So here is a new chapter. I hope you are enjoying it. I just want to comment on Harry's behavior, I was reading what I had written and I hope no one thinks I'm going overboard with his behavior. When I finished reading OoP, I thought Harry would act one of two ways, one of them being so determined to beat Voldemort that he would do anything and two like this, lost and confused without Sirius. Sirius meant so much to him that I would expect him to be not very happy. So I hope you are enjoying the story, please R/R. I don't own Harry Potter, J. K. Rowling does.
*****
It was late, a new day had come but Remus had just fallen asleep that night after staying up reading for a few hours. He was a light sleeper, years of war had done that to him, he had to be able to hear voices or his name being called by James or Sirius when Death Eaters attacked and they were called. He heard a knock on the door and it opened slowly. Remus sat up in bed and motioned for Harry to come in. Remus was shocked at his appearance and he sat up even more. Harry was shaking, he moved slowly into the room and for a moment Remus wondered if he was sleep walking.
Remus lit his wand and he was able to see Harry's pale face and his eyes which was moving fast and darting all around the room. Sweat was running down his face and he walked with uneasy steps. He had just woken up from a nightmare.
"Harry what's wrong?" Remus knew what had happened but he asked anyway. He motioned Harry to come and sit on the bed. He did so slowly, as though the nightmare was still running through his mind and he wasn't sure what was real or not.
"I'm... I'm fine," he stumbled out the words.
"What was the nightmare about?" Remus asked gently.
Harry didn't answer his question. He instead asked his own, "What would the world be like if Voldemort won?"
Remus frown, what nightmare would make Harry think of things like that? He had thought of it often, what would the world be like if they lost. He knew of course, he wouldn't be alive, he would die fighting, the way the Marauders all knew they would go when they were old, or so they thought. "I'd imagine Hogwarts would be gone and casualties would be high."
"The world would be ruled by pure bloods but they would die if they didn't marry Muggles. After awhile the wizarding world would be no more," Harry said in a hollow voice.
"I suppose yes," said Remus. "Harry what did you dream about?"
He didn't answer again. Instead Remus noticed a tear come down his eye, "I can't do this Remus! I can't do this without Sirius! I can't do this without my parents! I can't defeat HIM! He'll take over and everyone will blame me! So many casualties because I was too weak!" He yelled.
Remus was still confused, "It isn't just up to you to defeat Voldemort." He tried to comfort him.
"The prophecy! It's me or him! I'll either be the murderer or the dead man! I'm too weak, he'll take over, everyone will blame me, I'll have more than two deaths on my hands!" Harry had tears coming down his face. He didn't try and hold them back.
"As far as I'm concerned Harry, you don't have any deaths on your hands. But this prophecy, everyone had heard of it but the details of it were never released to us. Lily and James knew, it was part of the reason they went into hiding. Harry listen to me, you will never be alone, I will be there for you, Ron and Hermione will be there for you. Dumbledore will never leave you, and the Order. Your parents and Sirius will forever be with you, you just can't see them. At this second they are looking down t us, I swear I feel their presence in this house. Sometimes even a slap in the back of the head when I do something stupid. You are never alone Harry... never."
"I saw Voldemort taking over, everyone blamed me for their deaths. Sirius blamed me!"
Remus sighed, "Harry lay down next to me." He waited until Harry did so very slowly. "Sleep here tonight and remember that Sirius would never blame you. He went into that fight thinking only of you, and your safety, just like you did to him. You both loved each other, and you are both as stubborn." Remus laughed. "I know if Sirius didn't go and something had happened to you, I would never hear the end of it, and I would tell him that Harry doesn't blame you, but would he listen? No one will ever blame you for their deaths, you have done your share of saving people. Just sleep, relax now Harry, you deserve some sleep."
Not long after Remus heard Harry's calming breathe, and he knew he had fallen asleep, Remus closed his eyes. He couldn't sleep though, all his thoughts were about the boy sleeping next to him, why couldn't he sleep peacefully? If there was one person in this whole world who deserved some peace it was Harry. Remus opened an eye and looked at him, he smiled, James and Lily had such big plans for him. James was going to teach him how to fly and play Quidditch. Lily was going to introduce him to books and Muggles. But then he thought, Harry had done a good job of raising himself, he was excellent at Quidditch, he knew all about Muggles, his grades weren't bad and he was a good, decent kid. He just wished Lily and James could have had a more active role in their son's childhood. They got robbed of raising a wonderful child.
The next morning when Remus woke up Harry was gone. He got up and heard the shower running. He decided to go downstairs and start breakfast. Harry had been here only a day and had not eaten anything. Molly Weasley would have his head if she knew. Harry as always was too skinny, he'd have to fatten him up while he was here. Remus had been the best cook out of the Marauders, if he cooked like Sirius he would have died of food poisoning years ago.
Quickly he made bacon and eggs and put them on the table for Harry for when he came down. He was making his own breakfast when Harry came down, sat down heavily in the chair and yawned.
"Did you have any more nightmares?" Remus asked looking over his shoulder to see Harry.
Harry shook his head.
"I'm glad you came to me," Remus said pouring him milk and sitting down with his own breakfast. "You can talk to me about anything, you know."
Harry nodded.
Remus laughed, "Do you just talk at night when you are too tired to care what I will think? Or are you like Sirius and James and don't bother talking until noon when you are awake enough to speak so everyone can understand you?"
Harry didn't respond. He started eating, but before he finished half his breakfast he pushed his plate away.
"Harry you didn't eat half your breakfast," Remus looked at him. "Come now, eat some more or everyone will think I'm starving you."
Harry muttered something like, "not hungry."
"You're 15, you have to be hungry," Remus protested. "You are far too skinny, have a few more bites."
"I'm not hungry!" Harry yelled and got up and left.
Remus sighed, "I'm trying Padfoot." He said out loud and his eyes drifted up towards the ceiling.
It was the middle of July, and Remus was busy planning for Harry's birthday. Harry after the first day fell back into a shell and wouldn't speak to Remus. Remus tried to talk to him every day but Harry never answered. Harry to please Remus had started to eat more but he wouldn't speak.
Remus had a feeling that Harry had not been truthful when he asked about anymore nightmares and they had been bothering more than ever. He had thought he was making progress which him but something had happened, something he was reluctant to share.
One night Remus went to check on Harry before he went to bed. He found Harry on the bed moaning in his sleep and moving around. He couldn't understand what he was saying though he could make out the word, "Sirius."
He made his way to his bed, people said that everyone had a day to die and when someone died it was their turn to go but he had a feeling that Sirius Black's time to die had come a few years too early. He could a man who survived Azkaban for 12 years be killed? Wasn't Azkaban suppose to kill you? It didn't make sense to him.
*****
It was late, a new day had come but Remus had just fallen asleep that night after staying up reading for a few hours. He was a light sleeper, years of war had done that to him, he had to be able to hear voices or his name being called by James or Sirius when Death Eaters attacked and they were called. He heard a knock on the door and it opened slowly. Remus sat up in bed and motioned for Harry to come in. Remus was shocked at his appearance and he sat up even more. Harry was shaking, he moved slowly into the room and for a moment Remus wondered if he was sleep walking.
Remus lit his wand and he was able to see Harry's pale face and his eyes which was moving fast and darting all around the room. Sweat was running down his face and he walked with uneasy steps. He had just woken up from a nightmare.
"Harry what's wrong?" Remus knew what had happened but he asked anyway. He motioned Harry to come and sit on the bed. He did so slowly, as though the nightmare was still running through his mind and he wasn't sure what was real or not.
"I'm... I'm fine," he stumbled out the words.
"What was the nightmare about?" Remus asked gently.
Harry didn't answer his question. He instead asked his own, "What would the world be like if Voldemort won?"
Remus frown, what nightmare would make Harry think of things like that? He had thought of it often, what would the world be like if they lost. He knew of course, he wouldn't be alive, he would die fighting, the way the Marauders all knew they would go when they were old, or so they thought. "I'd imagine Hogwarts would be gone and casualties would be high."
"The world would be ruled by pure bloods but they would die if they didn't marry Muggles. After awhile the wizarding world would be no more," Harry said in a hollow voice.
"I suppose yes," said Remus. "Harry what did you dream about?"
He didn't answer again. Instead Remus noticed a tear come down his eye, "I can't do this Remus! I can't do this without Sirius! I can't do this without my parents! I can't defeat HIM! He'll take over and everyone will blame me! So many casualties because I was too weak!" He yelled.
Remus was still confused, "It isn't just up to you to defeat Voldemort." He tried to comfort him.
"The prophecy! It's me or him! I'll either be the murderer or the dead man! I'm too weak, he'll take over, everyone will blame me, I'll have more than two deaths on my hands!" Harry had tears coming down his face. He didn't try and hold them back.
"As far as I'm concerned Harry, you don't have any deaths on your hands. But this prophecy, everyone had heard of it but the details of it were never released to us. Lily and James knew, it was part of the reason they went into hiding. Harry listen to me, you will never be alone, I will be there for you, Ron and Hermione will be there for you. Dumbledore will never leave you, and the Order. Your parents and Sirius will forever be with you, you just can't see them. At this second they are looking down t us, I swear I feel their presence in this house. Sometimes even a slap in the back of the head when I do something stupid. You are never alone Harry... never."
"I saw Voldemort taking over, everyone blamed me for their deaths. Sirius blamed me!"
Remus sighed, "Harry lay down next to me." He waited until Harry did so very slowly. "Sleep here tonight and remember that Sirius would never blame you. He went into that fight thinking only of you, and your safety, just like you did to him. You both loved each other, and you are both as stubborn." Remus laughed. "I know if Sirius didn't go and something had happened to you, I would never hear the end of it, and I would tell him that Harry doesn't blame you, but would he listen? No one will ever blame you for their deaths, you have done your share of saving people. Just sleep, relax now Harry, you deserve some sleep."
Not long after Remus heard Harry's calming breathe, and he knew he had fallen asleep, Remus closed his eyes. He couldn't sleep though, all his thoughts were about the boy sleeping next to him, why couldn't he sleep peacefully? If there was one person in this whole world who deserved some peace it was Harry. Remus opened an eye and looked at him, he smiled, James and Lily had such big plans for him. James was going to teach him how to fly and play Quidditch. Lily was going to introduce him to books and Muggles. But then he thought, Harry had done a good job of raising himself, he was excellent at Quidditch, he knew all about Muggles, his grades weren't bad and he was a good, decent kid. He just wished Lily and James could have had a more active role in their son's childhood. They got robbed of raising a wonderful child.
The next morning when Remus woke up Harry was gone. He got up and heard the shower running. He decided to go downstairs and start breakfast. Harry had been here only a day and had not eaten anything. Molly Weasley would have his head if she knew. Harry as always was too skinny, he'd have to fatten him up while he was here. Remus had been the best cook out of the Marauders, if he cooked like Sirius he would have died of food poisoning years ago.
Quickly he made bacon and eggs and put them on the table for Harry for when he came down. He was making his own breakfast when Harry came down, sat down heavily in the chair and yawned.
"Did you have any more nightmares?" Remus asked looking over his shoulder to see Harry.
Harry shook his head.
"I'm glad you came to me," Remus said pouring him milk and sitting down with his own breakfast. "You can talk to me about anything, you know."
Harry nodded.
Remus laughed, "Do you just talk at night when you are too tired to care what I will think? Or are you like Sirius and James and don't bother talking until noon when you are awake enough to speak so everyone can understand you?"
Harry didn't respond. He started eating, but before he finished half his breakfast he pushed his plate away.
"Harry you didn't eat half your breakfast," Remus looked at him. "Come now, eat some more or everyone will think I'm starving you."
Harry muttered something like, "not hungry."
"You're 15, you have to be hungry," Remus protested. "You are far too skinny, have a few more bites."
"I'm not hungry!" Harry yelled and got up and left.
Remus sighed, "I'm trying Padfoot." He said out loud and his eyes drifted up towards the ceiling.
It was the middle of July, and Remus was busy planning for Harry's birthday. Harry after the first day fell back into a shell and wouldn't speak to Remus. Remus tried to talk to him every day but Harry never answered. Harry to please Remus had started to eat more but he wouldn't speak.
Remus had a feeling that Harry had not been truthful when he asked about anymore nightmares and they had been bothering more than ever. He had thought he was making progress which him but something had happened, something he was reluctant to share.
One night Remus went to check on Harry before he went to bed. He found Harry on the bed moaning in his sleep and moving around. He couldn't understand what he was saying though he could make out the word, "Sirius."
He made his way to his bed, people said that everyone had a day to die and when someone died it was their turn to go but he had a feeling that Sirius Black's time to die had come a few years too early. He could a man who survived Azkaban for 12 years be killed? Wasn't Azkaban suppose to kill you? It didn't make sense to him.