"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"

catch me as i fall

say you're here and it's all over now

speaking to the atmosphere

no one's here and i fall into myself

this truth drives me into madness

i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away...if I will it all away

don't turn away

(don't give in to the pain)

don't try to hide

(though they're screaming your name)

don't close your eyes

(God knows what lies behind them)

don't turn out the light

(never sleep never die)

("Whisper" By evenescense)

Chapter XXIII Selftalking

~Oh shit.~

~He said he loves you.~

~I heard it.~

~This is bad.~

~Yeah, what the fuck shall I answer?~

~I dunno, you love him as well, don´t you?~

~Dunno. I am not sure.

If I would say that I love him, it would make everything even more complicated.~

~Then try to go away.

Apparate away as fast as you can and from home you can send him an owl.

That gives you time to think about it.~

~you know what?~

~tell me.~

~This is the first useful idea since this whole mess started.~

~..~

Hermione concentrated hard and apparated,

leaving Draco standing there on a hill in nowhere.

She desperately hoped that she would come out at least in London.

But she was lucky and landed in her kitchen.

But not exactely were she intended to.

~Fuck, she muttered from the big cupboard, two meters above the ground.

**********************************

After she had calmed herself a bit and drunk about ten cups of her favorite tea (cinamon apple),

she had ordered her thoughts at leat a bit.

So she first opened the letter from Molly and Tonks.

"Dear Hermione,

The whole Lucius-thing sounds important,

we have called Dumbledore, so we can discuss it in common.

Please be come to Grimmauld Place as fast as you can.

Dumbledore will be here this evening. (means Sunday).

It is really urgent!

Molly and Tonks

Ps: Fred is really eager to see you.

You really have to tell me why.

Tonks

"Fuck, this was really what I needed."

~Tonight you have to see Fred again.~

~This can just get better.~

~NO, don´t you know Murphy´s law?

Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong.~

~Don´t say that!

This mess is too big for me. I just want in my bed and sleep.

This has to me a bad nightmare.~

~Reality is always a bad nightmare, if you think so.

But you have to be at Grimmauld Place tonight.

They count on you.~

~This is too much for me, yesterday,

it was almost unbearable, but now, after Draco confessed his love,

it "is" unbearable.~

~Tss, you are a big girl, you can and must handle this by yourself.~

~Why? I don´t want to be a big girl.

I want to be a child that can run to her Mommy or Daddy

in the knowledge that they are turning everything right.~

~But sooner or later, the child has to learn that they cannot.~

~But I want someone to hold me, to help me, to "support" me.~

~You have to learn to stand on you own feet.~

~I am the bloody hell standing on them, although I sometims just want someone to lean against.

Someone like Draco.~

She thougth the last words without even knowing.

Soon, she regrettet it.

~Like Draco? Hell, Draco is a big reason why you are in this mess!!!~

~I know, but I felt so safe in his arms, that was it was made me sick.~

~Learn it, you are an agent, he is the enemy,

you have to work against him, not sleep with him.~

~But yesterday you didn´t say a thing when I slept with him.~

~How could I? Your feelings towards him were so strong that you didn´t hear me.

This time you were so sure about what you were doing, so you couldn´t hear me.

Didn´t you notice that we just "talk" when you are insecure, or desperate?

Yesterday you were absolutely sure that it was right what you were doing.~

~Was it right?~

~No,~

~oh~

~I mean, yesterday it seemed to be right, so no need to worry,

it was completely understandable,~

Hermione didn´t dared to believer her inner self, for this was the first time that it consoled her.

~Hey, I am not that bad.~

~No, indeed, you aren´t. But be honest, you enjoyed yesterday night as much as I did.~

~.... Ok,... I did.~

Innerly Hermione smiled.

~I just said it to make you smile again.~

Hermiones smile grew wider.

But soon it vanished again.

~What am I going to tell them?~

~The truth would not be good. Tell them about the ball and that Lucius seemed to like you.~

~Did he?~

~Yeah, he did. If you play your cards right, he is going to invite you to Malfoy Manor soon.~

~What makes you sure about this?~

~Instinct, believe me.~

~And what shall I do about the whole Fred-thing?~

~First: You mustn´t tell him about Malfoy and your feelings towards him.

Second: be nice to him~

~What does that means?~

~Be nice means, be nice in the way he wants it.~

~Tell me you don´t mean I shall cheat on Draco.~

~You can´t cheat on Draco, I mean you are no couple.~

~But he said he loved me.~

~Do you believe every single word a Malfoy says?~

~No..~

~You see,~

~But he seemed so honest.~

~It was during the sex, wasn´t it?~

Hermione blushed,

~No, it was afterwards, before I was going to leave.~

~There you go, he wanted you to stay for another round.~

~That thought is digusting.~

~No it isn´t, it is Malfoy- like~

~I have to prepare myself for Grimmauld Place~

Hermione changed the subject, for suddenly she didn´t like the thougth about talking to much

about Malfoy with her inner seft, for she could barely hide something.

~Do you help me finding some clothers?~

~If you want...~

~No, I don´t.~

~Of course you do.~

Hermione sighed and made her way towards the bedroom.

Just to stop at the door and just stare into the bedroom.

Unable to move, by the sight of what or who was inside.

************************* TBC ************************

AN: I know that I am a mean person ;o)

But I want to thank everyone for their latest reviews:

: ILUVRONWEASLEY: Yeah, I hope that my marks are getting better ;o)

Arime Setta: I warn you better not to read my other stories, they are extremely bad!!! But thanx for you lovely review!!!

Red Queen 1 I am so happy if someone tells me he/ she likes my story!!! Hope you keep reviewing!!! ;o)))

: Miss Tryst I try my best to update as often as possible, but sometimes it is really hard, so don´t be disappointed if I can´t upadate!

Please hold on reviewing!!!! ;o))

But it doesn´t seem so :o(

Yeah, I know it´s a bit too romantic, but watch the movie "Roman Holidays" and then write about Draco and Hermione.. It is really hard ;o)

Disclaimer: It´s stupid, but I have to say it: I DON`T OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANYONE I WRITE ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!! And it makes me very sad! :o(

Please, I would be very grateful if you reviewed!!!!!

Please, I need your reviews, I live for them, I just write to get some!!! (little and stupid joke, but sometimes I think I really do) So I beg you, REVIEW!!!!