Disclaimer~Teen Titans and all other related characters and material are
the property of DC comics and Cartoon Network. I do not own them, nor do I
claim such ownership. All additional material is of my own creation.
Chapter 3: The Pain of Not Knowing By Ansa
"Don't know what to say, Don't know what to do I think I might
be losing my mind. Can't stop this agony, Cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you and now I feel fine."
-Finger Eleven
"Come on BB, give it up, you know you can't beat me at my own game." Cyborgs relentless taunts could be heard all the way down the hall, but anyone who was close enough to the two could see that his disposition was not confidence, rather frustration and concern.
"Oh yeah, then why are you sweating huh?" A rather large smile grew on Beast Boys face as his thumbs pounded furiously on the controller, guiding his character across the screen throwing kicks and jabs that sent to opposed flying off in the other direction.
"It's hot in here that's all." His bluff was not called, for a frown even larger than BB smile began to form on his face, his hands swinging the controller here and there as his own thumbs did there work. Across the room sat Raven perched with her book as she could be found most days lately, not even the commotion before her stirred her concentration. Periodically she found herself glancing up to take a quick look at BB only to scold herself, forcing her head back down to her studying, a slight flush of pink forming upon her cheeks each time. She was still pondering the events at the spell shop, still fresh in her mind; last week had left her with much to think about. These new feelings, new uncontrollable emotions, and what she saw in the mirror that night, all of these things buzzed around in her head, barely allowing enough concentration to read the text upon the old, yellowed pages of her book. Each time she thought of these things, and even somewhere out of the blue like this very moment, she would begin blushing uncontrollably, desperately trying to force the color back out of her skin. The night was coming once again; outside the sun had fallen below the watery horizon, coloring the liquid many shades of red, orange and even purple from the passing clouds. Now was the perfect time for her to get some meditation, Ravens mind needed to be cleared so that she might sort her situation out, that she might find some sort of peace. As she got up to leave she could still hear the commotion behind her and hid a slight smile.
"YES!!! WOO HOO!!! GOTCHA!!"
"WHAT? IMPOSSIBLE!!! YOU CHEATED!"
The day was perfectly clear that day, not a cloud blemished the view so that one could not tell the sea from the sky, the sun tucked up in the corner of the day. Raven opened the door to a blast of cool air breezing in, the salty air once again invading her lungs as it had many times before. The familiar sound of the ocean brining her to the state of relaxation that was almost programmed into her by now, the many times she sat up here, it was like her body knew what to expect. Slowly she pushed the door shut behind her and turned, but here eyes did not fall upon emptiness as it was usually, instead she saw and occupied perch on the edge where sat Robin and Starfire.
At first it slightly startled her; she was not expecting anyone up there, usually if there was it was either to get her down or to toss rocks off into the ocean when video games lost their fun. But when she looked at them together like that, she got a strange feeling that this was not either case. The two sat side-by-side, barely a foot between them, and both pairs of legs swung out and dangling several hundred feet above the ground. Her lips moved to form words but nothing came out, for some reason, Raven was unable to speak, something had stopped her. The two of them had been looking at each other since she spotted them, their eyes glazed over closed slightly as the movement of their hands clasping together signaled her heart beating in her throat. She knew what was about to happen now, but she could not comprehend it, if she had control she would have turned to run but her legs had been frozen in place. Before her, she watched as their hands came together, fingers intertwining and a slight squeeze on both parties triggered a warm smile. They had been unusually close since Starfire arrived, but no one ever thought anything of it. She was after all, a stranger from a different planet, her mind set in this new surrounding made her seem like a child almost, and Robin was only looking out for her right? No one could have ever seen this coming, but then, no one had the time or piece of mind to notice either. Her eyes widened and the pink flush in her cheeks appeared once again as they leaned in, their eyes closing slowly with each inch closer they came until their lips met in a soft, warm kiss.
Ravens spirit felt a hard blow that very instant, sending a dark wave of emotion to sweep over her, covering her entire body with a strange mix of shock and sorrow that chilled her entire body. She began to shake, her eyes began to tear and she once again gained control of her legs enabling her to turn and dash back inside. Her own reaction to this confused her, why was she crying? Why did this bother her so? As these questions repeated themselves over and over her mind was filled with the reminiscent images. Each time their lips met a single tear rolled down her cheek, another piece of her heart breaking. As she ran down the hall she kept her hand up to her mouth, desperately trying to suffocate the sobs that plagued her. Her confusion only made her cry harder, it scared her so, this not knowing what was going on in her own soul, not having control of her own emotions anymore.
"Woah!" Her eyes were so blurred with tears that she didn't even see Beast Boy walking down the hall towards her, it wasn't even until she bumped into him that she even remembered he and Cyborg were also home. As her body jolted with the collision, some tears fell from her eyes, landing on her cape, making the material dark and moist.
"Excuse me." Raven hadn't stopped; instead she took the slight bump and added momentum, racing around him and into her room. She couldn't face him now, not with her emotions this out of control, how could she figure out her outbursts with him if she didn't even know why she was crying. She needed to find control, she needed to remain strong. Right now her heart ached with a thousand burdens, each taking its own significant toll on her will, the heaviest of which being BB, and these outbursts of emotion that occurred when she was around him. With her spirit dangling on the edge of disaster, she knew that she couldn't bare another eruption of any kind.
The cold steel door slid shut behind her as she entered the sanctity of her room, the one place she knew that she would be free from any of the many things that plagued her heart, and a place where she could try and dispose them quickly, and without interruption. Inside the room was cold, either by the natural feel of it or by the tears that rolled down her cheek she could not tell. Her unexplained sorrow was now anger, she did not want these feeling, not one of them, not even the ones that bring her joy for they are all unpredictable and hard to control. She would be better off without them. Yes, she knew what she had to do. As this plan formed in her mind, her face was no longer pain stricken, but filled with determination and spite, her hand coming up to brush away the last of the tears.
"This is the only way." Quickly she turned to her dresser where lay her enchanted mirror, the only thing that could relieve her pain, for if she could not control these feelings, she must destroy them. Her hand trembled as she picked up the handle, the glass facing down so that she would not be taken unexpectedly. She was nervous, as determined as she was to do this, to end this all right not, without even finding the answers to her questions about these uncontrollable feelings, she knew that there was no turning back from this, for there was no bringing them back. Then of course, there was a slight risk involved. Destroying ones aspects of personality is a dangerous thing, the person may become unbalance, with no emotions meant no fear which could sign their death warrant in many situations. Not only that, but she may lose all she was, slip into a catatonic state for all eternity, never remembering anything of her past life.
That last thought passed through her mind and loosened her grip on the handle; her eyes shot wide open at the thought of having no memories, of forgetting. She slowly began to lower the looking glass back down, second thoughts now whizzing by in her mind weighing the pros and cons. All the things she would forget, things she both wanted and didn't now made their way into her focus. Minutes passed as all her life was reviewed, until one memory stood out in her mind, something she never wanted to forget. As if signaling her decision, a single tear fell from the corner of her eyes, and the last motion to set the mirror down was taken.
"B-Beast Boy." She was shocked at the one reason that saved her from a possible destruction of self, the one person she rarely thought of before, now was her savior, though he never knew it. Raven fell to her knees, so very tired of crying, her throat aching from her sobs, eyes still watering slightly as she forced the tears back with all the mental strength she had. "Why him?" She was confused, the mere thought of sorting things out made her head hurt. So many questions still remained in her mind: Why did seeing Robin and Starfire kiss hurt her so? Why was she loosing grip on her emotions? And why had the thought of forgetting BB stop her from her act of desperation? Right now her mind was in a state of cleansing, trying to clear out all the agony that had collected in the past few days. She was tired, tired of it all, tired of the emotions, tired of her pain, tired of not knowing what was going on in her own tortured soul.
Note from the Author~ Wow, haven't done one of these in a while! Not since my old Tenchi series (see favorite stories). Anyways, I know this is a short one, but right now Im not exactly proud of this particular chapter, plus I figured this was the best place to end it. On another note, please stop replying about the paragraphs, I KNOW THEY ARE BIG ON FF.NET but on my word program they appear fine so unless u have a solution leave me alone! Lol. Well, gotta go! Later Days!
Chapter 3: The Pain of Not Knowing By Ansa
"Don't know what to say, Don't know what to do I think I might
be losing my mind. Can't stop this agony, Cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you and now I feel fine."
-Finger Eleven
"Come on BB, give it up, you know you can't beat me at my own game." Cyborgs relentless taunts could be heard all the way down the hall, but anyone who was close enough to the two could see that his disposition was not confidence, rather frustration and concern.
"Oh yeah, then why are you sweating huh?" A rather large smile grew on Beast Boys face as his thumbs pounded furiously on the controller, guiding his character across the screen throwing kicks and jabs that sent to opposed flying off in the other direction.
"It's hot in here that's all." His bluff was not called, for a frown even larger than BB smile began to form on his face, his hands swinging the controller here and there as his own thumbs did there work. Across the room sat Raven perched with her book as she could be found most days lately, not even the commotion before her stirred her concentration. Periodically she found herself glancing up to take a quick look at BB only to scold herself, forcing her head back down to her studying, a slight flush of pink forming upon her cheeks each time. She was still pondering the events at the spell shop, still fresh in her mind; last week had left her with much to think about. These new feelings, new uncontrollable emotions, and what she saw in the mirror that night, all of these things buzzed around in her head, barely allowing enough concentration to read the text upon the old, yellowed pages of her book. Each time she thought of these things, and even somewhere out of the blue like this very moment, she would begin blushing uncontrollably, desperately trying to force the color back out of her skin. The night was coming once again; outside the sun had fallen below the watery horizon, coloring the liquid many shades of red, orange and even purple from the passing clouds. Now was the perfect time for her to get some meditation, Ravens mind needed to be cleared so that she might sort her situation out, that she might find some sort of peace. As she got up to leave she could still hear the commotion behind her and hid a slight smile.
"YES!!! WOO HOO!!! GOTCHA!!"
"WHAT? IMPOSSIBLE!!! YOU CHEATED!"
The day was perfectly clear that day, not a cloud blemished the view so that one could not tell the sea from the sky, the sun tucked up in the corner of the day. Raven opened the door to a blast of cool air breezing in, the salty air once again invading her lungs as it had many times before. The familiar sound of the ocean brining her to the state of relaxation that was almost programmed into her by now, the many times she sat up here, it was like her body knew what to expect. Slowly she pushed the door shut behind her and turned, but here eyes did not fall upon emptiness as it was usually, instead she saw and occupied perch on the edge where sat Robin and Starfire.
At first it slightly startled her; she was not expecting anyone up there, usually if there was it was either to get her down or to toss rocks off into the ocean when video games lost their fun. But when she looked at them together like that, she got a strange feeling that this was not either case. The two sat side-by-side, barely a foot between them, and both pairs of legs swung out and dangling several hundred feet above the ground. Her lips moved to form words but nothing came out, for some reason, Raven was unable to speak, something had stopped her. The two of them had been looking at each other since she spotted them, their eyes glazed over closed slightly as the movement of their hands clasping together signaled her heart beating in her throat. She knew what was about to happen now, but she could not comprehend it, if she had control she would have turned to run but her legs had been frozen in place. Before her, she watched as their hands came together, fingers intertwining and a slight squeeze on both parties triggered a warm smile. They had been unusually close since Starfire arrived, but no one ever thought anything of it. She was after all, a stranger from a different planet, her mind set in this new surrounding made her seem like a child almost, and Robin was only looking out for her right? No one could have ever seen this coming, but then, no one had the time or piece of mind to notice either. Her eyes widened and the pink flush in her cheeks appeared once again as they leaned in, their eyes closing slowly with each inch closer they came until their lips met in a soft, warm kiss.
Ravens spirit felt a hard blow that very instant, sending a dark wave of emotion to sweep over her, covering her entire body with a strange mix of shock and sorrow that chilled her entire body. She began to shake, her eyes began to tear and she once again gained control of her legs enabling her to turn and dash back inside. Her own reaction to this confused her, why was she crying? Why did this bother her so? As these questions repeated themselves over and over her mind was filled with the reminiscent images. Each time their lips met a single tear rolled down her cheek, another piece of her heart breaking. As she ran down the hall she kept her hand up to her mouth, desperately trying to suffocate the sobs that plagued her. Her confusion only made her cry harder, it scared her so, this not knowing what was going on in her own soul, not having control of her own emotions anymore.
"Woah!" Her eyes were so blurred with tears that she didn't even see Beast Boy walking down the hall towards her, it wasn't even until she bumped into him that she even remembered he and Cyborg were also home. As her body jolted with the collision, some tears fell from her eyes, landing on her cape, making the material dark and moist.
"Excuse me." Raven hadn't stopped; instead she took the slight bump and added momentum, racing around him and into her room. She couldn't face him now, not with her emotions this out of control, how could she figure out her outbursts with him if she didn't even know why she was crying. She needed to find control, she needed to remain strong. Right now her heart ached with a thousand burdens, each taking its own significant toll on her will, the heaviest of which being BB, and these outbursts of emotion that occurred when she was around him. With her spirit dangling on the edge of disaster, she knew that she couldn't bare another eruption of any kind.
The cold steel door slid shut behind her as she entered the sanctity of her room, the one place she knew that she would be free from any of the many things that plagued her heart, and a place where she could try and dispose them quickly, and without interruption. Inside the room was cold, either by the natural feel of it or by the tears that rolled down her cheek she could not tell. Her unexplained sorrow was now anger, she did not want these feeling, not one of them, not even the ones that bring her joy for they are all unpredictable and hard to control. She would be better off without them. Yes, she knew what she had to do. As this plan formed in her mind, her face was no longer pain stricken, but filled with determination and spite, her hand coming up to brush away the last of the tears.
"This is the only way." Quickly she turned to her dresser where lay her enchanted mirror, the only thing that could relieve her pain, for if she could not control these feelings, she must destroy them. Her hand trembled as she picked up the handle, the glass facing down so that she would not be taken unexpectedly. She was nervous, as determined as she was to do this, to end this all right not, without even finding the answers to her questions about these uncontrollable feelings, she knew that there was no turning back from this, for there was no bringing them back. Then of course, there was a slight risk involved. Destroying ones aspects of personality is a dangerous thing, the person may become unbalance, with no emotions meant no fear which could sign their death warrant in many situations. Not only that, but she may lose all she was, slip into a catatonic state for all eternity, never remembering anything of her past life.
That last thought passed through her mind and loosened her grip on the handle; her eyes shot wide open at the thought of having no memories, of forgetting. She slowly began to lower the looking glass back down, second thoughts now whizzing by in her mind weighing the pros and cons. All the things she would forget, things she both wanted and didn't now made their way into her focus. Minutes passed as all her life was reviewed, until one memory stood out in her mind, something she never wanted to forget. As if signaling her decision, a single tear fell from the corner of her eyes, and the last motion to set the mirror down was taken.
"B-Beast Boy." She was shocked at the one reason that saved her from a possible destruction of self, the one person she rarely thought of before, now was her savior, though he never knew it. Raven fell to her knees, so very tired of crying, her throat aching from her sobs, eyes still watering slightly as she forced the tears back with all the mental strength she had. "Why him?" She was confused, the mere thought of sorting things out made her head hurt. So many questions still remained in her mind: Why did seeing Robin and Starfire kiss hurt her so? Why was she loosing grip on her emotions? And why had the thought of forgetting BB stop her from her act of desperation? Right now her mind was in a state of cleansing, trying to clear out all the agony that had collected in the past few days. She was tired, tired of it all, tired of the emotions, tired of her pain, tired of not knowing what was going on in her own tortured soul.
Note from the Author~ Wow, haven't done one of these in a while! Not since my old Tenchi series (see favorite stories). Anyways, I know this is a short one, but right now Im not exactly proud of this particular chapter, plus I figured this was the best place to end it. On another note, please stop replying about the paragraphs, I KNOW THEY ARE BIG ON FF.NET but on my word program they appear fine so unless u have a solution leave me alone! Lol. Well, gotta go! Later Days!