Disclaimer:  Still not mine, stop thinking it is.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Last Time:

   "Come to see the carnage?" she asked Alex.

   He shrugged.  "Apparently not.  But I may still get an opportunity."  Almost hesitantly he asked, "Have you decided what you'll be doing next?"

   "Returning to the Pearl."

   "Continuing to England."

   Winn and Jack looked at each other.  Jack had a look mild perplexity on his face, which was quickly overshadowed by determination.  Winn swallowed because she could see that this next discussion was going to be disagreeable.  Perhaps not as horrid as the last, but unpleasant nonetheless. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"What do you mean you'll be continuing to England?"  Jack was not happy with the direction this conversation had taken.  He had just gotten Winn in a good mood and now she wanted to leave again?  Did I miss something here?  "Don't be ridiculous.  You're coming with me."

   Winn pulled away from Jack.  She had just gotten him in a good mood and Alex had to bring that up.  That wasn't the way I was planning on breaking the news.  Glaring at her friend, she said, "You've been a big help Alex, thank you so much.  I think this is a conversation that we are capable having without you."  He shrugged as if to say, It had to be brought up sooner or later, but he did leave without making any other comments. 

   Turning back to her husband, Winn tried to explain without sounding either too cold or too soft.  "Jack –" she wasn't sure where to start.  Might as well find out if he had bothered to read her first explanation.  "Did you read the letter I left for you?"

   "Yes, but I thought we had settled all that."

   Tightening her hands into fists at her sides to keep from touching him, she said, "Apparently you read it, but you didn't understand."  She had to make him see what she was talking about.  She wanted to simply give in to him so badly and she knew that if she was unable to make him listen now, then she would.  But she needed to confront her past to break her bad habits, and if she didn't do it now, she never would. 

   "We settled the issues that were between you and me, but there is a lot of my life that I have lived before I met you, Jack.  Most of my life has had nothing to do with you."  Jack looked completely unconvinced.  How do I make him understand?

   Enlightenment hit suddenly.  "Look.  You can swim, right?"

   She had managed to just lose him.  Jack couldn't see how swimming and leaving him were connected.  "Yes, love, I can swim.  What does that have to do with anything?"

   "Can you swim comfortably in deep water?  In the ocean?"

   "Yes, love."

   "Well, I can't.  I panic if I can't see what's underneath me.  And there are areas in my life that are just like deep water.  They don't bother you because you're able to deal with the unknown without panicking.  But I see those areas, and I do panic.  And that affects how well I can build a relationship with you.  Every time I see a stretch of unknown waters, I'm going to panic and turn the other way.  I need to spend some time alone rediscovering those areas of my life.  Once they have, then I'll be able to deal with them and accept them as parts of me.  And then I can be the wife that you deserve.  But until them I'm still just half a woman who pretends to live because she's too scared to do anything else."

   Jack might have been willing to admit that Winn had a point had she not been stubbornly refusing to stay with him.  She still wanted to leave him.  A lifetime as a pirate had made him unaccustomed to having what was his taken from him.  Well, there had been that whole episode with the Pearl, but he had spent nearly a decade of his life plotting and waiting for the right time to reclaim her.  He didn't want to have to wait that long for his wife to "discover" herself.

   He took Winn back in his arms, hoping that physical contact would help sway her to his side.  "I understand what you're saying, Winnie, but I think you're being a little extreme.  You say you want to be the wife I deserve – well, I deserve to have a wife who will stay with me.  Or if you're not willing to stay, then let me come."

   This was harder than Winn had thought it would be, especially with him resorting to unfair tactics.  Pushing away from him, Winn started pacing around the room to help clear her head.  "You just proved that you don't understand.  Yes, I'm your wife, but I'm also an individual – one who needs to be able to see an unadorned image of herself before she starts layering anyone else's image of her over that."
   "Winn, if you had any lower opinion of yourself, you'd be a skeleton.  Why don't you just accept the fact that when I look at you I see a person I want to spend the rest of my wastrel life with and be content?"

   "Because that's my problem, Jack.  Right now I have this image of myself as an emaciated body – an undesirable, unwanted, unattractive person.  One twisted in body and mind and spirit.  I need to be able to look at my life, to look in a mirror naked in mind and body and see someone who is acceptable.  Someone who . . . who . . . ."  Words were starting to fail her and she was no closer to making herself clear.

   Suddenly angry at herself for being unable to clearly vocalize the thoughts that had been on her mind the entire time she had been running, she turned on Jack.  Throwing her hands up in the air in a gesture that was strongly reminiscent of Jack's own habit, she said, "This is why I ran away from you, Jack.  Because I knew I wouldn't be able to make you understand what I needed."  Winn turned away from him again, sweeping a frustrated hand through her hair.  Walking over to the wall of the cabin, she started to slowly but forcefully kick it with her foot, trying to work off some of her nervous energy before she could emit another outburst. 

   It was that inattention that led to her downfall.

That was it.  Jack had had enough of this.  If Winn wanted to go to England that was fine with him, but he would be the one taking her.  Their presence was no longer needed on the Fortune's Run.  Looking around the small cabin, he spotted an abandoned scarf lying on the bunk that belonged to Winn's cabin mate.  Former cabin mate.

   He reached over and picked it up.  For a moment he considered whether to use it to tie Winn's hands or her mouth.  Undoubtedly she was going to have some things to say about his actions.  Shrugging to himself, he decided that it was better to inhibit as many of Winn's struggles as he could.  It would be unfortunate if she knocked them both off-balance and into the ocean.  Besides, she was cute when she was angry – when she wasn't hitting him that was.

   He quietly came up behind her, making sure that surprise was on his side.  She was going to put up enough of a fight without giving her any forewarning.  Luckily, she was buried deep within her own thoughts, trying to think of an argument she could make that would convince Jack of her need to leave him.  Not that any argument would have been successful at the moment.

   She was outraged when she felt herself pushed suddenly into the wall and her hands being jerked behind her.  "What in the name of heaven and all the saints are you doing, Sparrow?!"  She tried to push herself off from the wall, but seeing as how her hands were otherwise occupied and how Jack had managed to lock her legs together with one of his, she wasn't able to put up much resistance.

   Making sure that his knot wasn't about to come lose anytime soon, Jack whirled Winn around to face him.  Sure enough, she was completely livid, her hair hanging in her eyes, doing absolutely nothing to diminish the look of irate astonishment she was giving him.  "Let me go, Jack.  I don't know what you think you're trying to do –"

   Leaning into her personal space with a decidedly superior smirk on his face, Jack said as she backed into the wall, "I don't 'think' I'm doing anything.  I know that I am taking you back to the Pearl and there we will settle this matter once and for all."  Lowering one shoulder, Jack scooped her up over her nearly incomprehensible protests.  Leaving the cabin with Winn over one shoulder, he walked out onto the deck.

   Winn's arguments and protests and insults had stopped as soon as she had felt sunlight hit her back.  She had never been so humiliated in her life, and was not going to add to the humiliation by making a willing spectacle of herself.  I would have gone with him willingly had he simply asked if I would return to the Pearl to talk this over, she thought.  But no, he has to prove that he's a stupid man, incapable of rational thought.  I swear that I am going to make him regret this in the very near future.  He's going to be so –

   The sound of terrified and despairing screams made her look up from her thoughts.  Sure enough, there was the feather-brained Lady Patience screaming at the sight of a vicious pirate carrying off a woman.  She was screaming something to the crew, demanding protection or some equally selfish thing.  The crew was simply standing around and glaring at her as if they wished that Jack was taking her instead.  Alex's crew that was.  Jack's crew was standing around glaring at her as if they were going to mutiny if Jack even considered the idea.

   "Idiot woman."  Jack overhead this muttered comment from Winn.  Glancing around, he too caught sight of Patience.  Stopping dead in his tracks, nearly losing his hold on Winn, he went pale under his tan. 

   "Not you again," he moaned.  It was that same woman he had held for ransom after getting the Black Pearl back.  The one who he was certain was the spawn of the very devil himself.  "Not for all the Spanish doubloons on the ocean floor would I take her back onboard.  Men!" he roared.  "It's time we left.  All hands back to the Pearl." 

   Winn decided to have a bit of fun before she was entirely off the Fortune's Run.  Patience had managed to drain off the little bit of that same virtue that Winn had left.  "Oh no, please, don't take me with you!" she cried out, pretending to be frightened.  "That other woman is ever so much prettier, and would bring you ever so much more for ransom than I.  Please, put me down and take her instead!"  Patience's screams redoubled at this point.  Pleased with herself at this reaction, Winn actually smiled.  Alex put a quick stop to that.

   He came up behind the pirate and his bride, and said quietly to Winn, "My, you're becoming ornery.  I think it's about time that that Captain of yours really made a wife out of you.  It might sweeten your disposition."

   Glaring at her friend, Winn said in a sickly sweet tone, "Alex, I mean this in the nicest way possible, but, go sod off."

   So it was in this undignified manner that Winn found herself once more returning to the Black Pearl.

Jack set Winn down on the floor of his cabin.  As all the blood rushed from her head, she lost her balance and pitched into Jack, unable to regain her balance with her hands still bound behind her back.  He caught her before they both tumbled to the floor.

   This is nice, thought Winn.  Realizing what she had just thought, and what it meant, and what thinking about it more would lead her to do, Winn jerked her attention to something other than how nice it was to be held by Jack and how nice it would be for more to happen.  No.  I am not about to let that happen.  Leaving is going to be hard enough without giving the man the right to do that.  Besides, it should be an incentive for him to let me go, right?  The sooner I get back, the sooner we can start behaving like a normal just-married couple.  Right.  Right.  Unknown to her, Jack had no intention of letting her use intimacy as a bargaining chip.

   "Jack, let me go.  This is ridiculous.  I belong on the Fortune's Run for right now. I need to go to England."  Winn pulled free of Jack once again, thoroughly frustrating the man.  She half turned her back on him, hoping he would free her hands.  When he did no such thing, she glanced over her shoulder.  "You can stop brooding, Jack.  I'm not going to run out the door as soon as you let me go."

   Still, Jack remained silent, simply observing her.  Winnie, you are so naïve.  I have you here in my cabin, semi-legally bound to me, entirely at my mercy, and you feel as if you can taunt me with impunity?  It was time Winn learn a lesson.  No one dictates anything to a pirate captain.

   While she still had her back to him, Jack came up and took her in his arms.  Quelling her struggles with a minimum of effort, he started nuzzling her neck.  His hands were busy rubbing up and down her arms, touching her nowhere else.  Simply up and down, up and down, causing shivers to do the same along Winn's spine.

   She stiffened, trying to being as much distance between her and her husband as was possible (which wasn't much).  "What are you doing?"  Winn's voice was a little higher than usual which made Jack smile.  He was glad to know that she wasn't nearly as impervious to his advances as she acted, although after that kiss in her cabin he had already had his share of doubts.

   This was why Winn hadn't wanted to come back to the ship with Jack.  She knew that once she was truly alone with him, something like this would happen, and she would be hard pressed to stop it.  While she had only spent two full nights in a bed with him, she had become accustomed to having his presence there.  Now there were no small children to interrupt anything he might be planning, no real reason why he shouldn't be planning anything.  Had they been legally married, he would have the right to do whatever he wanted no matter how she felt about the matter.  This marriage was no different.  She had still given up some of her control to him through marriage.  And he was diligently working on gaining the rest of her control.

   "Jack . . . stop."  The blasted man was still nuzzling her throat, his breath warm on her skin.  If she couldn't get him to stop now, she doubted she would be able to stop herself later.

   "Tell you what."  Jack stopped tormenting Winn for a moment.  "Let's place a little wager."  His hands were still rubbing up and down her arms.  "Another swordfight between you and me.  If I win, you stay here and we'll  . . . discuss  . . . this plan of yours.  If you win, we'll catch up with your friend as soon as possible and send you on your merry way to England.  With the solemn oath that you'll return of course."  He turned Winn so that she was facing him.

   "And the terms of the duel?" she asked cautiously.  She wasn't sure that this was a bet worth placing.  Or that it was a bet worth passing up.

   "We fight until one of us disarms the other.  No blood this time.  I plan on having you healthy at the end of our little match."  He grinned lecherously, this time with the intent to follow through in his eyes.  It unnerved Winn, but at the same time it roused feelings in her.  The same ones that had so confused her aboard the Kingfisher.  The one that felt like anger, only more dangerous in a way.  More volatile. 

   Still gazing into his eyes, she quickly weighed her options.  I say no, he does what he wants anyway.  I don't have a choice, but I most likely go along with it.  We fight, he wins, and I still do what he wants but can only blame myself.  We fight, I win, and he takes me back to the Fortune's Run.  Except we both know that the chances of me disarming him are slight.  Hold him off, yes, I've done that, but he still won – or would have if I hadn't found a loophole.  If there was a chance that I knew that something that Will had taught me would help me win, I might risk it, but surely Jack knows those tricks already.  But if I don't fight, and we still end up . . . end up . . . together . . . then I have the option of blaming him and running from my feelings which I don't want to do anymore.  So all that leaves me with is the decision to fight and the slim hope of winning.  Winn sighed.  She greatly disliked impossible situations.  They made her feel powerless.  She disliked that Jack was boxing her into a corner now.  Why can't he just let me go?

   Because he loves you, you nitwit.  Oh joy.  Her inner voice was back again, and as irritable as ever.

   Jack saw herself fight with her intellect, watched her internal debate as it was reflected in her eyes.  Saw her decision before she voiced it.  He turned her and untied her hands.  He watched as she rubbed at her wrists to restore full circulation to her hands.  Briefly he felt sorry for having tied them so tight until her remembered that she would have struggled until she had freed herself otherwise.

   Walking over to one of her trunks that had been left onboard when he had left Osprey Point, he open it and removed the sword that Will had given her.  Turning back to her, he caught her kilting her skirt up around her waist.  To his not-so-great surprise, he saw that she had been wearing leggings under her dress, unlike most women who simply would have worn stockings.  He raised one eyebrow in silent scrutiny of her choice of wardrobe before tossing her sword to her.

   Drawing his own waepon, he let her get into position.  When he was sure that she was ready, he attacked without warning; a simple offense that she would have no problem parrying.  He had every intention of winning this fight, but he'd rather not let on how much he had allowed her in their last duel.  That would surely make her furious, and that wasn't exactly the type of passion he wanted to rouse in her at the moment.  Or anytime in the near future for that matter.

   Winn countered the move, mildly surprised that he was choosing so simple an attack.  If he was as earnest as he seemed, she would have expected him to try a bit harder to bring this to a quick end.  As pass after pass, thrust after block was exchanged without Jack doing more than break a light sweat, Winn began to suspect something.

   He's holding back.  She remembered how surprised Will had been at the story of their last duel, how incredulous he had been that they had managed to fight for as long as they had.  Realization suddenly burned in her gut.  He was holding back.  The torchlight kept me from seeing how little he was exerting himself.  He was . . . was . . . humoring me the entire time!

   Jack saw in her eyes that he had been found out.  One minute Winn was simply fighting with him, and the next she was fighting against him.  "You dishonest crook.  All that time you were simply humoring me.  I am not a child to be indulged.  If you want to fight, then do it, but don't insult me through condescension."  As she spoke, she picked up the pace of their fight, her sword moving almost recklessly in her anger.

   Jack obliged her with a mental shrug to himself.  So much for not letting her catch on.  I must remember that she's not nearly as brainless as most women.

   The pace of their fight continued for another five minutes or so.  It was then that Winn managed to somehow break through Jack's guard and scratch his ribcage.  It wouldn't have happened if he hadn't been pondering how much more vibrant she looked when she simply let herself loose to feel and react in the way that her nature demanded.  It was the essential Winn, her very heart that he saw when she stopped guarding her every word and move.

   "Pay attention!" Winn snapped, upset that he wasn't taking this seriously.  Yes, she had learned a trick or two from Will, but she now knew that it should have been much more difficult to land that hit.

   Jack suddenly felt his grip on his own temper slide.  If she wanted him to "pay attention," then he would.  He was growing tired of this anyway.

   Winn regretted what she had said as soon as Jack began his next attack.  She could immediately tell the difference between how he had been fighting before and how he was fighting now.  It was suddenly all she could do to keep up with him.  That was brilliant, she thought as she started to give ground before him.  Before she knew it, her back was to the wall and she could retreat no further.  In the next instant, her sword was gone from her hand, and Jack's was embedded in the wall at her side.  And in the second after that, he was kissing her in the way a man kisses a woman he intends to spend the night with.

   Oh well, she had bargained and lost.  If this was the consequence, then she would give in.  Perhaps not gracefully, perhaps not without a struggle, but she really had no other choice.  And that simply fed her anger and her desire.

   Jack felt her respond as he knew she would, felt her kiss him back, felt her hands wrap themselves in her shirt.  Pulling away for a moment, he looked into her eyes which were filled with fury and longing.  Although one emotion was quickly overtaking the other.

   Staring back at him, Winn hissed, "I hate you."

   Smirking, Jack replied, "No you don't."  And that was the last thing said for quite some time.

Jack lay on his back on his bed, his wife lying nearly on top of him.  In her sleep she had refused to move away from him, throwing a bare arm across his equally bare torso, her head resting on his chest under his chin, and her other arm wrapped under and around his shoulder.  For someone who had been as squeamish as she had when it came to physical intimacy, she had certainly taken to things rather quickly.  Grinning in his contentment, he thought, Jack Sparrow triumphs again.

   He had been asleep himself up until a few minutes ago.  Winn had started murmuring incomprehensible words in her sleep, waking him even though her mumbles were barely audible.  Jack watched as an unhappy frown took residence on her face.  Can't have that happening.  "Winnie, wake up love.  Whatever is causing you distress isn't worth your time, especially when you have a husband waitin' to entertain you."

   Slowly Winn awoke.  At first she tensed as if unsure where she was, looking up at him as if she were confused.  "Jack?"  He could see memories of the past few hours return to her.  Everything from him surprising her on the ship to how they had ended up in bed.  With memory came a certain amount of security, and she once again rested her head on his chest.

   For several minutes she did nothing but relax against her husband as he started to rub a hand up and down her back.  She could hear his heartbeat underneath her ear, the sound steady and calming.  Unconsciously she started to match her breathing to its' beat.  The soothing motion of his hand almost sent her back to sleep, and she would have been glad to go had she been sure that sleep would offer her haven from her thoughts.  If she could have escaped her troubles for even a short time.  Unfortunately, she knew better.

   Jack interrupted her thoughts.  "Okay, your turn.  I told you why I married you.  Your turn to tell me why you went through with it."  He brought up the subject, hoping that it would somehow cheer Winn up.  Regrettably, it had the opposite affect.

   It was suddenly too much for Winn to handle: being reunited with her husband, the frustration of not being able to make him understand what she needed, the swordfight, what had followed.  And most importantly, her continued conviction that she needed to go back to England . . . alone . . . without the one man who had let her know that it was okay for her to love.  With her voice tight with emotion, she managed whisper, "Because I want to love you."

   Winn started to cry silently, trying to hide the fact from Jack.  She managed until her tears started to drop onto his chest.  His hand paused on her back as he realized what she was doing.  Something tells me those aren't tears of joy.  He let out his breath harshly, frustrated not with Winn, but with the situation.  He hadn't wanted to fall in love.  He may not have done everything he could to avoid it, but he hadn't meant to.  And he certainly hadn't meant to fall in love with such a complicated woman.  The Pearl was complicated but predictable.  Winn was anything but predictable, which was in itself predictable.

   Not knowing what else to do or say, hoping that she would give him a clue as to what she wanted him to do, he simply said, "Ah, Winnie."

   She heard the frustrated patience in his voice.  "I'm sorry.  I don't mean to act like such a ninny."

   Jack rolled his eyes.  "Love, you may be naïve at times, but you're not a ninny.  If anything, you over-think your problems, not the opposite."  Winn sniffed, knowing that a reply wasn't needed.  "So, let's get the obvious answer out of the way.  Are you in the midst of indescribable angst caused by regret over what we just did?"

   He felt Winn let out a breathy sigh that was meant to pass as a cynical laugh.  "No.  Yes.  I don't know.  Possibly."  Winn rolled onto her back, pulling the covers up to her chin.

   Okay, so that wasn't quite the answer that he had been expecting.  It was also the one he hadn't wanted to hear.  It made him doubt whether Winn had really wanted to be with him, or if he had simply persuaded her to do so over her own doubts.  He didn't like feeling this way.  He was Captain Jack Sparrow – he was supposed to know what he was doing at all times.  Propping himself up on an elbow so he could watch her face, he asked, "So which on is it, Winnie?  Don't spare my feelings."

   With her eyes shut, a look of uncertainty on her face, she answered.  "Perhaps I do regret it."  She opened her eyes to look at him and caught the hurt that flashed in his own eyes.  Reaching up to gently touch his face she continued, "But not for the reason you might think, Jack.  I wanted this as much as you did.  I'm not regretting becoming your wife, in any capacity.  It's just that . . . it's just that life is just so hard sometimes, and this didn't change anything."

   Well, as long as she's not mad at me or ashamed of herself, then I suppose this is still a redeemable situation.  "What do you mean this hasn't changed anything?"

   "I still need to go to England, and you still refuse to let me."

   "Wait.  I never said you couldn't go, love.  I said you couldn't go without me."

   "And that's where we bog down," she muttered as she tucked her hand back into her chest.

   Jack could be a patient man, but he was still a man, and a pirate at that.  The tone of her voice challenged him to defend himself against her unspoken accusations.  "We are not bogging down anywhere, lass.  It's you who are too stubborn to give in."

   "And it's you who are too afraid to listen!"

   "I'm afraid?"  Jack pulled away from Winn, sitting up in the bed.  In a calm but impersonal voice he said.  "I'm not the one who's spent the last decade building walls to keep every person in her life at arms' length.  I'm not the one who pretends to feel nothing.  I'm not the one who ran away from the person I just married simply because I couldn't tell the truth."

   "And you're not the one who's understanding that I'm doing my best to tear those walls down, but that it's going to take time!"  How was it that at one moment she wanted to never leave this man's side, and in the next she could barely stand to look at him?  How was it she kept letting him upset her?  "I'm trying Jack.  But it's hard, and it's time consuming, and every time I think I'm okay, that I'm able to function like a normal person, something else comes up to prove that I can't.  And you're certainly not helping me by telling me things I already know."  Winn got out of the bed, pulling the sheet with her to cover her body.

   "I know I'm your wife Jack.  I think that that is a rather indisputable point at the moment.  But I'm also a sister, and an aunt, and a friend, and a role model, and a potential mother, and a granddaughter, and a captain, and a daughter.  But when am I ever Winn anymore?  Just plain Winn?  Where did she go?  I have so many roles that I play on a day to day basis, but whatever happened to the actor?"

  As she spoke, Jack found that he had his own little voices to deal with.  He remembered his thoughts that night several weeks ago about how Captain Jack Sparrow was a person he played.  But Jack was who he was.  Unlike Winn, he remembered who the man outside the role was, even if he didn't spend much time being him anymore.  Winn didn't remember who she was outside of her roles.

   Turning to Jack, she saw understanding in his eyes.  Finally she was explaining her actions in a way he understood.  She couldn't stop now.  She came over to the bed and knelt down on the floor next to it.  Looking up at Jack from her position, she reached over and took one of his hands in both of hers.  "It's not that I don't want you to come with me, Jack.  I do.  I . . . I need you.  You always manage to make me just upset enough to have the courage to keep going.  But I know that if you did come, all I would focus on was learning another role – your wife.  I don't want to simply be your wife.  I want to be Winn, your wife.  Do you see the difference?  In one, I'm simply what you need me to be.  The other is me being myself and finding that that's all you need me to be.  Nothing else."  Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.

   Against such a rationalization Jack really had no choice but to yield to her requests.  But he wasn't happy about it, and they were still going to do things his way.  "Fine.  Go."  Winn's eyes widened in shock, amazed that she had persuaded him to agree to let her go.  "But I'm laying four conditions on you."  The look of surprise on her face slowly turned to wry amusement.

   Of course he has conditions for me to follow.  A price for me to pay.  I'll pay it willingly though, if only he will let me go.  "Whatever it is, my answer is yes."

   Sure, now she's bein' agreeable.  Why didn't I think of this before?  Would have saved myself the headache.  "You're going to agree, just like that?"

   "I trust you not to be unreasonable, Jack."

   He narrowed his eyes at her, suspecting her of trying to trick him in some manner, or of trying to humor him.  "Fine.  Condition one; you have two months in which to do this."

   "Jack, it takes two months to complete the crossing!  You have to give me more time than that."

   "How long were you thinking of being gone?"

   Winn shrugged.  "I don't think I had thought that far ahead yet."  Thinking, she said, "I'd like seven months."  When Jack started to protest, she quickly explained.  "That's including travel time and three months to do what I need to in England.  The time of the trip home will double as some more time to think and come to find who I am."

   "And when will these seven months of yours start, love.  Today?  Tomorrow?  Whenever I return you to your bloody friend?"

   "They started the day we married.  I can only think that's fair."  Since Jack was being so amenable to her requests, it seemed right to go ahead and have started her time already.

   Jack still didn't like this.  Seven months was too long.  He had finally gotten Winn to agree to be his wife in word and deed, and now she wanted to leave him for over half a year?  Not while he was still captain of the Black Pearl.  "Five months, and I come and get you."

   Winn turned mulish at this.  "No Jack.  If you're going to impose four conditions on me, than this is the only one I ask to impose on you – you're to stay out of English waters."

   "But –"

   "No Jack.  Father was a legalized pirate, and he was still killed in English waters.  You're a full-fledged pirate, and not only are the English out for your head, but so are the Spanish, the French, and the Portuguese, and who knows who else.  There are a lot more navy ships closer to home than there are in the Caribbean.  I can't risk you dying, or being captured simply because I made no argument when it came to coming after me.  I need to know that I'm coming back to something.  Please, promise me you'll stay here."

   Jack could hear the denied fear in her voice as she spoke.  It was that, not her arguments that made him agree to stay behind.  "Agreed."

   "Thank you."  She squeezed his hand.  "What else did you want me to agree to?"

   "That you'll stay in whatever godforsaken town that you're going to.  And that you will write me at least once a month to keep me informed.  You needn't give me all the messy details – please, I would prefer you didn't – but it would be nice to know that you're still alive."

   Winn nodded, indicating her willingness.  "Easily promised.  What are the other two?"

   Jack debated whether or not he should tell both of them to her now.  Save the last one.  It's going to be hard enough to say as it is.  "I'll tell you one last one today, love."

   "Well?"

   "We're not leaving to catch up with your friend for another four days.  We should catch up with him in a week.  That gives you and me a week to get . . . better acquainted."  Jack pulled Winn back up onto the bed and rolled onto her.  He started kissing her neck, remembering the response he had gotten from her the last time he had.

   As Winn wriggled, trying to focus on something other than what he was again doing to her, she asked, "And what . . . what . . . what's the catch?"

   Between each word in his answer, Jack moved a little higher on her neck, working towards her mouth.  "We're . . . not . . . leaving  . . . this . . . cabin."

   At the moment, Winn wholeheartedly agreed.

Jack's required week passed more quickly than Winn could have imagined.  He hadn't been kidding when he had said that they weren't going to set foot outside his . . . their . . . cabin doors.  The only time they had ever even opened them was to fetch the food left outside for them.  Now, as Winn stood at the stern of the ship and watched as the Fortune's Run came closer and closer, all she could do was wish that she didn't need to do this.  Didn't need to leave Jack behind.  Didn't need to depend solely on herself for one last time.

   Still caught up in her thoughts, she looked down at her left hand.  This morning when she had awakened, once again in Jack's arms, once again finding him watching as she slept, she had felt something on her ring finger.  She had simply met Jack's gaze for sometime, afraid to see what she would find on her hand.  But she hadn't been able to resist looking forever.

   It hadn't been the diamond ring she had half been suspecting.  Jack would never do something so conventional.  Give me a ring to wear as a wedding band?  Yes, but only so that I feel more "married," as a reminder that he's waiting for me.  But a diamond would have been too much.  What she found was a medium sized black opal set in a slender silver band.  It was beautiful and mesmerizing, and dark, yet fiery.  She idly wondered which one of them it was supposed to represent.  Or is it both of us?  Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?  Perhaps this is the only ring he had that would fit my small little hands.

   She hadn't said anything about it, other than, "You know, I've never really liked diamonds.  They've always reminded me of ice."  She hadn't thanked him.  Had simply placed a lingering kiss on his lips before getting out of bed to get ready.  Words hadn't been necessary.  If they had been, he would have waited until she was awake to give it to her.

   Arms wrapping around her shoulders brought her back to the present.  "It's time, love."  Everything had been prepared.  One of the men was carrying one of her trunks to Alex's ship so she would have a few more clothes.  All that remained was for her to leave, and she was finding it harder than she had the first time.  Much harder.

   "Walk me there?"  Jack nodded, out of his element.  He had never willing let go of anything he had loved before.  Had never trusted love to return.  But Winn was another matter.  If he didn't let her go now, he'd find that he would lose her in other ways.  He had decided this morning as he watched her sleep that if he truly loved her, then he would do it on her terms, with her as a person at peace with herself.

   The couple was silent.  The crews of both ships were silent.  The only sound was that of the constantly ripples of the sea meeting the hull of the two ships.  Turning to his own crew, Jack growled, "Get to work, y'scalawags.   It's not a show I'm putting on for your pleasure."  His crew dispersed, as did Alex's at a nod from their captain.

   Winn and Jack stood looking at each other for some time, each trying to leave the other, but neither willing to until it was absolutely necessary.  It was Winn who finally broke the silence.  "Well . . . I guess I'll see you in a few months then.  You'll remember to meet me in Tortuga."

   "Aye, love.  At the Faithful Bride.  How could I forget that?"

   Winn nodded clumsily.  "I'll see you then, I guess."  She turned to go, but at the last minute turned back to give Jack kiss, one prompted by passion and desperation.  Jack responded instantly, grateful to break the awkwardness between them.  This was how a pirate captain said good-bye to his wench.  Just because he had married the woman didn't mean she wanted to be treated any differently.

   Pulling away, Winn asked in a breathless voice, "What was your last condition?  You never told me."

   Capturing her gaze with his, Jack said, "The last condition was you have to promise to come back to me.  But I was hopin' you'd do that anyway."  Winn's eyes filled with longing to stay and never go.  But they both know this had to be done.  Jack kissed her harshly one last time, before shoving her out onto the gangplank running between both ships.  She understood what he was silently telling her, and quickly boarded the Fortune's Run, not looking back.

   Walking to the prow of the ship, she looked back only once.  Jack had already turned and was barking orders to his crew.  If his voice sounded a bit more gravelly than normal, it must have only been because they had spent hours talking the night before.  Cursing, she wiped a tear from her eye.  I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

   Quickly reaching her goal, she looked ahead as the Black Pearl fell behind, soon becoming nothing more than an toy nearing the horizon.  For once in her life she stopped looking back, kept her eyes set on their plotted course.  The sooner they reached England, the sooner she could return.