Disclaimer: I do not own X
Kamui softened his groans, and wished that Subaru and Seishirou had not come and talked to him. He hated feeling this way, but he could not hide it any longer. A childhood friend, best friends ever since he could remember.
Floods of memories enveloped him, beautiful and innocent days long past, and then the raw pain of finding out the consequences of his choice to be a Seal bit into the recesses of his memory and the dream turned into a nightmare.
Making up his mind, he walked to where he had often seen Fuuma. Winter had arrived, and the snowflakes fell prettily in erratic patterns. Absently, he noted that it was also the same park that Subaru had expressed his feelings to Seishirou. Almost guiltily, as if he was spying, which he was, he watched Fuuma. It was almost hypnotic, the sight of Fuuma and snowflakes swirling around him. It was almost surreal.
Stretched languidly on a bench, Fuuma was sharp enough to detect the presence of his twin star. Yet, he made no move to go up to him. He had also been thinking, thinking of how much he had once valued Kamui's friendship. He didn't have that much of a conscience to feel guilty that he had killed his sister or even tortured Kamui mercilessly. Those little incidents only served to sweeten his day.
Yet he felt a strange desire to go and touch Kamui's face. He snorted. He had once hated Kamui, for Kamui held his life in his hands. He couldn't pave the way for his own destiny; he had only waited, waited for the day that Kamui had chosen. Now, the hatred had disappeared, a grudging sense of admiration for the boy had taken its place.
Kamui had weathered so much, suffered so much, thanks to him. So if Kamui had become stronger because of Fuuma, which would mean the boy was indebted to him. He smiled at that thought, screwed though it was, it certainly seemed logical. Chuckling, he thought of exactly how he wanted Kamui to repay the debt.
Was it just physical attraction? Of course not, Fuuma knew that he LIKED Kamui. He liked his friend's loyalty; God knows how many times he had heard Kamui's wish to bring him back. He liked Kamui's wit, it made life entertaining. Seems there was a lot he liked about Kamui.
But love? There was always jealousy whenever he saw Subaru with Kamui. There was nothing to fear in that area now, since Subaru and Seishirou, were, of all things, a couple. He shuddered at that thought, but admitted that it didn't make Seishirou any less of a man. There was always jealousy whenever he saw Kamui getting along with anyone else. But that could probably be chalked up to his possessive character trait.
He frowned, then stopped thinking altogether when Kamui finally drew near, his mind going blank, for once without a smart thought in his head.
Collecting himself, he merely lifted his head slowly, as if he could not be bothered. Kamui's fingers were nervously twisting the buttons on his shirt, undoing and doing the same button again and again. Lithe fingers.. Fuuma stiffened; he had better get his wits about himself.
"Fuuma. I. er, how's the weather?" Kamui almost had a heart attack when he heard what he said coming out of his mouth. What kind of stupid question was that?
"Hmm? As good as it gets when it's snowing." Fuuma looked surprised at the question, as expected. He took a closer look at Kamui, the boy seemed like he was in pain, grappling with an unseen enemy over something.
For the first time in a very long while, he paused to look into Kamui's heart and found his wish. It had gotten sickening after a while, for every time before today, he had, out of sheer boredom, looked into Kamui's heart.
Kamui's wish had bored him even further. It was always the same, I wish to get Fuuma back. What a stupid wish, especially when it was impossible. Why would Fuuma want to come back? After all, now he almost had the world at his feet, life was way better than before. He didn't have an obligation to anyone, and the truth of the matter was that no matter how much he had loved Kotori, she was a little irritating. Now, the source of minor irritation was gone. He could live his life the way he wanted to, answering to no one.
Kamui's new wish startled his cool demeanor. He was visibly shaken. It turned out that he wasn't the only one who was contemplating the other in a different way. Kamui's wish now plainly said: "I wish that Fuuma would love me the way I love him, more than a friend, more like a lover."
Kamui spoke again, when it was clear that Fuuma was not going to offer any more information about the weather or make some sarcastic crack about Kamui going more insane. It did not seem as if Fuuma would attack him either.
"I have something to tell you." Praying that Fuuma would listen and not say a word before he was done, he paused.
"Go on." Fuuma needed the time to think, so he waited.
"I must be going crazy, but you must know that already. I'm blabbering gibberish, and not talking right. See, even my grammer's gone. But I guess that's just the effect you have on me.
I'm not sadistic or perverse in any way, it's just that whenever I see you, or talk to you, I feel more than an intense desire to get you back. You've changed, for the better? It IS sadistic, isn't it? To like you when you are cruel to me instead of when you're kind. It made me happy you paid so much attention to me.
Then, I told myself that the only reason you paid so much attention to me was because I was the Kamui you were supposed to kill. Your interest in me was only because I was your adversary.
I rather hear your laughter at my words than not letting you know what I felt. After all, we only live once. Disappointment is better than regret. I rather not go through life thinking, "What if? What if?" "So you're trying to say you like me." Fuuma said, interrupting. It was a statement, not a question.
"No, it's more than like."
"Love?"
"Yes." The simplicity of the answer made his point all the more poignant. All the more real.
"How can you love me? I've done more than my fair share in hurting you. And I'm not even repentant. I killed the person you loved the most, I delighted in your terror and pain. The one you love is gone, if you had even loved me, that person is dead now. I am Kamui and Fuuma. We're no longer two separate entities, we're one and the same." Fuuma's voice spoke, a musical quality to its rich timber.
"What do you mean? Fuuma and Kamui?" but the answer hit him before he even needed to hear Fuuma's answer.
"Fuuma's accepted the dark Kamui, and the dark Kamui's accepted him. We're one and the same. Why hold on to good when there's nothing to live for in this world? That was what I thought. When you awoke the dark Kamui, there really was no way for it to be reverse, it was destiny.
So we adapted. In a way it's good, I wouldn't be that cruel, I'm NOT that cruel, I can feel. And it made it easier for me to live with what I had done." Fuuma said everything thoughtfully.
"Isn't that good? I'm attracted to the dark Kamui in ways I cannot fathom. To you, Fuuma. At least if I know you love me, you wouldn't hurt me. You'll never hurt the ones you love." Kamui said stubbornly. So what if the dark Kamui had awakened, in ways he was still the same Fuuma.
"That's where you're wrong. Why be so idealistic? Love IS hurting the ones you love because you can see how much they care about you when they cry when you hurt them. I'll put you out of your misery and tell you I love you. To see you in pain over what I've done, there's pleasure in that. But I believe that there's more pleasure in loving you that hurting you, am I right?" Fuuma answer shocked Kamui, though not in a bad way.
"I've never pretended to feel, but I've pretended not to feel. Let's just say that I don't want that now." Fuuma's hand gently brushed Kamui's lips.
Kamui sank slowly down on the bench, his only response that he had heard Fuuma was to allow his tongue to start a slow descent from Fuuma's face to his neck.
-tbc-
Note: well, heh heh, I'm almost done with this fic, I do have plans to continue it. But for that, I need reviews!!! @_@
Thanks to those that reviewed. Which for the last chapter, wasn't many. So, haha, not to sound bitter or anything, but wondering all the same, exactly what do you guys want?! Confessions only or something stupid, like that chapter in the middle of nowhere? I'm confused. Than again, I cater only to myself, no one else. But then again, I WILL listen to what you guys want. Ok, so I'm confusing myself and everyone else on this planet. Nvm, just read and enjoy. XP
Jing Fang!!~! (Nokoru), my dear girl, this fic is dedicated to you. I made it extra long just for you, ok? *hugs*
Kamui softened his groans, and wished that Subaru and Seishirou had not come and talked to him. He hated feeling this way, but he could not hide it any longer. A childhood friend, best friends ever since he could remember.
Floods of memories enveloped him, beautiful and innocent days long past, and then the raw pain of finding out the consequences of his choice to be a Seal bit into the recesses of his memory and the dream turned into a nightmare.
Making up his mind, he walked to where he had often seen Fuuma. Winter had arrived, and the snowflakes fell prettily in erratic patterns. Absently, he noted that it was also the same park that Subaru had expressed his feelings to Seishirou. Almost guiltily, as if he was spying, which he was, he watched Fuuma. It was almost hypnotic, the sight of Fuuma and snowflakes swirling around him. It was almost surreal.
Stretched languidly on a bench, Fuuma was sharp enough to detect the presence of his twin star. Yet, he made no move to go up to him. He had also been thinking, thinking of how much he had once valued Kamui's friendship. He didn't have that much of a conscience to feel guilty that he had killed his sister or even tortured Kamui mercilessly. Those little incidents only served to sweeten his day.
Yet he felt a strange desire to go and touch Kamui's face. He snorted. He had once hated Kamui, for Kamui held his life in his hands. He couldn't pave the way for his own destiny; he had only waited, waited for the day that Kamui had chosen. Now, the hatred had disappeared, a grudging sense of admiration for the boy had taken its place.
Kamui had weathered so much, suffered so much, thanks to him. So if Kamui had become stronger because of Fuuma, which would mean the boy was indebted to him. He smiled at that thought, screwed though it was, it certainly seemed logical. Chuckling, he thought of exactly how he wanted Kamui to repay the debt.
Was it just physical attraction? Of course not, Fuuma knew that he LIKED Kamui. He liked his friend's loyalty; God knows how many times he had heard Kamui's wish to bring him back. He liked Kamui's wit, it made life entertaining. Seems there was a lot he liked about Kamui.
But love? There was always jealousy whenever he saw Subaru with Kamui. There was nothing to fear in that area now, since Subaru and Seishirou, were, of all things, a couple. He shuddered at that thought, but admitted that it didn't make Seishirou any less of a man. There was always jealousy whenever he saw Kamui getting along with anyone else. But that could probably be chalked up to his possessive character trait.
He frowned, then stopped thinking altogether when Kamui finally drew near, his mind going blank, for once without a smart thought in his head.
Collecting himself, he merely lifted his head slowly, as if he could not be bothered. Kamui's fingers were nervously twisting the buttons on his shirt, undoing and doing the same button again and again. Lithe fingers.. Fuuma stiffened; he had better get his wits about himself.
"Fuuma. I. er, how's the weather?" Kamui almost had a heart attack when he heard what he said coming out of his mouth. What kind of stupid question was that?
"Hmm? As good as it gets when it's snowing." Fuuma looked surprised at the question, as expected. He took a closer look at Kamui, the boy seemed like he was in pain, grappling with an unseen enemy over something.
For the first time in a very long while, he paused to look into Kamui's heart and found his wish. It had gotten sickening after a while, for every time before today, he had, out of sheer boredom, looked into Kamui's heart.
Kamui's wish had bored him even further. It was always the same, I wish to get Fuuma back. What a stupid wish, especially when it was impossible. Why would Fuuma want to come back? After all, now he almost had the world at his feet, life was way better than before. He didn't have an obligation to anyone, and the truth of the matter was that no matter how much he had loved Kotori, she was a little irritating. Now, the source of minor irritation was gone. He could live his life the way he wanted to, answering to no one.
Kamui's new wish startled his cool demeanor. He was visibly shaken. It turned out that he wasn't the only one who was contemplating the other in a different way. Kamui's wish now plainly said: "I wish that Fuuma would love me the way I love him, more than a friend, more like a lover."
Kamui spoke again, when it was clear that Fuuma was not going to offer any more information about the weather or make some sarcastic crack about Kamui going more insane. It did not seem as if Fuuma would attack him either.
"I have something to tell you." Praying that Fuuma would listen and not say a word before he was done, he paused.
"Go on." Fuuma needed the time to think, so he waited.
"I must be going crazy, but you must know that already. I'm blabbering gibberish, and not talking right. See, even my grammer's gone. But I guess that's just the effect you have on me.
I'm not sadistic or perverse in any way, it's just that whenever I see you, or talk to you, I feel more than an intense desire to get you back. You've changed, for the better? It IS sadistic, isn't it? To like you when you are cruel to me instead of when you're kind. It made me happy you paid so much attention to me.
Then, I told myself that the only reason you paid so much attention to me was because I was the Kamui you were supposed to kill. Your interest in me was only because I was your adversary.
I rather hear your laughter at my words than not letting you know what I felt. After all, we only live once. Disappointment is better than regret. I rather not go through life thinking, "What if? What if?" "So you're trying to say you like me." Fuuma said, interrupting. It was a statement, not a question.
"No, it's more than like."
"Love?"
"Yes." The simplicity of the answer made his point all the more poignant. All the more real.
"How can you love me? I've done more than my fair share in hurting you. And I'm not even repentant. I killed the person you loved the most, I delighted in your terror and pain. The one you love is gone, if you had even loved me, that person is dead now. I am Kamui and Fuuma. We're no longer two separate entities, we're one and the same." Fuuma's voice spoke, a musical quality to its rich timber.
"What do you mean? Fuuma and Kamui?" but the answer hit him before he even needed to hear Fuuma's answer.
"Fuuma's accepted the dark Kamui, and the dark Kamui's accepted him. We're one and the same. Why hold on to good when there's nothing to live for in this world? That was what I thought. When you awoke the dark Kamui, there really was no way for it to be reverse, it was destiny.
So we adapted. In a way it's good, I wouldn't be that cruel, I'm NOT that cruel, I can feel. And it made it easier for me to live with what I had done." Fuuma said everything thoughtfully.
"Isn't that good? I'm attracted to the dark Kamui in ways I cannot fathom. To you, Fuuma. At least if I know you love me, you wouldn't hurt me. You'll never hurt the ones you love." Kamui said stubbornly. So what if the dark Kamui had awakened, in ways he was still the same Fuuma.
"That's where you're wrong. Why be so idealistic? Love IS hurting the ones you love because you can see how much they care about you when they cry when you hurt them. I'll put you out of your misery and tell you I love you. To see you in pain over what I've done, there's pleasure in that. But I believe that there's more pleasure in loving you that hurting you, am I right?" Fuuma answer shocked Kamui, though not in a bad way.
"I've never pretended to feel, but I've pretended not to feel. Let's just say that I don't want that now." Fuuma's hand gently brushed Kamui's lips.
Kamui sank slowly down on the bench, his only response that he had heard Fuuma was to allow his tongue to start a slow descent from Fuuma's face to his neck.
-tbc-
Note: well, heh heh, I'm almost done with this fic, I do have plans to continue it. But for that, I need reviews!!! @_@
Thanks to those that reviewed. Which for the last chapter, wasn't many. So, haha, not to sound bitter or anything, but wondering all the same, exactly what do you guys want?! Confessions only or something stupid, like that chapter in the middle of nowhere? I'm confused. Than again, I cater only to myself, no one else. But then again, I WILL listen to what you guys want. Ok, so I'm confusing myself and everyone else on this planet. Nvm, just read and enjoy. XP
Jing Fang!!~! (Nokoru), my dear girl, this fic is dedicated to you. I made it extra long just for you, ok? *hugs*