Dilemma
Two years had passed and many changes had taken place. I had become best friends with Sakuma-san and Noriko, even going as far as moving into Sakuma- san's apartment. The three of us also formed a band upon finding that we had a similar taste and talent in music. This band was the lead up to Nittle Grasper, which would not be born until many years later. When we started the band, it served only as a hobby, something to occupy us. But as the year went by, it became more and more obvious that we had talent and between us produced fabulous, unique music. It was also obvious that the others desired for the band to go further, possibly make a profession of it.
The final exams reared its ugly head and I faced an impossible dilemma. I was a top student and I had a keen interest in business. The ideal for me would be a degree in finances, followed by a stable career. However, that would mean that I would have to forfeit the band and possibly lose the close friendships I had with my only friends. It was impossible to choose between the two, and as graduation approached, I began to seclude myself from everything.
My results were high, as I expected. It would be no difficulty to find a university that would accept me, but my heart still told me that my band was the opportunity of a lifetime. It was while my heart and my head were at war that an extraordinary thing happened to me.
I received a phone call from the head of a large company, a man who I cannot name as I swore to secrecy. He claimed to be my father. When I look back at that time, the facts, the feelings, my decisions are all unclear but I do remember a few vital things. I remember that he offered to send me to university and the position of financial manager for his company, but I was never to name him as my father, nor expect anything else from him during my life. I didn't know whether I truly believed him or simply considered him as an opportunity, and I still don't know now, but the chance was too good to pass up.
I told my friends during what would be my last band meeting. It was Sakuma- san who took it the hardest. Noriko stormed out of the apartment shouting at me, but Sakuma simply stared at me as if I had hurt him terribly. His wet blue eyes locked into my emotionless green ones as he spoke the single syllable that caused my heart to break. "Why?" I couldn't answer that, because I didn't quite know myself. "I.I'm sorry." That wasn't good enough and I knew it. He stood up and turned away from me. "Tohma, stay." "I. I can't." "Will you stay for me?" I didn't quite understand then. To me, Sakuma was asking the impossible-he was asking me to give up a good opportunity. I didn't understand what he really meant. "You don't understand, this the opportunity of a lifetime." I put a hand on his shoulder; he was trembling. Then he stopped and threw my hand off violently and with a tear-streaked face, pushed me with as much force as he could muster. I fell hard on the floor. "No, Tohma. It's you who doesn't understand." Then, before I could get up, he was gone too. I sat there for a long time, feeling miserable and misunderstood.
That night I couldn't sleep.
Two years had passed and many changes had taken place. I had become best friends with Sakuma-san and Noriko, even going as far as moving into Sakuma- san's apartment. The three of us also formed a band upon finding that we had a similar taste and talent in music. This band was the lead up to Nittle Grasper, which would not be born until many years later. When we started the band, it served only as a hobby, something to occupy us. But as the year went by, it became more and more obvious that we had talent and between us produced fabulous, unique music. It was also obvious that the others desired for the band to go further, possibly make a profession of it.
The final exams reared its ugly head and I faced an impossible dilemma. I was a top student and I had a keen interest in business. The ideal for me would be a degree in finances, followed by a stable career. However, that would mean that I would have to forfeit the band and possibly lose the close friendships I had with my only friends. It was impossible to choose between the two, and as graduation approached, I began to seclude myself from everything.
My results were high, as I expected. It would be no difficulty to find a university that would accept me, but my heart still told me that my band was the opportunity of a lifetime. It was while my heart and my head were at war that an extraordinary thing happened to me.
I received a phone call from the head of a large company, a man who I cannot name as I swore to secrecy. He claimed to be my father. When I look back at that time, the facts, the feelings, my decisions are all unclear but I do remember a few vital things. I remember that he offered to send me to university and the position of financial manager for his company, but I was never to name him as my father, nor expect anything else from him during my life. I didn't know whether I truly believed him or simply considered him as an opportunity, and I still don't know now, but the chance was too good to pass up.
I told my friends during what would be my last band meeting. It was Sakuma- san who took it the hardest. Noriko stormed out of the apartment shouting at me, but Sakuma simply stared at me as if I had hurt him terribly. His wet blue eyes locked into my emotionless green ones as he spoke the single syllable that caused my heart to break. "Why?" I couldn't answer that, because I didn't quite know myself. "I.I'm sorry." That wasn't good enough and I knew it. He stood up and turned away from me. "Tohma, stay." "I. I can't." "Will you stay for me?" I didn't quite understand then. To me, Sakuma was asking the impossible-he was asking me to give up a good opportunity. I didn't understand what he really meant. "You don't understand, this the opportunity of a lifetime." I put a hand on his shoulder; he was trembling. Then he stopped and threw my hand off violently and with a tear-streaked face, pushed me with as much force as he could muster. I fell hard on the floor. "No, Tohma. It's you who doesn't understand." Then, before I could get up, he was gone too. I sat there for a long time, feeling miserable and misunderstood.
That night I couldn't sleep.