Increscunt Animi by Proxii Bleu
IV
River didn't feel well. Her stomachache had taken a turn for worse, and now she was sure that there was something wrong. She had aches and pains in the past, but this one was different. It was more insistent, unrelenting, and as she rolled over onto her side in order to see what time it was she realized that moving only made it worse. In the corner she could see the burnished surface of her gold disc. Normally it was the first thing that she looked at in the morning, her mind turning over possibilities as to what the symbols meant, but now it was the last thing she wanted to see.
Shuffling down into her pillows, she tried to think of something other than the pain stretching up throughout her side. Going back to sleep was out of the question, but lying there for the time being was a good plan. Closing her eyes, she feigned sleep, only to have someone poke her gently in the arm.
Kaylee stood over her smiling, the matress dipping down as she sat on the bed. River bit back an urge to groan, and instead forced a smile.
"Hey River."
"Hey Kaylee." The mechanic smiled as she leaned back against the wall behind River's bed. Her body exhausted already just from the short walk from her quarters, down to the girl's. Simon had told her to take it easy, but Kaylee was not one of those people who like being idle. It was already bad enough that she couldn't work on her beloved Serenity as much as usual, at best she could only supervise as either Mal or Jayne worked on whatever needed to be fixed.
It was frustrating.
"You ready to get up yet?"
"Not really, the morning is still young."
"Actually it's lunchtime. You slept right through breakfast." River reached for her clock, and turned it so that she could read it better. Kaylee was right, it was later in the afternoon, yet she still felt drained. This was definitely not a good sign. Kaylee noticed the tight expression on River's face, it was as if the girl was trying to hold something back.
"River are you okay?"
"No different than usual."
"Are you sure? Because you look like there's something wrong."
"I'm fine, just hungry." Kaylee scooted over as River sat up to put on her shoes. Despite what she had said Kaylee could tell that River was trying to move carefully in an effort to keep from aggravating whatever was bothering her. There were times when the girl could be downright blunt about her ailments, yet for some reason this time she was keeping to herself. Maybe it had something to do with her dislike of needles. Whever Simon had to give her a physical it usually required Book and Jayne to chase her down in order to physically carry her to the medbay, and after having been kicked one too many times Jayne had bowed out, so Mal was now the one who had to help collect her with the preacher.
Kaylee couldn't really blame her. From what she had overheard from the senior crew about what had been done to River, it made sense that she would hate anything associated with medicine. With the exception of Simon. Shuffling over to the door, Kaylee followed River as she stepped out into the hall. They could both smell what Zoe was making for lunch, but only one of them was looking forward to eating.
Hopefully, things wouldn't go as badly as expected.
***
"Morning sunshine." River sat down at the table, as Zoe came over with a steaming skillet. Normally, everyone had a nice hot bowl of protien mush to look forward to in the afternoon, but with their recent good fortune they could afford actual rations even though they were of the textured or synth variety. It was no secret that Mal was happy with the fact that for once their larder was three-quarters full, unstead of low to the point that white goop was the main dish.
Today's lunch consisted of potatoes (real), meat loaf (textured), and gravy that normally made Simon's stomach cringe but after Zoe had gotten a hole of it he could hardly tell that it wasn't the real thing. River on the other hand felt faintly nauseous as her plate was put in front of her. Jayne noticed the look on her face, and pointed his fork at her.
"Don't tell me you're gettin' finicky on us now?" Everyone's attention turned to River.
"Not finicky, just questioning."
"Well quit questioning, and start eating." said Mal as he dug into his plate. River poked at her meat loaf for a few minutes, things sliding around her plate, but not really making its way to her mouth. Inara who dined with the crew nightly, with the exception of Fridays noticed River's reluctance to eat. Usually, it was her brother who had reservations about what was placed in front of him.
"River are you all right?" River looked down at her plate, her eyes cloed slightly as she leaned back in her chair. The smell of the potatoes and meatloaf were getting to her, the very sight of them reminding her of a small bottle of paste she had eaten once when she was four. Opening her eyes, she took one look at her food, and realized that it was moving. Eyes wide she pitched forward in her seat, and threw up on the table.
Inara shrieked as she stumbled out of her seat, Book, Kaylee, and Wash climbing over each other as they tried to get away from the girl. Simon was holding her shoulders, Mal was yelling, Zoe went to be sick in the kitchen sink, and Jayne was still sitting at the table eating his lunch as if nothing was happening.
"What the hell?" Mal stood a few feet away from Simon who was holding his sister as she emptied the contents of her stomach on the table. He could barely hang onto her as she stumbled away from the mess, in an effort to get back to her room.
"I want to lie down." she moaned as her brother held onto her.
"Damit River, I told you last night to go to medbay!" Simon let River go, the girl falling to the floor in a heap as pain shot up her right side. If it got any worse, she was sure that her body was going to explode. Simon in the meantime was focused on Mal.
"What do you mean you told her to go to medbay last night?"
"She's been sick for the past two days, but everytime anyone has said anything to her she didn't want to go."
"If River was sick, she would have told me!"
"Obviously she didn't, maybe because you've been runnin' around her acting like a jerk all week."
"River knows that she comes first."
"No she doesn't." said River meekly from the corner she had crawled into. "She is a burden that you wish you could shed." Simon looked over at his sister, usually he wasn't sure about what she was talking about, but that had been pretty clear.
"River, that's not true. You know that."
"I know what you think, I know the things that you hide inside, and they are never the things that you say. Only bits of the truth, and pieces of lies." Simon shook his head, this time he was lost. Mal decided to enlighten him.
"She said she knows that you don't like having to take care of her all the time, and you wish you didn't have to."
"That is not true! How the hell would you know anything about me, huh?"
"Because you're gorram sister is a Reader Simon! Don't you get it? She knows when you're lying to her!"
"Shut up! She's nothing of the sort!" Simon laughed bitterly as his sanity began to crack a little. "My god you want to make her out to be some kind of freak like that bitch Ennes!" Mal lifted an eyebrow at the doctor.
"You know what Simon? That very sentiment right there is why your sister is a burden to you, because every other son of a bitch out there felt she was a freak, and you know what? They made her into one." Mal grabbed Simon, and forced him to turn around and look at River who was still cowering in the corner.
"There she is Simon, your little sister, the fucking freak of the Tam family! Such an embarrassment, your own father sent her up to some lab to get her brain cut up!" At this Simon lost his temper, and Mal was unprepared for the doctor's fist. There was a universal gasp from the crew as the two men slammed into the wall, Simon pummeling Mal's sides as the captain tried to get him into a headlock. Kicking the younger man in the shin, Mal shoved him into the kitchen where he stumbled into the wall, and fell to the floor stunned.
Crossing the short expanse between mess and the kitchen, Mal reached for him only to stop. Simon was sitting on the floor, his nose and mouth bloody from the wall, but his entire body was shaking. Not from the pain in his skull, but from sobs. Brief spurts of manic laughter cut through the choking gasps making Mal back up a little as the physician quietly suffered a nervous breakdown. Laughing in a hollow tone, he looked up at Mal who was just staring at him.
"You don't get it," he said through the blood dripping over his upper lip. "I've failed!" No one said a word.
"I've failed everyone and everything, I'm not even a good fucking doctor!" Simon looked over at Kaylee who was hiding behind Wash. "My god, even the woman I love thinks I'm a failure, and why shouldn't she? There's a four inch scar on her chest, and she sounds like a broken horn. My own sister doesn't even come to me when she's sick, because she knows I can't help her!" Simon broke down on the floor, the younger man turning into a pretty sorry sight as he sat there crying miserably.
Inara who had been standing off to the side during the entire affair, stepped out of the shadow she had been hiding in, and came over to where Simon lay. Kneeling down, she took him in her arms as if he were a child. Mal bit into his lip, and looked about uncomfortably as he tried to think of something else. The kitchen was a wreck, the table in mess was foul, and the only one who had even had lunch was Jayne who was now mopping his plate with a roll.
"Aw shit." Everyone turned to follow Mal's gaze. Their thoughts running along amost the same lines, as they stared at the far corner.
River had passed out on the floor.
IV
River didn't feel well. Her stomachache had taken a turn for worse, and now she was sure that there was something wrong. She had aches and pains in the past, but this one was different. It was more insistent, unrelenting, and as she rolled over onto her side in order to see what time it was she realized that moving only made it worse. In the corner she could see the burnished surface of her gold disc. Normally it was the first thing that she looked at in the morning, her mind turning over possibilities as to what the symbols meant, but now it was the last thing she wanted to see.
Shuffling down into her pillows, she tried to think of something other than the pain stretching up throughout her side. Going back to sleep was out of the question, but lying there for the time being was a good plan. Closing her eyes, she feigned sleep, only to have someone poke her gently in the arm.
Kaylee stood over her smiling, the matress dipping down as she sat on the bed. River bit back an urge to groan, and instead forced a smile.
"Hey River."
"Hey Kaylee." The mechanic smiled as she leaned back against the wall behind River's bed. Her body exhausted already just from the short walk from her quarters, down to the girl's. Simon had told her to take it easy, but Kaylee was not one of those people who like being idle. It was already bad enough that she couldn't work on her beloved Serenity as much as usual, at best she could only supervise as either Mal or Jayne worked on whatever needed to be fixed.
It was frustrating.
"You ready to get up yet?"
"Not really, the morning is still young."
"Actually it's lunchtime. You slept right through breakfast." River reached for her clock, and turned it so that she could read it better. Kaylee was right, it was later in the afternoon, yet she still felt drained. This was definitely not a good sign. Kaylee noticed the tight expression on River's face, it was as if the girl was trying to hold something back.
"River are you okay?"
"No different than usual."
"Are you sure? Because you look like there's something wrong."
"I'm fine, just hungry." Kaylee scooted over as River sat up to put on her shoes. Despite what she had said Kaylee could tell that River was trying to move carefully in an effort to keep from aggravating whatever was bothering her. There were times when the girl could be downright blunt about her ailments, yet for some reason this time she was keeping to herself. Maybe it had something to do with her dislike of needles. Whever Simon had to give her a physical it usually required Book and Jayne to chase her down in order to physically carry her to the medbay, and after having been kicked one too many times Jayne had bowed out, so Mal was now the one who had to help collect her with the preacher.
Kaylee couldn't really blame her. From what she had overheard from the senior crew about what had been done to River, it made sense that she would hate anything associated with medicine. With the exception of Simon. Shuffling over to the door, Kaylee followed River as she stepped out into the hall. They could both smell what Zoe was making for lunch, but only one of them was looking forward to eating.
Hopefully, things wouldn't go as badly as expected.
***
"Morning sunshine." River sat down at the table, as Zoe came over with a steaming skillet. Normally, everyone had a nice hot bowl of protien mush to look forward to in the afternoon, but with their recent good fortune they could afford actual rations even though they were of the textured or synth variety. It was no secret that Mal was happy with the fact that for once their larder was three-quarters full, unstead of low to the point that white goop was the main dish.
Today's lunch consisted of potatoes (real), meat loaf (textured), and gravy that normally made Simon's stomach cringe but after Zoe had gotten a hole of it he could hardly tell that it wasn't the real thing. River on the other hand felt faintly nauseous as her plate was put in front of her. Jayne noticed the look on her face, and pointed his fork at her.
"Don't tell me you're gettin' finicky on us now?" Everyone's attention turned to River.
"Not finicky, just questioning."
"Well quit questioning, and start eating." said Mal as he dug into his plate. River poked at her meat loaf for a few minutes, things sliding around her plate, but not really making its way to her mouth. Inara who dined with the crew nightly, with the exception of Fridays noticed River's reluctance to eat. Usually, it was her brother who had reservations about what was placed in front of him.
"River are you all right?" River looked down at her plate, her eyes cloed slightly as she leaned back in her chair. The smell of the potatoes and meatloaf were getting to her, the very sight of them reminding her of a small bottle of paste she had eaten once when she was four. Opening her eyes, she took one look at her food, and realized that it was moving. Eyes wide she pitched forward in her seat, and threw up on the table.
Inara shrieked as she stumbled out of her seat, Book, Kaylee, and Wash climbing over each other as they tried to get away from the girl. Simon was holding her shoulders, Mal was yelling, Zoe went to be sick in the kitchen sink, and Jayne was still sitting at the table eating his lunch as if nothing was happening.
"What the hell?" Mal stood a few feet away from Simon who was holding his sister as she emptied the contents of her stomach on the table. He could barely hang onto her as she stumbled away from the mess, in an effort to get back to her room.
"I want to lie down." she moaned as her brother held onto her.
"Damit River, I told you last night to go to medbay!" Simon let River go, the girl falling to the floor in a heap as pain shot up her right side. If it got any worse, she was sure that her body was going to explode. Simon in the meantime was focused on Mal.
"What do you mean you told her to go to medbay last night?"
"She's been sick for the past two days, but everytime anyone has said anything to her she didn't want to go."
"If River was sick, she would have told me!"
"Obviously she didn't, maybe because you've been runnin' around her acting like a jerk all week."
"River knows that she comes first."
"No she doesn't." said River meekly from the corner she had crawled into. "She is a burden that you wish you could shed." Simon looked over at his sister, usually he wasn't sure about what she was talking about, but that had been pretty clear.
"River, that's not true. You know that."
"I know what you think, I know the things that you hide inside, and they are never the things that you say. Only bits of the truth, and pieces of lies." Simon shook his head, this time he was lost. Mal decided to enlighten him.
"She said she knows that you don't like having to take care of her all the time, and you wish you didn't have to."
"That is not true! How the hell would you know anything about me, huh?"
"Because you're gorram sister is a Reader Simon! Don't you get it? She knows when you're lying to her!"
"Shut up! She's nothing of the sort!" Simon laughed bitterly as his sanity began to crack a little. "My god you want to make her out to be some kind of freak like that bitch Ennes!" Mal lifted an eyebrow at the doctor.
"You know what Simon? That very sentiment right there is why your sister is a burden to you, because every other son of a bitch out there felt she was a freak, and you know what? They made her into one." Mal grabbed Simon, and forced him to turn around and look at River who was still cowering in the corner.
"There she is Simon, your little sister, the fucking freak of the Tam family! Such an embarrassment, your own father sent her up to some lab to get her brain cut up!" At this Simon lost his temper, and Mal was unprepared for the doctor's fist. There was a universal gasp from the crew as the two men slammed into the wall, Simon pummeling Mal's sides as the captain tried to get him into a headlock. Kicking the younger man in the shin, Mal shoved him into the kitchen where he stumbled into the wall, and fell to the floor stunned.
Crossing the short expanse between mess and the kitchen, Mal reached for him only to stop. Simon was sitting on the floor, his nose and mouth bloody from the wall, but his entire body was shaking. Not from the pain in his skull, but from sobs. Brief spurts of manic laughter cut through the choking gasps making Mal back up a little as the physician quietly suffered a nervous breakdown. Laughing in a hollow tone, he looked up at Mal who was just staring at him.
"You don't get it," he said through the blood dripping over his upper lip. "I've failed!" No one said a word.
"I've failed everyone and everything, I'm not even a good fucking doctor!" Simon looked over at Kaylee who was hiding behind Wash. "My god, even the woman I love thinks I'm a failure, and why shouldn't she? There's a four inch scar on her chest, and she sounds like a broken horn. My own sister doesn't even come to me when she's sick, because she knows I can't help her!" Simon broke down on the floor, the younger man turning into a pretty sorry sight as he sat there crying miserably.
Inara who had been standing off to the side during the entire affair, stepped out of the shadow she had been hiding in, and came over to where Simon lay. Kneeling down, she took him in her arms as if he were a child. Mal bit into his lip, and looked about uncomfortably as he tried to think of something else. The kitchen was a wreck, the table in mess was foul, and the only one who had even had lunch was Jayne who was now mopping his plate with a roll.
"Aw shit." Everyone turned to follow Mal's gaze. Their thoughts running along amost the same lines, as they stared at the far corner.
River had passed out on the floor.