Tryst with a Toaster Chapter Seven: The Microwave
Alucard surveyed his options carefully, wary of the capability of his new lover after he'd almost been blown to pieces by the previous one. He leaned close, his breath hot on the appliance, reading all of the deliciously sensual options he had.
"'Popcorn'... that sounds kinky," Alucard murmured to himself, and flung the fragile plastic door open, exposing the naked enterior of the microwave. His thrusts shook it, and with one trembling hand he reached down to stimulate his partner manually... he pressed the button for 'popcorn' and the microwave started to hum with pleasure. The heat between them was almost tangible... it was magnificent... it was... it was...
It was unbearable.
Alucard pushed the microwave roughly away, hissing in pain, but the damage had already been done: he had 'popcorned' his sword beyond repair. Angrily he struck the microwave, and it regarded him with it's one glowing eye mockingly. Alucard growled.
Which is how a few weeks later, Maria found broken bits of wire and plastic littering the cemetary on the hill.