Fraudulences Of Words
An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

A/N : Re-edited on 4th of October, 2003, on grammar and organization of paragraphs.

Part Two : Admonitions

A week ago when it all started....

* * *

Tokitoh was sitting in the middle of the room, the living room, hands clutching the trademark black controller of a PS2. His eyes were tightly glued to the idiot box, gazing at the screen as multiple colors came crashing, from one side to another. He remained still, with the exception of his animated hands, which were punching the buttons furiously to unleash a wicked combo on the infamous Dead Or Alive 2 game. Underneath all the commotion and the undeniably good sound system, he could make out mentally of what's going around him. Behind him, he knew, sat his best friend, Makoto Kubota, all drowned in another cigarette, one hand holding a thick book that Tokitoh often dismissed himself as another 'nuisance' unworthy of all the time, another hand vacant. His eyes were hidden behind glasses, both poring over endless strings of words.

The television flashed a 'Game Over' sign, and as high-scores scrolled over the screen, Tokitoh sighed dejectedly as he turned around, facing his friend who was diligently reading. "Kubo-chan, are you still absorbed in the book?" No response. Taking that as a significant 'yes', Tokitoh turned around, frowning. It annoyed him a lot whenever Kubota ignored him over some boring book.

It annoyed him when Kubota chose silence over words. It annoyed him when Kubota dismissed everything as nothing. It annoyed him when Kubota gave him that I-Told-You-So look. It annoyed him when he knew he will lose somehow to Kubota. It annoyed him so much that he felt terribly annoyed. Yes. Frustration boiled within him sometimes.

Tokitoh's mind wandered somewhere else, albeit his fingers still loyally entering entry keys into the PS2 controller. His eyes and hands were focused altogether on the arcade-fighting style game, but his thoughts weren't.

Tokitoh felt quite disappointed sometimes. Just a week or two ago, Kubota changed their relationship status in one significant night. From friends,...

... to lovers.

Tokitoh himself was confused and surprised at first. He was used to their little 'lovers' joke since he entered Araiso Private High during second grade. He was used to collaborate with Kubota, leaving confusing hints at their friends. Everyone thought they were lovers. Everyone thought they were more than friends.

Who couldn't forget those so-called intimate gestures between them, displayed quite publicly as a little joke? Well, shounen ai relationships were quite popular in their school during the heydays. So, their jokes were nothing but playful hints that left their friends on the trail of wonder and suspense. "Are they for real?"

Fortunately, or unfortunately, they were never lovers then. Only best of friends. Many times did Tokitoh wonder, did Kubota keep any hidden feelings for him? Once or twice, during that little teasing session, Tokitoh could somehow see another flicker of emotion behind those grinning eyes. Another light from within...

... the flame of longing. The flame of desire. Of wanting. Of deep, deep and hidden lust...

Tokitoh almost lost his composure whenever he saw that look. But that enigmatic gaze will last for a second or two, making it delusional and ephemeral. Kubota will end their joke with a tacky comment or the truth behind everything; i.e. taking Tokitoh's History notebook, giving Tokitoh his ice-cream,... whatever the joke is centered on, Kubota will be the one who end it. Tokitoh sighed in relief as it ended,...

... but more than often he longed to gaze at Kubota underneath those spellbinding eyes again.

He did not know why. The feeling was weird, bizarre. Out of his mind, and certainly crazy. He dismissed it more than once.

But it returned, whenever the joke's being played. It felt like the joke is on him, and not their friends.

Tokitoh bit his lips. More than once,... already more than once,...

He felt played, but nonetheless he kept his mouth shut. Maybe he was the only one who is a little sensitive, feeling all played and messed up... maybe he should not take it seriously.

And how did you know.... the next thing, after being trapped in this emotional ride for so long...

Kubota kissed him not long ago. Tokitoh himself was flustered. It was crazy, yes, it was more like a dream. He thought it was just another joke, like usual....

... but the spectators were missing. No school friends, no EC, no school compound,... only the sofa, their house, lights out, candle on, Kubota and him, pressed together,... and a kiss.

No comical ending, no tacky response, no tricks up in the sleeve,... just another of that intense gaze and another alluring kiss, another wave of passion drowning him over.

He thought that it was one, and never anymore. He thought maybe something went wrong with Kubota that night, and the private emotion was merely for a night. Tokitoh thought it was nothing but a one-night-stand.

He was proven wrong.

The next morning, he was greeted by sunshine upon his coverlets, a gentle tug and a tender kiss. What a way to say "Good Morning."

The next few days,... some time together, underneath starry skies and the hot frolicking sun, surrounded by the surrealistic world and a secluded love built by their love.

And then,... came the tide. Sometimes Kubota remained ever the same,... ignoring him,... and sometimes pulling him so close...

... and then pushing him away,... and pulling him again,... push and pull,...

Tokitoh bit his lips again. Is it another game? Kubota played those games many time with his heart since the first time they met, and now their games were not only bounded to the fences of Friendship, but to the gates of Love and Relationship.

So, this game is much more intensified and interesting... ne, Tokitoh?

"Game Over."

Tokitoh looked up suddenly, surprised by the sudden change of his gaming status. There, he saw his character, the ninja babe Kasumi lying on the floor, with the horrid Tengu dancing around her. Game over? Since when? Despite my wandering thoughts,... I did focus on the game,...

Flip. Flip.

Tokitoh could hear the sound of pages turning. Kubota on another page of that book. Silence. Except from the game. Tokitoh stood up, and shut the television. He dropped the controller onto his chair. Slowly, he walked to Kubota, and sat down beside him. Gently placing one hand on Kubota's chest, he bent down, pouted and called out, "Kubo-chan..."

Kubota did not respond, instead, he turned over, his back facing Tokitoh. His face was solemn, himself being absorbed into the book.

Tokitoh frowned. Not again,... not that Silence-Is-Golden Kubota... "Can't you say something??" Tokitoh snapped, quite irritated. Kubota continued ignoring him.

"Kubo-chan!" Tokitoh exclaimed, frustrated. Silence. Kubota flipped to another page. He placed a bookmark between the page, and continue reading.

This is over,... Tokitoh though, agitated. Angrily he snatched Kubota's book from his hands, and threw it to one side of the room. Kubota let him do so, and curled himself up on the couch, still not facing Tokitoh.

"Kubota!" Tokitoh called loudly, shaking Kubota on the shoulder. "Get up, up, up, UP!" Kubota turned, his expression placid. Tokitoh couldn't believe it. Kubota was all calm, not even affected by his actions.

"What do you want, Tokitoh?" Kubota asked, his voice sounding exasperated, his eyes straightly staring into Tokitoh's. Tokitoh glared at him, and answered. "What I want? Well, can you stop ignoring me? I hate it, Kubota. What do you think I am, some rag doll?" Tokitoh's eyes were lit in fury. Kubota retorted equally. "Did I say so?"

"But you act like I'm one!" Tokitoh exclaimed loudly, clenching his fists. Kubota did not reply, but still maintain his icy glare.

"Kubota, I'm sick of this! First, you kissed me the other day, saying 'I Love You' and all those stupid fucking crap when you don't mean it at all now! You messed up my emotions, making me beg for more when you know that I hate it so much. Then, when the fun is all over, you treat me like dirt, like I'm some imbecile creature. What do you think you're doing, Kubota? Who do you think you are??? Kubota, please.... stop the silence, stop the confusing signals... stop..." Tokitoh's lips quivered as he felt tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes.

Kubota's eyes softened at the look of Tokitoh on the verge of tears. Nonetheless he did not say anything.

"... I,... I don't like this at all,... Kubota,... I hate the way you keep the silence present,..." Tokitoh said. "I hate to beg, Kubota, but please, stop this confusing game."

"No one asked you to beg." Came Kubota's sharp remark. Tokitoh felt like he had been slapped at his face.

"... No one asked me to love you either. I don't even want to!" Tokitoh spat, totally shocked at Kubota's sarcastic reply. And as he spoke out his own response, he almost bit his tongue.

"Then don't!" Kubota said, smiling mockingly. "I dare you to leave, that is, if you can ever survive." Kubota well know that Tokitoh's chances of living out there without him,... will be down to a zero.

"I WILL survive without you. Thank you so much." Tokitoh replied before realizing the consequences of his words. As truth dawned upon his own comprehension,...

... Tokitoh almost choked. But nevertheless he kept his defiant stare. With his head held high, he took his wallet and hand phone from the table, and walked towards the door. His heart felt empty and hollow,... and a sinking feeling began to form deep inside.

"I'll be leaving." Tokitoh announced finally, the finale to his emotional breakout. He awaited Kubota's reaction. None came. Tokitoh shook his head, quite disappointed. Why did Kubota hold no response to whatever he had said just now? What is he trying to be, the Ice Queen? Freeze all the subjects, oh yes, the Lady with No Mercy Nor Compassion, Neutral of Emotions?

Tokitoh bit his lips. Still no response... still the cold winds chained everything up in silence. Tokitoh decided that it was done. Everything was done. He cannot regret whatever spoken, whatever written across the stars. He turned around, and placed one hand on the doorknob. As painful as the harsh words he had uttered, he turned on the knob, and opened the door softly. The blistering breeze greeted him. This is it. No turning back.

"Oh,... Tokitoh?" Came the voice that he hoped to hear. Nonetheless, Tokitoh only stood there, his back facing Kubota. Let him know that I'm serious about leaving...

"Go wherever you like, but let me tell you something. No matter what happens, you will find yourself coming back here." Kubota said, his voice casual enough to provoke Tokitoh's raging storms. Tokitoh gritted his teeth. How confident, that damnable liar! Fine! I will not return at all, and I would like to see what he'll think about this!

"You'll come back soon enough." Kubota said, smiling.

Turning around, with a cynical smile and a fake sugary voice, Tokitoh quipped. "Oh, really? Who would return to such a place, anyway?" With those words, he slammed the door, leaving a smug Kubota behind. Kubota picked up the book that Tokitoh thrown across the room. "Ah, still neatly book-marked." noted Kubota as he opened the page that he last read, sank back onto the couch and started reading.

"He'll return, soon enough..." With a little sigh, Kubota turned to the next page and read on.

End of Part 2 : Admonitions