Auron's Birthday Party
By Quistis Chick
Chapter One - Sweet, Sweet Ronso Love
He didn't want to come out of his room at the Inn. He knew what was outside the door. THEY were waiting. Waiting for him to open the door. Oh ho! Surprise! Happy Birthday! It was a thought that he dreaded to think about. He couldn't stay in that room forever. He knew that. But oh, to savor the thought of not having to hear that damn song. He thought back to Wakka's birthday party. . .
The birthday boy! The birthday boy! Wakka is the birthday boy!
As much as he wanted to protect Yuna, on that day he had almost killed her. That song, Her HORRID voice. It was all so painful to remember.
And yet he had to leave the room. He could hear them outside. The giggles. The snide remarks about his age. Oh, to be able to break out the window and just -
"Hmm," he thought, gazing at the single window in the room. Maybe he could just . . .
No, he thought sadly. He was sure they would suspect that. Rikku was probably waiting out there, like the twerpy freak she was. He sighed.
"Alright," he said bitterly, taking a drink of the sake he carried on his belt for good measure. Damn, if only there was enough to get drunk off!
He turned the door handle, dreading the next twenty-four hours.
***
"Here he comes!" Tidus hissed, bouncing with anticipation. Oh, he was gonna scare him good he was! His hiding place behind the tall fern was SO good!
"What an idiot," Lulu muttered, crossing her arms. Tidus was, in fact, the ONLY one hiding. The others sat at the Inn's small "Breakfast Nook". (She had refused to enter it if anyone referred to it as such).
"Uh onie-and a twoie- and a- SURPRISE!!!!!!" Tidus shouted, leaping out from behind the fern as Auron entered the room. He waved his arms around in circles as the older man brushed past him rudely.
"Oh ho! I gotcha! I know it! Ha ha!" Tidus said as he bounced after Auron.
"Well, don't we look happy?" Lulu muttered as Auron slammed himself into the chair next to her. He pushed his sun glasses up on his nose.
"What's there to be happy about?" he muttered as she slid a now luke-warm cup of coffee in front of him.
"Hmm, good point," she said, looking over at Tidus, who was busy handing out party hats. They were white with little Moogle ears perking out the side. And, indeed, a pom pom was floating inconspicuously at the top. Tidus' was a little too tight, making his face bulge out a bit.
"Hey guys!" Tidus announced, calling everyone to attention. Wakka, Rikku, Yuna, and himself wore their hats proudly. Kimahri, Lulu, and Auron's hats lay defeated in front of them.
"Who knows what today is? He asked slyly, nudging Auron's arm. Auron ripped his arm away with lightning speed.
"Oh, I know!" Rikku said, waving a hand in the air. "It's somebody's birthday!"
"But who's?" Tidus asked, shrugging and looking around.
"Not mine!" Yuna chirped.
"Not mine!" Rikku giggled.
"Not mine, ya!" Wakka agreed.
"Then whose?!" Tidus asked. Auron felt the urge to kill reach a critical high.
"I think it must be . . . YOURS!" Yuna said, pointing at Auron. Not so much as a blink greeted her, as his gaze was could as ice.
Yuna breathed in a deep breath, then blew a kazoo.
The birthday boy! The birthday boy! Sir Auron is the birthday boy!
Auron cringed and downed the room temperature coffee. He saw Lulu smirk out of the corner of his eye.
"Oh, laugh it up," he muttered. "Just wait til your birthday."
Lulu cringed at the thought. Suddenly, Tidus ran up to the table.
"Who wants some presents?!" he screeched, for no apparent reason. Auron stared at his with venom in his eyes.
"I think you do, buddy!" he said, pointing to a pile of gifts in the corner. Auron sighed. Better to get it over with. He knew saying he didn't want them would only make Yuna sing more.
"Let's see, who's first?" Tidus said, fishing out a gift. "It's from . . . Wakka!" he said, shoving the brightly colored present in Auron's face. Auron grabbed it angrily and slammed it down on the table.
"Oh, fuck me, a card," Auron said, ripping the envelope-clad card off the package.
The outside of the card had a Chocobo with GIANT google eyes. Auron flipped it open to reveal the message: "YOU'RE 4 TODAY!" only, Wakka had written, in crayon, a "2" after the four. It was signed "Happy B-day, ya? - Wakka".
"You think it's funny, ya?" Wakka said, beaming. Auron killed him with his mind. Or, at least he REALLY tried too.
"Open the gift, man!" Wakka said excitedly. Auron flung the card to the side, sighing as he tore at the pink wrapping paper. Inside was a Blitzball, with a signature. It read: "Keep on truckin'! But NOT WITH A MACHINA TRUCK! Like, a wooden truck, ya? Or something. Hugs and Kisses! Wakka."
Auron gazed at the ball with hate in his eyes. Er, or "eye". Wakka laughed heartily.
"Told you he'd like, Lu!" he said. Lulu flicked him off.
"Thank you Wakka. This will always remind me of how much you mean to me," Auron said, slashing the ball with his sword. The air fizzled out, but Wakka laughed.
"Ha ha! You're welcome!"
"NEXT!" Tidus giggled, pulling out a bag with tissue paper and a GIANT red bow on the side. A little card hung off the bag's handles.
"It's from . . . Rikku!" Tidus said happily, handing the bag to Auron. He grabbed it angrily and ripped the tissue paper. Inside the bag was a pair of glasses with springs coming out of the lenses. On the end of the lenses were two giant, plastic eyeballs.
"What . . . " Auron began, looking at Rikku for an explanation. She shrugged.
"Well, you know! 'Cause you like to wear sunglasses, and you only have one eye! So here's two! Tee hee!" she said, like that was all there was to it.
Auron stared at her, mouth gaping. "Oh. . . My. . . GOD!" he breathed It was the single most humiliating thing he had EVER heard. One eye?! And she was rubbing it in!
"God Rikku!" Lulu snorted. Wakka got VERY angry.
"It's 'Oh my Yevon!' and 'Yevon, Rikku!' Not God! YEVON!" he snarled, fists clenched. Everyone kinda fell silent.
"I'm . . . sorry, I thought you'd get a kick out of them," Rikku said weakly. Auron set them down on the table and crossed his arms roughly across his chest.
"Uh . . . NEXT!" Tidus said uneasily, reaching into the pile. A HUGE square shaped box with a flamboyant green bow was set in front of him. Auron sighed and reached for the card.
"Because these are always SO thoughtful," he muttered, casting a sideways glance at Wakka, who was still fuming. He tore at the envelope.
The front of the card had a lovely scene with two deer drinking serenely out of a pond. The front said, "To my love". Raising an eyebrow, Auron opened the card. The inside had a lengthy poem in it. It read : "You caressing touch fills my heart with glee, your silky voice sends vibes of pleasure through me. Oh my dearest, my one true love, I swear you were sent from up above. And although we may fight and not always agree, I'm glad the sweet, sweet love making is between you and me." It was signed, "Kimahri Ronso of the Ronso Tribe. Ronso Ronso Ronso Ronso." Auron felt a chill go up his spine as he looked at Kimahri.
"Explain. NOW," he demanded, his voice shaking slightly.
"Store out of Birthday cards. Kimahri thought poem nice. Kimahri buy that card," the Ronso explained.
"Yes . . . Well . . . Ahem . . " Auron said, tugging at the bow on the gift. Underneath the wrapping paper was the head of an Ochu.
"DEAR GOD! Er, Yevon. WHY!?" Auron screamed, dropping the giant head. On the table. Lulu fell out of her seat as the head rolled about.
"Is Ronso custom to give head of beast to those Ronso think are good warriors," Kimahri said. Yuna gasped.
"Sir Auron! It is a privilege to receive the head of an Ochu! You are officially one of the tribe! Not many humans receive such an honor!" she gasped, doing the Yevon Prayer and bowing the head. Auron cringed, from the smell, and the thought of being one of the tribe. Kimahri beamed with pride.
"Is also custom to kill gift receiver if he no accept Ochu head," Kimahri threatened. Auron sighed.
"Very well," he muttered.
Kimahri beamed even more, the rotting Ochu flesh filling the air with a putrid smell.
By Quistis Chick
Chapter One - Sweet, Sweet Ronso Love
He didn't want to come out of his room at the Inn. He knew what was outside the door. THEY were waiting. Waiting for him to open the door. Oh ho! Surprise! Happy Birthday! It was a thought that he dreaded to think about. He couldn't stay in that room forever. He knew that. But oh, to savor the thought of not having to hear that damn song. He thought back to Wakka's birthday party. . .
The birthday boy! The birthday boy! Wakka is the birthday boy!
As much as he wanted to protect Yuna, on that day he had almost killed her. That song, Her HORRID voice. It was all so painful to remember.
And yet he had to leave the room. He could hear them outside. The giggles. The snide remarks about his age. Oh, to be able to break out the window and just -
"Hmm," he thought, gazing at the single window in the room. Maybe he could just . . .
No, he thought sadly. He was sure they would suspect that. Rikku was probably waiting out there, like the twerpy freak she was. He sighed.
"Alright," he said bitterly, taking a drink of the sake he carried on his belt for good measure. Damn, if only there was enough to get drunk off!
He turned the door handle, dreading the next twenty-four hours.
***
"Here he comes!" Tidus hissed, bouncing with anticipation. Oh, he was gonna scare him good he was! His hiding place behind the tall fern was SO good!
"What an idiot," Lulu muttered, crossing her arms. Tidus was, in fact, the ONLY one hiding. The others sat at the Inn's small "Breakfast Nook". (She had refused to enter it if anyone referred to it as such).
"Uh onie-and a twoie- and a- SURPRISE!!!!!!" Tidus shouted, leaping out from behind the fern as Auron entered the room. He waved his arms around in circles as the older man brushed past him rudely.
"Oh ho! I gotcha! I know it! Ha ha!" Tidus said as he bounced after Auron.
"Well, don't we look happy?" Lulu muttered as Auron slammed himself into the chair next to her. He pushed his sun glasses up on his nose.
"What's there to be happy about?" he muttered as she slid a now luke-warm cup of coffee in front of him.
"Hmm, good point," she said, looking over at Tidus, who was busy handing out party hats. They were white with little Moogle ears perking out the side. And, indeed, a pom pom was floating inconspicuously at the top. Tidus' was a little too tight, making his face bulge out a bit.
"Hey guys!" Tidus announced, calling everyone to attention. Wakka, Rikku, Yuna, and himself wore their hats proudly. Kimahri, Lulu, and Auron's hats lay defeated in front of them.
"Who knows what today is? He asked slyly, nudging Auron's arm. Auron ripped his arm away with lightning speed.
"Oh, I know!" Rikku said, waving a hand in the air. "It's somebody's birthday!"
"But who's?" Tidus asked, shrugging and looking around.
"Not mine!" Yuna chirped.
"Not mine!" Rikku giggled.
"Not mine, ya!" Wakka agreed.
"Then whose?!" Tidus asked. Auron felt the urge to kill reach a critical high.
"I think it must be . . . YOURS!" Yuna said, pointing at Auron. Not so much as a blink greeted her, as his gaze was could as ice.
Yuna breathed in a deep breath, then blew a kazoo.
The birthday boy! The birthday boy! Sir Auron is the birthday boy!
Auron cringed and downed the room temperature coffee. He saw Lulu smirk out of the corner of his eye.
"Oh, laugh it up," he muttered. "Just wait til your birthday."
Lulu cringed at the thought. Suddenly, Tidus ran up to the table.
"Who wants some presents?!" he screeched, for no apparent reason. Auron stared at his with venom in his eyes.
"I think you do, buddy!" he said, pointing to a pile of gifts in the corner. Auron sighed. Better to get it over with. He knew saying he didn't want them would only make Yuna sing more.
"Let's see, who's first?" Tidus said, fishing out a gift. "It's from . . . Wakka!" he said, shoving the brightly colored present in Auron's face. Auron grabbed it angrily and slammed it down on the table.
"Oh, fuck me, a card," Auron said, ripping the envelope-clad card off the package.
The outside of the card had a Chocobo with GIANT google eyes. Auron flipped it open to reveal the message: "YOU'RE 4 TODAY!" only, Wakka had written, in crayon, a "2" after the four. It was signed "Happy B-day, ya? - Wakka".
"You think it's funny, ya?" Wakka said, beaming. Auron killed him with his mind. Or, at least he REALLY tried too.
"Open the gift, man!" Wakka said excitedly. Auron flung the card to the side, sighing as he tore at the pink wrapping paper. Inside was a Blitzball, with a signature. It read: "Keep on truckin'! But NOT WITH A MACHINA TRUCK! Like, a wooden truck, ya? Or something. Hugs and Kisses! Wakka."
Auron gazed at the ball with hate in his eyes. Er, or "eye". Wakka laughed heartily.
"Told you he'd like, Lu!" he said. Lulu flicked him off.
"Thank you Wakka. This will always remind me of how much you mean to me," Auron said, slashing the ball with his sword. The air fizzled out, but Wakka laughed.
"Ha ha! You're welcome!"
"NEXT!" Tidus giggled, pulling out a bag with tissue paper and a GIANT red bow on the side. A little card hung off the bag's handles.
"It's from . . . Rikku!" Tidus said happily, handing the bag to Auron. He grabbed it angrily and ripped the tissue paper. Inside the bag was a pair of glasses with springs coming out of the lenses. On the end of the lenses were two giant, plastic eyeballs.
"What . . . " Auron began, looking at Rikku for an explanation. She shrugged.
"Well, you know! 'Cause you like to wear sunglasses, and you only have one eye! So here's two! Tee hee!" she said, like that was all there was to it.
Auron stared at her, mouth gaping. "Oh. . . My. . . GOD!" he breathed It was the single most humiliating thing he had EVER heard. One eye?! And she was rubbing it in!
"God Rikku!" Lulu snorted. Wakka got VERY angry.
"It's 'Oh my Yevon!' and 'Yevon, Rikku!' Not God! YEVON!" he snarled, fists clenched. Everyone kinda fell silent.
"I'm . . . sorry, I thought you'd get a kick out of them," Rikku said weakly. Auron set them down on the table and crossed his arms roughly across his chest.
"Uh . . . NEXT!" Tidus said uneasily, reaching into the pile. A HUGE square shaped box with a flamboyant green bow was set in front of him. Auron sighed and reached for the card.
"Because these are always SO thoughtful," he muttered, casting a sideways glance at Wakka, who was still fuming. He tore at the envelope.
The front of the card had a lovely scene with two deer drinking serenely out of a pond. The front said, "To my love". Raising an eyebrow, Auron opened the card. The inside had a lengthy poem in it. It read : "You caressing touch fills my heart with glee, your silky voice sends vibes of pleasure through me. Oh my dearest, my one true love, I swear you were sent from up above. And although we may fight and not always agree, I'm glad the sweet, sweet love making is between you and me." It was signed, "Kimahri Ronso of the Ronso Tribe. Ronso Ronso Ronso Ronso." Auron felt a chill go up his spine as he looked at Kimahri.
"Explain. NOW," he demanded, his voice shaking slightly.
"Store out of Birthday cards. Kimahri thought poem nice. Kimahri buy that card," the Ronso explained.
"Yes . . . Well . . . Ahem . . " Auron said, tugging at the bow on the gift. Underneath the wrapping paper was the head of an Ochu.
"DEAR GOD! Er, Yevon. WHY!?" Auron screamed, dropping the giant head. On the table. Lulu fell out of her seat as the head rolled about.
"Is Ronso custom to give head of beast to those Ronso think are good warriors," Kimahri said. Yuna gasped.
"Sir Auron! It is a privilege to receive the head of an Ochu! You are officially one of the tribe! Not many humans receive such an honor!" she gasped, doing the Yevon Prayer and bowing the head. Auron cringed, from the smell, and the thought of being one of the tribe. Kimahri beamed with pride.
"Is also custom to kill gift receiver if he no accept Ochu head," Kimahri threatened. Auron sighed.
"Very well," he muttered.
Kimahri beamed even more, the rotting Ochu flesh filling the air with a putrid smell.