James waited patiently for Lily in the Astronomy Tower. His heart was thudding powerfully, and his stomach was twisting. He fingered the Head Boy badge pinned to his chest. In just a few short hours, they would graduate, and his childhood would end forever; instead of spending Saturday nights pulling pranks on his peers and neighbors, he'd be battling Death Eaters and other evils for Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix.
And in just a few short minutes, he would be asking Lily a very important question.
He thought about looking in one of the telescopes to see if the few stars he could make out in the darkening eastern sky could tell him anything about the future -- particularly, Lily's answer. But finally he decided against it, thinking that perhaps it was better he not know just yet.
He'd know soon enough. Lily was climbing the stairs to the tower.
She came in the door, looking flushed -- and very lovely. "Sorry I'm late. Head Boy and Girl've got to be down there in 15 minutes, did you know?"
He turned to face her. "Yeah -- yeah, I knew, I just wanted to talk to you for a moment."
She looked at him briefly, then came to the wall on which he was leaning and looked out the window to the setting sun in the west. "I kind of wanted to talk to you, too."
He faced out the window as well. The sunset made their faces glow with light, and Lily's brilliant green eyes and brilliant red hair shimmer even more than usual.
James couldn't speak for a long while, and it seemed that Lily, too, had something to say but was having trouble saying it.
After minutes of silence, James remembered their time restriction, took a breath, and started, "Do you --" at the same time Lily began, "Have you --"
They shared a smile. Beginning sentences at the same time or finished each other's sentences was a common occurence between them. James's heart lifted with hope.
"You go first," he said politely.
"I was going to ask if you've talked to Dumbledore recently."
"Yeah, I have. You've been initiated as well?"
Lily nodded grimly. "At least it makes things a little less complicated. I don't have to look for a job."
"On the other hand, working for his Order-thingy isn't going to be fun."
"No. . . . It'll be difficult. And dangerous, and deadly . . . and every other horrible d-word you can think of. Disasterous."
"Damnation," James said helpfully.
"Delightful. Delicious."
"Only if you think phoenixes are delectable."
Lily laughed. "No, that's off the menu. I'm not going to be eating the mascot."
She definitely has my lame sense of humor, doesn't she? thought James as he watched her smile. "Is that . . . is that all you were going to say?"
Her face changed. "No, I . . . Truthfully, I think things are going to be complicated from now on. In my life, I mean. Working for Dumbledore, living at home with Petunia, now that Mum and Dad are . . ." She trailed off. Lily's father had left a year ago and her mother had recently died of cancer. James felt pity for her, and empathy -- both his parents had died a few months ago, of natural causes. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had started out late in life. Most people had thought them to be James' grandparents.
"Things are going to be hard," James said softly. "But it helps, doesn't it, knowing we're not alone?"
She fidgeted. "Death toll rises every day."
"But we're all still here. Sirius and the others, your best friend Ellen . . . you and me . . ."
She looked up at him, her eyes troubled. "That's . . . that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You and me."
James looked back, his eyes expectant, waiting. "What about?"
I don't even have a ring. Maybe I should have bought a ring before we had this conversation, James was thinking, when Lily said abruptly, "I think we need some time apart."
James froze. His mind was blank. "Apart?"
"Y-yes." Unable to interpret the expression in his eyes, she tried desperately to explain. "I mean, here at Hogwarts we're okay, but . . . it's more complicated in the real world, and I just think maybe we could take a break, until --"
"Yeah," James shrugged, his face impassive. He was looking out at the sun again. "You're right. You know, I came here to say the same thing."
"You did?"
"Yeah. We should break up, because here it's fun, but it just wouldn't work when we're outside of school, would it?"
Lily shrank back. "No. . . ." James could tell she was looking at him hard, trying to catch his eye, but he didn't move.
"They're expecting us, we'd better go to the Feast," James said suddenly. Then he turned, and smiled at her -- but his smile was dry and unfeeling -- and left the Tower.
Lily followed.
~*
BACK IN THE PRESENT -- DECEMBER 20, 2003 -- LILY'S HOUSE
Lily had washed the dishes, taken out the trash, and swept the kitchen floor on Petunia's boyfriend's orders (Vernon was large, to put it mildly -- Lily thought it was best not to argue) and was getting dressed for bed when the phone rang. She picked it up, eager for some company besides her sister's.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Lily, watcha doin'?"
Lily held the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she buttoned her pale-blue silk pajama shirt. "Same thing I do every night at ten-thirty, getting ready for bed."
"At Potter's house?" she whispered gleefully.
"Obviously not, dimwit, you've just called my house."
"I know, I was poking fun, Lily. What's up with him?"
"I don't know . . . Ellen, where exactly are you, by the way? You didn't sneak into a Muggle house again --"
"No, I'm at a payphone on a street corner. Edgar brought home loads of torkers from his job."
Lily paused. Then -- "Oh! You mean quarters."
"Sure, whatever. So you wanna meet me over here tomorrow and we can go to the Christmas party together?"
"I'm not going."
"WHAT!? What d'you mean, you're not going? You mean Potter hasn't invited you?"
"Of course he has, he's invited everybody. It's just -- Petunia has a new boyfriend and suddenly she's real big on family. I think they just want me to stop hanging around with -- you know --"
"Your own species?"
"They don't like us. You know that. Anyway, it's Christmas Eve and they're expecting me to hang around."
"That bites. Lily, it's going to be fun. Edgar's going out with Emmeline Vance, did you know?"
"Oh, she is? That's cute, Emmie's so nice. . . . So your twin brother's got a girlfriend, when are you going to hook up? 'Tis the season."
"What's Christmas got to do with it?"
"I was more referring to the fact that the world is slowly going down the toilet."
"That really isn't funny, Lily."
Lily yawned and lay back in her bed. "I'm sorry, Ellen. I've got a bad sense of humor."
"Yes, that's true. . . . Lily, I'll miss you at the party. And I'm sure I won't be the only one."
"What's that supposed to --"
"Edgar's running down the road, yelling something. Probably he's saying I shouldn't be standing out in the open for too long. You're right about the toilet."
"I know. See you. Say hi to Edgar for me."
"Will do."
They hung up.
Lily stared at the ceiling. 'And I'm sure I won't be the only one,' . . .
She shook her head and went to sleep.