Love's Burden

Disclaimer: Hmm, what do you think? Anyway, this fic takes place during episode 24 after Schuldig leaves Sakura alone in that one room in Schwarz's hideout. With that being said, either enjoy or be weirded out! (Whichever you prefer.)

Sakura stretched her arms and lay back on the bed. It had been nearly an hour since Schuldig had left her alone. But to say she was bored would be wrong. In reality, she was so scared and nervous that she couldn't think about anything else.

It was the men of Schwarz who frightened her. Naoe Nagi acted cold and distant, and he gave the impression of being completely emotionless. Farfarello was insane and he had a strange penchant of wanting to hurt God in any way possible. Brad Crawford was so unnaturally calm and cool, and he seemed to know of things before they happened.

However, it was Schuldig who scared her the most. He always knew what she was thinking, and at times it was as if he was able to manipulate her body through her mind. With his cool demeanor and his crafty way with words, it was like he could get a person to do whatever he wanted to effortlessly.

"Oh, you're thinking of me?" came a smooth voice from outside the room. "I'm so flattered." The door opened and the orange-haired German known as Schuldig stepped in. He slowly closed the door behind him as a sly smile came upon his lips.

"W-What do you want?" Sakura asked nervously, sitting up. Her heart beat so loudly that Schuldig could probably hear it.

"Oh, not much," Schuldig answered as he walked over to Sakura. He grabbed her wrists and gently pushed her down onto the bed. "I only want you." His chest was pressed against Sakura's, and she felt his hot breath on her lips.

/Fly to me…/

Sakura was trembling violently, and Schuldig could hear the beating of her racing heart. This would be no fun for him if she were so scared. He decided to reassure her just a little bit.

"You don't have to worry," Schuldig told Sakura. "I'm not going to force you to make love to me. You can keep your clothes on. I'll be gentle." He never lost his devilish grin, but his voice sounded sincere enough.

The German brushed his cheek against Sakura's as his fingers intertwined with hers. "Try not to think of anything else," he whispered into the young girl's ear. "Only think about me. It'll be much more enjoyable that way."

Before Sakura had a chance to react, Schuldig's lips were on hers. He started to kiss her passionately. He was already enjoying this. The girl had soft lips, and he liked that. However, the same could not be said about Sakura.

Suddenly the German stopped kissing her. She had thought he was being too rough. "Am I being too rough?" Schuldig wondered. "I'll be gentler."

"Please stop!" Sakura pleaded, trying to squirm out of the German's hold. "I don't wanna do this!"

"What, you still think I'm gonna hurt you?" Schuldig assumed, his voice cold. His tightened his grip on Sakura's hands. "If I were Aya, then you wouldn't have a problem with this, right?"

"No, it's not like that!" Sakura defended, her voice shaky. "It's not like I want Aya-san to do this to me, either!"

Schuldig was becoming frustrated. "Look, if I'm being too rough, tell me!" he ordered. "I'm not aiming to scare or to hurt you."

The young girl said nothing in reply. She just turned her face away. Her eyes were more clouded than a stormy sky. Her body grew less tense, but her breathing became heavier.

Schuldig cupped Sakura's chin in his hand and kissed her cheek. "Come now, don't be afraid," he requested in a heated voice. "This is supposed to be enjoyable." He slowly eased his lips over Sakura's. He would be gentler this time, but just as fervent. This was not the time to be forceful. Frightening the young girl wasn't what he wanted right now.

Sakura wasn't as nervous now, and that made Schuldig happy. He continued to kiss her, and his body crushed against hers as he began to feel relaxed. He soon took his lips off hers to allow himself and the girl some breathes of air.

/Fly to me…/

Sakura made eye contact with Schuldig. His eyes usually held a manipulative and sly look, but now they held only one thing: desire for her. But she didn't want him to have that desire. She couldn't return those feelings. Her strong feelings already belonged to someone else.

Schuldig laughed quietly. "Why are you thinking of Aya now?" he asked playfully. "I thought I told you to think only of me." He grinned wickedly. "You really have no need to worry. You aren't 'cheating' on Aya. Like I said before, I only want you. I couldn't care less about your love. And besides, no one has to know about this."

He buried his face in Sakura's shoulder and soothingly ran his fingers through her long brown hair. "Mm…your hair is very soft and you smell nice," he complimented. "Aya must be a fool not to notice you." He started to tenderly nuzzle the side of Sakura's neck as he wrapped his right hand around the back of the young girl's head. He was still clutching one of her hands with his left.

Instinctively, Sakura curled her free arm around Schuldig's back. She felt so confused now. She wasn't enjoying this like the German was, but she wasn't hating it, either. In fact, she kind of liked Schuldig's affection towards her. Had she always secretly desired something like this?

That thought made her feel so unfaithful to Aya. Her eyes began to water, but she held back her tears. She knew Schuldig would get mad if she started crying.

/Fly to me…/

Schuldig slid his fingers down the middle of Sakura's back in an effort to comfort her. She was a little sad now because she felt unfaithful to Aya, but she was trying her absolute hardest not to hate this. And she was succeeding. That made the German even happier.

Schuldig wondered why he was doing this. He had said it was because he wanted Sakura, but why did he want her? There was nothing particularly special about her. Sure, she was pretty, but the Schreient women had been better. Also, the girl was submissive and seemed delicate, but there was something about her that attracted Schuldig…

"Schuldig-san?" Sakura said in her soft voice, breaking the German's train of thought.

"Yes?" Schuldig asked, kissing the side of Sakura's face.

"Well, who are you, really?" the young girl wondered timidly.

Schuldig laughed, but he was not making fun of Sakura. "I'm who you think I am," he answered. "I'm a cold-blooded murderer, kind of like your precious Aya. But he is a necessary evil, while I'm one of those "evils" he needs to get rid of."

He tucked his head under Sakura's chin and listened as her breathing became less nervous and more consistent. Her heartbeat slowed and it was calming to hear. "Tell me something," he requested. "What do you think of me?"

Sakura hesitated. "Well, I think you're…um…" She trailed off uneasily.

"Evil?" Schuldig finished. "Manipulative? Cruel? I can see what you're thinking. But I can also see that, in the very back of your mind, you're enjoying my affections."

Sakura's breathing became stiff. "Well, I-" she started, but the German interrupted her.

"Shush," Schuldig said quietly as a small smile came across his face. "You don't need to talk anymore." He sat up and picked Sakura up in his arms. He softly kissed her hair as he cradled her against his chest.

/Fly to me…/

Sakura returned Schuldig's embrace. With her ear pressed against his chest, she could easily hear the quiet rhythm of his heart. His breathing was relaxing and comforting to her.

It was strange. She shouldn't have been enjoying Schuldig's affections, but she was. He was being much gentler, and he was more understanding of her emotions. While there was no changing the fact he was a cold-blooded assassin of Schwarz, he didn't seem like such a bad person now. Maybe this was his true self that he had hidden under a mask of cruelty.

"Hey Sakura," Schuldig said as he tilted the young girl's chin upwards. "I would've liked to have made love to you, but I know you're not emotionally ready to handle something like that, so I didn't want to force you." His smile was no longer a smirk; it was now sincere.

Sakura blushed. That sounded strange coming from Schuldig, since he had always seemed like the type to force others to do what he wanted. Maybe he was just lying, but it still reassured her. She looked up at the German. He was slightly bent over, as if he wanted her to kiss him.

Sakura had no idea what came over her. She knew Schuldig was not manipulating her, but she couldn't grasp the logic of what she did. She remembered laying her hands on his shoulders, but the next thing she knew, her lips were pressed against the German's.

They kissed passionately as they fell back on the bed. They held each other tighter when they began to lose all sense of time. Schuldig started to nuzzle Sakura's neck and shoulder while she ran her fingers down his back and through his long orange hair. The German was definitely enjoying this, and the young girl found that she didn't mind this at all.

/Fly to me…/

Schuldig released Sakura and stood up. He touched her cheek and held his face close to hers. "You're so naïve and innocent," he noticed, grinning smugly. "It's almost sickening. But I kinda like that." He lightly kissed Sakura. "I've spent too much time with you. Crawford's probably wondering where I am." He leisurely slid his hand down the girl's arm. "See ya, Geliebte." Without saying another word, he left the small room, leaving Sakura all by herself once again.

The young girl sighed and gazed out the window. The cloudy sky was dark and wild, and the raindrops pounded the window as if it were a drum. Occasionally a flash of lightening raced across the sky. It was weird how accurately the weather reflected her mood sometimes.

She looked away from the window. She no longer felt the need to hold back her tears, so she let them come. Her mind was so muddled now that she found it difficult to think about anything. She hoped that crying would ease her troubled mind. But why was she crying? Hadn't she been enjoying Schuldig's affections, even just the tiniest bit?

"Schuldig-san…" Sakura whispered softly. "What did you really want…?" He had said he wanted her, but what if he had been lying? What if he only wanted to manipulate her more? When he said he kind of liked how naïve and innocent she was, he sounded like he had been implying that.

But what if it wasn't like that? What if Schuldig had honestly wanted her, and had no intention of hurting or controlling her? Sakura smiled softly as she tried to convince herself of that. The German was far from being a good person, but he wasn't necessarily a bad person, either.

/Fly to me…/

Schuldig slowly closed the door behind him. A smirk came upon his lips. "That was fun," he said, seemingly to himself. "So what do you want, Crawford?" He turned around to face the dark-haired American standing behind him.

Crawford crossed his arms over his chest. "So does that girl's thoughts taste like honey?" he asked, grinning evilly.

"No, of course not," Schuldig corrected. "Her thoughts are much sweeter than honey. She's so fun to manipulate."

"Is that so?" Crawford replied coldly. "I thought you just wanted her. You're contradicting yourself. Remember what we have planned for Miss Sakura. She's not your plaything."

Schuldig laughed mockingly. "Oh, is someone getting a little jealous?" he assumed teasingly.

Crawford patted the German's shoulder. "Just don't make the same mistake Nagi did," the American warned as he brushed pass Schuldig.

"I won't make the same mistake," Schuldig hissed through gritted teeth, losing his cool demeanor. He took a small glance at Sakura's room. All he wanted was her, and he enjoyed playing with her mind. He wanted to control her. He didn't care about her love. Or so he hoped.

Schuldig leaned against the door and sighed heavily. He was almost certain that he had not fallen in love with Sakura. But what if he had? Then Crawford's prediction would be right; he'd have made the same mistake Nagi did.

The German shook his head and laughed quietly. He was being too paranoid. He wasn't in love with Sakura. He didn't want her love. He only desired her.

So, why didn't Schuldig just force Sakura to be his? He could do that easily; he could even have raped her if he had wanted to. So why didn't he?

He shook his head again. Sometimes his feelings were so hard to understand, if they were his own. They were such a burden to him. He then decided to ask Sakura something. Still there, Geliebte? Schuldig called out telepathically to the young girl.

/Fly to me…/

Sakura heard Schuldig's voice inside her mind. She stepped up to the door, but didn't open it. What do you want? she asked.

I want to ask you something, Schuldig answered. Is love a burden?

Sakura was taken back by the German's question. I-I don't know, she confessed.

You're in love with Aya, but look where those feelings have gotten you, Schuldig explained. Nagi fell in love with Tot of Schreient, and she ended up being killed by Farfarello. To me, love is an unnecessary burden. That's why I don't want your love. I never wanted to fall in love with you. So then, why did he refer to Sakura as Geliebte? "Geliebte" was the German word for lover or mistress. It also carried a touch of adultery in Germany.

Adultery. That was how this probably felt to the girl, considering how she was in love with Aya.

Sakura didn't respond immediately. What Schuldig had said did make some sort of sense. Love did seem to be nothing but a burden to her right now. But, she also saw that he had been implying something in the last sentence. Schuldig-san, are you in love with me? the young girl dared to ask.

I always thought that you didn't fall in love with someone because you kissed them, Schuldig replied cryptically. I thought that you kissed someone because you love them, or because you want them to be yours. I guess I was wrong. Or maybe I just couldn't understand my own feelings, considering how I can barely separate them from all the others invading my mind. He paused briefly. Auf wiedersehen, meine Geliebte. The smirk that would be on his face could easily be pictured in Sakura's mind. The sound of Schuldig's footsteps told her that he had walked away from the door.

The young girl slid down to the floor as tears leaked out of her eyes. I'm sorry, Schuldig-san, she apologized, not knowing if the German could hear her or not. I can't love you. I already love Aya-san. She buried her face in her knees as she continued to cry silently.

Schuldig had been standing close to the door, and he had heard Sakura's thoughts. He was not angry or jealous, but his heart had been wounded beyond all belief. He had never thought that to be possible.

Love really was nothing but a burden.