Warning:  This chapter may contain descriptions about rape, abuse, and cutting. If you do not like to read about these topics, then don't read.

Chapter 16- Understanding the Unthinkable

Ron and Ginny were on their brooms practicing some maneuvers they had read about in a Quidditch magazine. There was only another hour of light remaining, and they were getting tired. Out of the corner of his eye Ron noticed a small shape moving hurriedly across the lawn. He realized that it is Harry and that he had just come running out of the house crying. His face was contorted into a look of pure anguish. Ron felt is heart drop down into his stomach with worry. Something was definitely wrong. He yelled over to Ginny that he would be back in a minute and flew around the house to investigate. He was thankful that Ginny was now out of site.  He didn't want to get his nosey sister involved with whatever was going on.

Before he could say anything to his friend, Harry ran into the woods. He lowered his broomstick toward the ground and saw Draco come dashing out of the Burrow. Ron felt his face flush with anger at the sight of the blond boy. Suddenly he understood; Draco had hurt Harry in some way. He was the one that made Harry look so sad and lonely as he ran across the yard. The one thing that Ron had dreaded happening to Harry this summer had just occurred. He was not going to let Draco get off easy, that's for sure.

Draco had not yet noticed Ron and was desperately trying to catch up to Harry.

Ron quickly dismounted his broom just behind Draco, and shoved him down to the ground with all of his might, "What did you do to him?" he asked angrily, his chest swelling with rage. He towered over Draco waiting for a reply.

"Fuck off Weasley, it's none of your damn business," Draco shouted flipping his body over and attempting to set himself upright.

Ron pushed him down again, "The hell it isn't my business. What did you do to Harry?" he asked again more forcefully.

Draco slipped away and stood up before Ron could reach him again. "Listen; there is no time to explain. I have to get to Harry before he….."  Draco stopped mid sentence, looking like he had already said too much.

"Before he does what?" Ron asked advancing on Draco who was backing away towards the woods.

"Before he... he is going to hurt himself, okay? He does it when he is upset sometimes," Draco confessed.

"How does he hurt himself?"

"Harry cuts up his arms with a knife," he said.

"What?!?" asked Ron who was starting to follow Draco's lead.  "Why didn't you tell me? What has happened to make him so upset?"

"Ron, I think I should go to him alone, alright?" Draco turned around and headed into the forest.

"No, it's not alright. I am going with you," Ron said grabbing Draco's arm.

The blond shrugged him off and continued walking quickly. "Fine!"

They stalked through the woods urgently searching for their small friend.  Ron could tell that Draco was really upset. His eyes seemed glossy like he was trying not to cry. Something had definitely happened between them. He kept giving the other boy a dirty look not knowing what else to do.  They were practically jogging they were walking so fast.

"Why does cut himself?" asked Ron finally.

"Because he is trying to escape the pain in his life," answered Draco, irritated that Ron couldn't figure it out.

"That doesn't make any sense. He escapes pain with pain?" Ron was dumbfounded, he had never heard of anything so absurd in his life.

"Sometimes physical pain can mask one's emotional pain. It's like he is punishing himself for everything that has ever happened. I don't think he does it a lot, if you are wondering," said Draco looking over at Ron.

Ron nodded as if he finally understood. "But what happened to cause him to get so upset like that? He was fine earlier."

"…"  Draco walked ahead a little faster avoiding the question.

"Draco, what did you do to him?" Ron persisted.

"…" Still Draco did not answer. Ron walked more quickly to catch up to him.

"Draco!"  Ron grabbed his arm and turned the boy to face him.  Ron was much taller than him and could be quite intimidating when he wanted to be. He glared at Draco daring him to give him a reason to pound him into the ground.  Draco pushed the taller boy away and finally responded.

"We were kissing okay, and things started to really heat up. I guess I took things a little too far and he freaked out," he said looking embarrassed and sorry.

"You didn't… you know…" Ron really didn't want to ask.

"No nothing like that. We were just… you know… touching…and I think I scared him," said Draco. This conversation was getting really awkward. Ron really didn't want to know what they were doing, but something was definitely wrong with Harry. If he liked Draco, why did he react like that? Usually couples enjoyed doing that kind of stuff. He certainly would!

Ron didn't say anything after that.  They just looked at each other and started walking again. Draco and Ron seemed to both heading toward the creek.  There was an unspoken understanding that was where Harry would most likely be.  They picked up the pace again.

After walking another few minutes, they indeed found Harry beside the creek.  He was sitting on the ground with his arms around his legs, head on his knees, rocking back and forth.  He looked much like the way he did that night Ron discovered him in the shower, his body riddled with bruises.

They proceed slowly.  Ron motioned Draco to stay back for a moment.  The blond looked like he was going to protest, but thought better of it and stayed slightly behind. He was the reason, in fact, that Harry had run out here in the first place.

"Harry?" Ron said approaching his best friend cautiously.  The small boy did not respond. He remained curled into a tight little ball blocking out the world. He kneeled down beside Harry, but did not touch him. He didn't want to alarm the boy like he had in the shower.

"Harry?" Ron said softly. Upon closer inspection, he noticed that in one of Harry's hands was a small kitchen knife from the Burrow.  There was no blood on it so Ron assumed that he hasn't used it yet. That's a relief!  He could feel Draco approach the pair a little closer.

"Harry…" Ron tried once more. It was taking everything he had to remain calm in this situation. Slowly, as if waking from a deep sleep Harry raised his head. His glasses were slightly askew.  His face was stained with tears and his eyes no longer looked bright and green. They looked haunted and dull.  Ron had seen those eyes before. He had seen them several nights after Harry had awaken from his nightmares. Ron desperately wished that his friend could finally find some peace.

"Ron?" Harry called out to his friend.

"Yes, Harry. I'm here.  Can you give me the knife please?" Ron wasn't sure if he should push him yet, but he was afraid of what might happen if the didn't get the knife away.

"But I need it…." he replied softly. He looked down at the knife longingly.

Draco kneeled down beside both of them. "No you don't Harry. You have me now. And Ron. We both are going to help you," said Draco nodding at Ron to take his lead.

"That's right Harry; we are going to help you. Now, just hand me the knife," said Ron.

Harry looked back at the knife and reluctantly handed it over to Ron, who promptly put it in his back pocket so that it would be out of sight.  The dark haired boy buried his face back into his arms and began to rock himself back and forth again.  He mumbled something into his arms. Draco and Ron looked at each other. Neither one of them could make out what he said.

"What did you say Harry?" Draco tried.

Harry lifted his head to respond. "You guys don't understand."

"What don't we understand?"

"…" Harry looked away, not wanting to reply.

Ron thought maybe he would talk about what was wrong if he asked what had just happened with Draco.  "Harry, why did you get upset when you were….um…intimate… with Draco…"

"I heard the sound," he replied coldly.

"What sound?" asked Ron puzzled.

"The zipper…I hate that sound," Harry said angrily.

"Why do you hate the sound?" asked Draco. He dreaded what Harry my might say next.

"Because it brings back too many memories…" Draco and Ron looked at each other. It looked like they were going to have to painfully pull every bit of information out of him.

Ron had a feeling about why Harry was reacting the way he did. He should have seen the signs all along. He was always so withdrawn, and he flinched whenever anyone touched him. And the way he said that he was 'dirty' when he was in the shower that first night. It was all starting to make sense. "Harry, has your uncle ever touched you?"

"…" Harry only looked away.

"Harry?" he tried again.

Harry looked down at his arms and feebly said "Yes."

Draco looked at Ron alarmed, but Ron motioned him to be quiet while he had to ask his friend these painful questions.

"When?"

"Mostly when I was real little, before I knew better. It usually happened when my aunt went out or if I was taking a bath."  Ron could only imagine the horror that Harry went through as a small child.  How could anyone hurt a child like that? What kind of sick individual does that to a helpless little boy? No wonder Harry had such a hard time trusting anyone.

"Harry, did he try touch you this summer?" Ron hoped that he was wrong. Harry had been through so much already, why this too?

"He had been having problems at work and started coming home drunk. My aunt always refuses him when he's like that," Harry answered.

His response really didn't answer Ron's question. His heart was pounding in his chest. Tears were threatening to fall down his cheeks. He didn't really want to know because it was too awful to think about. He took a deep breath and asked him again.  "Harry, did he touch you this summer?"

Harry let out a sob and started to shake his head back and forth as if he could deny everything that has happened. Ron looked over at Draco wondering if he should press him further, but Draco was crying now too.

Ron finally couldn't take it any longer and decides to ask Harry the one thing that he feared had happened.  "Did your uncle rape you?" he asked in a voice just above a whisper.

Harry began sob more openly, but managed to get out "Yes…"  Ron's heart sank when he heard the information that confirmed his fears.  This must be why Harry was so adamant that his uncle not be brought to court. He didn't want anyone to the entire wizarding world to know that he had been raped. He didn't even want his close friends to know what had happened to him. He had hidden the rape from everyone, and he had allowed the memory of it to eat him up inside.

Harry began to rock himself more forcefully and was rambling incomprehensibly, "Oh gods…I couldn't stop him…I already hurt so much… I was so weak….couldn't stop him…forgot to lock the cupboard…ran away….Burrow…"

Draco was sobbing now too.  Ron carefully embraced Harry, who struggled to get away at first.  "Harry its okay. I won't hurt you. It's okay to cry…" Ron was crying along with him now holding his friend tightly.  Seeing the look on Draco's face, he turned Harry towards him, understanding that they both needed to be held. Ron knew know that Draco had not meant to hurt Harry. He was only trying to be affectionate with the person he loved. He wouldn't have gone so fast had he known how Harry's uncle had hurt him.

Draco was holding Harry tightly and was whispering soothing words into his ear.  "I am so sorry I scared you. I love you, baby. No one else is ever going to hurt you again. I will take care of you…. I love you…."

They sat close together that way long after the sun had set. There was no other conversation. There really wasn't much to say. The three of them silently understood that Harry truly did not want the world to know about his so called life.  It was too much to bear.  There was no need to push the issue of pressing charges.  His uncle had already been punished by Remus having had to relive his awful crimes over and over again.  Reporting the rape would only send the media into a frenzy and make Harry's life a living hell.

They walked back in the dark to the Burrow. Ron made a mental note about watching Harry more closely for signs that he was cutting. He knew that he couldn't push the boy, but he also knew that the cutting could not be ignored. He wondered about telling an adult about the situation, but he had yet to come up with an answer to that problem.  Harry may need some counseling of some kind. Telling an adult may only upset Harry more, but they may no more about how to help him.  He was lost in his thoughts when he heard Draco ask Harry a question.

"Harry, I need you to promise me that you won't cut again. You don't need to anymore. We are here to help you," said Draco holding Harry's hand.

"Okay, I promise," said Harry reluctantly. "But I need you both to promise me something."  He stopped dead in his tracks.

"What?" they said in unison looking at one another.

"Promise me you will never tell anyone what happened. Not even Hermione!"

"Harry…."Ron began. He really didn't want to promise something like that.

"No, I already know what you are going to say and I don't care.  Besides I was healed from all the potions Madame Pomfrey gave me.  Nobody can change what happened, and I don't want anyone else to know. Not even the adults. Its bad enough you both know" Harry was getting upset again.

"Harry, you should really talk to someone about this. It's not good to bottle everything up," said Draco.

"No, everyone will pity me even more and think I am some kind of freak!"

"You are not a freak! Now stop getting so upset. We promise, okay? We won't tell anyone as long as you stop cutting. Right Ron?"

Ron was irritated that Draco had made this decision for them, but he agreed anyway.  "I promise, too."

"Fine," said Harry, and they continued on their way.

They entered the house quietly and went upstairs to freshen up. Dinner would be served shortly and they had to come down looking like nothing was wrong.

Dinner was the usual affair. If Ron's family suspected something, they certainly didn't say anything. Instead, they discussed packing their trunks for Hogwarts and the results from their OWLS from last year.  Mrs. Weasley kept asking Harry and Draco if they would like seconds and thirds.  The only one who looked like they were suspicious was Ginny. She was a little put off with Ron for ditching during their mock Quidditch practice.

Ron glanced over to the couple at the end of the table. Harry was still really quiet, and Draco was trying to engage him in a light conversation. Although Ron was angry with Draco for not telling him about the cutting earlier, he was glad that Harry and Draco at least have each other.  There was something about the way they looked at one another that Ron could tell that they were meant to be together. Ron had never seen Harry this way with any other person. He seemed more relaxed when he was around Draco. He had first started noticing it in Diagon Alley. Their bodies seemed like they were in synch, somehow always touching one another. They looked into each others eyes as if they could read on another's minds. The only way Ron could describe it was that they were somehow soul mates. Ron hoped deep down that he and Hermione would develop that type of relationship.

A/N: How was this chapter? Please let me know in a review… I am begging you. *on hands and knees groveling* I had around 90 reviews before my story got pulled, and now they are all gone…gone I say…..*sniffs sadly*.  Thanks to everyone that has reviewed so far:

Lady of Arundel

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