Fraudulences Of Words
An Executive Committee Fanfiction By enervate

A/N : Reposted on 4th of October. Implied R-rated scene in this chapter. You've been warned. **wink**

Dedicated to : labrynth and lituska_silvermoon, with lots of love.

Part 6 : If

"That promise we made that day... I don't want to keep it by myself."

* * *

Two figures laid there in the darkness, only to be surrounded by an aura of gold cast by the lone candle, standing in the soft midnight breeze. It was silent, still, quiet, so silent that Tokitoh himself could hear Kubota's heartbeat pounding lightly with regular frequency. Those rhythm melted into the surreal silence that enveloped the room in such delicateness that Tokitoh was almost certain, if a needle dropped in the middle of this strange clarity of space, everything could be shattered by that single interference.

A gust of wind blew in, sending the translucent curtains flying in the eerie lone glow of the silver moon. The electricity had not been installed back. Well, Tokitoh did not care either. Lights on or lights off, what's the difference? For without this little interruption to his game on the insignia black console, nothing will ever happen between the two of them. Without the blackout, he will be seated in front of their second-hand television, fingers interlaced between combo entries and key pressing rather than fingers interlaced between silky strands of dark brown hair. Without the blackout, he will be leaning against the leather of the sofa behind him, and not to be leaning against the warm body of his friend. Oops... wait... his friend or his lover?

There he laid now, deep within Kubota's embrace, well safeguarded within warmth and shelter, himself tightly huddled inside like he was seeking protection within that inner shell. It felt so comforting, as it had always been, but this time the emotions that were stirred spelt of something much different. Tokitoh knew well that this time it was more than appreciation of a friendship but instead a deep invoked sensation of love, boiled by the cauldron of lust.

And he could feel gentle, soft lips brushed against his forehead. Tokitoh's lips curled into a smile of gratification, enjoying that feeling of surreal that became much familiar to him already since the start of this beautiful moment.

Kubota nipped softly at Tokitoh's earlobe, and tugged it with his lips. His breath prickled Tokitoh, making the smaller one squirmed a little, maybe out of impulse rather than command. "Tokitoh,..." Kubota's voice dropped an octave lower, somehow tinged with a sense of urgency in it. Tokitoh could only mumble out the words "Mmm mmm?" as Kubota's lips suddenly engulfed his in a passionate kiss again. Tokitoh shifted himself a little as the kiss prolonged, his body tensing up when Kubota's fingers teasingly stroked on his chest, up and down in swirls and twirls, and back up again, those slender fingers trailing around the collar, seductively making light contacts with the skin on the neck but avoided complete contact. Tokitoh felt a little impatient despite his own inner voice that told him to hold the horses. He just couldn't stand the teasing. Either he get it fully or he doesn't want it at all, but not all those temptations that weren't ascertain, weren't sure, weren't assured that it meant anything.

Tokitoh was annoyed, and yet delighted at the sensations that he felt,... just so nice,...

And all of a sudden the candle was dead, its life blown out by the naughty breeze. Tokitoh froze in sudden surprise, but it seems to him that Kubota was taking full advantage of the disarming darkness. Tokitoh gulped silently as he felt slender fingers unlocking buttons slowly, one, by one, by one, and another one, and another one, slowly, as the heat from those fingers vibrated against his going-to-be bare chest. Is things going so far? Am I prepared for such? I,... I just don't know... Everything was once so slow... moving at a pace that is seemingly eternally stagnant and frozen... and now everything was at the speed of the light, emotions, sensations, pulse, ... they're racing. I could hear my heartbeat accelerating, soaring, losing itself in the frenzy of the activities that took place here...

... and I could hear my body screaming for more.

Kubota must had sensed his hesitation as tender eyes gazed questioningly into the other pair present. They held the other in a soft stare, a question of yes and no. Tokitoh's lips opened to answer something, but none came out. He did not know what to do. Everything at once seems too much of a hurry. But,... if later is never, if later never happened, if tomorrow never came,... he will regret this one moment for his life.

"I,..." Tokitoh's voice faltered as he struggled to juggle that tormenting question in his mind. Kubota stopped his advancement on Tokitoh, and gently placed a kiss on his forehead. "I'm sorry. I took things too far, did I?" Tokitoh could only give a weak nod, half of himself crumpled into disappointment, the other half sighed in relief. He did not know what to do. He was just so confused.

"I,... honestly I don't know, Kubo-chan... I'm so confused..." Tokitoh whispered softly, fingers tightly clutching at Kubota's shirt as he buried his face against Kubota's chest. "... just so confused..." Tokitoh closed his eyes. Kubota smiled and ruffled Tokitoh's hair affectionately. "It's alright... everything happened all so suddenly..." Kubota whispered back consolingly into Tokitoh's ears. Tokitoh smiled a little. Maybe... everything did happen all of a sudden that I am just too caught up in this whirlwind of romance... can you call this 'romance'? 'Love'? Or....

... 'lust'?

Kubota ran his lips upon Tokitoh's spine along the neck, and Tokitoh involuntarily gave a little sigh. Those sensations began to hum again as Kubota's kisses filled him with a sudden jolt of electricity. A rosary of moans escaped his lips as those traveling kisses grew more fervent, racing up and down, left to right and back again. Tokitoh's fingers clutched tightly at Kubota's white shirt, clenched into a fist as Kubota changed his attentions from his neck to his collarbone, and up to his jaw, and trailed those kisses back to his lips. Tokitoh's lips were opened wide from his symphony of sighs as those melodies were shut off almost then when Kubota sealed them with a passionate kiss. This is just too much. I could barely contain myself any longer...

Tokitoh's fingers loosen their grip on the white shirt, but instead took reign on those buttons upon that shirt. Tentatively, he unbuttoned one, and another, slowly. Meanwhile, he was still engulfed in those chain of kisses. Kubota could feel his shirt loosen slowly, and his lips curved into a smile as they met the other set into more rapturous sequences. So, Tokitoh decided to let things go on, after all.

Tokitoh slowly break from that kiss, but his eyes lingered around, still keeping that drowned, dazed reflection in it. Kubota looked much the same too,... all drowned by waves of passion and lust. Slowly, Kubota bent down, and nuzzled Tokitoh between his head and shoulder. Tokitoh could hear him whisper something softly. "May I continue?"

Tokitoh gave a smile. The simplicity of that question, and the tenderness from it, the question that showed no hurry, no force, just a nonchalant one, just a simple request for the next step ahead. The courtesy and the gentleness of it touched Tokitoh's feelings, and as his own emotions had already drove them this far,... why not? He hugged Kubota's head and whispered in return. "... as you wish."

"I only wish for you... but is it all right?" Even within the pitch black surroundings Tokitoh could see genuine concern reflected in those enigmatic orbs that he loved so much to stare inside to. Suddenly a few heartstrings tugged at the back of his emotions. Must they really go this far?

He relented because he wanted to. He had nothing to regret if he did,... because he knew he will regret only if he did not. He might have lose this moment, forever. And he would not let this chance slip.

Even if this is once and for all, even if this is once and never ever, even if this is once and goodbye, even if this is once and the only once, he will keep this piece of time as a fragment of memory. Let this be the light to guide him even in the darkest planes, for he knew the roads that he will take after this will be much darker than the lanes he had been walking on for years before.

"I really love you,... Kubo-chan." Tokitoh whispered, his voice rang clear and clarion. His eyes were now clear too, determination framed within those energetic blue. "You want me too, don't you?" Kubota smiled at that question. He let his fingers ran along the outlines of Tokitoh's face, and as he lowered his face to greet Tokitoh's lips with another kiss, he answered.

"I want you,... now."

* * *

If I think about you,
Even you're not within my sight, you're in my heart,
I've been thinking about returning,
Despite knowing that I will face the consequences,
But I have no intentions to leave forever...

"I have no intentions to leave you..." Tokitoh whispered as he buried his face deeper into the fluffy pillow that he had been hugging since a few minutes ago, admonishing upon their first kiss. Thinking back upon those times, he wondered why did he choose to leave Kubota. Maybe that decision came in as a brash one, something based upon impulse rather than reasoning. And a lonely feeling tugged at the back of his heart.

But he wanted to show, to prove, and to tell Kubota that he doesn't need him to survive. Yes, he still wants Kubota's love, Kubota's attentions, Kubota's care... he knew how much all those meant to him, a poor stray kitten in a drain, waiting to be picked up by someone with a heart. Yes, Kubota had indeed picked him up from that terrible life that he underwent before, and all he wanted, just like everyone, just like the stray kitten, is a home to belong to, a place where he knew that he is truly welcomed. He knew Kubota provided him with all the emotional and morale support before, the strength to move on, the courage to stand on his feet.

And at the same time, Kubota was the one who laid those chains upon his neck, upon his wrists, upon his feet, upon his soul. Tokitoh felt trapped, felt so chained, bounded by those metal chains... but why are they invisible? He couldn't see them, but he could feel them weighing him down as he walked beside Kubota everyday. He did not understand why, why and why.

And he hated it so much when he kept on thinking about Kubota. Come to think about it, his life seems to revolve around that tall and slender lover of his. Since he came to Araiso Private High, who else had stood up for him? Kubota. Who else had been there for him? Kubota. Who else had been...

... everything Kubota. Kubota this, Kubota that. Everything about him has something to do with Kubota. It was like,... so unbelievable. It was indisputable that they are like two halves of an orange or whatever that goes in halves. There's a compliment and balance in their relationship. Their strength balanced their weakness, like the yin and yang of a circle.

No wonder they were such a compatible pair, despite all the differences. Strange bedfellows, indeed.

And if Tokitoh here couldn't survive without Kubota....

... will he survive without me? I fear that he could...

... survive without me...

* * *

[ WARNING : implied R-rated scenes, about 4 paragraphs, skip if you must, but seriously they are nothing... :-) ]

With a sudden tug he discarded Tokitoh's clothing onto one corner of the living room, not knowing where that garment actually landed, much less he actually cared of where it landed. His own clothes were already thrown onto the floor moments ago. And now, both Kubota and Tokitoh laid there on the couch, pressed together, skin against skin. Tokitoh could hear his own heart pounding loudly in his ears, and the heat on his face as Kubota ran his tongue on Tokitoh's bare chest, along the contours of his lithe body. Exhilarating shivers ran down Tokitoh's spine as he stirred a little underneath that gesture. And soon he found Kubota's fingers smoothly caressing his chest, and those deft fingers lingered on and on,... clearly present to arouse him even further.

And when Kubota ran his tongue over his nipple, just one solitary contact, Tokitoh stifled a moan. He did not want to lose control immediately. Maybe he wasn't familiar to such sinful indulgences but still, he did not want to show his weakness so fast. But when Kubota continued his assault on his nipple, licking it and massaging it in long, torturous and yet tender strokes, Tokitoh felt his knees turned into rubber. He felt like he was made of lead, easily melting underneath all the pressure and the heat from this little amorous affair.

Tokitoh felt Kubota's teeth scraped against his nipple, causing him to squirm somehow, but Kubota's hands firmly pinned him down, while his legs were placed to keep Tokitoh down. And as Kubota continued his work on where he started, Tokitoh could only drown all his gasps and moans by biting his own lips, his hands clutching Kubota's silky hair, his eyes closed. Why is this pleasure, and why is this pain?

And as Kubota toyed on with Tokitoh's nipple, Tokitoh could feel that Kubota did not leave the other one alone. Those free fingers instead pinched the other nipple, and drew sensuous touches upon it. Tokitoh shivered in delight, his own actions betraying his own efforts to keep calm. Is this,… Eden? He closed his eyes, enjoying the thrilling sensation, the persuasive touches, the invigorating caresses, the friction between his bare chest and Kubota's slender fingers. He could see colors swimming in his eyes…

All of a sudden, the fluorescent lights flickered, and the television resumed its static screen mode, the sound of static 'Zzzz' interrupting their game of pleasures there. The racket happened in such a sudden that both of them fell on the floor out of surprise. Tokitoh winced as he rubbed the place where his head came into contact with the concrete floor. "Ouch…" Quite annoyed, he snatched the remote control from the coffee table and aimed it at the television, sending the static screen into a bleep of black. "Idiot." He cursed loudly. Beside him, Kubota laughed silently. He pulled Tokitoh close, just like the many million times he did before as a friend, and rested his arm on Tokitoh's shoulder.

"Now you will get to resume your Dead Or Alive game. Be thankful that the blackout is over." Kubota chuckled. Tokitoh glared at him. "Very funny."

"Well, that is the joke of the millennium, Tokitoh." Kubota placed his lips on Tokitoh's neck, and ran kisses along his collarbone and down to his shoulder. Tokitoh rolled his eyes. "Yeah, just a second ago you asked me to resume my game and now you are doing this." Tokitoh snapped, referring to Kubota's butterfly kisses. Kubota looked up, and grinned. "Go on, you play on the PS2, and I'll resume my game here."

"I'm not amused." Tokitoh retorted, but nonetheless he switched on the PS2 and pretended to concentrate on his game. Kubota still continued exploring his body, now his back, and were tracing kisses along the vertebrae, all according to the contours of the backbone. All Tokitoh could do to remain fixed on his own game was to grab the black controller firmly and to grit his teeth. Suddenly he could hear Kubota asking.

"Turn the volume up, Tokitoh."

"Why?" Tokitoh asked, turning around in surprise. Kubota caught hold of his face, and traced the outlines of his jaw with one finger. From the corners of his eye, Tokitoh could see his own character in the game got attacked by the CPU. Oh no,… But he cared less, because as Kubota pressed his lips tightly to seal Tokitoh's, Tokitoh let go of the PS2 controller, and let his free hand wrap around Kubota, pulling him closer. Their kiss deepened, prolonged, and when Tokitoh could not breathe, he pulled away unwillingly before he suffocated. Taking a few gulps of fresh air, he suddenly noticed that Kubota's fingers were pressed against the black controller.

"Damn you, Kubo-chan! It is my turn, not yours!" Tokitoh fumed, which earned Kubota's grin. "You would have to be smart to live,… koi." Kubota said languidly, his eyes gleaming mischievously. "Meanwhile, let me resume my game here on the PS2." Kubota said, eyes glued on the television screen. "This is unfair!" Tokitoh screeched as he tried to grab the controller from Kubota. Kubota held it out of his reach as he fended off Tokitoh. Tokitoh grumbled.

"Fine! After you've game over, its MY turn." Tokitoh announced, and settled down snuggling beside Kubota as he watched him play. Kubota only smiled.

"I have in mind of another much more interesting game for us,… later."

By the tone of how Kubota spoke of those words, Tokitoh suddenly felt butterflies in his stomach.

* * *

As Tokitoh laid there, deeply exhausted, on his bed, he forced his eyes to stay wide open in spite of the yawns and the drugged feeling that he had. Beside him, Kubota laid there, his naked body covered by the blanket, by Tokitoh's blanket. Tokitoh placed his hand on Kubota's face, and softly caressed his cheek tenderly. "I really love you…"

Tokitoh did not know why he felt such attachment towards his friend, or now, his lover. Maybe because of his own shattered past, maybe because he had no one, maybe because he belonged here, right beside Kubota, as Kubota's. Slowly Tokitoh bent down, and placed a tender kiss upon those lips.

"Why do I keep on had this sinking feeling that something bad will happen soon? I'm just so afraid,… Kubo-chan…"

… so afraid if I am supposed to live without you…

But will Kubota take their relationship seriously? Or is it just a one-night-stand,… something that comes and goes? Is it just another of those games,… yes, those delusional games that they played so many times as a little teaser to the entire Araiso Private High community…

… I don't want to play anymore, Kubo-chan. I'm afraid that I will be the loser in this game, and that I will lose you…

… just don't break my heart.

Tokitoh yawned yet again, but he forced himself to stay awake. He wanted to savor all the time … everything,… before it melts away in the upcoming morning sun.

* * *

The sunlight streamed through the blinds, penetrating the glass windows and gently kissed Tokitoh's forehead, pressing on for the youth to open his eyes to the beautiful morning. Last night, he fell asleep at last, his heart heavy and worried that his rendezvous with Kubota was only a one-night-stand, something ephemeral and short-lived. That was why Tokitoh forced himself to stay awake as long as he could in order to savor everything possible. He felt so troubled, so worried that it will never last,… and that it might destroy their friendship forever.

He stirred in his sleep when the morning sunshine danced on his skin and his hair, illuminating it with a golden aura of its own. Subconsciously annoyed, he turned around, mumbling half-hearted curses as well as profanity as he pulled his blanket over him. Enough of Nature's alarm clock, that poor tired guy needs sleep. After all the thing he did last night, all he wanted now was all the time allotted possible for a nice, deep slumber, well away from his own worries…

… wait. It is morning, isn't it? Tokitoh almost jumped out of the bed when he realized that the day had already passed by, and peering groggily at the clock by his table, he was further awake when his mind finally registered what he was looking at into his brain.

"10.00 am."

"What???" Fine. What a way to start the day. He was 2 hours late for school. And damn Kubota for not waking him up earlier. What a selfish jerk! Tokitoh mused angrily as he rubbed his eyes. Only seconds later he, again, realized that he was sitting stark naked on his bed, with nothing on for the exception of the blanket which covered some essential parts. Cursing as loudly as he could, he pulled the drawer open and fished out his long-sleeved t-shirt, the white one with the cape, his underpants and trousers. As he got dressed, he couldn't help but to chant those swear words. "Fuck him. Fuck him. Fuck him." He did not understand why must Kubota ignore him now. Okay, fine! If he actually decided to act as if nothing happened yesterday, at least he could have wake him up and not to leave him here like this. And now how is he supposed to explain to the teacher if he reached school late? Or did Kubota gave some dumb excuses to the teacher? Or should he call in sick to the school clerk?

"I swear that when I saw him, he's going to be sooooooo fucked." Tokitoh muttered as he got into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He was so mad, so angry that he did not bother to turn off the tap while he was brushing his teeth. "Damn him! Damn Kubo-chan! Self-centered, conceited, useless bastard!" Tokitoh let the water run so rapidly down the sink that he almost flooded the whole place. "Like I care! Fuck him!" Tokitoh commented to himself as he rinsed and turned off the tap.

"Either way, he is going to be dead…. Fuck him!" Tokitoh muttered aloud as he exited from the bathroom.

"Fuck who?"

Tokitoh almost jumped when he heard that familiar voice greeted him. Arms wrapped around him almost immediately, and a kiss landed on his forehead. "Good morning, Tokitoh." Kubota said, smiling at Tokitoh's surprise. Tokitoh was more than bewildered. Kubota,… here… playing truant?

"Why that surprised look? And by the way, who are you going to fuck?" Kubota's eyes twinkled in mischief as he planted another affectionate kiss on Tokitoh's cheek and ruffled his hair. "No one in particular." Tokitoh muttered. He felt somehow relieved. Kubo-chan,… he,… he did not dismiss me or anything, but instead he still treats me like how he did yesterday,… just,… just like his lover. Am I supposed to feel happy? Am I supposed to jump for joy, that he did not take me for granted yesterday, but really hold on tight to his words, really keeping to his promise? I know I am supposed to feel blessed, happy,… but there's some kind of a dark sensation inside.

I felt like I'm venturing into a dark, dark side of this relationship… I felt like I'm losing myself into nothingness,… soon.

"Why so,… dressed up?" Kubota inquired as he raised his eyebrow questioningly. Tokitoh frowned, and only then he noticed that Kubota was simply dressed, but not for school. Hmm? What now? Tokitoh gave Kubota in return a puzzled expression. "Well,… I thought you have already left for school, and I thought I might as well as…" Tokitoh's voice trailed as Kubota smothered a grin. Kubota draped his arm over Tokitoh's shoulder casually and smiled. "I never knew that Araiso Private High operates on Sundays."

Tokitoh blushed red as he realized that in his anger, he forgot about the day. Stupid me… it was a dumb Sunday, after all! "…" Tokitoh folded his arms and pouted, not amused. Kubota smiled and pulled the smaller boy closer. "Forget about it,… we've all the time in the world today." Kubota nuzzled Tokitoh's ear playfully. Tokitoh rolled his eyes. "Whatever… I'm starving and you are going to cook. I don't care."

"Yes, koi." Kubota mock-saluted Tokitoh and left for the kitchen. Tokitoh shook his head.

This is crazy,…

* * *

If I think about you,
Even you're not within my sight, you're in my heart,
What are the similarities of these feelings?
I would like to meet you, even though I felt bashful,
I have no intentions to be separated from you…

If it is true that my lips tell of words that are still the things that hurt you,
Those words that were spoken,
They are insults and compliments from me to you.

We're still too young to make a decision,
I'm sorry, because I would like to return,
.. if ever there is a way to return.

Tokitoh sighed as he buried his face deeper into the pillow. So it was so true then, when he first felt intimacy together with Kubota, his own soul predicted and forecasted a dark and clouded future for them. How true instincts spoke then! And now,… indeed, words and thoughts had turned into the harsh reality. Why must it be so true? Why must they fight, why must they quarrel, why can't there be tolerance, why can't there be togetherness in their hearts? Why must they make one another cry?

Why must Kubota make him cry and beg on his knees? Why must he endure all of this?

Enough about thinking of the past,… he couldn't take it anymore.

Tokitoh got up from the bed that he was in, and picked up his wallet, cellular phone and the Ayumi Hamasaki CD, as well as his own self up. He could not take it any longer. This hotel room merely generates the times that he had together with Kubota as his lover, and everything drove him crazy. He felt as though as his mind was spinning like a top that had just been released from the string. He felt like breaking down immediately, but in whose arms could he find solace and comfort? None. So, like a determined child he strode out of the room, and out of the hotel, and let his leg do the walking, leading him to wherever he desired…

… but he desired for none. He was on auto-pilot mode, just too depressed to think on further.

He did not realized that the path that he took will eventually lead him to a park. As it was night time, no one was there, for the exception of the street lamps and the silent pathways. Tokitoh somehow smiled. There was something in this place that tells him of assurance.

Tokitoh exhaled as he sat there on the cold marble bench, accompanied by the nature's orchestra of midnight insects. Given any particular choice on a usual night he wouldn't have enjoyed such an outing here, especially on the public park, spending his night there... but it was an Eden to his mind, a much more soothing place in comparison to his own hotel room. And he swore that he will do almost anything now to run away from the terrible burden of his heart.

Thinking and relieving back all the times he had with Kubota seems to be a torture to both his physique and his mentality. He was driven to such pressure that he felt his body threatened to crumble down anytime. He looked up into the sky, and saw the endless stretch of black above him, dusted with silver stars and the crescent moon. The skies were clear, were crystal clear,… such a contrast to his own inner soul.

Maybe all he need was a place to belong to. After all, it seems like everything in the universe have an accompaniment,.. some form of company and attachment…

… but whatever it may be, whatever Life may offer…

… que sera sera,… whatever will be, will be…

As the chilling wind bit into his bones, an exhausted Minoru Tokitoh fell asleep, both his mind and soul cracking under coercion, under the strain,…

… why must Love be a burden to us? Why must Love destroy someone?