Warning: This chapter contains descriptions about abuse and cutting. If you do not like to read about these topics, then don't read.
Chapter 11- Can You Ease My Pain?
Draco had watched the altercation between Harry and Dumbledore with mixed emotions. On one hand he agreed with his headmaster that the boy's uncle should be punished. Especially since his own father had escaped from prison and had yet to be punished for his crimes against his own son. On the other hand, he knew that Harry was an emotional wreck and couldn't handle going through a trial at the moment. Ron was right; the press would have a field day with the dirt that they could get on Harry would last forever.
Everyone was busy discussing what would happen to Harry. Seeing that he was being ignored at the moment, he decided to go on one of his long walks. He needed to clear his head, and he was hoping that he might find Harry. It never seemed like the right time to talk to him about anything. Why did this have to be so difficult?
He followed his usual path through the trees listening to the sounds of the night. After about twenty minutes of sauntering along in the dark, he finally came upon the dark haired boy. He was kneeling near a creek that went through the small woods that was near the Burrow. Illuminated only by the moonlight, Harry exuded an ethereal like quality. He was a dark haired angel among the monsters of this world. It was as if Draco could sense who Harry truly was beneath his frail body.
Again, Draco was struck at just how small this boy seemed. He looked so lost and alone in the middle of the woods. Harry had not yet noticed him, so he carefully walked around so that he could see the boy properly.
Upon closer inspection, Draco realized that his small frame was shaking with grief. Beneath his wired frame glasses, silent tears were streaming down his ghostly white skin. In his right hand was a small kitchen knife that he was using to make small incisions unto his left forearm. A sense of relief crossed his pale face each time he made another slit into his skin. Draco was about to run forward and grab the knife from is hand thinking that he was trying to kill himself, when he looked at the cuts that he had been inflicting. They were no where near to being life threatening. It looked as if this was the first time he had tried to do this type of thing because the rest of skin looked unmarred.
Why would Harry be cutting himself alone in the dark? Suddenly, Draco understood. Although he had never done it himself, he had often thought about cutting after his father had beaten him senseless. He had a friend once that used to do it and said that it was the only way that he was able to cope when things got too bad. The pain on the outside had somehow masked what he was feeling on the inside.
Draco was not sure what to do about the situation. He desperately wanted to talk to the boy, but he wasn't sure how. Five years of animosity had created a chasm between, and Draco was unsure of how to cross this void. He felt some of his old demeanor slip back into place as he approached him.
"Trying to forget everything?" he asked in his drawling voice, startling Harry.
"What the hell are you trying to do? Scare the hell out of me?" Harry asked, stumbling to his feet. He quickly erased the tears on his face with the sleeve of his shirt, and slipped the knife in his pocket.
"No, I was merely curious as to what you were doing," said Draco coolly.
"It's none of you business what I am doing. Did you follow me or something?"
"No, I go for a walk almost every day. I just bumped into you, that's all."
"Yeah, right. Just leave me alone, okay?" said Harry softly.
"No, I won't," Draco said firmly.
"Excuse me?" said Harry taken aback. The tension between them right now was enormous.
"I am not going to leave you alone because I am the only one who truly understands what you are going through right now. You need me."
"And how is that?" asked Harry suspiciously.
"Ron probably never told you the whole story about how I came to be here at the Burrow, mostly because he doesn't know all the details. It's true that I didn't want to become a death eater, and that I am here for my safety. I saw things that made me sick to my stomach. I saw my father groveling at the Dark Lord's feet whenever he didn't please him. I decided that it wasn't the life I wanted. Just when I thought I could start making decisions for myself, my father escaped from prison. He planned on taking my mother and me into hiding with him. I refused to go and he gave me a beating to remember. I was able to escape him using a portkey that my godfather gave me. I then gave the order some valuable information about the Dark Lord and his followers that ultimately put my life in jeopardy. That's why I am here. "
"Did your father beat you often?" Harry said curiously.
"Whenever I didn't please him, yes," said Draco. Harry gave him a sad look.
"Is your godfather Professor Snape?" asked Harry.
"Yes." Harry nodded understanding now.
"Why were you such a prick all these years?"
Draco sighed, "Well, it's a lame excuse, but that is how I was raised to be. I thought that I would be able to acquire wealth and power like my father by stepping on those who got in my way. I was brainwashed to say and do things just as my father would have. I am no saint, but a lot of what I did to you and your friends was to protect myself and to please my father. I am sorry for that. I was also upset that you had rejected my friendship," said Draco looking away. It wasn't much of an apology, but he hoped that it would start to break down some of the walls that he felt around Harry.
"I guess I understand," said Harry. "It sounds like your life was about as unhappy as mine."
"I always thought that you were spoiled rotten by your relatives. I envied your life so much that it hurt. I realize now how mistaken I have been. I am sorry that your family was so rotten to you. Don't be mad at Ron, but he told me a little about how they have treated you."
"Oh," said Harry. Trying to change the subject the smaller boy asked about his remarkable gift. "Why did you give me this amulet? It looks very rare." Harry brought his hand up to his chest to rest upon the necklace under his shirt.
"It is extremely rare. It was handcrafted a century ago my one of my ancestors. It was a family heirloom that was past down to me."
"Draco, you can't give me something so special. Here take it back!" Harry made a move like he was going to retrieve it from under his shirt, but Draco quickly stopped him.
"No, it's yours now. I personally don't want anything that reminds me of my family. You need it more than me anyway with the Dark Lord after you. It will keep you safe. Besides, the dragon's eyes match yours."
Harry looked up at him in wonder. Draco gave him a sheepish smile at his last comment and shrugged.
"Why are you so suddenly so concerned about my welfare? I thought you hated me," said Harry.
"Well, I thought I did at one time too, but I don't any longer. I have no reason to."
The conversation in itself was very strange. The two boys had never said more than a couple of sentences before to each other in their life, and now her they were practically bearing their souls to one another. At some point they had both sat on the ground side by side.
There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence. Draco suddenly leaned forward and grabbed Harry's left arm, pushing up the sleeve. The dark haired boy struggled to pull his arm back, his green eyes looking at Draco frantically.
"What are you doing? Stop!" Harry yelled.
"Shhh... settle down. I just want to see how badly you hurt yourself." Inspecting Harry's arm, Draco is relieved to see that indeed the eight or so cuts that he made were fairly small and that they were already scabbing over.
"Why did you do this? Are you planning on killing yourself?"
Harry laughed darkly and yanked back his arm. "Yeah, right. I can't kill myself even if I wanted to or else I would bring everyone to their doom. The fate of the entire wizarding world rests happily upon my shoulders," he said gloomily.
"What do you mean?" Draco asked seriously. "Does Dumbledore have you believing that you are bloody savior of the world or something?"
"Well…"
"What is it?" asked Draco.
"I haven't even told Ron or Hermione this yet. And if I tell you, you have to promise not to tell them. They won't take it well."
"I promise you Harry that I won't tell another soul. I don't really have anyone to tell anyway."
"At the end of our fifth year, Voldemort tricked me into going to the Department of Mysteries so that I could retrieve a prophecy that they had stored in a room there. The prophecy was destroyed, but Dumbledore explained that I was the one that he had marked, and therefore I have to be the one who brings him to his downfall. Neither one of us can survive if the other one lives," revealed Harry.
"So you have to kill the Dark Lord, or he will kill you?"
"Yeah."
"That is a lot to handle. Dumbledore never told you this before?" asked Draco.
"No. He probably thought I wasn't strong enough to handle it. Regardless of what others may think, I am not strong enough to handle a lot of things. I am just a weakling when you get right down to it," said Harry sadly.
"Do you mean you feel weak because of what your uncle did to you? Because if so, I can tell you that it wasn't your fault. There is no way that you could overpower that bully without magic. I saw him once at the train station. He looks like a monster."
"It doesn't matter what I think, I can't change what has happened anyway. Besides I probably deserved what I got anyway." Harry began to get teary eyed.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?"
"Listen Draco, you don't understand what it is like to be me so don't act like you do. It is my fault my parents are dead. They were killed because Voldemort had learned of the prophecy and was trying to kill me. I saw a muggle named Frank die in a vision I had through Voldemort. A witch named Bertha Jorkins died after he was done questioning her about the upcoming tri-wizard tournament, where he would lure me to his family graveyard through that damn portkey. Cedric died because I told him to take the cup with me. And then Siri…Sirius…he died because I was too stupid to learn occlumency properly. I miss him so much…" Harry began to get really upset, practically hyperventilating. His hands grabbed at the grass surrounding him to steady himself.
"Harry…." Draco began.
"Don't you see….IT'S MY FAULT THEY ALL DIED!" he yelled hysterically!
Draco could feel this boy's pain in every word; his soul was screaming in agony. Harry began to cry openly. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them with his arms. He rested his forehead on the tops of his knees in an attempt to hide his anguished face. Draco slid closer to him and wrapped an arm around Harry's small waist. At first Harry stiffened apprehensively from his touch, but then began to relax. They sat that way for quite some time.
The dark haired boy looked up inquisitively at the blonde. Draco was relieved that Harry didn't seem to be horrified to be embraced by a male for so long. Draco was desperate to find some words to help his new distraught friend.
"Harry, it's not your fault that the Dark Lord is evil. It's not your fault that those people died. You did not kill them. You can't go on blaming yourself," he tried to reassure.
"How am I supposed to defeat him when I can't even save myself from a mere muggle? I will never be strong enough!" Harry looked away again. Draco willed himself to keep talking. This had been more difficult than he had anticipated. He knew that eventually he would be able reach Harry if he kept trying.
"You are one of the strongest people I know. Think about everything you have had to overcome each year. It takes someone pretty special to accomplish what you have. Besides, look at all the times you have faced the Dark Lord and come back alive. You are the Boy-Who-Lived! And Ron told me about how you defied Professor Umbridge last year and started Dumbledore's Army. You are a true leader and a powerful wizard."
Harry looked at him his mouth hanging slightly open, apparently at a loss for words. Draco studied his features carefully. His very soul looked old and weary with grief. His pale skin on his face was taught with worry, and his body was tensed with stress. He knew he cared about this boy now, more than he ever thought possible. He wasn't even sure when it started, but he was determined to help Harry in anyway that he could.
Feeling drawn to this beautiful creature in an incredible way, Draco gathered him in his arms. He embraced him tightly and rested his head on Harry's shoulder. After a moment Harry relaxed and did the same. He began to weep quietly. Pulling back finally, Draco lightly grabbed Harry's chin and forced his piercing green eyes to look into his grey-blue ones.
"Harry, I want to be your friend and help you in anyway that you can. I will help you learn spells to defend yourself. I will protect you with every fiber of my being, but I need you to promise me something," said Draco tenderly.
"What?"
"If you ever feel like hurting yourself again, come to me first. I will try to help you in anyway that I can. Don't use the knife again. You can really hurt yourself and I've been told that it is quite addicting," said Draco.
"I don't know. How do I know that I can even trust you? You have been quite a prat to me all these years?" Harry looked at him as is if he were searching for answers by reading Draco's face.
"I will show you that you can trust me if you will let me. Will you let me?" he asked shyly. Harry thought about it and nodded quietly.
"Give me the knife, please," Draco demanded. Harry looked down and slid it out of his pocket. He gazed at it longingly before handing it over to his new friend. Draco quickly disposed of it into his own pocket.
"Please don't do this again. I won't say anything to anyone right now, but I will if I learn that you are still hurting yourself. Why did you do it anyway?"
Harry let out a sob and said, "It's just everything right now. I hate my uncle and I miss Sirius so much… He is the only one I felt I could really talk to, and now he his gone forever. It hurts so much… I was trying to ease the pain…" His tears began to spill over his cheeks once again. He let out another sob that he seemed to be trying to hold back.
Draco reached over and tenderly placed a few gentle kisses upon his face, tasting his salty tears. He was pleased that Harry had not pulled away from his gesture.
"It's okay. I will never hurt you again my dark haired angel. I am sorry for all the hurtful things I have ever done to you. I would like to start over if you let me?"
Harry looked up at Draco and nodded. Draco reached out to him again and kissed him very sweetly on the lips. He then brought him back into another affectionate embrace and held him, rocking him slowly back and forth. Nothing in his life had ever felt so right before this moment. Was this love? Draco's body began to tingle with a warm and calming sensation. It was as if their souls were rejoicing after finally finding their long lost soul mate. He finally understood that this is what life was all about. This is what was worth fighting for. He made himself a solemn oath; no one was going to hurt his Harry ever again.
A/N: I have fortunately never had any experience with abuse, rape, or cutting. I am writing this story purely on how I feel that these characters may react in this given situation. I do not intend to make light of these serious topics and I hope that I have not offended anyone who has experienced any of the above in any way. The rape will not be revealed until future chapters in case you were wondering. The description will not be graphic either!