Gone With You
A/N: Alright.... next chapter! Thanks for the reviews!!
Rating: Pg13
Disclaimer: Don't own, just use.
Summary: Buffy Summers- a fresh upcoming model in the business, is hired to do an intimate photo shoot with Spike Johnson, the hottest thing in music. They will be king and queen of the year....but does hatred and desire turn them into the couple of the year? B/S
__________________
Spike stared up at the plain white ceiling of his room. He didn't know how long he had been staring at it, or why he was staring up at it. But he was. He wanted to let out a chuckle from how ridiculous he must look. Sitting sprawled out upon his bed, not bothering to get under the covers, and looking like he was death himself.
He didn't know what time it was. Hell, he didn't even care. The only thing he was aware of was he was seeing her. Her beautiful face. Flashing in his mind.
It was quiet all around him, and wished someone could be there with him. Not just someone, Buffy.
'And if I weren't such a stupid git, she could be here with you right now. Laughing, smiling, driving me crazy.'
He glanced sideways, and noticed some light rays shining through his window. He stuck out his hand and let the rays shine on his hand.
' God, even sodden sunshine makes me think of her! Bloody wanker!'
He rolled his limp body out of the shadows on his bed, and stepped infront of his window.
He reached a hand out, lightly placing it on the blinds. He hesitated for a moment, as if praying it would still be day outside. Still be shining. With one quick draw of breath, he pulled the blinds up and suddenly his room was no longer black, but filled with beaming light.
He had to squint his eyes a little from the sudden change in atmosphere, but then gained composure and closed his eyes, as if letting the rays drown into him.
Spike opened his eyes, and gazed about his room. Messy wasn't the word. Empty liquor bottles everywhere, completely drained of its content, clothes were laid about, and empty fast food cartons covered his table. He had been there the entire night, just writing. And it didn't help any if he had gotten piss drunk.
He figured he hadn't gotten a chance to write as of late, considering his predicament with the shoot and Buffy. And thats what made him write. Buffy. He couldn't get her out of his mind, so he decided to put it down on paper.
He walked over to the crumpled sheets of paper, and gathered them neatly into a pile, making a mental note to show them to the band later on, and practice the cords.
"Stupid....bloody....buggerin'....." Spike cursed himself, searching for the right word.
'Get her out of your soddin mind! You wanted this, remember?! You did this! It was the right thing to bloody do!' Spike thought to himself, walking over to his closet.
'Then why does it hurt so much?.....' His inner monologue debated.
'Because you broke her heart and feel guilty!' He protested.
' Broke her heart....or yours?' His inner devil bit back. Spike groaned loudly, pulling a shirt over his head.
'This is crazy I am not having a conversation with myself!' He shook his head.
He was seriously boarding on insanity right about now. Can women do that to you? He wondered. Well...this woman can. He let out a chuckle from his throat. Just then, the doorbell rang.
Spike froze. Was it her? He ran to his mirror, ran his hands through his tousled locks, and ran over to the door.
With one deep breath, he swung the door open.
"Bloody hell. What do you want whelp?" Spike groaned, looking at the brunette infront of him.
" Oh ya' know.... was just in the neighborhood." Xander shrugged.
" Oh so this neighborhood happened to be right infront of my hotel, up three floors and right down the hall?" Spike smirked, ushering the man inside.
" Well....no. Not exactly. Just came by to see if-"
" If me and Buffy worked things out." Spike finished for him. Xander nodded. "Well let me give you the short version. No." Spike said, plopping down on the sofa.
" Oh. What happened? I thought you went after her last night?" Xander asked, taking a seat next to him.
" I did. She wouldn't talk to me." He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "I really done it this time mate."
"Hey, hey now Mr. Negative." Xander said, patting his shoulder. "You don't know that. Just don't give up." Spike jolted out of his seat and started pacing infront of him.
"Give up?! Bloody hell! Thats the problem! I *did* give up! I let her.... go." Spike said, trying to calm the emotion now rising in his voice.
"Go? Shes right down the hall-"
"No. I meant...." Spike stopped pacing. "She said she loved me." He admitted, covering his face with his hands.
Silence.
"Xander?..." Spike asked, raising his eyes to the quiet man. Xander was looking at him dumbfounded. He watched the man for a moment or two, and then watched as a smile broke from his lips. He jumped up.
" Well then whats the problem?!" Xander asked. Spike rolled his eyes.
" Good question." Spike said sitting back down. "I-I just...... don't think I love her." Spike said slumping down. He raised his head to the man still smiling.
"Sure you don't." Xander said with a mischevious smile.
"I don't! I-I....." Spike sat back up straight now. After a few seconds of inner debate, he added, his voice raspy, "I can't love her."
" Can't or won't?" Xander bit out. Taking a sigh, he continued. "Listen, man. I don't know whats been going on with you two. But it sounds like you already do love her.....but won't admit it to yourself."
" I don't love her." Spike said, jumping up and crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.
" Do too." Xander sing songed.
" Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Oh, this is bloody ridiculous! I am not going to bloody defend myself with you!" Spike screamed aggrevated. Xander smirked.
" Just cause your going to loose."
" Am not!" Spike protested.
"Are too!"
" A- stop that!" Spike shouted. Xander obliged. "Are not." Spike said one last time. Xander rolled his eyes.
"Then why is your place a mess? And why do you look like you haven't gotten any sleep in days?" Xander questioned. "Or how come you invited her to the club to watch you play? Yeah, Anya found out. And you haven't shacked up with anyone since you met her!" Xander pointed an accusing finger at him. "And you were her escort at that shin-dig a few nights ago! Yeah buster, it was all over the headlines!"
There came no response as Xander backed Spike up onto the couch. He remained silent, processing all the pieces of the puzzle together.
" I don't know." Came his weak reply. Xander walked over to his door and put his hand on it. He turned around to him, still smirking.
" I think you do." And with that, he was gone. Shutting the door behind him.
Spike sat there like a tamed puppy on the couch, afraid to move because his master might come back. Gaining control back some of his pride and manliness, Spike snorted and looked around. "What does he know?" He said cooly.
His face fell after a few minutes of thought.
'What *does* he know? I mean....I can't...I've only.... but I was such... oh fuck.' Spike panicked, resuming his pacing.
'Oh no, no, no. I do. I do love her! I love Buffy!' As soon as the revelation crossed through his mind, his frown resumed its place. 'Great, forgot one thing, she hates you now! You broke her heart.'
The door opened swiftly a crack, and Xanders head peered in again.
"By the way, don't give up this time. Go. And good luck." Xander wished, and shut the door.
Spike shook his head. "Not going." A moment of silence fell around himself. "I'm not going." He repeated, trying to convince himself.He sighed." Oh who am I kidding? I'm going!" He grinned and ran over to his door.
Without another glance back, he opened his door and ran out straight to her room. he lifted a hesitant hand, and stopped it right before it knocked on the door. 'What am I going to say? Hi, Buffy. I know I royally screwed you over for the past couple of days, but guess what? I just realized I love you?!'
No that won't do. He shut his eyes for a minute, repeating in his head. 'Don't give up. Just do it.'
Not another thought crossed his mind as he lifted his hand yet again, and knocked on the door once.
No answer.
Twice.
Still no answer.
Three times.
Nothing.
Spike's breathing became rapid with worry, as he began pounding on the door fiercely. He backed up and dug inside his pocket for something. "Aha!" He screamed in triumphment as he clutched one of Buffy's pins for her hair in his hand.
She had left it at his place and he had been remembering to return it. He bent down on the floor, and slid the pin into the door hole. Twisting and turning it masterfully, he heard a little click and he turned the knob. The door swung open.
Spike froze as he observed the area infront of him. Where is she? Spike slowly rose to his feet. He stumbled into the room slowly, spinning around.
"Buffy?" He choked the word out, as if hoping for an answer.
All of her stuff was gone. Nothing was here left of her. But he had to keep looking.
'She has to be here! She can't just.....leave me.' His thoughts suddenly gave his legs power, and he ran to her bedroom, pushing open the doors.
The bed was made neatly, and it was empty. Completely empty. He took one step into the room.
"No." Spike whispered shaking his head in dibelief.
His heart was pounding in his body, slamming against his rib cage, screaming no! But his mind was blank, saying yes.
He walked over to the bed and saw the only thing that remained of her. A small red presence, lying on her pillow. He covered it with his hand, and lifted the red rose he had given her a few days back.
The world stopped as he gazed down at it. He closed his eyes, shutting them tightly. Unaware of the water substance cascading down his cheeks.
He bawled his hand in a fist, and then let his arms drop to his sides weakly. Watching the rose fall slowly to the ground. Along with his heart.
With one last look around, he made for the door. 'Maybe I can still catch her.' Although he knew it was a ridiculous idea, he had to try. He had to try anything. He couldn't give up on this....on her.
Spike ran out of her room, and down the hall to the stairs. Sod the elevator, he had no time.
He ran as fast as his mortal legs could go down the black steps. Reaching the floor he broke off into a sprint to the lobby.
Her car was gone. No limo around. He ran out to the street, praying he would just walk out and she would be waiting for him.
He stepped out into the now cloudy sky. It was cold out, and dark. Very dark. He turned his back on the speeding road, and began to sob lightly.
Shes gone.
He sniffled and glanced up at the thundery sky. Shadows of clouds came together, blocking out the sun. He shut his eyes, and started to pray to God.
As an answer, a drop of water fell on his upturned face. His eyes fluttered open and observed the falling droplets on his face.
And he stood there. Seconds, minutes, hours. He wasn't sure. He didn't care. All he could feel was his heart breaking, and the cool moist coming down more powerfully now.
After a while, he made his way back into the hotel, soaking wet and miserable. He didn't care of the old lady giving him odd looks, or the passing strangers whispering about him. Spike walked over to the front desk.
"Er....uh....h-hello, Mr. Johnson." The man asked, eyeing him apprehensively. "How may I help you?"
" Just here to check out. Can you have a limo ready for me in an hour?" Spike replied. The man shook his head.
"Of course, sir." He said as Spike turned around, but then one last idea crossed his mind as he turned slowly back to the man. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
" Uh.... yeah. Did someone leave a message for me, maybe?" He asked gently.
" Let me check." The boy answered, and began searching the desk. "Aha! Yes! Here it is. Miss Summers left this for you." The man beamed, holding up a white envelope.
Spike smiled and reached for the envelope.
"Thanks." Spike said, as he walked away.
Once far enough away in private, in his room, he sat down on his couch. 'Better to sit.' He thought as he tore the top open.
He peered inside of it, and took out the object it contained. He picked it up and held it infront of his face. The necklace he gave her. His goldilocks.
Pouring water on fire. Acid on a burn.
This hurt like hell.
He held the chain tightly in his hands, before throwing it across his room madly. Plopping his head in his lap, tears spilling out. The only thing drilling into his brain was the love for her. He let her go. She was gone.
She was gone.
And she took his heart with her.
_________________________
A/N: Sorry for the wait! Hope I haven't lost ya. School and what not.... been a real pain. But at last I have updated. Alright..... one more chapter left, and possibley an epilogue. So sad right? *tear* tear. lol. Well I hope to have the next chapter up soon. Tell me what ya think!
Please Review!!
A/N: Alright.... next chapter! Thanks for the reviews!!
Rating: Pg13
Disclaimer: Don't own, just use.
Summary: Buffy Summers- a fresh upcoming model in the business, is hired to do an intimate photo shoot with Spike Johnson, the hottest thing in music. They will be king and queen of the year....but does hatred and desire turn them into the couple of the year? B/S
__________________
Spike stared up at the plain white ceiling of his room. He didn't know how long he had been staring at it, or why he was staring up at it. But he was. He wanted to let out a chuckle from how ridiculous he must look. Sitting sprawled out upon his bed, not bothering to get under the covers, and looking like he was death himself.
He didn't know what time it was. Hell, he didn't even care. The only thing he was aware of was he was seeing her. Her beautiful face. Flashing in his mind.
It was quiet all around him, and wished someone could be there with him. Not just someone, Buffy.
'And if I weren't such a stupid git, she could be here with you right now. Laughing, smiling, driving me crazy.'
He glanced sideways, and noticed some light rays shining through his window. He stuck out his hand and let the rays shine on his hand.
' God, even sodden sunshine makes me think of her! Bloody wanker!'
He rolled his limp body out of the shadows on his bed, and stepped infront of his window.
He reached a hand out, lightly placing it on the blinds. He hesitated for a moment, as if praying it would still be day outside. Still be shining. With one quick draw of breath, he pulled the blinds up and suddenly his room was no longer black, but filled with beaming light.
He had to squint his eyes a little from the sudden change in atmosphere, but then gained composure and closed his eyes, as if letting the rays drown into him.
Spike opened his eyes, and gazed about his room. Messy wasn't the word. Empty liquor bottles everywhere, completely drained of its content, clothes were laid about, and empty fast food cartons covered his table. He had been there the entire night, just writing. And it didn't help any if he had gotten piss drunk.
He figured he hadn't gotten a chance to write as of late, considering his predicament with the shoot and Buffy. And thats what made him write. Buffy. He couldn't get her out of his mind, so he decided to put it down on paper.
He walked over to the crumpled sheets of paper, and gathered them neatly into a pile, making a mental note to show them to the band later on, and practice the cords.
"Stupid....bloody....buggerin'....." Spike cursed himself, searching for the right word.
'Get her out of your soddin mind! You wanted this, remember?! You did this! It was the right thing to bloody do!' Spike thought to himself, walking over to his closet.
'Then why does it hurt so much?.....' His inner monologue debated.
'Because you broke her heart and feel guilty!' He protested.
' Broke her heart....or yours?' His inner devil bit back. Spike groaned loudly, pulling a shirt over his head.
'This is crazy I am not having a conversation with myself!' He shook his head.
He was seriously boarding on insanity right about now. Can women do that to you? He wondered. Well...this woman can. He let out a chuckle from his throat. Just then, the doorbell rang.
Spike froze. Was it her? He ran to his mirror, ran his hands through his tousled locks, and ran over to the door.
With one deep breath, he swung the door open.
"Bloody hell. What do you want whelp?" Spike groaned, looking at the brunette infront of him.
" Oh ya' know.... was just in the neighborhood." Xander shrugged.
" Oh so this neighborhood happened to be right infront of my hotel, up three floors and right down the hall?" Spike smirked, ushering the man inside.
" Well....no. Not exactly. Just came by to see if-"
" If me and Buffy worked things out." Spike finished for him. Xander nodded. "Well let me give you the short version. No." Spike said, plopping down on the sofa.
" Oh. What happened? I thought you went after her last night?" Xander asked, taking a seat next to him.
" I did. She wouldn't talk to me." He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "I really done it this time mate."
"Hey, hey now Mr. Negative." Xander said, patting his shoulder. "You don't know that. Just don't give up." Spike jolted out of his seat and started pacing infront of him.
"Give up?! Bloody hell! Thats the problem! I *did* give up! I let her.... go." Spike said, trying to calm the emotion now rising in his voice.
"Go? Shes right down the hall-"
"No. I meant...." Spike stopped pacing. "She said she loved me." He admitted, covering his face with his hands.
Silence.
"Xander?..." Spike asked, raising his eyes to the quiet man. Xander was looking at him dumbfounded. He watched the man for a moment or two, and then watched as a smile broke from his lips. He jumped up.
" Well then whats the problem?!" Xander asked. Spike rolled his eyes.
" Good question." Spike said sitting back down. "I-I just...... don't think I love her." Spike said slumping down. He raised his head to the man still smiling.
"Sure you don't." Xander said with a mischevious smile.
"I don't! I-I....." Spike sat back up straight now. After a few seconds of inner debate, he added, his voice raspy, "I can't love her."
" Can't or won't?" Xander bit out. Taking a sigh, he continued. "Listen, man. I don't know whats been going on with you two. But it sounds like you already do love her.....but won't admit it to yourself."
" I don't love her." Spike said, jumping up and crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.
" Do too." Xander sing songed.
" Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Do not!"
"Do too!"
"Oh, this is bloody ridiculous! I am not going to bloody defend myself with you!" Spike screamed aggrevated. Xander smirked.
" Just cause your going to loose."
" Am not!" Spike protested.
"Are too!"
" A- stop that!" Spike shouted. Xander obliged. "Are not." Spike said one last time. Xander rolled his eyes.
"Then why is your place a mess? And why do you look like you haven't gotten any sleep in days?" Xander questioned. "Or how come you invited her to the club to watch you play? Yeah, Anya found out. And you haven't shacked up with anyone since you met her!" Xander pointed an accusing finger at him. "And you were her escort at that shin-dig a few nights ago! Yeah buster, it was all over the headlines!"
There came no response as Xander backed Spike up onto the couch. He remained silent, processing all the pieces of the puzzle together.
" I don't know." Came his weak reply. Xander walked over to his door and put his hand on it. He turned around to him, still smirking.
" I think you do." And with that, he was gone. Shutting the door behind him.
Spike sat there like a tamed puppy on the couch, afraid to move because his master might come back. Gaining control back some of his pride and manliness, Spike snorted and looked around. "What does he know?" He said cooly.
His face fell after a few minutes of thought.
'What *does* he know? I mean....I can't...I've only.... but I was such... oh fuck.' Spike panicked, resuming his pacing.
'Oh no, no, no. I do. I do love her! I love Buffy!' As soon as the revelation crossed through his mind, his frown resumed its place. 'Great, forgot one thing, she hates you now! You broke her heart.'
The door opened swiftly a crack, and Xanders head peered in again.
"By the way, don't give up this time. Go. And good luck." Xander wished, and shut the door.
Spike shook his head. "Not going." A moment of silence fell around himself. "I'm not going." He repeated, trying to convince himself.He sighed." Oh who am I kidding? I'm going!" He grinned and ran over to his door.
Without another glance back, he opened his door and ran out straight to her room. he lifted a hesitant hand, and stopped it right before it knocked on the door. 'What am I going to say? Hi, Buffy. I know I royally screwed you over for the past couple of days, but guess what? I just realized I love you?!'
No that won't do. He shut his eyes for a minute, repeating in his head. 'Don't give up. Just do it.'
Not another thought crossed his mind as he lifted his hand yet again, and knocked on the door once.
No answer.
Twice.
Still no answer.
Three times.
Nothing.
Spike's breathing became rapid with worry, as he began pounding on the door fiercely. He backed up and dug inside his pocket for something. "Aha!" He screamed in triumphment as he clutched one of Buffy's pins for her hair in his hand.
She had left it at his place and he had been remembering to return it. He bent down on the floor, and slid the pin into the door hole. Twisting and turning it masterfully, he heard a little click and he turned the knob. The door swung open.
Spike froze as he observed the area infront of him. Where is she? Spike slowly rose to his feet. He stumbled into the room slowly, spinning around.
"Buffy?" He choked the word out, as if hoping for an answer.
All of her stuff was gone. Nothing was here left of her. But he had to keep looking.
'She has to be here! She can't just.....leave me.' His thoughts suddenly gave his legs power, and he ran to her bedroom, pushing open the doors.
The bed was made neatly, and it was empty. Completely empty. He took one step into the room.
"No." Spike whispered shaking his head in dibelief.
His heart was pounding in his body, slamming against his rib cage, screaming no! But his mind was blank, saying yes.
He walked over to the bed and saw the only thing that remained of her. A small red presence, lying on her pillow. He covered it with his hand, and lifted the red rose he had given her a few days back.
The world stopped as he gazed down at it. He closed his eyes, shutting them tightly. Unaware of the water substance cascading down his cheeks.
He bawled his hand in a fist, and then let his arms drop to his sides weakly. Watching the rose fall slowly to the ground. Along with his heart.
With one last look around, he made for the door. 'Maybe I can still catch her.' Although he knew it was a ridiculous idea, he had to try. He had to try anything. He couldn't give up on this....on her.
Spike ran out of her room, and down the hall to the stairs. Sod the elevator, he had no time.
He ran as fast as his mortal legs could go down the black steps. Reaching the floor he broke off into a sprint to the lobby.
Her car was gone. No limo around. He ran out to the street, praying he would just walk out and she would be waiting for him.
He stepped out into the now cloudy sky. It was cold out, and dark. Very dark. He turned his back on the speeding road, and began to sob lightly.
Shes gone.
He sniffled and glanced up at the thundery sky. Shadows of clouds came together, blocking out the sun. He shut his eyes, and started to pray to God.
As an answer, a drop of water fell on his upturned face. His eyes fluttered open and observed the falling droplets on his face.
And he stood there. Seconds, minutes, hours. He wasn't sure. He didn't care. All he could feel was his heart breaking, and the cool moist coming down more powerfully now.
After a while, he made his way back into the hotel, soaking wet and miserable. He didn't care of the old lady giving him odd looks, or the passing strangers whispering about him. Spike walked over to the front desk.
"Er....uh....h-hello, Mr. Johnson." The man asked, eyeing him apprehensively. "How may I help you?"
" Just here to check out. Can you have a limo ready for me in an hour?" Spike replied. The man shook his head.
"Of course, sir." He said as Spike turned around, but then one last idea crossed his mind as he turned slowly back to the man. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
" Uh.... yeah. Did someone leave a message for me, maybe?" He asked gently.
" Let me check." The boy answered, and began searching the desk. "Aha! Yes! Here it is. Miss Summers left this for you." The man beamed, holding up a white envelope.
Spike smiled and reached for the envelope.
"Thanks." Spike said, as he walked away.
Once far enough away in private, in his room, he sat down on his couch. 'Better to sit.' He thought as he tore the top open.
He peered inside of it, and took out the object it contained. He picked it up and held it infront of his face. The necklace he gave her. His goldilocks.
Pouring water on fire. Acid on a burn.
This hurt like hell.
He held the chain tightly in his hands, before throwing it across his room madly. Plopping his head in his lap, tears spilling out. The only thing drilling into his brain was the love for her. He let her go. She was gone.
She was gone.
And she took his heart with her.
_________________________
A/N: Sorry for the wait! Hope I haven't lost ya. School and what not.... been a real pain. But at last I have updated. Alright..... one more chapter left, and possibley an epilogue. So sad right? *tear* tear. lol. Well I hope to have the next chapter up soon. Tell me what ya think!
Please Review!!