Title: The things he felt while she was gone!
Summary: Elena is gone and this fic takes place after the ending of season 6 of the show. In this story, Damon keeps a journal and dedicates the entries to Elena telling her everything that is going around from his pov. What do you'll think will Damon tell her? Will he maintain the candor or manipulate facts and justify his actions?
Also, there'll be some fluff here and there, so enjoy!
Disclaimer- I do not own any rights to the vampire diaries show, or the book series. I am a fan who also happens to love the show and its characters and enjoys writing for the beloved characters on the show- Damon and Elena.
Chapter 1
Dear Elena,
Yup, I am officially offended that you would give BonBon and Blondie a diary but forget about me! Ok, ok I agree that it wouldn't be so farfetched to assume that I have a strict aversion for journaling, given that I've spent a better part of my life mocking Stef for the same, but assuming that I wouldn't do it for you? Harsh!
You should know it by now Elena, there's not a single thing I wouldn't do for you.
You remember when Bon told us how Katherine didn't get to go to the other side in her afterlife and was rather brutally dragged into…well, hell? Yeah, I thought so too; no one can forget it. It does exist then! Well we'll leave the part to fiction writers to debate upon if Vampires do have souls and if they do, what happens to them after they die.
What I am trying to say here and I promise, I'm as sober as I can be when I say this, if I have a soul, it is sure as hell, pun intended, damned! I always thought hell would only be bad because you wouldn't be there but if that's the case, I am already there.
When you read this and as much as I want to hope it will be soon, it can't be, so when you'll read this, I hope I haven't damned myself some more because then I'll have a very limited amount of time with you before I for sure take off, I mean, be very inhumanly dragged down…to hell, once again.
I've had a lot of hollow fun in my life Tesoro, but after you, I was finally happy and to hell if I was ever gonna let go off that, pun intended! Yup, you guessed right, I'm not at all sober; not sure I'll ever be until you come back to me for good. There's no way in hell I could have such a lame sense of humour if I was sober, pun intended and I promise that was the last one of those!
Tesoro, I have to go through some 22,000 days if Bonnie does get to live a full, wrinkly, human life and we both dearly hope she does, but 22000 miserable and insufferable days…I can't even begin to imagine a steep spiral like that one!
Bon suggested I take a few days…ok weeks…ok months off and spend some time away. I think that will be both good and ironic since that's what exactly I had planned for you and I after the wedding woes of Jo and Alaric were settled but as you well know, that went straight to hell, pun intended, ok you get to get kill me for that after you are fed up with me. I promise.
The bottom line being Elena is that I'll be travelling indefinitely, I mean until Bonnie wants us to, with her and Ric across Europe.
Did you know Bon had all those bossy genes? She's scary these days, actually let me let you in on a little secret, I always found her scary because of all the migraines she was capable of inflicting on my quick-healing, Vamp-brain and it sure as hell hurt a lot, pun intended!
I love you and I know you'll forgive me for all those…..you've forgiven me for worse, much worse!
I am just not sure the one who casts the judgement would. Confession time Elena, I mean, knowing you, you already have it figured out, I am freaked out and I am freaking out Elena. I didn't know I would ever have to see a day again without you, my light, that's exactly what you are. I am freaked out that somehow I'll screw up like all those other times and your light that I carry in my very dead, very dark heart, will diminish and leave me and I won't be there, I no longer will be the person who would deserve you and that will sure as hell, hurt like hell, while I'll be living in the metaphorical hell, until it's my time to enter the very corporeal, material hell!
I told all this to Bonnie and she literally slapped me into sobriety!
She said to get over myself and help the friend that actually needs me to be there for him. She called me a spoilt child who couldn't see beyond himself when his friend just lost his entire family and even though I don't have you right now, one day I will and she'll make sure of that! I mean, could you believe the witch? She called me spoilt, I mean, I am a big, badass vampire! Spoilt? Nuh-uh, no one gets to call me that!
I couldn't take that insult and laid on her to accompany us!
That's right, nobody calls Damon Salvatore spoilt and gets to live with peace! So guess what? She's gonna be stuck baby-sitting two drunkards across Europe but that's a secret! She thinks we'll be sight-seeing. Hilarious right? The only sight that she's gonna get to enjoy is gonna be a very new vampire turned human, puking his guts out because he has no idea where his tolerance lies anymore!
I know what you're gonna say, Bon doesn't deserve it and all the moral bull-shit but Tesoro, I am already in hell, let me have some fun while I can!
I have no clue if I'll be taking this diary along with me… I don't know what to do! I could ask you but it is very difficult to forget that you are not here every day when I wake up to the empty, cold side of the bed. Our bed!
If you were hoping for a happy entry, guess what? You just signed up for 60 years of depressing ones. Ok, ok, I promised to be happy. So what? You should just be grateful I am not in the crypt beside you desiccating in peace! Hmmmmm… E-le-na… whatever will I do without you!
I want to ask how's the weather in whatever netherworld you are in but I know you can't answer and despite all my pouting and whining, there's no way in hell that I'll get to hear your voice again. So I won't ask. I hope you aren't in some limbo… listening to my drunken ramblings. That wouldn't be so bad though now would it? You seemed to quiet enjoy them.
A hundred and forty-five dreadful years and finally when I meet the love of my life, the universe decided to play its turn. Wow. Actually, it is Kai. Tell me something, how many times do you think it will take, for him to come back to life for the sole purpose of getting killed by me, again and again, for him to be redeemed? No? I don't think so either, he can't be redeemed. No matter how many Luke Parkers merge with him, Kai will forever go down as the very despicable leader of the esteemed Geminis.
If you can, possibly just, you know, converse with the universe, ask it to press pause on its nasty games and let us live the next time you come back. Actually, you know what, if we are indulging in wishful thinking, why not wish for a truce? I mean now that we've confirmed afterlife and all, I am sure we can be spared a few decades in our human life to live peacefully, given, my afterlife is going to be eternal and infernal damnation!
Blondie tries sometimes to check in on me but I guess we are more civil acquaintances than friends and no amount of bonding sessions over dead mothers or undead witchpire mothers will undo what I did to her so I let her check in. She misses you, but I guess Bonnie is in denial. She still can't get over the fact that she'll never see you again. Her guilt keeps her awake at night. At times I think there's a contest going on for being titled- Broods-a-lot and I swear Stefan and Bon are always at loggerheads with each other.
Hey, you know what I'll do to get through my misery? I am gonna start a poll to forever end their unsaid, unseen but very obvious dispute! That's how I'll pass my days from now on. Hmm. Not pathetic at all!
I miss you bad Tesoro,
With great love,
Damon.
[endnoteRef:1]Author's note [1: Hello readers and thank you for reading my story. This is a multi-chapter fic and I hope all the delena-lovers will enjoy this side of Damon that I imagine. No one ever pegs Damon to be the sentimental character that can ramble about his emotions but I always assume that he would do anything for his love and even go to the lengths of keeping a journal as Elena wants her friends to keep.
Do let me know in the reviews section, as to how you'll like it and I hope you'll will enjoy all the chapters in this story. I'll try to update the chapters every week as soon as I am satisfied with my version.
Please show some support and I would really appreciate all the constructive criticism and do let me know your queries too.
Please drop some reviews, I would love to know what you'll think about it.
Thank you.]