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Chapter 5: A Suffering Heart Must Heal By: Ansa
Life after that day was more awkward than expected, for everyone. Robin and Starfire knew Raven had seen them, and couldn't think of how to deal with the delicate situation, and then there was Raven and Beast Boy's problems. Afterward, instead of getting better, things got worse. The hole in Ravens soul had grown since they almost.A part of her tried its hardest to convince her it didn't happen, while the rest of her protected the truth with all its might. For now the moment was preserved in her mind, the soft touch of his skin on hers, his breath, and the way she so easily accepted him. All of it was in threat of being tossed aside. She knew it had happened, but wait. It didn't happen, that was the truth, it almost happened. That was the problem, "almost." The word echoed in her head over and over, slowly reverting her back to the state she was once in at the start of the entire situation. Her heart ached, and every time their eyes met in crossing down the hall, she turned away as the tears began to flow again.
The roof, despite the pain it had caused previously, was now her only sanctuary, even her room was filled with the torture of what almost happened. Each day she sat, staring out at the endless ocean, like a great mirror. A mirror. She now despised that mirror in the old shop; it had only given her false hope. It was that damn mirror that made her think that she could let her guard down, but it only brought her those torturous emotions. But now, that hope was lost, and her hood now retuned to its upright position, signaling her loss of that person she had for only a quick tender moment in time. She felt thoroughly shredded inside, pieces of her former self scattered here and there. She didn't quite know where she stood, for now she had been able to keep her emotions in check, not letting them escape, aside from the occasional pass of Beast Boy in the halls.
This particular day the skies turned grey, the clouds fogging the sky and choking the sun. The seas reflective surface made it seem like there was no end, as if some child had colored in over the lines so there was one solid block of grey. Outside, the wind began to blow, fluttering her cape behind her, and making the sea more defined by the choppy waves. Her mind was relatively clear, refusing to reflect back upon the past events, although she knew that she would have to confront them sometime soon. Soon, in fact, had come quicker than expected, for her peace was shattered when she heard the shutting of the stairwell door behind her.
She didn't turn her head, she did not wish to acknowledge her presence, and she did not wish to talk. Footsteps pattered behind her and slowly grew louder as the distance between them closed. Then, there was silence again, without even looking; Raven could decipher the exact position next to her of the person belonging to the footsteps.
"So, you put your hood back down?" Raven turned in surprise to see Starfire sitting next to her, staring off into the horizon, her hair blowing in the wind like a blazing fire.
"What do you mean?"
"You had it down for a while, even during battles. I just thought you liked it better that way."
"Guess not." Raven turned back to her empty stare, trying to end the conversation there, to prevent in any and all chances of her getting involved with something she didn't want to be in.
"Listen, I may be new to this planet and I do not understand many things. But I do understand that you have been acting strangely lately." Raven cringed, she could sense the topic coming up, not sure if she could keep hold of the tight grip she had on her emotions. "Robin and I." She paused, her head lowering a bit and her cheeks flushing the same tone that Raven's had. As she reflected on that tender moment, Starfire's heart was filled aflutter with a rush of feelings, mostly the affectionate kind. Since she had come to this planet, Robin had been so sweet, and kind to her. He made her feel so safe and comfortable in this strange new world she was placed that wasn't anything like home. When she looked at him, she felt a tenderness that made her want to be a part of his life, and that they might share something great together that she would not be able to find anywhere else, even at home.
"I know, I saw you, so let's drop it." Raven didn't let her finish, she was going to end this before it started, her heart already loosing grip. She began to rise only to have Starfire's hand on her shoulder force her back down.
"You don't seem to be doing well about it. Why?"
"I'm fine, now can we please talk about something else?"
"No, I do not like to cause other people tears, especially not my friends." Starfire looked at her, her eyes filled with such tender concern that Raven could not hold it back any longer. Her eyes filled with tears and her hands shot up to catch them, knocking off her hood and letting her hair fly back in the wind.
"I don't know what's going on with me. I just can't seem to keep control anymore, and then there's." Raven quickly stopped herself, frightened at which she had almost said, not entirely sure it was the truth.
"Beast Boy?" Raven did not answer, only her sobs replied to Starfire's inquiry. Starfire held her close and let the tears soak into her uniform showing Raven the only comfort she knew to give. "Perhaps you could talk to him, find out his feelings in order to define your own?"
"I know how he feels. It's just that." Ravens tears had stopped for a moment, she wasn't sure she wanted to reveal what she really felt, but she knew she had to. "I-I just don't know how I feel yet."
"But that night in your room."
"How do you know about that?"
"Cyborg told us." Raven scowled a bit on the inside, she never for a minute thought that he would buy Beast Boy's excuse, but then she also didn't expect him to tell anyone.
"That.I don't know, it was out of reflex I guess." Raven knew that was the truth, as horrible and cold as it may sound, it was the truth. That night was a simply reaction, and she knew not how she felt. These feelings were conflicting, inside she knew she cared for him, he was sweet and caring, but just how much she cared was not well defined.
"Well then, I still suggest talking to him."
"How can I? What am I supposed to say?" Starfire had to think for a moment, she was still new to the courting customs of the people of this planet, but perhaps she could base it on what she already knew.
"Tell him that you know how he feels but you just need time to figure things out."
"No, guys see that as the kiss of death, I mean.What if he loses interest by the time I figure it out?"
"So you are afraid of him losing interest in you?"
"No, well.I mean.I don't know." Raven was so full of these confusing notions in her mind. She did not know how she felt, yet she was afraid of him losing interest in her, why? Why can't she just take that as the fact that she does care for him? No, it couldn't be that easy, there were too many factors left untouched. What if he wanted to.
"Is everything okay up here?"
"Robin!" Starfire and Raven both looked over to the door, Raven quickly pulling herself away from the embrace, lifting her hood upon her head once again. "Raven and I were just talking about.you know."
"Oh, well is she okay?"
"I'm fine." Raven's tone had turned cold; she hated being referred to in the third person while she was present.
"She does not know what to do about Beast Boy."
"I see; did you want me to leave? Guys aren't too good with this kinda talk." Robin backed away slowly, uncomfortable in the position that he had stumbled onto. He was involved in a relationship, but he, like most guys, had trouble talking about them.
"Fine, I will see you at the evening meal." Starfire watched as the door shut behind him before moving back to the edge of the roof where Raven had reclaimed her spot.
"Robin is concerned for you as well." Raven scoffed, desperately trying to regain the control she lost. "Well all are. We just want to make sure you are happy." Happy, that is something Raven was very rarely in her life. "I can't pretend to know how you exactly feel about him, but I'm sure that despite your troubles and pain, Beast Boy can help make you so." Again, silence filled the air and Raven's mind pondered over the words spoken by the alien girl next to her. It was funny to her that despite the large difference in cultures, love and happiness are the same ideals as it was here.
Raven thought back to the day at the shop, and the early morning of the day they almost.She seemed to be happy then, that's what she had forgotten this whole time, that for a brief period of time, she had been happy being with him. Perhaps, it wasn't about choices or uncomfortable situations after all. Maybe, Starfire was right after all, maybe all she needed was to have someone make her happy. A soft glow swelled up within her, warming her entire body. She let go, for she had no worry of those troublesome emotions anymore. Now, she was clear on what she felt, and she was clear on how another felt about her.
Beast Boy waited impatiently inside the hall that connected Ravens Room to the main hall of the tower. He was nervous, not sweating, but nervous. To his great surprise, Raven asked for his company to a club downtown for dancing. Not them, Cyborg, Robin and Starfire, just the two of them. What made him even more nervous was the time it took her to get ready. His mind stiff reflected upon that night in her room, but he never thought that they would actually be going out together. Normally, Raven would sport her uniform everywhere, but for some reason, she took longer in preparing, as if she was to wear something else entirely. Just then a slight hiss sounded behind him as her door slid open. A bit jumpy, BB whirled around to see Raven standing in the door frame, hands held in front clutching a small purse. Then his eyes were filled with a blast of crimson as her sparkling red dress came into focus. It was a bright red slip with thin spaghetti strings that hung gently on her shoulders. The entire dress was covered with sequins that sparkled in the moonlight, almost hurting his eyes. Her hair had been fixed so that one side was held back while the other fell over her eyes. Soon, by logically assuming that Raven would not possess such a dress otherwise, BB now knew what Starfire's gift had been. She looked absolutely gorgeous, and the innocent shade of blush upon her cheeks made her seem to radiate with more beauty than BB had thought possible. "Wow.uh, um y-you ready?" "Mmhmm." Raven gave a slight smile and the two made their way down the hall. It had begun, and it had also ended. Where her pain and suffering began, her happiness and joy was sure to only have just begun. "Oh, and if you tell anyone about this, I WILL kill you!" BB smiled, and tried to muffle a slight giggle that rose in his throat. He was no longer nervous, he knew now how comfortable they made each other feel, and as long as they were together like this, they would both be happy.
Note from the Author~ YAY!!! Now don't go writing hate mail worrying that this is then end folks because it's far from it. This is just the beginning! Or.maybe the middle actually. If you wish to message me, I got a new AOL screen name "communistfrance." And a little advice for fic writers, writing to music can bring out so many emotions, experiment a bit with music while you write, it helped me A LOT!
Chapter 5: A Suffering Heart Must Heal By: Ansa
Life after that day was more awkward than expected, for everyone. Robin and Starfire knew Raven had seen them, and couldn't think of how to deal with the delicate situation, and then there was Raven and Beast Boy's problems. Afterward, instead of getting better, things got worse. The hole in Ravens soul had grown since they almost.A part of her tried its hardest to convince her it didn't happen, while the rest of her protected the truth with all its might. For now the moment was preserved in her mind, the soft touch of his skin on hers, his breath, and the way she so easily accepted him. All of it was in threat of being tossed aside. She knew it had happened, but wait. It didn't happen, that was the truth, it almost happened. That was the problem, "almost." The word echoed in her head over and over, slowly reverting her back to the state she was once in at the start of the entire situation. Her heart ached, and every time their eyes met in crossing down the hall, she turned away as the tears began to flow again.
The roof, despite the pain it had caused previously, was now her only sanctuary, even her room was filled with the torture of what almost happened. Each day she sat, staring out at the endless ocean, like a great mirror. A mirror. She now despised that mirror in the old shop; it had only given her false hope. It was that damn mirror that made her think that she could let her guard down, but it only brought her those torturous emotions. But now, that hope was lost, and her hood now retuned to its upright position, signaling her loss of that person she had for only a quick tender moment in time. She felt thoroughly shredded inside, pieces of her former self scattered here and there. She didn't quite know where she stood, for now she had been able to keep her emotions in check, not letting them escape, aside from the occasional pass of Beast Boy in the halls.
This particular day the skies turned grey, the clouds fogging the sky and choking the sun. The seas reflective surface made it seem like there was no end, as if some child had colored in over the lines so there was one solid block of grey. Outside, the wind began to blow, fluttering her cape behind her, and making the sea more defined by the choppy waves. Her mind was relatively clear, refusing to reflect back upon the past events, although she knew that she would have to confront them sometime soon. Soon, in fact, had come quicker than expected, for her peace was shattered when she heard the shutting of the stairwell door behind her.
She didn't turn her head, she did not wish to acknowledge her presence, and she did not wish to talk. Footsteps pattered behind her and slowly grew louder as the distance between them closed. Then, there was silence again, without even looking; Raven could decipher the exact position next to her of the person belonging to the footsteps.
"So, you put your hood back down?" Raven turned in surprise to see Starfire sitting next to her, staring off into the horizon, her hair blowing in the wind like a blazing fire.
"What do you mean?"
"You had it down for a while, even during battles. I just thought you liked it better that way."
"Guess not." Raven turned back to her empty stare, trying to end the conversation there, to prevent in any and all chances of her getting involved with something she didn't want to be in.
"Listen, I may be new to this planet and I do not understand many things. But I do understand that you have been acting strangely lately." Raven cringed, she could sense the topic coming up, not sure if she could keep hold of the tight grip she had on her emotions. "Robin and I." She paused, her head lowering a bit and her cheeks flushing the same tone that Raven's had. As she reflected on that tender moment, Starfire's heart was filled aflutter with a rush of feelings, mostly the affectionate kind. Since she had come to this planet, Robin had been so sweet, and kind to her. He made her feel so safe and comfortable in this strange new world she was placed that wasn't anything like home. When she looked at him, she felt a tenderness that made her want to be a part of his life, and that they might share something great together that she would not be able to find anywhere else, even at home.
"I know, I saw you, so let's drop it." Raven didn't let her finish, she was going to end this before it started, her heart already loosing grip. She began to rise only to have Starfire's hand on her shoulder force her back down.
"You don't seem to be doing well about it. Why?"
"I'm fine, now can we please talk about something else?"
"No, I do not like to cause other people tears, especially not my friends." Starfire looked at her, her eyes filled with such tender concern that Raven could not hold it back any longer. Her eyes filled with tears and her hands shot up to catch them, knocking off her hood and letting her hair fly back in the wind.
"I don't know what's going on with me. I just can't seem to keep control anymore, and then there's." Raven quickly stopped herself, frightened at which she had almost said, not entirely sure it was the truth.
"Beast Boy?" Raven did not answer, only her sobs replied to Starfire's inquiry. Starfire held her close and let the tears soak into her uniform showing Raven the only comfort she knew to give. "Perhaps you could talk to him, find out his feelings in order to define your own?"
"I know how he feels. It's just that." Ravens tears had stopped for a moment, she wasn't sure she wanted to reveal what she really felt, but she knew she had to. "I-I just don't know how I feel yet."
"But that night in your room."
"How do you know about that?"
"Cyborg told us." Raven scowled a bit on the inside, she never for a minute thought that he would buy Beast Boy's excuse, but then she also didn't expect him to tell anyone.
"That.I don't know, it was out of reflex I guess." Raven knew that was the truth, as horrible and cold as it may sound, it was the truth. That night was a simply reaction, and she knew not how she felt. These feelings were conflicting, inside she knew she cared for him, he was sweet and caring, but just how much she cared was not well defined.
"Well then, I still suggest talking to him."
"How can I? What am I supposed to say?" Starfire had to think for a moment, she was still new to the courting customs of the people of this planet, but perhaps she could base it on what she already knew.
"Tell him that you know how he feels but you just need time to figure things out."
"No, guys see that as the kiss of death, I mean.What if he loses interest by the time I figure it out?"
"So you are afraid of him losing interest in you?"
"No, well.I mean.I don't know." Raven was so full of these confusing notions in her mind. She did not know how she felt, yet she was afraid of him losing interest in her, why? Why can't she just take that as the fact that she does care for him? No, it couldn't be that easy, there were too many factors left untouched. What if he wanted to.
"Is everything okay up here?"
"Robin!" Starfire and Raven both looked over to the door, Raven quickly pulling herself away from the embrace, lifting her hood upon her head once again. "Raven and I were just talking about.you know."
"Oh, well is she okay?"
"I'm fine." Raven's tone had turned cold; she hated being referred to in the third person while she was present.
"She does not know what to do about Beast Boy."
"I see; did you want me to leave? Guys aren't too good with this kinda talk." Robin backed away slowly, uncomfortable in the position that he had stumbled onto. He was involved in a relationship, but he, like most guys, had trouble talking about them.
"Fine, I will see you at the evening meal." Starfire watched as the door shut behind him before moving back to the edge of the roof where Raven had reclaimed her spot.
"Robin is concerned for you as well." Raven scoffed, desperately trying to regain the control she lost. "Well all are. We just want to make sure you are happy." Happy, that is something Raven was very rarely in her life. "I can't pretend to know how you exactly feel about him, but I'm sure that despite your troubles and pain, Beast Boy can help make you so." Again, silence filled the air and Raven's mind pondered over the words spoken by the alien girl next to her. It was funny to her that despite the large difference in cultures, love and happiness are the same ideals as it was here.
Raven thought back to the day at the shop, and the early morning of the day they almost.She seemed to be happy then, that's what she had forgotten this whole time, that for a brief period of time, she had been happy being with him. Perhaps, it wasn't about choices or uncomfortable situations after all. Maybe, Starfire was right after all, maybe all she needed was to have someone make her happy. A soft glow swelled up within her, warming her entire body. She let go, for she had no worry of those troublesome emotions anymore. Now, she was clear on what she felt, and she was clear on how another felt about her.
Beast Boy waited impatiently inside the hall that connected Ravens Room to the main hall of the tower. He was nervous, not sweating, but nervous. To his great surprise, Raven asked for his company to a club downtown for dancing. Not them, Cyborg, Robin and Starfire, just the two of them. What made him even more nervous was the time it took her to get ready. His mind stiff reflected upon that night in her room, but he never thought that they would actually be going out together. Normally, Raven would sport her uniform everywhere, but for some reason, she took longer in preparing, as if she was to wear something else entirely. Just then a slight hiss sounded behind him as her door slid open. A bit jumpy, BB whirled around to see Raven standing in the door frame, hands held in front clutching a small purse. Then his eyes were filled with a blast of crimson as her sparkling red dress came into focus. It was a bright red slip with thin spaghetti strings that hung gently on her shoulders. The entire dress was covered with sequins that sparkled in the moonlight, almost hurting his eyes. Her hair had been fixed so that one side was held back while the other fell over her eyes. Soon, by logically assuming that Raven would not possess such a dress otherwise, BB now knew what Starfire's gift had been. She looked absolutely gorgeous, and the innocent shade of blush upon her cheeks made her seem to radiate with more beauty than BB had thought possible. "Wow.uh, um y-you ready?" "Mmhmm." Raven gave a slight smile and the two made their way down the hall. It had begun, and it had also ended. Where her pain and suffering began, her happiness and joy was sure to only have just begun. "Oh, and if you tell anyone about this, I WILL kill you!" BB smiled, and tried to muffle a slight giggle that rose in his throat. He was no longer nervous, he knew now how comfortable they made each other feel, and as long as they were together like this, they would both be happy.
Note from the Author~ YAY!!! Now don't go writing hate mail worrying that this is then end folks because it's far from it. This is just the beginning! Or.maybe the middle actually. If you wish to message me, I got a new AOL screen name "communistfrance." And a little advice for fic writers, writing to music can bring out so many emotions, experiment a bit with music while you write, it helped me A LOT!