bathe yourself in….
(Shippou: Stop, please….)
Clothing is something that guys really like to be complimented on. If he has cool socks, or a nice jacket or if you think that red kimono is just plain sexy, tell him…
(Shippou: Kami, no, tell me this isn't happening….)
And if your feeling brave enough, you can compliment him on his well tones muscular body. If you're thinking, "Wow! You're the strongest man alive! Even stronger then your gay ass brother or any wolf around!" then tell him.
(Shippou: Inu Yasha, I'm getting sick..)
Inu Yasha, and like I said, I can tell you what woman think too…
(Shippou: Dear, god no…)
Most woman spend a lot of time on their hair. Which is weird, because it's just going to get messed up again when you go to second base with her….
(Shippoou: T_T Ahhh! Nooooooo!)
They like to be complimented on their hair though. And their eyes, if they have the most beautiful brown, blue, or grey eyes you've ever seen, then tell them.
(Shippou: *sarcasm again* Gee, I wonder who he was referring too…)
Area's below the neck you have to watch out for. While a man likes to be complimented on his perfect body, a woman doesn't. You can compliment her on her pretty hands, her small gentle feet, her long fluffy tail, or her slender neck, but if you start trying to compliment her on her hooters or her wavy curves, she'll slap you. It hurts to be slapped.
(Inu Yasha: *Shudders*)
(Shippou: T_T Ugh…Someone vote me off this island, I wanna get off!)
If you feel like trying your luck with pickup lines…well then be my guest! ^_^ By all means, I'll give you some!
"Come here often?"
"What's your sign?"
"I must have died and gone to heaven cause where else would I see an angel like you?"
"If I tell you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"
"Are you new around here?"
Pretending to pick up a sugar packet and saying, "Excuse me, you dropped your nametag."
"You know what I would do if I could change the alphabet? Put U and I together."
"I lost my phone number, can I have yours?"
Those are some off the top of my head….
(Shippou: T_T Shoot me!! Shoot me now!!!)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Question and Answer.
Question #1 from d.g. and crew: Why do guys think about sex every five minutes?
Inu Yasha's Answer: They don't think about sex every five minutes! They think about oher stuff, like kissing. Kissing isn't sex, its….kissing. It only turns into sex. Uh-huh..you see the logic? Kami, I'm smart! ^_^
-
Question #2 from d.g. and crew: * Why can't Inuyasha, who's giving out all this advice, choose between Kikyou and Kagome?
Inu Yasha's Answer: *Stares blankly at letter for a few seconds before crumpling it up and tossing it over his shoulder* Next question! ^_^
-
Question #3 from d.g. and crew: How do you get your guy or girl to stay with you if they're from another dimension or time?
Inu Yasha's Answer: Talk about long distance relationships! Well, lucky for you, I happen to know more then one way to solve that! ^_^ Dump them. Unless you concider them to be your one true love, no other person could replace them, this person is the real deal…you either stay with them in their time, or ask them to stay in your time…the idea sounds scary and might sound scary to them, but you can't always travel back and forth to each other like that…*depressed sigh*
-
Question #4 from black-rose33: Hey Inu, how do you get a guy to notice you' cant wait to hear that answer...some humerous answers come to mind...
Inu Yasha's Answer: Oh? So you think I'm gonna say something funny huh? You just got me all figured out huh? Well let me tell you something lady person!! The way you make yourself noticeable to a guy is by having perky breasts, a perfect ass, nice legs, and oh yeah…a good personality!
-
Question #5 from Reviewer: What do you do when you're really horny, but your mate isn't ready?
Inu Yasha's Answer: That's easy, you masturbate! Then find out whatever you can do to get them to be ready! If waiting is what you have to do, then waiting is what you will. The longer you wait, the better it will be if you know what I mean…
-
Question from Wouldn't you like to know?: Why is it I have such a problem getting a boyfrined? Everyone around me says it's because I'm really smart and really headstrong and guys like girls who'll let them be their knights in shining armor. PLEASE tell me that's not true.
Inu Yasha's Answer: Wouldn't you like to know? ^_^V
-
Question #6 from leer 45: How long Should the Process of mating be?
Inu Yasha's Answer: However long it takes. Depends on how long it takes for the woman to get to her orgasm. But if you're the guy and you get over excited, you could wear yourself out before that happens…that's never good….
-
Question #7 from Panda: Okay, Inu Yasha what are your "sexual intrests" in Kagome?
Inu Yasha's Answer: Well, what's not to like about her? She's nice, she's smart, she's hot, and she feeds me! ^_^ Oh wait! Sexual interests…right…well, let's see….she has long slender legs, I'd like to see how long they can spread…she had the shikon no tama inside of her too…I wonder if she has anything else inside of her….
-
Question
#8 from Ecetas-Chan: Dear Mr. InuYasha:
What do you do when your best friends hate your boyfriend?
Well, which means more to you your friend or you boyfriend? Men will come and go in your life but friends are very special…..I guess It's up to you to decide if your friend is special enough….Unless you think you can come to a compromise between them….
-
Question #9 from Jodie-chan: is shio going to guest in here?I
Inu Yasha's Answer: I dunno. Depends on if enough people ask for him. Then he might give some side quotations or something.
-
Question #10 from Divine-Heart: Why is it that most guys in a relationship never like to say 'I love you' to their girlfriends in front of their friends?
Inu Yasha's Answer: Well guys are very sensitive. They don't want their personal thoughts and feelings told to the whole universe and would find it quite embarrassing for it too be talked about among his girlfriend's friends. And saying 'I love you' period is probably not going to happen unless it's a long term relation ship and he truly thinks you're "the one".
Remember, "I love you" are small words until said out loud…