Warning of Pain
A/N: Alright, sorry for the delay. But heres the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: Donate Spike to the I Want Him charity, Joss. Please? Fine, have him, have them all.
Rating: Pg13
Summary: Buffy Summers- an upcoming model in the business is hired to do an intimate photo shoot with Spike Johnson, the hottest thing in music. They will be queen and king of the year, but does hatred and desire turn them into the couple of the year? B/S
_________________
Spike woke up early, glancing at his clock it read 6:00. He closed his eyes tightly, and recalled the words that kept him up and wondering most of the night, 'I love you.'
He didn't know what to do. Was she lying? Did she really love him? And a better question.....did he love her? Sure, he wanted to show her love and life, but for him, love was a lethal weapon. A futile disease, slowly sucking the life out of you until you can't sleep, eat, or think without seeing the persons face.
The truth, all of his relationships, ended up royally screwing him.
He had gone that route many times. Too many times. He corrected himself. First, there was Cecily. The love he could never tame, the growing fire he could never put out. He wrote about her, dreamt of her, longed for her. But he never meant anything to her. Thats when he changed everything about himself, you name it he'd done it. He never knew that love could make someone go crazy, just for one woman.
And then Dru.... three words decribed her: One crazy bitch. But he loved that about her. She was a dark beauty, erotic, and seductive. She was like a drug, an addiction he couldn't get enough of. That relationship went to hell in a handbasket. Fast. He swore if thats what love ended like.... he would of shot himself a long time ago.
Getting famous changes your outlook on everything. Theres girls flinging themselves at you. Begging you to take them. That felt great for him at first. To feel wanted, and needed. But that changed real fast. They were easy, didn't provide much of a challenge. He needed the challenge, loved it. Something to beat, something to gain and win. Yep, it was all about the reward.
Then there was Buffy. The first time he saw her it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Techniqually, it did, since she ran him over. But one look upon that innocent, independent, beautiful woman was enough to keep his head spinning for days on end. She felt so right under him. And her scent drove him mad. He craved her. He wanted her, more then any woman he wanted in a long while. Since Dru.
And that terrified him. Then he got to know the spitfire, and dove headfirst into the large ocean that was Buffy Summers. He wanted to know everything about her. And the first time they kissed....it felt as if it was the only thing in the world that made sense. But to love her? Can't eat, can't sleep, the whole nine yards love?
To be honest....he didn't have a fucking idea.
He glanced at Buffy, and dragged himself out of bed. Throwing on the nearest pair of black jeans, and black shirt. No time to fix himself up, he grabbed his duster and left his room.
Where would he go? Where could he go? The first idea that came into his mind: A bar.
He just needed to get out of there. Get some air.
----------------------------
Buffy slowly woke up. Events from last night came washing over her, and she smiled as she drifted into consciousness. She lazily turned on her side, bringing her arm to rest on him. She was surprised as it didn't hit his limp form, but landed on the soft covers. She strained to raise her body, for it to rest on her shoulders as she glanced about. She bent down on the floor, hurrying to dress herself.
'Maybe hes taking a shower.' She thought as she lifted herself out of the warm bed. All hopes came crashing down as she entered the empty tiled room. She furrowed her brow, and walked hurriedly into the living space connecting to the kitchen.
No one. Everything remained still and untouched, like it had last night. She glanced at his rack, and noticed his duster was gone.
'Why didn't he leave a note? Where is he? This early in the morning?' She thought as she glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.
"7:30 in the morning! Where the hell could he be at 7:30 in the morning?!" She thought out loud to herself.
She rushed to the phone, and dialed the memorized number, his cell phone. She bit her lower lip nervously as it rang once, twice, and three times.......and still no answer.
With one long, deep sigh she slammed the phone down, and made her way out of his room, heading for her own.
-------------------
Two Days Later
After a long, cold shower, Buffy propped down on her bed in her robe. Her hair still damp. She turned on her television and tried to take her mind off of the bleached boy. No luck.
Suddenly, the telephone rang and an anxious knot exploded in her gut as she reached for it beside her bed.
'Please let it be him. Please let it be him.' Her mind chanted as she answered.
"Hello?" Buffy managed to say.
" Hello Ms. Summers." Wesley's voice came over the phone. She grumbled, clutching her stomach as a neasous feeling came over her.
"Hi Wesley. Whats up?"
" Oh, just bloody sorting out paperwork. I actually rang you to give you a congratulations on a job well done." His voice all to cheery.
" On what?" Buffy asked confused.
" The shoot! Xander gave me your reccomandations, and I've heard you and Mr. Johnson did a great job." The man said.
With a quick glance at her calendar, she realised he was right. There was only one more shoot to be done, and that would be it. The feeling grew in the pit of her stomache again. Perhaps it was because she didn't know if she would see Spike after that.
" Thanks." She said, dazing off.
" Well, I just wanted to inform you that there will be a congratulations party, for everyones hard work. It will be held at the original site, and will be a few hours after the shooting for the last." Wesley informed her.
" Cool, that sounds great." Buffy said. "Listen, I have to go. But I'll see you later. Bye." Buffy said hanging up her phone. She scolded herself, pacing about the room.
'Ring! You stupid phone ring! Come on, where is he?! If there is any kind human soul on the face of the planet, let the damn phone ri-'
"Hello?!" Buffy practically screamed into the reciever as it rung.
" 'Ey, luv." Spike's voice sounded over the other line. His voice had sounded low, and emotionless.
" Spike! Oh my gosh. I was so worried. Where have you been? I've been trying to call, and I went to your room last night but you weren't in." Buffy asked, managing a calm tone.
A moment of silence.
" Uh...just around. Needed to get out for a bit." The same tone came over.
" W-well.... um.... can you come over tonight? I'm cooking and everything. In the sense of dialing, but it will still be good. Around seven? " Buffy said.
" Sure. I have to go. See you soon, pet." He said, before he cut the connection.
With a confused frown, Buffy set the phone down on the reciever slowly.
'That was...odd.' Buffy thought as she sat on her bed. 'But hes coming over in two hours! I have to get ready, make this special.' Buffy thought gleefully as she jumped up. She had decided she was going to tell him tonight.
Tell him she loved him.
-----------------------------
Seven came around all to slowly. Buffy had dressed in a sexy, short white dress. She curled her hair, and made sure she was perfect. This had to be perfect.
She walked back into the kitchen, pulling the chinese out of the cartons, and onto the plates. She carried the food to the table, and set it onto the surface. Glancing at the clock, she hurriedly lit the two candles on the table, giving the scent of vanilla off.
She set the lighter back down on the counter, and rushed to the light switch. She dimmed down the lighting in the room. She walked over to her huge window on the opposite wall, and pulled back the curtains, letting the moon's rays shimmer down into the room.
She placed the rose he gave her a couple of nights ago on a nearby stand, and with one quick nod around the room, she smiled happily and approvingly.
Now all she had to do was wait.
Wait..........
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turn into a half hour. And a half hour into an hour.
Buffy sat at the table sulking. She crumpled her napkin and threw it on her plate of food, that had gone un touched. She looked at the candles that were burning away, the wax slowly dripping down. She plopped her head on her hands.
All these dreadful questions were racing through her mind. 'Where is he? Why isn't he here? No call, no message, no nothing. What if hes hurt? What if hes....hes....' She couldn't bring herself to even think such a thing.
Suddenly, her door opened slowly, and Spike stepped in. Wearing, what looked like clothes he had slept in the night before. He looked horrible. His eyes red, his clothes crumpled, and that expression on his face was enough to make her jump up and run to him.
She flung herself in his arms, hands clinging to the back of his neck.
"Thank God you're alright! I was so wor-" Buffy stopped mid-sentence as she realised he wasn't hugging her back. She quickly slid her arms down his side, and backed up a couple of inches to see his face.
"Whats wrong? D-did something happen?" She said slowly, dreading the look on his face. She immediately ran her hand on his cheek, searching for an explanation.
His hand came up, and cupped her hand on his face, and brought it down slowly releasing it.
" S-Spike?" Buffy eyed him, and regretted the lights that still remained off.
" I'm sorry." Was his slow reply. She shook her head.
" No, its okay. It was just dinner-"
" Not just dinner." Spike said weakly.
" W-what? Spike, whats wrong? Tell me something. Your scaring me." Buffy said confused.
" I'm nothing." He whispered.
" Where have you been?" Buffy asked, confusion rising in her voice.
" Out." Spike said.
" You keep saying that! Tell me why you didn't call! Or why you have been avoiding me for two days! Damnit tell me something!" The confusion, was automatically washed over with anger.
" I haven't been avoiding you. I have been bloody thinking!" Spike hissed.
" About what?! Whats wrong?" Buffy shouted back. She saw him clench and unclench his fists, and the muscles in his jaws. He shut his eyes tightly, before opening them.
" I don't know. I just need some time to think about things." He said, calming his voice down.
" What things?! Us?! This?!" She said, pointing back at forth between them. Why was he doing this? What was he saying? He needed time off from her?
" Buffy, will you just bloody calm down?!" Spike shouted back.
" Calm down?! How can I calm down?! You look a mess, you haven't called, I haven't seen you in a few days!" Buffy shouted, gulping down the anger. After a few seconds, she calmed her nerves.
" Ever since that night I couldn't stop thinking about you." She admitted, bringing her voice down. A few tears managing to slide down her face.
'God don't cry! Don't cry!' She inwardly kicked herself.
" Buffy don't-" Spike said coming up to her seeing the tears. She immediately backed away.
'Womens greatest weapon.' Spike thought.
" No. D-don't do what? Don't say I wanted to see you? Wanted to feel you? Don't say I couldn't get you out of my head? Or don't say I lo-" Buffy stopped as he cut in.
"Don't!" Spike hissed. Her mind went clear and for a second, she couldn't believe this was happening. She turned her eyes up from the floor back to him.
" I-" Buffy started again.
" Don't." Spike warned again.
" love-"
"No." Spike shook his head.
" ....you." She finished. She saw him inhale and exhale air, before looking at her dangerously.
" No you don't." He said firmly, and dangerously. This gave her all the more courage to go on, backing him into the door.
" Yes I do. I love you." She repeated again, seeing his reaction at the words.
" Its not love, Buffy. I-its.... want, lust.....desire!" Spike snapped.
" So I can say I want you? I need you? But I can't say I love you? Well I do!" Buffy said.
" Bu-"
" I. Love. You." She repeated slowly.
" You don't believe in love." Spike said, before throwing the door open and exiting it.
'Oh no! He is not going to walk away! I'm not going to let him walk away!' She thought sourly, before running out of her door, and catching him before he entered his room. She gripped his arm, turning him around sharply.
" You changed that! You.... you showed me." Buffy said weakly, though she wanted it to come out strong. She cursed herself for the water cascading down her face.
" I didn't show you anything. Will you just-" Spike spoke angrily.
" No! I can't help it." She breathed. " I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about you, I can't get you out of my head. I'm going crazy not seeing you. Not touching you. I love you." She finished with a desperate glance.
" I don't want to hurt you." Spike finally said, as low as her.
" Your hurting me right now." Buffy said as she let go of his wrist, backing up a few paces.
" I can't love you. I'm sorry." He said in a whisper. He watched her look at the ground, then with a daze at him. So much hurt relevant in her eyes, and tears and her ruined make up on her cheeks. All he wanted to do was grab her, hug her, kiss her, tell her everything was alright. But he caused this pain.
" N-no its fine." Buffy said finally, walking back clumsily. " Just forget it." She said, managing to run to her room and shut it with a fierce slam.
Spike tilted back his head to rest on his door. 'What did I do?' He kept asking himself, banging his head on the door. He wiped his eyes with the palm of his hands, to keep them from coming down on his face.
After a few moments of blank staring at the spot where she had just been, he walked in his room, slamming the door shut.
------------------------
As soon as she ran into her room, she rested her head on the door. Her legs gave out in agony, and she slid to the floor.
The room was dead silent, except the sobs and cries of the blonde girl, still on the floor. She never felt like this. Like someone had sucked the life out of her. She felt like she couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, couldn't feel. Her heart felt like it had been ripped from her body.
After a period of a few minutes, she slid her hands up her face, wiping fiercely at her eyes, trying to hold back the tears stinging her face. It was no use, they kept coming.
She gribbed the flat surface of the floor, before slowly lifting herself up off of it with shakey legs.
She gribbed the metal necklace hanging on her neck, and tore it off of her. She clung it in her clenched hand strongly, not feeling the droplets of blood from the metal digging into her skin.
With one slow movement, she opened her palm and let it slide to the floor.
She dragged herself into her bedroom, laying on the soft covers, her face burried in a pillow, hoping to drown out her crying sounds. Her body shook violently as she sucked in much needed air, having it come out as a sob.
She slid her arms around her stomache, bringing herself in a small position. She closed her eyes, willing herself to try and sleep or stop crying, but she knew she couldn't do either.
As long as his voice was still ringing in her mind and ears:
'I can't love you.'
______________
TBC........
A/N: Ah, so there it is. The painful beginning. But....is it? Hehe. Anyway, I know I suck at the angst thing but I had to get that out. Next chapter should be up soon. Damn school, starts in three days. Oh well. Sad to say there will only be 3 more chapters left, possibley four.
Special thanks to EmilytheStrange1 who gave me the idea for the dinner scenerio. Thanks girl! You rock! And to angel is a poof w/ 2 much hair gel. Your a cool person and help me a lot. Thanks!
Please Review!!
A/N: Alright, sorry for the delay. But heres the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: Donate Spike to the I Want Him charity, Joss. Please? Fine, have him, have them all.
Rating: Pg13
Summary: Buffy Summers- an upcoming model in the business is hired to do an intimate photo shoot with Spike Johnson, the hottest thing in music. They will be queen and king of the year, but does hatred and desire turn them into the couple of the year? B/S
_________________
Spike woke up early, glancing at his clock it read 6:00. He closed his eyes tightly, and recalled the words that kept him up and wondering most of the night, 'I love you.'
He didn't know what to do. Was she lying? Did she really love him? And a better question.....did he love her? Sure, he wanted to show her love and life, but for him, love was a lethal weapon. A futile disease, slowly sucking the life out of you until you can't sleep, eat, or think without seeing the persons face.
The truth, all of his relationships, ended up royally screwing him.
He had gone that route many times. Too many times. He corrected himself. First, there was Cecily. The love he could never tame, the growing fire he could never put out. He wrote about her, dreamt of her, longed for her. But he never meant anything to her. Thats when he changed everything about himself, you name it he'd done it. He never knew that love could make someone go crazy, just for one woman.
And then Dru.... three words decribed her: One crazy bitch. But he loved that about her. She was a dark beauty, erotic, and seductive. She was like a drug, an addiction he couldn't get enough of. That relationship went to hell in a handbasket. Fast. He swore if thats what love ended like.... he would of shot himself a long time ago.
Getting famous changes your outlook on everything. Theres girls flinging themselves at you. Begging you to take them. That felt great for him at first. To feel wanted, and needed. But that changed real fast. They were easy, didn't provide much of a challenge. He needed the challenge, loved it. Something to beat, something to gain and win. Yep, it was all about the reward.
Then there was Buffy. The first time he saw her it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Techniqually, it did, since she ran him over. But one look upon that innocent, independent, beautiful woman was enough to keep his head spinning for days on end. She felt so right under him. And her scent drove him mad. He craved her. He wanted her, more then any woman he wanted in a long while. Since Dru.
And that terrified him. Then he got to know the spitfire, and dove headfirst into the large ocean that was Buffy Summers. He wanted to know everything about her. And the first time they kissed....it felt as if it was the only thing in the world that made sense. But to love her? Can't eat, can't sleep, the whole nine yards love?
To be honest....he didn't have a fucking idea.
He glanced at Buffy, and dragged himself out of bed. Throwing on the nearest pair of black jeans, and black shirt. No time to fix himself up, he grabbed his duster and left his room.
Where would he go? Where could he go? The first idea that came into his mind: A bar.
He just needed to get out of there. Get some air.
----------------------------
Buffy slowly woke up. Events from last night came washing over her, and she smiled as she drifted into consciousness. She lazily turned on her side, bringing her arm to rest on him. She was surprised as it didn't hit his limp form, but landed on the soft covers. She strained to raise her body, for it to rest on her shoulders as she glanced about. She bent down on the floor, hurrying to dress herself.
'Maybe hes taking a shower.' She thought as she lifted herself out of the warm bed. All hopes came crashing down as she entered the empty tiled room. She furrowed her brow, and walked hurriedly into the living space connecting to the kitchen.
No one. Everything remained still and untouched, like it had last night. She glanced at his rack, and noticed his duster was gone.
'Why didn't he leave a note? Where is he? This early in the morning?' She thought as she glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.
"7:30 in the morning! Where the hell could he be at 7:30 in the morning?!" She thought out loud to herself.
She rushed to the phone, and dialed the memorized number, his cell phone. She bit her lower lip nervously as it rang once, twice, and three times.......and still no answer.
With one long, deep sigh she slammed the phone down, and made her way out of his room, heading for her own.
-------------------
Two Days Later
After a long, cold shower, Buffy propped down on her bed in her robe. Her hair still damp. She turned on her television and tried to take her mind off of the bleached boy. No luck.
Suddenly, the telephone rang and an anxious knot exploded in her gut as she reached for it beside her bed.
'Please let it be him. Please let it be him.' Her mind chanted as she answered.
"Hello?" Buffy managed to say.
" Hello Ms. Summers." Wesley's voice came over the phone. She grumbled, clutching her stomach as a neasous feeling came over her.
"Hi Wesley. Whats up?"
" Oh, just bloody sorting out paperwork. I actually rang you to give you a congratulations on a job well done." His voice all to cheery.
" On what?" Buffy asked confused.
" The shoot! Xander gave me your reccomandations, and I've heard you and Mr. Johnson did a great job." The man said.
With a quick glance at her calendar, she realised he was right. There was only one more shoot to be done, and that would be it. The feeling grew in the pit of her stomache again. Perhaps it was because she didn't know if she would see Spike after that.
" Thanks." She said, dazing off.
" Well, I just wanted to inform you that there will be a congratulations party, for everyones hard work. It will be held at the original site, and will be a few hours after the shooting for the last." Wesley informed her.
" Cool, that sounds great." Buffy said. "Listen, I have to go. But I'll see you later. Bye." Buffy said hanging up her phone. She scolded herself, pacing about the room.
'Ring! You stupid phone ring! Come on, where is he?! If there is any kind human soul on the face of the planet, let the damn phone ri-'
"Hello?!" Buffy practically screamed into the reciever as it rung.
" 'Ey, luv." Spike's voice sounded over the other line. His voice had sounded low, and emotionless.
" Spike! Oh my gosh. I was so worried. Where have you been? I've been trying to call, and I went to your room last night but you weren't in." Buffy asked, managing a calm tone.
A moment of silence.
" Uh...just around. Needed to get out for a bit." The same tone came over.
" W-well.... um.... can you come over tonight? I'm cooking and everything. In the sense of dialing, but it will still be good. Around seven? " Buffy said.
" Sure. I have to go. See you soon, pet." He said, before he cut the connection.
With a confused frown, Buffy set the phone down on the reciever slowly.
'That was...odd.' Buffy thought as she sat on her bed. 'But hes coming over in two hours! I have to get ready, make this special.' Buffy thought gleefully as she jumped up. She had decided she was going to tell him tonight.
Tell him she loved him.
-----------------------------
Seven came around all to slowly. Buffy had dressed in a sexy, short white dress. She curled her hair, and made sure she was perfect. This had to be perfect.
She walked back into the kitchen, pulling the chinese out of the cartons, and onto the plates. She carried the food to the table, and set it onto the surface. Glancing at the clock, she hurriedly lit the two candles on the table, giving the scent of vanilla off.
She set the lighter back down on the counter, and rushed to the light switch. She dimmed down the lighting in the room. She walked over to her huge window on the opposite wall, and pulled back the curtains, letting the moon's rays shimmer down into the room.
She placed the rose he gave her a couple of nights ago on a nearby stand, and with one quick nod around the room, she smiled happily and approvingly.
Now all she had to do was wait.
Wait..........
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turn into a half hour. And a half hour into an hour.
Buffy sat at the table sulking. She crumpled her napkin and threw it on her plate of food, that had gone un touched. She looked at the candles that were burning away, the wax slowly dripping down. She plopped her head on her hands.
All these dreadful questions were racing through her mind. 'Where is he? Why isn't he here? No call, no message, no nothing. What if hes hurt? What if hes....hes....' She couldn't bring herself to even think such a thing.
Suddenly, her door opened slowly, and Spike stepped in. Wearing, what looked like clothes he had slept in the night before. He looked horrible. His eyes red, his clothes crumpled, and that expression on his face was enough to make her jump up and run to him.
She flung herself in his arms, hands clinging to the back of his neck.
"Thank God you're alright! I was so wor-" Buffy stopped mid-sentence as she realised he wasn't hugging her back. She quickly slid her arms down his side, and backed up a couple of inches to see his face.
"Whats wrong? D-did something happen?" She said slowly, dreading the look on his face. She immediately ran her hand on his cheek, searching for an explanation.
His hand came up, and cupped her hand on his face, and brought it down slowly releasing it.
" S-Spike?" Buffy eyed him, and regretted the lights that still remained off.
" I'm sorry." Was his slow reply. She shook her head.
" No, its okay. It was just dinner-"
" Not just dinner." Spike said weakly.
" W-what? Spike, whats wrong? Tell me something. Your scaring me." Buffy said confused.
" I'm nothing." He whispered.
" Where have you been?" Buffy asked, confusion rising in her voice.
" Out." Spike said.
" You keep saying that! Tell me why you didn't call! Or why you have been avoiding me for two days! Damnit tell me something!" The confusion, was automatically washed over with anger.
" I haven't been avoiding you. I have been bloody thinking!" Spike hissed.
" About what?! Whats wrong?" Buffy shouted back. She saw him clench and unclench his fists, and the muscles in his jaws. He shut his eyes tightly, before opening them.
" I don't know. I just need some time to think about things." He said, calming his voice down.
" What things?! Us?! This?!" She said, pointing back at forth between them. Why was he doing this? What was he saying? He needed time off from her?
" Buffy, will you just bloody calm down?!" Spike shouted back.
" Calm down?! How can I calm down?! You look a mess, you haven't called, I haven't seen you in a few days!" Buffy shouted, gulping down the anger. After a few seconds, she calmed her nerves.
" Ever since that night I couldn't stop thinking about you." She admitted, bringing her voice down. A few tears managing to slide down her face.
'God don't cry! Don't cry!' She inwardly kicked herself.
" Buffy don't-" Spike said coming up to her seeing the tears. She immediately backed away.
'Womens greatest weapon.' Spike thought.
" No. D-don't do what? Don't say I wanted to see you? Wanted to feel you? Don't say I couldn't get you out of my head? Or don't say I lo-" Buffy stopped as he cut in.
"Don't!" Spike hissed. Her mind went clear and for a second, she couldn't believe this was happening. She turned her eyes up from the floor back to him.
" I-" Buffy started again.
" Don't." Spike warned again.
" love-"
"No." Spike shook his head.
" ....you." She finished. She saw him inhale and exhale air, before looking at her dangerously.
" No you don't." He said firmly, and dangerously. This gave her all the more courage to go on, backing him into the door.
" Yes I do. I love you." She repeated again, seeing his reaction at the words.
" Its not love, Buffy. I-its.... want, lust.....desire!" Spike snapped.
" So I can say I want you? I need you? But I can't say I love you? Well I do!" Buffy said.
" Bu-"
" I. Love. You." She repeated slowly.
" You don't believe in love." Spike said, before throwing the door open and exiting it.
'Oh no! He is not going to walk away! I'm not going to let him walk away!' She thought sourly, before running out of her door, and catching him before he entered his room. She gripped his arm, turning him around sharply.
" You changed that! You.... you showed me." Buffy said weakly, though she wanted it to come out strong. She cursed herself for the water cascading down her face.
" I didn't show you anything. Will you just-" Spike spoke angrily.
" No! I can't help it." She breathed. " I can't help it. I can't stop thinking about you, I can't get you out of my head. I'm going crazy not seeing you. Not touching you. I love you." She finished with a desperate glance.
" I don't want to hurt you." Spike finally said, as low as her.
" Your hurting me right now." Buffy said as she let go of his wrist, backing up a few paces.
" I can't love you. I'm sorry." He said in a whisper. He watched her look at the ground, then with a daze at him. So much hurt relevant in her eyes, and tears and her ruined make up on her cheeks. All he wanted to do was grab her, hug her, kiss her, tell her everything was alright. But he caused this pain.
" N-no its fine." Buffy said finally, walking back clumsily. " Just forget it." She said, managing to run to her room and shut it with a fierce slam.
Spike tilted back his head to rest on his door. 'What did I do?' He kept asking himself, banging his head on the door. He wiped his eyes with the palm of his hands, to keep them from coming down on his face.
After a few moments of blank staring at the spot where she had just been, he walked in his room, slamming the door shut.
------------------------
As soon as she ran into her room, she rested her head on the door. Her legs gave out in agony, and she slid to the floor.
The room was dead silent, except the sobs and cries of the blonde girl, still on the floor. She never felt like this. Like someone had sucked the life out of her. She felt like she couldn't speak, couldn't breathe, couldn't feel. Her heart felt like it had been ripped from her body.
After a period of a few minutes, she slid her hands up her face, wiping fiercely at her eyes, trying to hold back the tears stinging her face. It was no use, they kept coming.
She gribbed the flat surface of the floor, before slowly lifting herself up off of it with shakey legs.
She gribbed the metal necklace hanging on her neck, and tore it off of her. She clung it in her clenched hand strongly, not feeling the droplets of blood from the metal digging into her skin.
With one slow movement, she opened her palm and let it slide to the floor.
She dragged herself into her bedroom, laying on the soft covers, her face burried in a pillow, hoping to drown out her crying sounds. Her body shook violently as she sucked in much needed air, having it come out as a sob.
She slid her arms around her stomache, bringing herself in a small position. She closed her eyes, willing herself to try and sleep or stop crying, but she knew she couldn't do either.
As long as his voice was still ringing in her mind and ears:
'I can't love you.'
______________
TBC........
A/N: Ah, so there it is. The painful beginning. But....is it? Hehe. Anyway, I know I suck at the angst thing but I had to get that out. Next chapter should be up soon. Damn school, starts in three days. Oh well. Sad to say there will only be 3 more chapters left, possibley four.
Special thanks to EmilytheStrange1 who gave me the idea for the dinner scenerio. Thanks girl! You rock! And to angel is a poof w/ 2 much hair gel. Your a cool person and help me a lot. Thanks!
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