Disclaimer: Not mine. See previous twenty some chapters for various denials of ownership.
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What's Going On:
Jack didn't want to go. He wanted to stay until Winn told him what was really on her mind. But he realized that this was just as new to her as it was to him. Perhaps even newer. He at least had some experience with the opposite sex – she had none outside of her family . . . and that man who was constantly coming by. He'd give her her space as Captain Morgan had suggested.
Leaning over, he planted a soft kiss on her lips. "As long as you're sleeping, why don't you dream of me?"
With sleep making her tongue loose, she replied, "I'm not sure I could avoid it."
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Wednesday:
Winn would have been perfectly content to lie in bed doing nothing until Saturday. But fate seemed to conspire against her to get her out of bed. First off, Pige started whining at five o'clock to be taken out. Winn did, then went back to bed. At six, one of her younger nieces or nephews wet the bed causing mass panic in the entire group. Luckily, Winn got away unscathed, but her bed was no longer fit for sleeping until someone went and cleaned the mess up.
After returning everyone to their own bedrooms, Winn decided that simply staying in her room would have to do. But at seven-thirty, an army of maids came in to take Winn's dirty clothes for cleaning, her clean clothes for ironing, her packed clothes for airing out, and her trunks to be cleaned out so they could be repacked. This puzzled Winn until she realized that everyone expected her to leave with her new husband at the end of the week. Suffice it to say, this did not put her in a better mindset. There was no way she'd be able to take all her things with her, and a day of sorting through what was going to be taken and what was going to be left behind made her quake in her sea-boots. Especially since she wasn't actually going to be leaving on the Black Pearl.
About the time that she was wishing for some chamomile tea (not to drink, but the aroma seemed to help relieve impending headaches), Cat appeared in the doorway demanding that Winn come downstairs to breakfast. "You've been hiding long enough. It's time to come get something to eat, say hello to the rest of the family, and then get to work. We have two busy days before us. Three if you count the day of the wedding."
Winn groaned. This seems like an awful amount of trouble to go through simply to have a wedding. It's not like we couldn't get away with planning absolutely nothing. And if someone needs to plan, why don't they bother Grandfather with the details? This was all his idea anyway. While she may have not been supportive of the idea, Winn did obediently follow Cat down the stairs.
"– because if you want –"
Winn interrupted Elizabeth before she could go on any longer about what type of flowers should go into the bridal bouquet. She had already been discoursing on the subject for forty-five minutes. "Remember when I swore to get back at you for making me go through the constant fuss and commotion that was your wedding?"
Elizabeth looked confused. Having been focused on one thing for so long, it was taking her a moment to switch gears. Hesitantly, she nodded, wondering where Winn was going to go with this.
"Just wanted to make sure. Look, I really don't care what this thing looks like. I've never taken the time to learn what each and every flower represents singly, let alone what they represent when combined with other flowers." Taking her friend by the shoulders, she said in a gentler voice. "Look, I know you're only trying to help, but all you're doing is making my head spin. I trust you to make me the perfect bouquet. I don't think you need to run all the options past me. You know how I feel about this, so make something that says that. The men will be clueless anyhow."
Elizabeth smiled. "I was beginning to wonder if that stunned look was ever going to leave your face. Will gets the same look on his face when he asks what's going on between two people without being prepared to hear the entire life stories of both parties, because, as we all know, that is the only way to properly spread gossip." She gripped Winn's forearm in her left hand, her hand other holding on to some kind of flower-meaning-rulebook. "You really want me to handle this?"
"Yes, please. Just don't make it too frilly. I don't like frilly. I may have put up with it for you, but I refuse to deal with it. If this is truly 'my day' then I want to be able to just do this. No fuss."
No sooner had the matter of flowers been settled, than Cat protested the lack of fuss. "Winn, you only get married once, if you're lucky. You need some fuss. What will people think if –"
"People can think anything they want, but it won't make a difference because they will not be here. We are not inviting people to this, Cat. It's a pirate wedding for goodness sake. Not a spectacle for people to come and gawk at. We'll have enough of that happening inside the family without inviting anyone else."
"What do you mean this is going to be a pirate wedding? Winn, you're going to be married –"
"In a pirate ceremony. If you haven't noticed, there isn't an abundance of ministers in Osprey Point. I had a talk with Grandfather after breakfast. He'll perform the limited ceremony that exists, I'll walk myself down the aisle, and then we'll all get drunk." Winn smiled crookedly. "Besides, the groom's a pirate. Did you actually expect to get him to agree to a ceremony that's legally binding to the majority of the population? All we need is one that's valid amongst pirates."
Cat was not happy at being thwarted. "Winifred. You can't seriously think –"
Winn suddenly had a dangerous edge to her posture and tone of voice. "Don't tell me what I can't think. I'm already being told who I need to marry, when I need to marry, how I need to act and carry while being married, and what I'm expected to do after I'm married. If you think for even the smallest increment of time that I am willing to go along willy-nilly with whatever I'm told, then you're the one that needs to think again."
Cat went thin-lipped in irritation at this declaration, but she didn't try to launch a rebuttal.
Winn relaxed when she realized that she had made her point. She hated to feel as if she were disappointing those close to her. Her tough attitude suddenly collapsed, leaving the vulnerable, uncertain, young woman in its place. "I just feel so out of control, despite the fact that I agreed to this. I need to be able to exercise some power of choice over all this, Cat, otherwise I'll go mad. Please understand that I didn't mean to hurt you. I just need to be able to have some control over my own fate, even if it's only an illusion."
Cat hugged the woman who had become a little sister to her. "I understand, Freddy. It's just that something in me is shouting that it's not a good idea to give you any out." She laughed wryly. "I'm not concerned about that pirate of yours trying to get out of this, but that you might." Brushing the hair out of Winn's eyes, she said, "Promise me that you'll get properly married sooner or later. Not by a pirate."
"What are you talking about, Cat? Grandfather is a captain, and captains can perform legal and . . . and, and binding . . . marriage ceremonies."
"Not pirate captains."
Winn rolled her eyes. "Stop making a big deal out of semantics. A captain is a captain. End of discussion."
Releasing Winn, Cat had the grace to look shamefaced. "Well, not quite the end. There's still the question of what you're going to wear on Saturday. It'd be nice if you would wear something white . . . ." She trailed off under the force of Winn's glare.
"If you think you are going to get me into a dressmaker's for a fitting, then this latest pregnancy is giving you delusions. There is no way I am going to stand still for hours while some assistant does their best to use me as a pincushion."
"If you didn't move around so much, then you wouldn't get poked so often."
"If they worked faster, I wouldn't need to move around so much."
"If you didn't protest the placement of every stitch and ruffle, they'd be able to work faster."
Winn was starting to enjoy this. It was helping her to work off some of her frustration and anxiety. "If they didn't try to add so many ruffles and frills, I wouldn't protest so much."
"Yes, well, if you would stop ruining the dresses that you do own, you wouldn't have to replace them so often."
"If you'd stop forcing me to go to occasions that call for dresses, I wouldn't have to replace them."
"If we didn't force you to go to said occasions, you wouldn't own any dresses."
"If –"
"If you two don't stop, I am going to hurt you both." Grace had come in to hear the last part of the debate. "Winn, decide what you want to wear."
Winn stuck her tongue out at Grace. "I don't know. I don't know what I want to wear, I don't know what I don't want to wear, I don't even know what I own anymore since Ry keeps insisting on giving me more clothing than I'll eve be able to wear. Why don't you pick something nice for me to wear? And please, try to pick something with a minimum on lace and a decent bodice. It's not like I have anything to show off."
After another two hours of discussing wedding details, Winn managed to escape and let the other women plan the rest of her wedding. She had made herself very clear on what she wanted – or at least on what she didn't want. Winn had no interest discussing menus or seating arrangements, or childcare, or what people were going to wear or who was going to take care of what, so she had left the room in favor of sitting in the garden feeding sugared lemon slices to Marty and watching the children run around playing blind man's bluff.
She was watching Pige, who was running and yapping amongst the children, thinking about how big the pup had gotten in the past month, when she felt someone come sit next to her. Since the women were still busy, it made sense that the men had returned from their expedition into town. It was easy to see what had inspired it, but the purpose was unknown. Something about wedding business, although Winn couldn't think of what this mission could entail that would cause every man in the house to leave.
"Is that bird blue?"
Winn looked over at Jack, and then surveyed Marty. His plumage was indeed showing a faint bluish tint. Shrugging, she said, "Yeah. He got into some blueberries yesterday morning when I wasn't watching him. I was wondering if that was going to happen. Normally Grandfather keeps a closer eye on what he eats so things like this don't happen. He says that it's bad enough that Marty won't eat shrimp and therefore be a proper shade of pink, so therefore he need not binge on other foods that might change the color of his feathers."
"That's why you're feeding him lemon wedges, right? To help return him to his natural color." If Winn was feeling as feisty as she appeared at the moment, he might be in luck.
Oblivious to Jack's machinations (a dangerous thing to be), Winn stared down at the yellow slices of fruit. "Green is a more natural color than blue. Besides, the damage is done. As it is, the thing resembles an overgrown macaw." Marty let out a squawk, demanding to feed more of the sweetened citrus fruit.
Jack stole a piece as Winn handed some more fruit over, but not without the bird seeing him do it. He promptly abandoned Winn for Jack, twisting and bending his long neck in pursuit of the treat. Winn looked faintly amused as Jack tried to evade his attempts. "Will you show this blasted bird another piece of fruit so it'll leave me alone?"
"I could, but it wouldn't do much good. He knows that these are for him, and he's upset that you tried to steal a piece. Just give it to him. I'll give you a piece." Jack resentfully handed over the fruit. While Marty was busy eating it, Winn handed another piece over to Jack, making sure that Marty saw the gesture.
"Now that he's seen me give it to you, he won't try to steal it. That's why he tried to. He knows that I won't let him simply take slices out of the bowl, so he gets upset when people do."
"That's crazy."
"Nonetheless, it's true." Winn turned back to watching the frolicking children. Talking to Jack confused her. He seemed as if he truly enjoyed her company, as if he wanted to spend time with her, and as if he wanted to marry her. But Winn knew what she had overheard the previous day; the words still echoed in her mind at odd times. Her knowledge and her experience battled against each other in a fight that neither was going to win. I need to get away. Once I'm away I can think objectively with a clear head, decide what to do. Decide how to feel.
Jack watched her as she thought. Whatever was on her mind clearly brought her no joy. Knowing Winnie, she's analyzing herself into a box. Can't have that happening. "The Black Pearl should be here in another hour or so."
Winn started. She had forgotten she had company. Then the impact of his words hit her. Why is he telling me this? Is this his way of saying good-bye? Is that why he's here? Despite her confusion, Winn realized that she didn't want him to leave, even if that meant she could avoid getting married. She had resigned herself to the situation on some level, and again on some level, she was looking forward to it.
She supposed the best way to find anything out was to ask, not that she wanted it to look as if she cared. "So, are you going to be sticking around, or do I need to start thinking up excuses as to why the groom has absconded with himself before the wedding?" While she tried to sound nonchalant, a bit of her anxiety found its way into her voice.
Jack heard it and was slightly comforted. If Winn was nervous about him leaving, then she probably wasn't inventing imaginative ways of running off herself. "Having second thoughts, are we?"
Shaking her head, Winn said, "We've moved past that to forth and fifth thoughts by now, and will most likely be up to fiftieth thoughts by Saturday."
"That's encouraging." When Winn did no more than shrug her slim shoulders once again, Jack continued, "I thought I'd go over and explain to the crew what is going on, make sure that everything is shipshape. But I was also planning on coming back. You're free to come over with me, love, to decide just how much room there is for you to bring your belongings over."
Jack really wanted Winn to come with him. Part of it was he was simply proud of his ship and wanted her to be proud of it too, like a child who had found a bird's nest and wanted their parents to admire it. The other part of it was he was hoping to get some time alone with her, try to get her to stop being so distant.
Winn considered the proposal. She decided that it was probably wise to accept, for appearances sake. Her family would surely expect her to do such a thing. Silently, she nodded her acceptance of the outing.
The two adults sat on the garden steps for another hour or so, Winn talking to whatever children came up to her, Jack watching Winn, Marty watching Jack. At one point, growing tired of Winn's silence, Jack asked for an explanation of who each child was and who they belonged to.
"Let's see. Marcus' children you know." Pointing out children as she spoke, Winn rattled of the list. "Bella, Avery, Laura, Daniel, James, and Garrett all belong to Ry and Cat. Avery and Laura are twins. Bella is ten, and Garrett is three, and everyone else is between those ages. Richard and Sarah's children are Michael, Naomi, Phen, Pip, and Anna. Phen and Pip are actually Stephen and Pierce, but they're still young enough to appreciate nicknames. Pierce and Anna are twins." Winn shrugged. "Basically, if you want someone's attention but aren't sure who, all you need to do is call out 'hey you.' Most of them will reply to that, and then you can point out who you want to talk to."
"Do big families run in your family?" Now that he had Winn talking, Jack wasn't about to let her stop.
Winn shrugged. "I'm not sure. Grandmother had a large enough family, and Grandfather isn't sure how many siblings he had. This generation has certainly been productive though."
"What about you, Winnie? Do you want a big family?" She looked at him as if she were trying to figure out what his angle was.
Turning her face away from him with an unreadable expression, she said tonelessly, "It wouldn't matter if I did. It seems unlikely that any family of mine would be as big as my brothers' families."
"Why's that? Surely you're not casting any doubts on my manly abilities." Jack leered at Winn, hoping for a smile, or an irritated glance, anything.
What he got was a no-nonsense answer. "I told you how Grandfather sent me to sea to prove myself a capable navigator and such, and how this was also supposed to be a fundraising effort. The last ship we attacked before coming back here put up a respectable fight. I was wounded; a bullet tore right through my abdomen. The doctors almost unilaterally agreed that it was unlikely that I would ever be able to carry a child to term." Winn stood up. Brushing dirt off her hands, she said, "If you'll come and get me when the Pearl comes into harbor, I'll accompany you back." With that said, she went back into the house, Marty following hopefully behind.
Saturday:
The morning of Winn's wedding dawned in much the same manner that Elizabeth's had. A light morning rain was falling, but one of the servants who was known to be reliable in such matters had assured everyone that it would stop before noon.
Winn stood before her windows, looking out at the cove. The Black Pearl was anchored offshore, her future husband being on it somewhere, doing something. While the temptation to ponder his activities called to Winn, she was stubbornly refusing to think about anything other than how quickly the last few days had passed.
Too quickly. I'm getting married this afternoon, then leaving my husband tonight. Winn briefly wondered if she was doing the right thing by leaving, but her mind assured her that she was. It told her that her heart had already been severely hurt by this man, and she wasn't even married yet. She needed to fly from this place before her foolish heart could convince her to let down all her defenses. Before she became dependent on a man who she was unsure of.
Her resolved steadied to the grief of her inner voice. If you're just going to run, why are you bothering to get married?
Because then I'll own a piece of him, just as he owns a piece of me. Resting her head against the cool glass, she absently thought, He may not know that he owns it, but he does.
And just what is it that he owns?
My most vulnerable part and my most needed part. My heart and my commonsense. I have to get away, have to be able to think. Have to see if he'll come after me. Have to see if I'm worth it, or simply an inconvenience.
A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Her door was once again whole, the lock in working order. She hadn't bothered locking lately though – Jack had spent the last two nights on his ship. "Come in," she called without turning around.
She heard the door open, heard the thump of a cane against hardwood. "I hope you're pleased, Grandfather. Today you'll see your last grandchild safely wed, to a man named Sparrow, no less. Will you now turn your attention to finding a match for Bella, or will you wait a few years?"
"Winifred, if I truly thought that this man would make you miserable, if I thought he would mistreat you, if I thought he would take you for granted, then I would not have given this marriage my blessing – bird last name or no." Coming up beside his only granddaughter, Morgan asked, "What is it that has you so downcast on your wedding day?"
"The passing of one life for another. After today I'll no longer be myself. I'll be part of another, and another will be part of me. I won't be able to do what I want when I want. I won't be free to make choices alone anymore." At least, not without consequences.
"Can you honestly say that you won't welcome a change in your life, Winnie? I've seen you, these last few years. I've seen your smiles, and heard your laughter, but I've also seen you staring out at the ocean when you thought no one was watching. What were you thinking when you say the sun setting into the ocean, when you saw the stars rise above its rim?"
"I was wondering what was beyond the horizon."
"You're marrying a man who can show you, who can take you there."
"But is it worth what I'm losing?"
"If you're losing anything, then I'll put a stop to this wedding right now. I'll tell Captain Sparrow to leave and never seek you out again. But I think that if you really look at your situation, you'll see that you're not losing anything – you're exchanging it."
"But what if I'm content with my life?"
"Then you deserve more. You don't deserve to be simply content. You deserve to be happy."
Winn looked away from the window, and up into her grandfather's face. "Will he make me happy?"
"That's not for me to tell you. Do you think he will make you happy?"
There was silence in the room for several minutes. Finally Winn sighed and turned he back to the window. "I think . . . I think that he has a better chance of making me happy than anyone else I know."
"Is that enough to marry him? To stay with him?"
Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Winn murmured, "I guess that's what I need to find out." She looked pale and fragile, but utterly determined, and even a little calm.
"You know that you will always be welcome here. This will always be your home."
Winn looked back at her grandfather. "If all goes well, I won't need this to be my home."
Jack stood in the house's main parlor. Winn's family was already gathered, along with selected member of his crew. Needless to say, they had been shocked to hear that their itinerant captain was staying in one place long enough to get married. And that he had decided to tie himself to a single woman. Surely, they whispered, the ports and towns that made up their usual stops would be full of women wailing and bemoaning this unexpected quirk of fate.
Only Ana Maria had seemed unsurprised, muttering something that had sounded like, "I told you, you would regret pushing her." It was under her disapproving gaze that Jack once again fidgeted with the collar of his shirt. It wasn't that he was nervous, but that he wasn't used to having things so close to his neck. The last thing to get so close in proximity was a Port Royal noose. Although I suppose one could say that I've only exchanged nooses. I say that this one is a lot more appealing. Jack caught Will's eye and saw that Will was thinking the same thing.
Leaning over, he said, "You'd better not do anything to keep this knot from doing its job, lad."
Will rolled his eyes. "You'd better not let Winn hear you talking like that – she's rather sensitive when it comes to such statements. Something tells me that she would find it appealing to be compared to a knot in a noose." Both men froze under the glares being thrown at them from Ana Maria, Cat, and Elizabeth who was standing just across from them. She was playing the matron of honor in counterpart to Will's best man.
Before Jack could whisper some outrageous statement to Elizabeth for the sole purpose of annoying her, Captain Morgan entered the room. He took his spot in the tableau, his presence signifying that the wedding was ready to proceed.
At a nod of his head, every one stood and turned to the open double doors to the room. It was there that Winn appeared, walking down the stairs, a simple and unconventional bouquet of white bougainvillea and scarlet bleedinghearts clutched in her hand. She was wearing simple dress made of dove grey silk that was light on lace but complex with silver embroideries. While her back was straight and her head held up proudly, her steps were just a little hesitant, and one could tell her hands were trembling from the rapid vibrations of the bleedingheart spays.
Jack saw her and for an instant he wondered what in all the seas he was doing here. Why he wasn't safely away on the Pearl with the wind in his hair and the spray of the sea on his face. But the memory of Winn twining her fingers through his hair, of her sleeping breath brushing over his face steadied him.
Winn watched through eyes bright with anxiety and anticipation as Jack's emotions ran in a nearly undetectable stream of motion across his eyes. The fact that he seemed just as uncertain as she brought steadiness to her hands and purpose to her step. The fact that he too seemed to be unsure of himself strengthened her in some perverse fashion, as if his uncertainty ensured some kind of hope of a life together. A life of blundering and wandering about blindly. But that look makes me think that just maybe I can make him love me – that I can mean more to him than a ship. Winn realized that was all she wanted, to simply find she had more worth in his eyes than a hunk of wood. And that maybe I can lay the memory of my mother to rest and admit that I love him.
The ceremony in itself was short and simple. Both parties swore to watch out for the other's life, to never abandon the other in a time of need, and to remain faithful. It took but twenty minutes to exchange vows, to the profound relief of both Winn and Jack who had memories of Will and Elizabeth's recent nuptials.
Once the ceremony was over, the entire family retired to the dining room for the celebration. For hours on end, Winn's friends and family told stories of Winn and all her most embarrassing childhood moments. Will and Elizabeth told the tale of their adventure with Jack, much to the consternation of Jack who didn't remember anything happening in they way they described. After that, his crew took turns telling tales of the mischief he had been up too since regaining the Pearl, and a few even told of his exploits while waiting for revenge.
There were tales told of other weddings throughout the night; of how Henry Morgan managed to find himself a bride on a merchant vessel he was raiding, of how Ryan had met Cat in a Nassau marketplace, of Richard and Sarah's lifetime of love, and how Marcus found Grace in a boat that had been set adrift.
For the most part, Jack and Winn listened to the stories, laughing in the appropriate places, making smart comments in others. Or, it might be said that Winn laughed and talked. Jack spent most of his time observing his new bride. Her cheerful disposition seemed forced to him. No else had said anything, but they were used to allowing Winn to hide her feelings from them. Jack was the one that had refused to let her hide.
She's definitely nervous about something. The thought made him smile, but luckily it was at a time when everyone else was laughing at some joke that Richard had told, so it wasn't remarked upon. If Winnie were any other woman, I'd say she's worried about the weddin' night. However, the girl never worries about normal things. Jack had a feeling that Winn had something up her sleeve. He couldn't say why he was so certain of this, but he was. I'll find out sooner or later. That's a certainty. I'll just have to make an effort to make it sooner rather than later, because later is often too late.
Jack found out just how right he was just an hour or so later. The family had bid them to go to bed, saying that if they weren't going to excuse themselves, then they would make the excuses for them. Standing and taking Winn's hand in his, Jack led the way out of the room, Winnie and one or two ribald comments following him.
Winn felt her heart grow heavier with every step up the stairs. She would be leaving within the hour, while her family and Jack's crew were still busy drinking what was left of the rum and eating what was left of the food. While she had been preoccupied at the meal, she had noticed that Jack had spoke little, drunk less, and studied her more than she thought was necessary for a new husband. She could only assume why that was, and pray that she would be able to do what she needed to.
Jack opened the door to her room and stepped inside, drawing her after him. Letting go of her hand, giving her the option of moving away should she wish to, he shut the door behind them, making doubly sure to lock it. Winn stood by him for all this, knowing that time was short now. She would have preferred to leave earlier, but had been too shy to take her husband upstairs.
But she discarded that shyness now. As Jack turned back to her from the door, she stepped close enough to him that her skirts brushed his legs. Quickly, she brought her face up to his to kiss him. Jack responded eagerly, surprise evident in the way he was holding himself. Just as he was starting to kiss her back, Winn broke away from him, resting her head against his chest. "Please, just hold me."
Jack was a little surprised by the request, but wrapped his arms around her anyway. He had been expecting her to hold herself distant as she had been for the past few days. Rubbing a hand up and down her back, he asked, "What's wrong, Winnie? I'm guessin' that it wasn't thoughts of tonight that were keepin' you preoccupied downstairs."
Winn shook her head. Why does he have to be so nice? I didn't think it was possible, but it's making me hurt more than that conversation did. How can kindness hurt more than cruelty? To her great surprise, Winn felt a tear slide out of her left eye, quickly followed by one from her right. Her nose felt blocked, so she sniffed. She could feel Jack's gaze on the top of her head. To relocate his focus, she said, "I'm fine. Just tired. Really tired." Tired of hiding, of telling half-truths, and of not knowing what I'm doing.
Jack sighed. The quiver in Winn's voice told him all he needed to know. All they would be doing in bed together that night was sleeping. And perhaps some talking. But nothing that required anymore energy than that. Yet with Winn in his arms, he found that the idea wasn't nearly as distasteful as he thought it would be.
He looked around the room, trying to decide how to phrase what he wanted to say. He eyes landed on a bottle of wine and two porcelain goblets. As long as neither of us drinks too much, that should work. Pulling away from Winn far enough to make eye contact with her, he said. "Let's go sit down. I could use a drink before going to sleep, and I'm sure you'd love to get those shoes off." When she turned a surprised face up to him, he continued, "Don't look at me like that. I've surely noticed how you prefer go barefoot or wear sea-boots. You must really have hated wearing those slippers all day."
She searched his face, as if trying to tell whether he was being sincere or not. Apparently she decided that he was, because she started to make a protest even though he was offering her exactly what she wanted. "Jack . . . ."
"Shh." He laid a finger over her lips. It never failed to amaze him how soft they felt, how pliant for such an unpliant woman. "There's no rule saying we have to do anything other than sleep tonight. I don't know about you, but I find there's nothing worse than fornicating with a strange wife." This statement got the kind of reaction he was hoping for. First Winn blushed a bright red, then she smacked him hard enough to make his arm sting but with a gentle smile on her face.
Things were going perfectly for Winn, and that was making her miserable. She wouldn't have minded what she was about to do if he would simply behave like a pirate, but he was insisting on behaving like a decent man. One who wasn't going to pressure her into anything she wasn't ready for. Her mind said it was because he found her too unattractive to bed. Her inner voice screamed that it was because he loved her, was she too stupid to see that? And her heart told her that she had things that needed to be resolved before she could be the type of wife his behavior deserved.
So she docilely went to the table, and removed her slippers as she watched him remove various belts and weapons. She watched as he opened the bottle of wine on the table and poured them both a drink. And she said nothing as he drank from the goblet that she had earlier lined with laudanum.
Knowing that it would take a few minutes for the diluted narcotic to take effect, she stood up and held out a hand to her husband. "Come hold me?" She felt his hand envelop hers, felt him walk behind her to he bed. Felt him lay down behind her and felt his arms encircle her. Turning in his grasp, she silently watched him as the laudanum took over his mind and body, urging him to sleep. She watched as the realization of his sudden tiredness lit up his eyes.
"Why you little hellcat." While his words sounded condemning, Winn saw nothing but delayed expectation in his eyes.
Quietly, so very quietly, she whispered, "I'm sorry Jack, but there's something that I need to do. Things I need to find out. Alone. If you're still willing to have me in the morning, I'm leaving a note on the table. I know this wasn't the best way to do this, but it was the only way I could think of. I'm sorry." Before Jack could say anything, she leaned forward and kissed him, knowing that this was likely the last time she would be able to do so for many months. Possibly the last time . . . . She felt him kiss her back as he fell under the influence of the drug.
Thirty minutes later, Winn was climbing out the window of her room, a sedated Pige in a bag on her back. She had already sent a trunk of clothing and other belongings to Alex. They would stay in his rooms, as would she, until their departure on Tuesday.
She dropped to the grass silently, her boots making no noise in the damp earth. Quickly circumnavigating the house, she made it to the front gates. She avoided the gatekeeper by using the smaller gate that she had discovered as a teen. It was hidden behind some large ornamental bushes.
Squeezing past the branches of the bush, she barely held back the urge to go back to the house, to lay by Jack's side until he awoke. Surely she could explain things to Jack, talk him into letting her go to England. But then she might never know whether or not he thought she was worth chasing. This is the way it has to be. It may be a bad plan, but it's the only one I have. And I only have one heart, the one I gave to him without knowing. I have to know whether it will be safe with him, or not. Otherwise I'll never be comfortable again.
She looked up to see Alex at their agreed meeting place. She quickly dug her old blond wig out of the bag on her back. It was the same one she had worn to conceal her real identity all those years before when she had captained a pirate vessel.
Settling it on her head, making sure that none of her dark hair was showing, she came up to him. He offered her an arm from his position on his horse. When she took it, he swung her up on the horse. "Nice wig."
"Don't sass me, Alex. I just disregarded my marriage vows, drugged my husband, and ran away from my family. I'm not in the best of moods."
"So you're telling me –"
"That Captain Winn Morgan rides again." The declaration brought her no joy. Looking back at the house as Alex guided the horse towards Osprey Point, she found her own lighted window, and hoped that she hadn't just made the biggest mistake of her life.