It took us a little over a week to find the Temple. The directions Suzuno had received were so vague that it was near impossible to pinpoint the exact location. It turned out that the Temple was a legend, and no one in the nearby villages seemed to know anything about it. Amefuri found it quite by accident one night, when she wandered a bit away from our camp.
It was hard to believe that we'd missed it. Although hidden in a dense forest, the temple was huge, everything befitting of a god. When we went inside, everything was in perfect condition, clean and shining. But there was no sign of life, anywhere. After splitting up and searching the entire temple and finding no Shinzaho nor any people, we met up in the main entrance again.
Suzuno was in tears. "If it's not here… Then where? It's supposed to be here…"
"Don't worry!" Amefuri gave Suzuno a friendly hug. "I'm sure that whoever is in charge of this place just went out for a bit. They'll be back soon, and we'll find the Shinzaho."
"You are… Byakko no Miko?"
There was no sound, no presence at all of anyone else in the room. Yet, when we looked up, at the head of the room stood a young girl, no more than ten or eleven years old. She looked like any normal child, bright-eyed and inquisitive, yet there was something wrong - her clothing was more than two hundred years outdated. A strange aura surrounded her, as well - a red life force.
"What—?" Everyone jumped to attention, but the girl just smiled simply and walked over to Suzuno. Even though there was obviously something not right with this girl, for some reason, I knew she wasn't threatening.
Suzuno got to her feet slowly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Y-yes… I am Oosugi Suzuno, Byakko no Miko."
"I am Nuriko, of the Suzaku Shichiseishi." The girl looked confused. "What can I help you with, Byakko no Miko?"
"We… We need the Shinzaho. Of Suzaku."
"But… I already gave it. One of your seishi came here in search of it, he said that you were unable to seek it yourself."
A shocked silence fell over the room. Karasuki… Had stolen the Shinzaho? He would go that far just to stop the summoning? I couldn't believe it. We thought we'd been guaranteed this Shinzaho, at least, since the Seiryuu one was going to be so difficult. How could this Seishi, who was born and lived for his Miko, betray her cause like this?
"Shit," Tokaki muttered under his breath, and I realized how close he was standing to me. When Nuriko had appeared in the room, he'd come over to me, as if to protect me should the girl pose a danger. Now, though, I turned my attention back to the Suzaku Seishi, and Tokaki turned and left the Temple.
"I-I'm sorry…" Nuriko looked horrified. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No," Amefuri reassured the girl, as Suzuno had turned sobbing into Tatara's arms. She briefly explained the situation, and Nuriko apologized again and again. We couldn't blame the girl - she hadn't known what was going on. She was in as much disbelief as the rest of us were over how Karasuki could be disloyal to Suzuno.
Back outside, no one said anything as we loaded up the horses. The silence was nearly unbearable, and even though I'd barely been talkative during the past weeks, I had to say something. "…What do we do now?"
"We go back to Sairou," Tokaki replied - the first words he'd spoken to me since that night. I glanced at him, but he shifted his eyes away, as if unaware that it was my question he was answering.
"There's nothing else we can do," Kokie said in an unusually gentle voice, "Kutou's been keeping their armies thick at their border with Konan as well, just in case of any sneak attacks that may have been planned. The same with Hokkan."
"The only thing we can do is go after Karasuki," Amefuri said quietly.
"But we don't know where he is," Tokaki said, killing the small spark of optimism. "Or if he still even has the Shinzaho - he could've destroyed it by now."
"…Then we'll go back to Sairou," Tatara finished.
It took two weeks to get back to the capital of Sairou, as our searches for the Temple of Suzaku had driven us farther away from the border. The journey was uneventful, and filled with silence. Not even Amefuri tried to break the dreary atmosphere with her trademark cheerfulness. When we returned to the palace, the Emperor was eagerly awaiting our news. Suzuno and Tatara met with him in private to explain the situation, and afterwards, they told us that Kutou had taken significant gains of land from our border.
Still, the war seemed pretty far removed from the capital. Watching the people in the marketplace going about their daily chores, it was hard to tell that this was a country at war. The Emperor decided to hold a festival, just to keep the people's morale up. It would last two weeks, and performers would be brought in from across the country to entertain the public. Suzuno surprised us by announcing that we would leave after a week, though. I had to admit I was amazed by her optimism. She managed to instill the belief in all of us that we would find Karasuki and retrieve the Shinzaho - although we all secretly harbored the fear that it would be a hopeless mission.
The festival was successful - it did lighten everyone's mood. Though I felt a bit better going to the activities and having a bit of fun with Kokie and Amefuri, there was no other time in my life where I just wanted to go home and just sleep for days and not have to worry about anything else. I had written my sister as much as possible, and when her replies came, I longed to forget the excitement of being a seishi and go back to the previously mundane life of an innkeeper.
A few days into the festival, after I'd spend most of the day looking over the selections in the market - the first time in a couple of months that I'd actually been able to shop - I retreated to a large park on the outskirts of the city to watch the night's fireworks display at the palace from a distance. I sat on the edge of a little bridge crossing over a small stream. Despite my secluded location, somehow Amefuri managed to find me.
Sitting down next to me, she smiled. "Nice place you have here."
I shrugged, hugging my knees against my chest. "I don't know… Sometimes I really don't like big crowds of people."
She nodded, and we watched the fireworks in silence for a few moments. Finally, she spoke again, "Subaru, I don't know what happened, and I know that you probably don't want to talk about it. But… If there is anything that you want to say, I'm a good listener."
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I had to turn my face to hide my emotions in the darkness. Part of me wanted to spill everything, but I held back. "Th-thank you… But… This is something that I have to sort out, by myself."
"I understand." She surprised me by reaching out and squeezing my hand. "I've had plenty of those times myself, believe me."
I sniffled, looking up at the sky. "…Amefuri, do you like being a seishi?"
She sighed, sitting back. "You know, sometimes I wish so much that I weren't a seishi. Then I would be able to have a normal life with my family. But then I think, what if I weren't? Would I still have met my husband, had my children? If I weren't born a seishi, would I even have been born me?" She shook her head. "I wouldn't have, because being a seishi is part of me, it's formed me into who I am. And besides," She smiled, "I wouldn't have met all of you. So, in the long run, I'm happy that I am. Being chosen by a god isn't something that happens everyday, you know."
I nodded slowly, raising a hand to the spot on my chest where my symbol appeared. "…It's all destiny. Everyone has some sort of meaning for their life, and ours is to be seishi and protect the Miko. Chosen by a god," I repeated the words over to myself.
Amefuri smiled again, then got to her feet. "I'm going back to the palace. You shouldn't stay out too late, either. You need to get your rest." I nodded in reply, and she left.
I didn't stay much longer. After the fireworks had ended, I sat there for a few more minutes, savoring the peace and silence of the moment and dreading having to leave this tranquil place and having to go back to the real world. I started back towards the palace, cutting through the marketplace. I hesitated at one intersection, unsure of which way would lead me back, when my eyes drifted over to a tavern on the opposite corner.
Despite the shadows being cast on him, I could still recognize Tokaki. For a moment, I just stared. Watching him stand so close to that girl, leaning in close. How she giggled and playfully hit him, but didn't push him away. Her leaning over and whispering something in his ear. But when he slipped an arm around her waist and turned to go back inside, he looked at me.
I felt numb. In spite of the crowded streets, it was as if no one else was on the planet when our eyes met. I don't know how long we just stood there like that, or what anyone, especially that girl, thought. I don't know what I was conveying in my gaze - it was as if all my emotions had gone dormant for the time being. In Tokaki's eyes, I saw shock and surprise, horror and confusion.
Something in me broke. That moment that seemed frozen in time had passed, and now everything was happening at once. I turned and started running, not even knowing where I was going. People were everywhere, and I kept knocking into them, much to their discontent.
"Subaru!"
No, don't follow me. Leave me alone. I kept running, heading back to the park - that peaceful, serene place that had been so kind to me moments earlier. My heart so much, it almost seemed to blind me. I could barely even see where I was going. I don't know when I started crying, but the tears were streaming down my cheeks.
"Subaru!"
Stop it! Don't follow me! Go back to your goddamned whore and play with her for awhile! Just leave me be. Let me live in peace. I wanted to scream at him and cry and just die. But for the first time in weeks, I wasn't longing for any attention from him. I reached the bridge and collapsed down onto it, the wood scratching at my arms and legs. I just lay there for a few moments, not moving, barely even breathing. But I could hear his footsteps behind me.
"Subaru… I… We need to—"
"NO!" I screamed the word, scrambling to my feet. "Don't talk to me! Don't- Don't do anything to me! Stay away from me…" I stepped backwards, hugging my arms around my body. Cold drops of rain started to fall, fast and furious, but I ignored them. "What gives you the right? How can you just, just…" None of my thoughts made sense. I couldn't connect them, everything was jumbled too much in my head. Memories mixed with emotions and I couldn't concentrate on any one thing.
"I'm…" Tokaki turned his face away, and I could barely make him out with my vision obscured by the darkness, rain and my tears. "I never…"
"Don't… Don't. I won't hear it, I can't. Just leave me alone. Get… Go away." I turned and started running again, heading into the wooded area of the park. By now, the rain had soaked my hair and clothing, and I tripped and fell a couple times, mud now contributing to my disheveled state.
He didn't follow me, though. I stopped running, falling to my knees in a small clearing in the woods. Through my sobs, I could barely breath. What had just happened? I was having a decent time, then everything had been turned upside down. That small spark of hope I had held since the incident at the Temple of Suzaku had been extinguished. Even the weather seemed to have changed just for what had happened to me.
I lay down slowly, curled up into a fetal position. Choking on my sobs, I could only see Tokaki's face behind my closed eyelids. My heart ached so much it seemed to be carried over into my entire body, and I though that nothing, not even death, could hurt more than what I was feeling.
It was hard to believe that we'd missed it. Although hidden in a dense forest, the temple was huge, everything befitting of a god. When we went inside, everything was in perfect condition, clean and shining. But there was no sign of life, anywhere. After splitting up and searching the entire temple and finding no Shinzaho nor any people, we met up in the main entrance again.
Suzuno was in tears. "If it's not here… Then where? It's supposed to be here…"
"Don't worry!" Amefuri gave Suzuno a friendly hug. "I'm sure that whoever is in charge of this place just went out for a bit. They'll be back soon, and we'll find the Shinzaho."
"You are… Byakko no Miko?"
There was no sound, no presence at all of anyone else in the room. Yet, when we looked up, at the head of the room stood a young girl, no more than ten or eleven years old. She looked like any normal child, bright-eyed and inquisitive, yet there was something wrong - her clothing was more than two hundred years outdated. A strange aura surrounded her, as well - a red life force.
"What—?" Everyone jumped to attention, but the girl just smiled simply and walked over to Suzuno. Even though there was obviously something not right with this girl, for some reason, I knew she wasn't threatening.
Suzuno got to her feet slowly, wiping the tears from her cheeks. "Y-yes… I am Oosugi Suzuno, Byakko no Miko."
"I am Nuriko, of the Suzaku Shichiseishi." The girl looked confused. "What can I help you with, Byakko no Miko?"
"We… We need the Shinzaho. Of Suzaku."
"But… I already gave it. One of your seishi came here in search of it, he said that you were unable to seek it yourself."
A shocked silence fell over the room. Karasuki… Had stolen the Shinzaho? He would go that far just to stop the summoning? I couldn't believe it. We thought we'd been guaranteed this Shinzaho, at least, since the Seiryuu one was going to be so difficult. How could this Seishi, who was born and lived for his Miko, betray her cause like this?
"Shit," Tokaki muttered under his breath, and I realized how close he was standing to me. When Nuriko had appeared in the room, he'd come over to me, as if to protect me should the girl pose a danger. Now, though, I turned my attention back to the Suzaku Seishi, and Tokaki turned and left the Temple.
"I-I'm sorry…" Nuriko looked horrified. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No," Amefuri reassured the girl, as Suzuno had turned sobbing into Tatara's arms. She briefly explained the situation, and Nuriko apologized again and again. We couldn't blame the girl - she hadn't known what was going on. She was in as much disbelief as the rest of us were over how Karasuki could be disloyal to Suzuno.
Back outside, no one said anything as we loaded up the horses. The silence was nearly unbearable, and even though I'd barely been talkative during the past weeks, I had to say something. "…What do we do now?"
"We go back to Sairou," Tokaki replied - the first words he'd spoken to me since that night. I glanced at him, but he shifted his eyes away, as if unaware that it was my question he was answering.
"There's nothing else we can do," Kokie said in an unusually gentle voice, "Kutou's been keeping their armies thick at their border with Konan as well, just in case of any sneak attacks that may have been planned. The same with Hokkan."
"The only thing we can do is go after Karasuki," Amefuri said quietly.
"But we don't know where he is," Tokaki said, killing the small spark of optimism. "Or if he still even has the Shinzaho - he could've destroyed it by now."
"…Then we'll go back to Sairou," Tatara finished.
It took two weeks to get back to the capital of Sairou, as our searches for the Temple of Suzaku had driven us farther away from the border. The journey was uneventful, and filled with silence. Not even Amefuri tried to break the dreary atmosphere with her trademark cheerfulness. When we returned to the palace, the Emperor was eagerly awaiting our news. Suzuno and Tatara met with him in private to explain the situation, and afterwards, they told us that Kutou had taken significant gains of land from our border.
Still, the war seemed pretty far removed from the capital. Watching the people in the marketplace going about their daily chores, it was hard to tell that this was a country at war. The Emperor decided to hold a festival, just to keep the people's morale up. It would last two weeks, and performers would be brought in from across the country to entertain the public. Suzuno surprised us by announcing that we would leave after a week, though. I had to admit I was amazed by her optimism. She managed to instill the belief in all of us that we would find Karasuki and retrieve the Shinzaho - although we all secretly harbored the fear that it would be a hopeless mission.
The festival was successful - it did lighten everyone's mood. Though I felt a bit better going to the activities and having a bit of fun with Kokie and Amefuri, there was no other time in my life where I just wanted to go home and just sleep for days and not have to worry about anything else. I had written my sister as much as possible, and when her replies came, I longed to forget the excitement of being a seishi and go back to the previously mundane life of an innkeeper.
A few days into the festival, after I'd spend most of the day looking over the selections in the market - the first time in a couple of months that I'd actually been able to shop - I retreated to a large park on the outskirts of the city to watch the night's fireworks display at the palace from a distance. I sat on the edge of a little bridge crossing over a small stream. Despite my secluded location, somehow Amefuri managed to find me.
Sitting down next to me, she smiled. "Nice place you have here."
I shrugged, hugging my knees against my chest. "I don't know… Sometimes I really don't like big crowds of people."
She nodded, and we watched the fireworks in silence for a few moments. Finally, she spoke again, "Subaru, I don't know what happened, and I know that you probably don't want to talk about it. But… If there is anything that you want to say, I'm a good listener."
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I had to turn my face to hide my emotions in the darkness. Part of me wanted to spill everything, but I held back. "Th-thank you… But… This is something that I have to sort out, by myself."
"I understand." She surprised me by reaching out and squeezing my hand. "I've had plenty of those times myself, believe me."
I sniffled, looking up at the sky. "…Amefuri, do you like being a seishi?"
She sighed, sitting back. "You know, sometimes I wish so much that I weren't a seishi. Then I would be able to have a normal life with my family. But then I think, what if I weren't? Would I still have met my husband, had my children? If I weren't born a seishi, would I even have been born me?" She shook her head. "I wouldn't have, because being a seishi is part of me, it's formed me into who I am. And besides," She smiled, "I wouldn't have met all of you. So, in the long run, I'm happy that I am. Being chosen by a god isn't something that happens everyday, you know."
I nodded slowly, raising a hand to the spot on my chest where my symbol appeared. "…It's all destiny. Everyone has some sort of meaning for their life, and ours is to be seishi and protect the Miko. Chosen by a god," I repeated the words over to myself.
Amefuri smiled again, then got to her feet. "I'm going back to the palace. You shouldn't stay out too late, either. You need to get your rest." I nodded in reply, and she left.
I didn't stay much longer. After the fireworks had ended, I sat there for a few more minutes, savoring the peace and silence of the moment and dreading having to leave this tranquil place and having to go back to the real world. I started back towards the palace, cutting through the marketplace. I hesitated at one intersection, unsure of which way would lead me back, when my eyes drifted over to a tavern on the opposite corner.
Despite the shadows being cast on him, I could still recognize Tokaki. For a moment, I just stared. Watching him stand so close to that girl, leaning in close. How she giggled and playfully hit him, but didn't push him away. Her leaning over and whispering something in his ear. But when he slipped an arm around her waist and turned to go back inside, he looked at me.
I felt numb. In spite of the crowded streets, it was as if no one else was on the planet when our eyes met. I don't know how long we just stood there like that, or what anyone, especially that girl, thought. I don't know what I was conveying in my gaze - it was as if all my emotions had gone dormant for the time being. In Tokaki's eyes, I saw shock and surprise, horror and confusion.
Something in me broke. That moment that seemed frozen in time had passed, and now everything was happening at once. I turned and started running, not even knowing where I was going. People were everywhere, and I kept knocking into them, much to their discontent.
"Subaru!"
No, don't follow me. Leave me alone. I kept running, heading back to the park - that peaceful, serene place that had been so kind to me moments earlier. My heart so much, it almost seemed to blind me. I could barely even see where I was going. I don't know when I started crying, but the tears were streaming down my cheeks.
"Subaru!"
Stop it! Don't follow me! Go back to your goddamned whore and play with her for awhile! Just leave me be. Let me live in peace. I wanted to scream at him and cry and just die. But for the first time in weeks, I wasn't longing for any attention from him. I reached the bridge and collapsed down onto it, the wood scratching at my arms and legs. I just lay there for a few moments, not moving, barely even breathing. But I could hear his footsteps behind me.
"Subaru… I… We need to—"
"NO!" I screamed the word, scrambling to my feet. "Don't talk to me! Don't- Don't do anything to me! Stay away from me…" I stepped backwards, hugging my arms around my body. Cold drops of rain started to fall, fast and furious, but I ignored them. "What gives you the right? How can you just, just…" None of my thoughts made sense. I couldn't connect them, everything was jumbled too much in my head. Memories mixed with emotions and I couldn't concentrate on any one thing.
"I'm…" Tokaki turned his face away, and I could barely make him out with my vision obscured by the darkness, rain and my tears. "I never…"
"Don't… Don't. I won't hear it, I can't. Just leave me alone. Get… Go away." I turned and started running again, heading into the wooded area of the park. By now, the rain had soaked my hair and clothing, and I tripped and fell a couple times, mud now contributing to my disheveled state.
He didn't follow me, though. I stopped running, falling to my knees in a small clearing in the woods. Through my sobs, I could barely breath. What had just happened? I was having a decent time, then everything had been turned upside down. That small spark of hope I had held since the incident at the Temple of Suzaku had been extinguished. Even the weather seemed to have changed just for what had happened to me.
I lay down slowly, curled up into a fetal position. Choking on my sobs, I could only see Tokaki's face behind my closed eyelids. My heart ached so much it seemed to be carried over into my entire body, and I though that nothing, not even death, could hurt more than what I was feeling.