I have to apologize for how long it took me to write this chapter ^_^;;; I haven't updated since March! ^^;;;; I really hope there are still people around who are interested in this fic... T_T
Anyway, I've decided to look for some beta-readers, because I haven't been getting a whole lot of feedback and I want to make sure that I'm doing the best job I can on this fic, 'cos it's my baby *_* If you're interested, please either leave a review or email me at ryn@moonchylde.net (although I will be computer-less from August 10th-17th, so please don't worry if I don't reply to you ^^;)
So... Please let me know what you think of this fic so far ^^ I like this chapter ^^ It took me so long to get out, but I tried to make sure it was good enough to make up for the lost time ^^;;
Enjoy~! :D
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Suzuno was acting almost giddy during our trip back to the capital. She wore a smile on her face the whole time, talking only about how excited she was to finally be going back to the palace and, needless to say, Tatara. We passed several regiments of soldiers on their way to the front lines, and Suzuno gave them all a bright smile and words of encouragement to do the best for their country, and told them that she would pray for their safety and success in battle. If her horse would have had the energy, I was willing to bet that they would have bounced all the way back to the capital.
She only managed to make me worry about her more, however. Such a mood swing could not be healthy in any way, much less to a girl who had been through so much emotional turmoil already. Despite her insistences that nothing was wrong, I was almost certain that she had only pasted on her cheerful outward appearance in order to avoid having anyone worrying about her. Needless to say, it managed to have the adverse effect on me.
After I had asked her for the umpteenth time whether she was feeling alright, Tokaki gave me a strange look. "Why do you keep bothering her?" He asked when Suzuno had ridden far enough ahead that she was out of hearing range.
"It's... Nothing," I replied softly. I didn't know whether or not Suzuno wanted the new information about her problems with the summoning to be public knowledge yet, so I decided to keep my mouth shut.
Tokaki gave an exasperated sigh. "She says nothing's wrong. You say it's nothing. I don't have to be a genius to figure out that it's definitely something. So either tell me what's going on or leave the poor girl alone."
"I won't say anything, then." That obviously wasn't the response Tokaki was looking for, and he made a face. I sighed, unable to overcome my anxiety about Suzuno, but tried to look on the bright side. "She does have a right to be happy... I wonder what Tatara's reaction is going to be?"
Tokaki narrowed his eyes. "I'm having no part in this reunion."
"Are you still hanging on that? Look at all she's been through! If it wasn't for Tatara, she probably would have already given up. Isn't she allowed to have any happiness in her life?"
"Of course she does. But maybe she should get a hobby or something instead... I could teach her to fight! Then she'd be even a better Miko."
"Right, and she'll beat you up because you won't let her see Tatara!" I rolled my eyes. "Just leave them alone, for god's sake. It's none of our business."
"Of course it's our business! She's Byakko no Miko! She's here to save our country, not do whatever with one of her Seishi--"
"And her Seishi are allowed to 'do whatever' with each other?" I shot back.
He stared at me for a long moment, and I almost - not entirely, but almost - regretted saying it. "...That's different."
"It's not different! They're in love," I murmured, staring ahead at Suzuno, who had stopped at the top of a ridge and was looking at something in the distance. "And if that's different than us... I've misunderstood your intentions," I finished softly. I knew deep down that that wasn't what he had meant, but I was aggravated by everything right then that I didn't have the patience to try and be easygoing.
"Subaru, that's not what I said--"
"Don't bother," I said shortly to end the conversation, as we had caught up with Suzuno. I rode up next to her, and saw what she was looking at - the capital was in the valley in front of use, maybe an hour's ride away.
Suzuno looked to me with a small, fledgling smile, her previous energy seemingly burned off. "I shouldn't feel so nervous," she said in a quiet voice, and I could see that she was gripping her horse's reins so tightly that her fingers were white. "...Do you think he'll be happy to see me?"
"Of course, silly," I replied with a smile of my own; her unpretentious puppy love was almost infectious. "Do you have any idea how crushed he was when you disappeared?"
"I guess," Suzuno said, looking back at the distant city. She opened her mouth to say something else, but Tokaki interrupted.
"If you two are finished, I'd like to get back to the city sometime this century."
Suzuno laughed, sounding a little embarrassed, then clucked at her horse to continue on. Before starting after her, I glanced quickly at Tokaki, and was surprised by the dark look on his face. When he looked back at me, I quickly averted my eyes and hurriedly caught up with Suzuno.
It was just a silly little argument, I told myself. Everyone has them, and it's no reason to be so upset. It would be smoothed over by evening, and everything would be fine again. Still, I couldn't seem to convince myself that the speed with which we went from lovers to enemies was perfectly normal, and, despite Suzuno's bubbly chatter, I couldn't shake off my feelings of discontent, and couldn't wait to be back in the palace and have everything be alright again.
***
Tatara looked as if he were suffering from heart trouble when he and Suzuno were reunited. Neither of them said anything, and when Suzuno's smile finally faltered and she burst into tears and ran into Tatara's arms, I decided that it would be better to leave them alone. Tokaki had already disappeared, but judging from his opinion of the Miko's relationship and the fact that he seemed to be angry with me, it really wasn't a surprise to see that he had taken off.
I reluctantly returned to my room to settle back in. It was already late afternoon, and upon hearing of our return, a maid had brought tray of food to my room. I picked at it for a few minutes before pushing it away and falling down on my bed with a heavy sigh.
I considered searching for Tokaki, but decided not to; after all, I had no idea where he was nor what I should even say. Was there even a point in saying anything? Was our relationship worth saving if we were both so set in our opinions that we had to get into a full-blown argument every time we disagreed? If so, the future didn't look so bright. I felt stupid; was it my fault, had I over-reacted too much? But it seemed as though I always did - how many times could I remember yelling at him in the past? Of course he would get angry and want to get away from me. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
...Or maybe it was. I rolled over on my side and hugged a pillow to my chest. We'd spent the last few days together all the time, with hardly any breaks. No matter how much you love someone, you need time to yourself. Maybe our disagreement was only a weird, subconscious way to gain some time for ourselves.
...Or maybe I was just grasping for any false hope. I hated being depressed, I couldn't stand it. I'd already had enough heartache and sadness to last me several lifetimes. I didn't want to be depressed anymore, so I was just trying to look at the world through rose-coloured glasses and ignore the gloominess of reality. Or maybe...
I pushed the pillow away and sat up, looking at my reflection in the mirror across the room. "You think too much!" I told myself, frowning disapprovingly. After a moment of glaring at myself, I flopped back on my bed and stared upwards, trying to banish all worrisome thought from my mind by counting the tiny dots on the ceiling, until they all blurred together and I was forced to close my tired eyes.
***
I woke up feeling groggy and disorientated. The room was dark, and a full moon shone outside my window. It took me a moment to remember where I was; I seemed to be hanging onto fragments of a dream where I was back at home. I suddenly felt lonely, knowing that Lina wasn't in the next room. The palace was completely silent, and when I rose and looked out my window at the gardens, there was no sign of life. No wonder, I thought to myself, it's the middle of the night.
Why had I woken up, then? The answer occurred to me almost simultaneously with the question, as I turned around and looked at my bed, which suddenly seemed cold and uncomfortable. You're in love, I told myself, and you miss him.
I almost lay back down to go back to sleep, but decided against it and instead left my room and headed down the hall towards Tokaki's room. The palace seemed eerily quiet now, and I let my paranoia get the best of me when I thought I heard a sound behind me and ended up running round the last corner to his door, which I slid open without a second thought.
"Do you always barge into people's rooms in the middle of the night?" Tokaki was sitting up in bed, looking none too happy to be woken up, by me no less.
"No, but you're special," I replied with a bit of a smile, my hand still on the door. He stared at me for a minute longer, then shook his head and muttered something that sounded like a curse and lay back down.
I slid the door closed quietly, then crossed the room and got into bed next to him, slipping under the covers and cuddling up close to him, resting my head on his chest. He didn't push me away, which I took for a good sign, and neither of us said anything for a few long moments.
"I'm supposed to be mad at you," he finally said, breaking the silence.
"I'm not stopping you."
"You have any idea how hard it is to be mad at you if you're like this?"
"That's the idea," I said, my smile evident in my voice.
He sighed dejectedly, then shifted slightly as to put his arms around me, and I closed my eyes and happily buried my face in his shirt. "I love you too much not to agree to disagree," I murmured after a few moments of silence.
"I know. Damn, do you have any idea how hard it is to stay away from you? I had to tell myself that I was angry at you every five minutes so I wouldn't go running back to you."
"I wouldn't have minded," I said, feeling so utterly in love and perfect that I couldn't even imagine what would have made me want to fight in the first place. My last thoughts as I drifted off to sleep was that I could have stayed there forever, if I had the chance.
***
Morning did come, but fortunately, it didn't change anything. I felt just as happy each morning that I did the night before, and sometimes found myself wondering when something was going to go horribly wrong and cause all this happiness to come crashing down around my ears. I managed to quiet the pessimistic side of me, however, if only for a few weeks.
Amefuri's and Kokie's journey to fetch the Seiryuu Shinzaho would take much longer than ours. The trip to the capital of Kutou would take a week and a half alone, and then, of course, they had to travel all the way back to Sairou. This was assuming that they had no troubles that would delay them along the way. Suzuno suggested that if we remaining Seishi travelled with no stops, we might be able to catch up with them, but her plan was quickly shot down by the Emperor's military advisors, who said that we would only endanger their mission. Too large a group might attract suspicion, not to mention the danger that we would have to pass through in order to catch up.
Suzuno mentioned nothing more about her decision on whether or not to actually go through with the summoning. I wasn't sure whether or not she had told Tatara, but from the way they acted together, it appeared that he didn't know. Suzuno seemed so happy and carefree, and I could understand why she wouldn't want to dwell on such unhappy thoughts. I didn't ask her about it, figuring that we would deal with the problem when we came to it. I was happy not to have anything to worry about, either.
With at least three weeks to go before we even had to think about any Miko or Seishi business, life seemed to settle into a comfortable pattern that sometimes had me wondering if I had just dreamed everything about being a Seishi. That only made me feel guilty, however, because somewhere out there Amefuri and Kokie were working hard and could be in danger while we remained at the palace, living a leisurely and worry-free life.
Tokaki and I managed to get along perfectly fine without any remarkable arguments, and were able to actually make progress as a normal couple. My earlier thoughts that we'd need to spend a lot of time apart proved to be untrue, as we were practically always together, not unlike Suzuno and Tatara had grown to be. However, unlike them, Tokaki and I spent a large percentage of our time together in bed, or a number of other convenient locations. I didn't mind at all, though; to me, our relationship was built upon a solid enough foundation that I never found myself worrying that it was only about the physical aspect. I felt as if the physical side to our relationship was just a bonus; that it was amazing that I could love a man so much and that he could make me feel so good in return.
None of that came without its consquences, however.
A few days before Amefuri and Kokie were scheduled to return, Suzuno came to me asking if I could remember the recipe for a tea Amefuri had once made. Nothing came to mind, so I apologized and asked her why she needed it. Suzuno sheepishly admitted that she was suffering from "women's problems" and the tea had helped to relieve her symptoms.
The realization hit me like a kick to the teeth. I stared at the floor in such a state of disbelief for a few moments that Suzuno ended up having to shake my arm to get my attention. She asked if I was alright, and I mumbled something about being perfectly fine before abruptly excusing myself and leaving her standing there staring after me.
I left the palace and headed into the city, not really in any specific direction, more just walking for the sake of walking. I had no idea what to do. Should I laugh or cry? Tell everyone or no one? Was I even certain? The last question wasn't even a question. Somehow, I knew.
Walking around crowded streets while in a dazed state isn't generally a good idea, and I was jerked out of my trance when something very solid ran into my legs. I managed to stay on my feet, but the object that hit me didn't, and I looked down to see a small girl of about four or five looking up at me. She stared for a minute and then burst into tears. Surprised, I knelt down beside her and put a hand on her arm. "Are you hurt? What's wrong?"
"N-no, I'm ok-kay," she sobbed, "B-but my br-brother, he fell and h-he hurt hims-self and now he's g-gonna DIE!" She started wailing, almost hysterical.
"It's okay, calm down!" I gave her a quick hug and her sobs quieted a bit. "Where is he? If you take me to him, maybe I can help him!"
Her eyes widened, as big as saucers, and she stared at me in awe for another moment before jumping to her feet and grabbing my hand. She took off running, me stumbling behind her, until we were out of the more crowded areas and into what looked like a poor residential area of the city. She pulled me into an alleyway where a boy about twelve sat propped up against a wall, grimacing and clutching his thigh.
"Big brother!" The little girl cried, letting go of my hand and running to the boy's side. "You're not dead yet! I thought you would be like Mei and--"
"Ayumi, what are you doing?! I told you to get the doctor," he told her in a scolding tone, after barely glancing at me.
Ayumi's lower lip quivered and new tears pooled in her eyes. "B-but the doctor was so far away and, and she said she could help you!" She looked at me, her eyes gleaming with hope. "Right?"
"That's right," I agreed, kneeling down next to the boy, who looked wary and as if he wanted to jump up and run away. "Don't worry, this won't hurt." I laid my hand gently on his leg and murmured the familiar words of the spell.
It was over in an instant, and I glanced up at the boy's face to see his reaction, only to find him staring wide-eyed at my chest. As an automatic reflex from spending too much time around Tokaki, I reached out and slapped him across the cheek. He blinked, then pointed at my chest. "I-I'm sorry, it's just you're-"
"You're glowy!" Ayumi piped up, her eyes wide again.
I glanced down to see the symbol on my chest slowly fading away. Feeling stupid, I mumbled an apology for hitting the boy, but he didn't look at all offended. "That's okay - not everyone can say they've been hit by a Byakko Shichiseishi!"
"I guess not," I said with an embarrassed laugh. "...Is your leg okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine!" He replied enthusiastically, getting to his feet and taking a few steps. "Awesome!"
Ayumi stared in wonder at her brother's healed leg, then glanced at me. She tugged at her brother's shirt and asked in a loud whisper, "Do you think she could help Mei, too?"
"I could try. Where is she?" I asked, getting to my feet.
"She's at home," the boy replied haltingly. "I mean, our home village. Me and Ayumi came to the city to live with our uncle because our Gramma can't look after all of us. Our parents are dead," he explained, and I saw Ayumi's lip quiver again. "And Mei's sick. When our parents died, she just..."
"It's like she's asleep but she won't wake up," Ayumi piped up, looking distraught.
"Gramma says her soul is gone. It's like Mei is still alive, but she's not. Gramma tried everything. She got some healers from other villages to try to help, but no one could do anything." He shook his head. "I don't know if anyone can help her. But-"
"Hideki! Ayumi! What are you doing out there?" A woman was standing in the entryway of the alleyway, her hands on her hips. "I told you to come in ages ago! Get in the house right now!"
Hideki frowned. "That's our aunt," he whispered. "We don't like her very much..." I had to smile at this revelation. "Anyway, thanks a lot for helping me!" He grinned, then took Ayumi's hand and headed out of the alley. Ayumi smiled and waved at me, and I waved back. She certainly was an adorable child, I thought. Maybe I wasn't so bad off...
"New friends?" A voice behind me asked, and after I had recovered from a near-heart attack, I turned around to see Tokaki standing behind me. My heart didn't calm down much, now pounding nervously. I averted my eyes, looking back at the entrance of the alley as if looking after the children.
"He broke his leg. I healed him."
"Are you okay?" He asked as if he hadn't heard me, taking my hand. "Suzuno said you were upset about something."
"I'm fine," I replied quickly, trying to look confused. "I'm sure she's just over-reacting. She worries too much."
"I thought that was you who's the worrier. Are you sure everything's okay?"
"Yes." Lying was never my forte. Even when I was little, I couldn't get away with anything because my family would always be able to tell if I wasn't telling the truth. Searching for another way out, I changed the subject. "Let's go back to the palace, it's almost dinnertime."
Tokaki didn't say anything, although he still looked like he didn't believe me. We walked in silence all the way back to the palace. When we were almost to the kitchen, I finally broke down and burst into tears, unable to keep up the facade any longer.
"Oh god, I'm not okay... I mean, I am, but I don't know what to do and--"
"For god's sake Subaru, just tell me what's wrong!" Tokaki looked almost terrified, which made me only cry harder. I tried to catch my breath and calm myself down, and after a few moments my sobs had quieted enough that I could speak.
"...I'm pregnant."
Anyway, I've decided to look for some beta-readers, because I haven't been getting a whole lot of feedback and I want to make sure that I'm doing the best job I can on this fic, 'cos it's my baby *_* If you're interested, please either leave a review or email me at ryn@moonchylde.net (although I will be computer-less from August 10th-17th, so please don't worry if I don't reply to you ^^;)
So... Please let me know what you think of this fic so far ^^ I like this chapter ^^ It took me so long to get out, but I tried to make sure it was good enough to make up for the lost time ^^;;
Enjoy~! :D
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Suzuno was acting almost giddy during our trip back to the capital. She wore a smile on her face the whole time, talking only about how excited she was to finally be going back to the palace and, needless to say, Tatara. We passed several regiments of soldiers on their way to the front lines, and Suzuno gave them all a bright smile and words of encouragement to do the best for their country, and told them that she would pray for their safety and success in battle. If her horse would have had the energy, I was willing to bet that they would have bounced all the way back to the capital.
She only managed to make me worry about her more, however. Such a mood swing could not be healthy in any way, much less to a girl who had been through so much emotional turmoil already. Despite her insistences that nothing was wrong, I was almost certain that she had only pasted on her cheerful outward appearance in order to avoid having anyone worrying about her. Needless to say, it managed to have the adverse effect on me.
After I had asked her for the umpteenth time whether she was feeling alright, Tokaki gave me a strange look. "Why do you keep bothering her?" He asked when Suzuno had ridden far enough ahead that she was out of hearing range.
"It's... Nothing," I replied softly. I didn't know whether or not Suzuno wanted the new information about her problems with the summoning to be public knowledge yet, so I decided to keep my mouth shut.
Tokaki gave an exasperated sigh. "She says nothing's wrong. You say it's nothing. I don't have to be a genius to figure out that it's definitely something. So either tell me what's going on or leave the poor girl alone."
"I won't say anything, then." That obviously wasn't the response Tokaki was looking for, and he made a face. I sighed, unable to overcome my anxiety about Suzuno, but tried to look on the bright side. "She does have a right to be happy... I wonder what Tatara's reaction is going to be?"
Tokaki narrowed his eyes. "I'm having no part in this reunion."
"Are you still hanging on that? Look at all she's been through! If it wasn't for Tatara, she probably would have already given up. Isn't she allowed to have any happiness in her life?"
"Of course she does. But maybe she should get a hobby or something instead... I could teach her to fight! Then she'd be even a better Miko."
"Right, and she'll beat you up because you won't let her see Tatara!" I rolled my eyes. "Just leave them alone, for god's sake. It's none of our business."
"Of course it's our business! She's Byakko no Miko! She's here to save our country, not do whatever with one of her Seishi--"
"And her Seishi are allowed to 'do whatever' with each other?" I shot back.
He stared at me for a long moment, and I almost - not entirely, but almost - regretted saying it. "...That's different."
"It's not different! They're in love," I murmured, staring ahead at Suzuno, who had stopped at the top of a ridge and was looking at something in the distance. "And if that's different than us... I've misunderstood your intentions," I finished softly. I knew deep down that that wasn't what he had meant, but I was aggravated by everything right then that I didn't have the patience to try and be easygoing.
"Subaru, that's not what I said--"
"Don't bother," I said shortly to end the conversation, as we had caught up with Suzuno. I rode up next to her, and saw what she was looking at - the capital was in the valley in front of use, maybe an hour's ride away.
Suzuno looked to me with a small, fledgling smile, her previous energy seemingly burned off. "I shouldn't feel so nervous," she said in a quiet voice, and I could see that she was gripping her horse's reins so tightly that her fingers were white. "...Do you think he'll be happy to see me?"
"Of course, silly," I replied with a smile of my own; her unpretentious puppy love was almost infectious. "Do you have any idea how crushed he was when you disappeared?"
"I guess," Suzuno said, looking back at the distant city. She opened her mouth to say something else, but Tokaki interrupted.
"If you two are finished, I'd like to get back to the city sometime this century."
Suzuno laughed, sounding a little embarrassed, then clucked at her horse to continue on. Before starting after her, I glanced quickly at Tokaki, and was surprised by the dark look on his face. When he looked back at me, I quickly averted my eyes and hurriedly caught up with Suzuno.
It was just a silly little argument, I told myself. Everyone has them, and it's no reason to be so upset. It would be smoothed over by evening, and everything would be fine again. Still, I couldn't seem to convince myself that the speed with which we went from lovers to enemies was perfectly normal, and, despite Suzuno's bubbly chatter, I couldn't shake off my feelings of discontent, and couldn't wait to be back in the palace and have everything be alright again.
***
Tatara looked as if he were suffering from heart trouble when he and Suzuno were reunited. Neither of them said anything, and when Suzuno's smile finally faltered and she burst into tears and ran into Tatara's arms, I decided that it would be better to leave them alone. Tokaki had already disappeared, but judging from his opinion of the Miko's relationship and the fact that he seemed to be angry with me, it really wasn't a surprise to see that he had taken off.
I reluctantly returned to my room to settle back in. It was already late afternoon, and upon hearing of our return, a maid had brought tray of food to my room. I picked at it for a few minutes before pushing it away and falling down on my bed with a heavy sigh.
I considered searching for Tokaki, but decided not to; after all, I had no idea where he was nor what I should even say. Was there even a point in saying anything? Was our relationship worth saving if we were both so set in our opinions that we had to get into a full-blown argument every time we disagreed? If so, the future didn't look so bright. I felt stupid; was it my fault, had I over-reacted too much? But it seemed as though I always did - how many times could I remember yelling at him in the past? Of course he would get angry and want to get away from me. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be.
...Or maybe it was. I rolled over on my side and hugged a pillow to my chest. We'd spent the last few days together all the time, with hardly any breaks. No matter how much you love someone, you need time to yourself. Maybe our disagreement was only a weird, subconscious way to gain some time for ourselves.
...Or maybe I was just grasping for any false hope. I hated being depressed, I couldn't stand it. I'd already had enough heartache and sadness to last me several lifetimes. I didn't want to be depressed anymore, so I was just trying to look at the world through rose-coloured glasses and ignore the gloominess of reality. Or maybe...
I pushed the pillow away and sat up, looking at my reflection in the mirror across the room. "You think too much!" I told myself, frowning disapprovingly. After a moment of glaring at myself, I flopped back on my bed and stared upwards, trying to banish all worrisome thought from my mind by counting the tiny dots on the ceiling, until they all blurred together and I was forced to close my tired eyes.
***
I woke up feeling groggy and disorientated. The room was dark, and a full moon shone outside my window. It took me a moment to remember where I was; I seemed to be hanging onto fragments of a dream where I was back at home. I suddenly felt lonely, knowing that Lina wasn't in the next room. The palace was completely silent, and when I rose and looked out my window at the gardens, there was no sign of life. No wonder, I thought to myself, it's the middle of the night.
Why had I woken up, then? The answer occurred to me almost simultaneously with the question, as I turned around and looked at my bed, which suddenly seemed cold and uncomfortable. You're in love, I told myself, and you miss him.
I almost lay back down to go back to sleep, but decided against it and instead left my room and headed down the hall towards Tokaki's room. The palace seemed eerily quiet now, and I let my paranoia get the best of me when I thought I heard a sound behind me and ended up running round the last corner to his door, which I slid open without a second thought.
"Do you always barge into people's rooms in the middle of the night?" Tokaki was sitting up in bed, looking none too happy to be woken up, by me no less.
"No, but you're special," I replied with a bit of a smile, my hand still on the door. He stared at me for a minute longer, then shook his head and muttered something that sounded like a curse and lay back down.
I slid the door closed quietly, then crossed the room and got into bed next to him, slipping under the covers and cuddling up close to him, resting my head on his chest. He didn't push me away, which I took for a good sign, and neither of us said anything for a few long moments.
"I'm supposed to be mad at you," he finally said, breaking the silence.
"I'm not stopping you."
"You have any idea how hard it is to be mad at you if you're like this?"
"That's the idea," I said, my smile evident in my voice.
He sighed dejectedly, then shifted slightly as to put his arms around me, and I closed my eyes and happily buried my face in his shirt. "I love you too much not to agree to disagree," I murmured after a few moments of silence.
"I know. Damn, do you have any idea how hard it is to stay away from you? I had to tell myself that I was angry at you every five minutes so I wouldn't go running back to you."
"I wouldn't have minded," I said, feeling so utterly in love and perfect that I couldn't even imagine what would have made me want to fight in the first place. My last thoughts as I drifted off to sleep was that I could have stayed there forever, if I had the chance.
***
Morning did come, but fortunately, it didn't change anything. I felt just as happy each morning that I did the night before, and sometimes found myself wondering when something was going to go horribly wrong and cause all this happiness to come crashing down around my ears. I managed to quiet the pessimistic side of me, however, if only for a few weeks.
Amefuri's and Kokie's journey to fetch the Seiryuu Shinzaho would take much longer than ours. The trip to the capital of Kutou would take a week and a half alone, and then, of course, they had to travel all the way back to Sairou. This was assuming that they had no troubles that would delay them along the way. Suzuno suggested that if we remaining Seishi travelled with no stops, we might be able to catch up with them, but her plan was quickly shot down by the Emperor's military advisors, who said that we would only endanger their mission. Too large a group might attract suspicion, not to mention the danger that we would have to pass through in order to catch up.
Suzuno mentioned nothing more about her decision on whether or not to actually go through with the summoning. I wasn't sure whether or not she had told Tatara, but from the way they acted together, it appeared that he didn't know. Suzuno seemed so happy and carefree, and I could understand why she wouldn't want to dwell on such unhappy thoughts. I didn't ask her about it, figuring that we would deal with the problem when we came to it. I was happy not to have anything to worry about, either.
With at least three weeks to go before we even had to think about any Miko or Seishi business, life seemed to settle into a comfortable pattern that sometimes had me wondering if I had just dreamed everything about being a Seishi. That only made me feel guilty, however, because somewhere out there Amefuri and Kokie were working hard and could be in danger while we remained at the palace, living a leisurely and worry-free life.
Tokaki and I managed to get along perfectly fine without any remarkable arguments, and were able to actually make progress as a normal couple. My earlier thoughts that we'd need to spend a lot of time apart proved to be untrue, as we were practically always together, not unlike Suzuno and Tatara had grown to be. However, unlike them, Tokaki and I spent a large percentage of our time together in bed, or a number of other convenient locations. I didn't mind at all, though; to me, our relationship was built upon a solid enough foundation that I never found myself worrying that it was only about the physical aspect. I felt as if the physical side to our relationship was just a bonus; that it was amazing that I could love a man so much and that he could make me feel so good in return.
None of that came without its consquences, however.
A few days before Amefuri and Kokie were scheduled to return, Suzuno came to me asking if I could remember the recipe for a tea Amefuri had once made. Nothing came to mind, so I apologized and asked her why she needed it. Suzuno sheepishly admitted that she was suffering from "women's problems" and the tea had helped to relieve her symptoms.
The realization hit me like a kick to the teeth. I stared at the floor in such a state of disbelief for a few moments that Suzuno ended up having to shake my arm to get my attention. She asked if I was alright, and I mumbled something about being perfectly fine before abruptly excusing myself and leaving her standing there staring after me.
I left the palace and headed into the city, not really in any specific direction, more just walking for the sake of walking. I had no idea what to do. Should I laugh or cry? Tell everyone or no one? Was I even certain? The last question wasn't even a question. Somehow, I knew.
Walking around crowded streets while in a dazed state isn't generally a good idea, and I was jerked out of my trance when something very solid ran into my legs. I managed to stay on my feet, but the object that hit me didn't, and I looked down to see a small girl of about four or five looking up at me. She stared for a minute and then burst into tears. Surprised, I knelt down beside her and put a hand on her arm. "Are you hurt? What's wrong?"
"N-no, I'm ok-kay," she sobbed, "B-but my br-brother, he fell and h-he hurt hims-self and now he's g-gonna DIE!" She started wailing, almost hysterical.
"It's okay, calm down!" I gave her a quick hug and her sobs quieted a bit. "Where is he? If you take me to him, maybe I can help him!"
Her eyes widened, as big as saucers, and she stared at me in awe for another moment before jumping to her feet and grabbing my hand. She took off running, me stumbling behind her, until we were out of the more crowded areas and into what looked like a poor residential area of the city. She pulled me into an alleyway where a boy about twelve sat propped up against a wall, grimacing and clutching his thigh.
"Big brother!" The little girl cried, letting go of my hand and running to the boy's side. "You're not dead yet! I thought you would be like Mei and--"
"Ayumi, what are you doing?! I told you to get the doctor," he told her in a scolding tone, after barely glancing at me.
Ayumi's lower lip quivered and new tears pooled in her eyes. "B-but the doctor was so far away and, and she said she could help you!" She looked at me, her eyes gleaming with hope. "Right?"
"That's right," I agreed, kneeling down next to the boy, who looked wary and as if he wanted to jump up and run away. "Don't worry, this won't hurt." I laid my hand gently on his leg and murmured the familiar words of the spell.
It was over in an instant, and I glanced up at the boy's face to see his reaction, only to find him staring wide-eyed at my chest. As an automatic reflex from spending too much time around Tokaki, I reached out and slapped him across the cheek. He blinked, then pointed at my chest. "I-I'm sorry, it's just you're-"
"You're glowy!" Ayumi piped up, her eyes wide again.
I glanced down to see the symbol on my chest slowly fading away. Feeling stupid, I mumbled an apology for hitting the boy, but he didn't look at all offended. "That's okay - not everyone can say they've been hit by a Byakko Shichiseishi!"
"I guess not," I said with an embarrassed laugh. "...Is your leg okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine!" He replied enthusiastically, getting to his feet and taking a few steps. "Awesome!"
Ayumi stared in wonder at her brother's healed leg, then glanced at me. She tugged at her brother's shirt and asked in a loud whisper, "Do you think she could help Mei, too?"
"I could try. Where is she?" I asked, getting to my feet.
"She's at home," the boy replied haltingly. "I mean, our home village. Me and Ayumi came to the city to live with our uncle because our Gramma can't look after all of us. Our parents are dead," he explained, and I saw Ayumi's lip quiver again. "And Mei's sick. When our parents died, she just..."
"It's like she's asleep but she won't wake up," Ayumi piped up, looking distraught.
"Gramma says her soul is gone. It's like Mei is still alive, but she's not. Gramma tried everything. She got some healers from other villages to try to help, but no one could do anything." He shook his head. "I don't know if anyone can help her. But-"
"Hideki! Ayumi! What are you doing out there?" A woman was standing in the entryway of the alleyway, her hands on her hips. "I told you to come in ages ago! Get in the house right now!"
Hideki frowned. "That's our aunt," he whispered. "We don't like her very much..." I had to smile at this revelation. "Anyway, thanks a lot for helping me!" He grinned, then took Ayumi's hand and headed out of the alley. Ayumi smiled and waved at me, and I waved back. She certainly was an adorable child, I thought. Maybe I wasn't so bad off...
"New friends?" A voice behind me asked, and after I had recovered from a near-heart attack, I turned around to see Tokaki standing behind me. My heart didn't calm down much, now pounding nervously. I averted my eyes, looking back at the entrance of the alley as if looking after the children.
"He broke his leg. I healed him."
"Are you okay?" He asked as if he hadn't heard me, taking my hand. "Suzuno said you were upset about something."
"I'm fine," I replied quickly, trying to look confused. "I'm sure she's just over-reacting. She worries too much."
"I thought that was you who's the worrier. Are you sure everything's okay?"
"Yes." Lying was never my forte. Even when I was little, I couldn't get away with anything because my family would always be able to tell if I wasn't telling the truth. Searching for another way out, I changed the subject. "Let's go back to the palace, it's almost dinnertime."
Tokaki didn't say anything, although he still looked like he didn't believe me. We walked in silence all the way back to the palace. When we were almost to the kitchen, I finally broke down and burst into tears, unable to keep up the facade any longer.
"Oh god, I'm not okay... I mean, I am, but I don't know what to do and--"
"For god's sake Subaru, just tell me what's wrong!" Tokaki looked almost terrified, which made me only cry harder. I tried to catch my breath and calm myself down, and after a few moments my sobs had quieted enough that I could speak.
"...I'm pregnant."